This is a little project i'm trying. maybe get some more love out to the FF section. And i could think of no better series for my maiden voyage then the first Fan-Fic i ever read here, Joygirl's Gotham Hearts
[There was not rated, but i would call it a T for mild language.]
GH has one of the best casts of characters i have seen in fan-fic, (then and now). A veritable who's who of Gotham city, nearly every major Bat villain appears or is mentioned. Plus one obscure villain.
But its the stars who make this story shine. From Harley's bubbly sweetness, to Riddler's arrogance, each and every character has a distinct and clear voice. The story itself starts with Harley trying to recover from her latest break-up with the Joker and trying to find her way in the world. She goes to Selina in the hopes of crashing for a few days, but mayhem soon occurs. There's a new vigilante in Gotham, and he doesn't mind drawing blood.
Underlying this story is yet another story. A criminal conspiracy to kill the Joker. Loyalties are forged of desperation and tested as events culminate in an free for all of mayhem.
Over view:
Good: Characters are vibrant and lively. Dialogue is entertaining. Series has a good flow from scene to scene.
Bad: Questions are left unanswered. Ending could have been stronger.
Rating:
Further reading:
Harley and Edward and Selina went separate ways, but that doesn't mean their stories are over....
"Hey peeps. Wildvine here with the first episode of Wha? The show that is similar, but not related or inspired by Gah!
I thought I would interview somebody, but then I read Batman: Year 100 and I felt the need to warn others away from the TPB. Joining me for this round table discussion is Bane from TDKR and Mr Batman: Year 100 himself."
(Applause)
Bane: "Thank you. Itsh nish to be here for thish dishcushion."
Me: Dude, take off the robot face-hugger. Noe can can understand you.
Batman: "Hey. I'm Batman."
Bane: "I wash told there would be no jokesh about my mashk."
Me: "Well someone lied to you bro. And where is Batman 100? Your more like a Bat-parody."
Batman: "I'm hypothetical Batman. I knocked the other guy out and took his place."
Me: "Why?!?"
H/Batman: "Because I'm Batman."
Me: "That made no sense at all."
H/Batman: "Cause i'm Batman."
Me: "Okay......So getting back on topic. If your just joining us, we're discussing Batman: Year 100--"
H/Batman: "Great book."
Me: "Uh, the whole thing was a mess. No real story, lame characters. Bad everything."
Bane: "Couldn't make headsh or talesh of it myshelf."
Me: "Stop talking like that."
Bane: "Shtop talking like what?"
H/Batman: "I'm Batman."
Me: "Anyway....So Batman is somehow existing in the future, but he hasn't aged. Its obviously a time travel story yet Batman--"
H/Batman: "That's me."
Me:"--makes no mention of time displacement. Nor seems to have any intentions of returning to....Whenever. Plus, he was kinda a dink."
Bane: "Not the word I would ush to deshcribe him."
Me: "True, but there are kids reading this. Gotta stay PG."
H/Batman: "I stopped being a kid when I was eight."
Me: "Why are you here again?"
H/Batman: "Because I'm the co-host this show deserves, but not the one it needs."
Me: "Um...what?"
Bane: (Shrug)
H/Batman: "I mean, I'm the co-host it needs, but not the one it deserves."
Me: "Kinda insulting either way."
H/Batman: "I can make an insult into a compliment. Cause I'm-- Cha. Help...Shes choking me...cause I'm...Batman".
Bane: "Tune in next week when we will be dishcussing-- Feed cut.
Anna Parker was born cursed with the mutant power to absorb memories, powers, and even DNA. Then, on a routine school field trip she was bitten by a radioactive spider. Now armed with super strength, speed, and the agility of a spider. And the abilities to climb walls, and create organic webbing, she fights crime between school and social life as....
The Spectacular Spider-Rogue.
"Ugh, how do you eat like that and maintain your figure?" Mary Jane Robbins asked with a combination of jealousy, and mild disgust, while she pointed at Anna Parker's chili fries.
"I have killer metabolism" Anna replied around a mouthful of food.
"Killer metabolism or not, greasy food kills" MJ replied, like she was the authority on such things.
"Quick, put that on a t-shirt. You'll be rich". Anna joked. "And I should be so lucky to die of cholesterol. Sinister Octopus will probably be the end of me."
"Shush, someone will hear you." She slapped Anna's hand, and looked around as if expecting to see spies all around them.
"Yeah for sure. Cause I'm so sure he employees high school students." Anna rolled her eyes.
"About as likely as a superhero in high school." MJ snapped back.
"Jeeze, what's got you so edgy today?"
"I'm, ah, trying out for the squad again." She stirred her yogurt, avoiding eye contact, and blushed slightly.
"Pep squad? Really? I could call you fat and worthless right here, and save you the effort." Anna offered helpfully.
"Mmmmm, yeah but your heart wouldn't be in it." MJ smiled. "So can you come by later and help me with my English paper? Its kicking my button. Or are you patrolling tonight?"
"I'm gonna make the rounds, but I could swing by your house first." Anna smirked.
"That joke has never been funny. Ever." She swiped a cold chilli fry from Anna's plate and popped it in her mouth.
"Greasy food kills" Anna said.
"Think I read that on a T-shirt somewhere." MJ replied, and they both laugh.
Later...
"Gee, robbing the jewelry store, now that's thinking outside the box." Spider-Rogue commented from the store front as the three goons hustled out.
"Its that Spider-Dame, shooter." One of them yelled, presumably the leader.
"Spider-Dame? Is this a 1940's gangster movie?" Spider-Rogue flipped forward from her perch, and kicked the thug in the face before he can get off a shot. "The foot bone connects to the....jawbone. the jawbone disconnects from the...face bone." She said in a sing-song voice, webbing the stunned crook to the ground. "Evening. I will be your superhero for tonight. The special is a serious butt-kicking, served with a side of embarrassment, and your choice of soup or salad." Spider-Rogue said, her hands planted on hips in what she hoped was a heroic, yet intimidating pose.
"Uh....what?" The big guy asked with an ape-like lack of comprehension. Which suited his ape like build very well.
"Its a joke. You know, kinda my thing. Thought y'all knew me. Uh, now then," She tried to recapture the moment "I'm going to give you two the chance to go ahead and give up now."
The two thugs exchange a look of disbelief.
"It won't make you guys any less villainous to quit now. I'm just saying, this is my whole night. I got a lot more thugs to thwart. So what do you guys say?"
The closest one pulled out a wicked looking knife. "I'm gonna peel you like a banana." He grinned.
"You peel bananas with a knife? That's kinda weird. You're weird man."
"Shut up!" He lunges at her swinging the knife wildly. Spider-Rogue blocks with one arm and slashes into the leather sleeve.
"Hey, this was on sale!" She yelled, and twisted the goons wrist with one hand. Her spider-sense tingled, and she ducked as the lead pipe swung over her head, and smashed knife guys nose, knocking him down.
"Vinnie you stupid mother--" He swore loudly, blood gushing from his nose. The big guy "Vinnie" looked stupidly at the pipe in his hand. Maybe that was his default expression.
"Hey thanks Vinnie" Spider-Rogue said cheerfully, as she webbed up knife guy with one hand. Vinnie charged at Spider-Rogue rather then running away, which would have the smart thing to do. "Criminals are the most optimistic people." Spider-Rogue commented as she dodged left, and drove a punch into his stomach. Spider sense tingled a little too late as the pipe smashed into the back of her head.
"Ow, okay. That, ow" Shes groaned from the ground.
"Now I'm gonna mess up yer pretty face."
"Well I'm gonna fix yours." She hit him in the face with both webs. "There! Already an improvement!" She sprung to her feet, and delivered a wicked uppercut that knocked him through the unbroken store front window.
"Ooopsie. Well, that's what insurance is for" She shrugged to herself, and swung up to a high place. She watched the scene until NYPD's finest arrive, then swung away, unnoticed by all but one....
The crossover no one wanted to see....Is the summer movie everyone will be complaining about.
I caught up with Stephen Spielberg, and Tim Burton, for a rare interview about this up and coming monstrosity.
Me: Mr Spielberg, Mr Burton, thank you for meeting me today. First question, everyone is asking, why are you making this movie?
Spielberg: Well, i know everyone was getting tired of the alien movies I keep making. Then I thought, another Jaws movie. I know the fans wanted more after 'Revenge'...
Burton: I'm trying to break into serious movies.
Me: And you thought Batman vs Jaws...?
Spielberg: he's a great character with tons of fans, and he fights Batman.
Burton: Is any movie more serious then a shark movie?
Me: In the movie poster Batman is holding a light saber. Is this a Star Wars crossover too?
Burton: (chuckles) That was just to get attention, actually Batman beats the shark to death with his knuckles.
Spielberg: Until the next movie that is...
Me: (Afraid to ask) Next movie?
Spielberg: Well, off record, we are in talks about a Rockey vs Jaws movie. (he smiles)
Burton: But in this movie, we get more of a sense of how tragic the character of the shark is. Yes, he tears people apart, but he's really tearing himself apart, because of his traumatic childhood.
Me: Okay, thank you for your time gentlemen.
Spielberg: Thank you (Shakes hand)
Burton: I got credit for 'Nightmare before Christmas' (Shakes hand)
Batman vs Jaws. Starring Jensen Ackles as Batman. Also starring...Who cares? it has Jensen Ackles.
"Movie, movie, movie night, movie night" Finn chants happily, thrusting his fists in the air. "Hey Jake, what are we watching tonight?"
"Might be watching each other" Jake replies, "BMO seems kinda messed up".
"No BMO is, is, is fine, no problems". BMO replies,
"Knock knock" Bubblegum says through the door.
"Whooo. Guests are arriving" Finn flips to the door and opens it on bended knee, "Princess".
"Sup boys?" She pats Finn on the head as she passes by, then makes herself comfortable in her favorite chair.
"BMO is acting a little weird. Can you take a look cause your smart and stuff" Jake calls from the kitchen as he makes popcorn.
"Aww, come here baby" Bubblegum picks up BMO and fiddles around with it's circuits.
"Ding-dong. Ding-dong-ding-dong-ding-dong" Ice King says outside.
"Stop it, they heard it the first time" Lumpy space princess groans.
"I know. I just like making the sound" Ice King giggles " Ding-dong-ding-dong"
"Dude, enough" Finn sighs, opening the door.
"Aaaah, Bubblegum, you know i like to sit there" LSP grumbles as she floats in behind Ice King. Bubblegum just shrugs with one shoulder, still fiddling with BMO.
"Room for one more?" Marceline lets herself in.
"Yeah, now it's a party. Movie, movie" Finn begins chanting again.
"Wha-what? are we chanting now? Mov-movie, wait, slow down, wait for Ice King"
"Sorry guys, BMO is in no shape to play a movie. It has a nasty computer virus. Probably from a chat room" Bubblegum looks at Jake.
"What? I got to keep up with my peeps". Jake shrugs.
"Sorry, sorry everyone, next week same time" Finn says as people head to the door.
"Hey, i don't know if this is important or not but there's a knife storm coming" Ice King says at the door, before stepping out.
"What is wrong with you? You crazy old man" Marceline yells as she yanks him back inside by his blue robe, just as the knives start coming down.
"What? oh yeah, my weakness is knives. I forgot. Okay, whose up for shadow puppet theater? Anybody? Anybody?"
"Actually, we could tell stories till the storm passes" Marceline says. "That's how we passed time after the mushroom war".
"Ooh, ooh, I've got one" Ice King waves his hand in the air.
"I have one" Bubblegum replies calmly from her chair.
"Aaaad, Bubblegum, go" Finn points to her.
"Okay" she leans forward "This is tale of..."
Pink Riding hood
"Once upon a time there was a little girl named pink riding hood, because she wore a pink hood where ever she went..."
"Gee lady Rainicorn, this is taking a while. Are we lost?" Bonnibel asks, more curious then afraid.
"Nan hangsang-i-gil-eul gal". Lady replies.
"Okay, i trust you" Bonnibel pats Lady Rainicorns neck.
"Deo geojeong , ulineun god su eobs-seubnida" Lady reassures her.
That's when the Ice King steps into the road, blocking the path and causing Lady to put on the brakes.
"Hi there" He says calmly, as if he were not almost run over. "What'cha got in the basket?"
"Breakfast, from the breakfast kingdom, for granny Tree Trunks". Bonnibel replies.
"Ooh, i haven't had breakfast yet, could you toss me a bacon-pancake or something?"
"Um, i'm not really supposed to talk to strange old men on the road" She replies.
"Well, that's no problem. I've been watching this road all day and haven't seen any strange old men" Ice King says without irony.
"Riiight. We really have to go now. Lady, away". And with that, Lady Rainicorn flies over Ice Kings head, and onward.
"Hmmm, breakfast is getting away, ideas, ideas" He rubs his head "Aha I fly ahead and impersonate Granny and get breakfast. Heh heh"
Meanwhile...
"Man, these trees are hard to cut down" Mr Pig grunts to himself "I should move somewhere with softer trees. Oops" He studies his axe. "This isn't a tree cutting axe, this is my ice axe" and starts back to Tree Trunks house.
"Knock knock. Knock-knock-knock-knock" The Ice King says at Tree Trunks door.
"Who is it?" Tree Trunks says.
"It's not someone whose going to freeze you and take your breakfast. Aheh heh" Ice King replies, impressed by his own cleverness.
"Well that's good to know" Tree Trunks says as she opens the door, smiling.
"By the way, zap" he freezes her in a block of ice, then pushes her into the closet. Then he jumps into the bed and pulls the blanket up to his eyes.
"Granny Tree Trunks? Breakfast?" Bonnibel knocks on the slightly open door.
"Over, ahem, over, wait gem'me a sec" He clears his throat and tries to sound like Tree Trunks "ahem, over ah, just over here" he gives up and talks in his normal voice.
"My Granny, you sound like a strange old man"
"What do you ex-- i mean, that happens to us all" Ice King sputters.
"What?!? even me?" Bonnibel is horrified at the thought of sounding like an old man.
"I don't know, probably. Whats in the basket, oh wait i know that already, or do i?"
"And Granny, what a big beard you have".
"Uh, yeah, bad winter coming. Gotta get ready".
"Um..Okay? I'll just leave the basket here". She sets the basket on the bed which Ice King immediately sets upon. She starts to leave when Mr Pig comes in.
"Whoa, what is going on here? Bonnibel? Who is that hairy man eating breakfast in my bed?" Mr Pig is very confused. "Okay, let me put this away and we'll sort this out". He opens the closet and sees Tree Trunks in a block of ice. "Tree Trunks? Why didn't you call for help?"
"I don't want to be a bother" She replies.
Amid the commotion of Mr Pig and Bonnibel breaking the ice block open, the Ice King calmly flies away.
The End
"Ice King gets away? Whats the point of the story then?" Finn demands.
"Finn, stories are about the journey, not the end" Jake replies. "But don't worry, big brother has a story i know you will like...
Ash sits in his car running an electric razor over his face. He's not too sure what a visiting Professor would look like,but they probably wouldn't have two days beard growth. At any rate, he only needed to get close to the Book.
"This is it" he tells himself "One last damn book to burn, then it's a well deserved early vacation for this chosen one". *
* * *
The Stagg-Thing pauses from shredding the body of it's former assistant. It stiffens as an animal does when it senses the predator, Cocking it's head toward the ceiling for a moment. Then it tucks the Necronomicon under it's arm and starts up the stairs toward it's former classroom.
It has a meeting with the Chosen One.
* * *
Ash knocks at the door which swings open slowly to reveal Professor Stagg lying on the floor, The Book not far away.
"Yo Professor, you still with us?" Ash shakes the old mans shoulder.
"The Book..." Stagg croaks "The Book spoke to me..."
"Take it easy. I'll deal with the Book" Ash replies. But as he bends to pick it up he hears a slithery movement behind him.
"What exactly do you teach again 'Professor' Williams?" Stagg asks in a hoarse, hate-filled voice.
"Ah crap" Ash turns and reaches instinctively for his shot gun, which of course he left in the car. "I teach the school of hard knocks" he raises two fists "Class is now in session".
"The Necronomicon will swallow your soul" The Stagg-Thing croaks.
"Choke on it" Ash replies.
"RRRAAAAGGGHHH !!!!!" The Stagg-Thing roars, swinging a clawed hand at Ash's head.
Ash jumps back and slips on the Book, falling backward and narrowly avoiding the claws that would have removed his face.
Stagg-Thing falls on Ash who holds it back with a foot on it's chest. "Hey, you got something in your teeth," says Ash as he drives his boot into it's fangs with a brutal crunch, "My boot!"
Stagg grabs Ash by the leg and slams him into the black board, then down on the teachers desk, then through a window with a crash. Ash rolls a few times before hitting his own car. Bloody and bruised, he looks up in time to see the Stagg-Thing leap out the window, clutching the Book in one hand.
Propped against his car he has neither time nor inclination to fumble with keys. He smashes through the drivers side window with his prosthetic hand and grabs the shotgun. He turns quickly and fires. BOOM! the first shot knocks it back, causing it to drop the Book. BOOM! The second shot knocks it backward through where the window used to be.
* * *
"And the rest is history" Ash wraps up, rubbing his sore leg as the attending Detective shakes her head, unbelieving. "Your boys showed up at that point and misinterpreted some good old fashioned monster killing for some kind of crime".
"Well that is quite a story Mr Williams" Detective Katz replies, closing her notebook. "I sent an officer to speak with Professor Stagg, and he had no recollection of the events you described. He says he's never met you".
"Listen !! It's getting late and these things come alive at night" Ash replied tersely, slamming his prosthetic hand on the metal table, denting it. "One of THEM has the Book and the whole damned town could become possessed. The Book must be destroyed".
The Book was actually in police custody, but she that would only serve to excite him further.
"Mr Williams, if they come out at night, then what did you fight?" She asks. Sometimes if you poked a good hole in their story they would drop it altogether.
"I don't know. Maybe Stagg is something different" he replies.
"There are no monsters Mr Williams" she says as she turns to go "Only human monsters"
* * *
The Stagg-Thing sensed the Chosen One and the Book were close together. That would make the final sacrifice much easier.....
It's a regular night at the Pool-o-Vision bar. Business is a tad slow for a Friday night, but that's not uncommon when Man-Thing is working the bar. Finding bits of moss in your drink tended to put people off from drinking. Most people anyway.
"I just, I just don't see what Jocasta sees in that Ultron guy." Machine Man slurred, knocking back another drink. His fifth, or twelfth, Man-Thing is not counting. He also offered no reply as he repeatedly wiped the same spot over, and over, his bulging eyes star at nothing. The ultimate sympathetic ear.
"Hey Manny." Jennifer Kale says as she slipped around his hulking form, and tied an apron around her waist.
"Hey, Manny, weren't you on Sesame St? You do look sorta like a muppet." Machine Man asked, trying to remember how not to fall off a bar stool.
"Ooookay...Mr Stack I think you have had enough. Do you need a ride?" Jennifer asked.
"Why? Are you hitting on me?" Machine Man replied.
"I'm calling you a ride. Oh, and Manny? In the future get Ghost Riders keys upfront."
Man-Thing gave no indication whether he understood, or not.
"Aye, Barmaid, another round for me and my friend, Asgards paying." Thor called out.
"Nay" Hercules replied. "An Olympian always pays for his own drinks. Except my father." They share a laugh, and bang there mugs together.
"One moment gentlemen. Howard, are you here?" She called out.
"Hang on a sec." Howard muttered, sinking the eight ball for another win.
"How do you win so much? You can barely see over the table." Ben Grimm grumbled.
"It's my super power." Howard replied sarcastically.
"I've got next game." Satanna Hellstrom slapped some money on the table.
"Sorry sweet knees, my real job is calling." He lighted a fresh cigar. He had hustled enough pool for the night, and it was time for an exit.
"Howard!!" Jennifer yelled again, annoyance creeping into her voice.
"I'm here Toots. Don't get your bikini in a bunch."
"Don't call me Toots" She growled. "Machine Man needs a ride home. And take Ghost Rider too. He's in the parking lot, sitting on his bike making motor sounds."
As Jason Todd stepped into the bar, he is assaulted by the smells of smoke, booze and wet dirt. He is also treated to the sight of an anthropomorphic duck half dragging a robot away from the bar. "Jeeze you're heavy." the duck groaned. "Can't you go-go gadget skates, or something? Then i could push you out the door."
The place does not fall silent at his arrival. That only happens in the movies. Still, he can feel eyes watching him as he approaches the bar.
"Hey, who do I need to kill to get a drink around here?" He asked, rapping his knuckles on the bar. He casts a sideways glance at the hulking monstrosity wiping out shot glasses, then shrugged to himself. He had seen weirder things.
"You lost stranger?" Jennifer asked as she slipped behind the bar with a tray of beer mugs.
"Harley Quinn is bartending at my usual spot, and I don't feel like getting whiskey shot at me from a seltzer bottle." He replied.
"Yeah, I can see where that would be annoying." She sighed, already tired. "So what you drinking?"
Bang !!
The front door explodes inward with a crash before he can answer, and the Hulk stomped in, "HULK DEMANDS DRINK!! HULK IS THIRSTIEST ONE THERE IS!!"
"This is the last time I trade shifts with Mary Jane" Jennifer Kale groaned.
First let me say i liked the movie overall. It was worth the 7.50 ticket price. and i know this a little late so i'll keep it short.
Love: Ann Hathaway was a great Catwoman. Character, she is tops. Costume, I put her above Halle berry but below whats-her-name from Batman returns. Also thought it was cleaver how her goggles flipper up to look like cat ears.
Hate: The end. what happend to the bittersweet ending? Did we really need to see batman pull off an impossible escape? It seems an insult to make a movie so real only to tack on that ending.
Hate: Banes accent. To me he sounded like Sean Connery speaking through a Darth Vader voice synthesizer.
Hate: The bat-plane. this looked like something from a terminator movie.
Welcome to the new and improved Ask Wildvine thread. So happy I can finally edit the OP. I guess it was only a matter of time before the site glitched in a good way.
Questions I get asked repeatedly
How did you find CV? It came up one day when I was Googling random battle scenarios.
Are you a girl or a guy? Neither. I'm a plant person.
Who was phone? If you get this reference, than you can be my friend.
Today's featured stories are unrelated, and by different authors because both are rather short, and they share the theme of generally being scary. Our first story is another chapter in the ongoing saga of Santa Hamster by GR2Blackout Santa Hamster & The Headless Horseman: Trick or Treat -1
Santa Hamster & The Headless Horsemen (the crossover everyone wanted to see I'm sure) was supposed to be the first of a series of holiday mash up/spin off stories for Santa Hamster. Unfortunately part 2 never surfaced, so I'm giving it a piece of coal at the start. Now, this could have been a great story. I love the Headless Horsemen myself.
Dracula has awakened in time for Halloween, and that's bad I guess, and its up to Santa Hamster to save the day because.... Anyway, like I said, Santa Hamster and Headless teaming up to save Halloween from Dracula is a fantastic idea, but it literally goes nowhere. And I don't take the excuse that GR2 didn't have time because I am doing these in the chronological they were posted, and there are four more Santa Hamster episodes to go. Sadly we may never know what awesomeness may have came from this, and for that reason and others listed, I must give this 5 coal (no presents)
This one is very short, and typo laden due to the writer's grasp of English at the time of the writing. The story is about, well, insanity. It centers around a snowman, and presumably an entity bound in some way to the snow, as it had memories of being built up in years past, and remembered melting. At fist read this story seems very simplistic, til you begin to think about it.
Imagine some entity that had never known form, and suddenly it was given a body, no real life. No companionship. No explanations or reason for existing. Then it lost its form with the spring, or worse, was destroyed by bored teenagers. What affect would this have on an intelligent, sapient mind? So this is more then a messy story of a snowman gone wrong. Its the take of a snowman that never knew how to be right.
I remember reading this long ago, and thought I would rate it lower, but rereading it, it is a masterpiece that brings to mind existential chains of thought. I give this 3 presents/ 2 coal.
Poze does not have his own page, but you can find him here with a little scrolling.
Log in to comment