And yet another delay. Traditionally the holidays are fraught with unexpected delays, changes of plans, and general mayhem. And speaking of mayhem, Marvel Mayhem is the name of another Marvel re-imagined type group that to this day still has flares of activity. Originally created to be the Marvel version to Joygirl's DC Mayhem. It was originally led by Irishlad, who for one reason or another dropped out, and left the keys to ImpurestCheese who still holds them, if anyone is interested in writing for that group.

However, before I reviewed Marvel Mayhem: Jester's 11 Christmas Special 1 - & 2 I felt I needed more info, despite being in the group and being friends with Imp Cheese. So I managed to snag her for a brief interview;

Jester's 11 is a non-cannon special based off the Jester's 11 mini-series. It stars a cast of characters you may have never heard of as they put their own spin on the Christmas heist story trope. It opens with our villains during a meeting. Not surprisingly their laundry list of misdeeds have landed them squarely on the naughty list. Jester expounds on how he was going to make an army with toys, which I assume he was banking on Santa to bring. What he didn't know was that Santa hamster had dumped half the presents at one house after the Red Skull stole Christmas. Did anyone else ever notice how weird this holiday is?

As fate would have it, Tony Stark is planning a huge toy giving event, which the Jester crew crash and stealing the limelight, a blow to Stark's ego that no doubt hurt worse then any physical attack the villains could do. The story ends with some tie-ins to other Mayhem events, but they don't involve Christmas so not going into that bit.

-------

The cast is unique, and you are bound to discover someone you never knew. but its obvious Imp knows these guys, and writes them well. The plot, despite the fantasy setting does feel like a update to the Christmas stealing story, and is believable. And the humor is delightful and quirky. Even if you have read these stories before (like me) they are worth a second read for Christmas, or any time of year.

I give Jester's 11 Christmas special 5 presents (no coal)

Further reading;

For more Jester's 11 and much more ImpurestCheese Page

And for more mayhem-- Marvel Mayhem group page

Blah blah Christmas blah blah review. lest just get to it before I become even more of a humbug.

Today's story is from six years ago by a user named Nighthunter that I know absolutely nothing about. But surprisingly enough this isn't one of those authors of yesteryear that you occasionally rediscover. In fact, this user was active as recently as April. Apparently they are more active in RPG village these days. So lets talk about their Superman story For the man who gave everything

Lets see, so far we've seen Christmas being stole, usurped and saved. We've had the true meaning given to us a few times, its been the stage for revenge, and its had more blood then I ever associated with it growing up. It only makes sense that we have a story combining all those concepts together (minus the blood I mean)

Superman is doing one last patrol of the city, and checking his to-do list. And one of his things to do is bring Christmas to everyone on Earth. Including Lex Luthor. Oh boy. Its one of those stories. We'll assume for the sake of story that Superman is going to respect people that don't celebrate Christmas for religious reasons, or lack thereof. And hey, if Santa can do the job in one night, surely Superman can as well.

This story is unique in that it's kinda five micro stories that make up the larger whole. Instead of looking at them all I will just cover one, and the ending.

Superman goes to see Lex, who was apparently expecting him and was ready with gold kryptonite. I assume he didn't use green because its the holiday season. But in a stunning twist of logical leaps and presumption, Superman has anticipated being rendered helpless and uses his sad state to manipulate Luthor into being charitable. This isn't exactly what was on his holiday to-do list, but even the Man of Steel can't win them all. And the story ends with Superman and Kara giving gifts to everyone in the world, and Superman gets a letter of thanks signed by every king and president in the world, making me wonder if this was supposed to be set in the golden age. And now we know Kara was collecting autographs when she should have been handing out gifts. Way to go Kara.

___

This is painfully cute. Not necessarily a bad thing, just not to my taste. Not a terrible story, but slightly rushed and some of the dialogue feels very alien and strange. And sadly there are numerous issue of tense, and general typos.

I give this 3 presents/2 coal

I was going to link Nighthunter's page, but apparently he doesn't have one. However, his body of work is simple enough to find with a few clicks. Page N-P-

Come back next time for even more Santa Hamster. .....Yay.....

Back from a dull holiday and it looks like my Christmas gift is more Santa Hamster. Joy to the world indeed. Today's random entry is called Santa Hamster's Bad Fur Day -1 and I am giving it two coal from the start because it is yet another Santa Hamster story that suggests its a spin-off, only to die after one chapter. Why am I harping on this? Because this is the third story that does this. Three out of seven chapters, one crossover and a teaser. Actually, the Halloween chapter was basically a teaser too. Know why this is sinful? Its because this is a silly series, and therefore doesn't have to follow a linear story line. These could have just been random entries in the larger Santa Hamster cannon, instead of a quarter-dozen no starts.

The story is about our hero getting held up by some gnomes. Its explained that gnomes are like elves, except they work for Nature instead of Santa. That's really clever actually. But it goes nowhere. because this story dead ends. Why are the gnomes turning evil? Is Nature involved? It there a larger conspiracy? Who knows. I know I never will. Neither will Santa Hamster because he didn't question anyone. he just killed them.

Santa Hamster's house has been cleaned out except for his two pets (who can talk) when they meet a talking squirrel who is looking for his girlfriend. What layers does this add to the story? What's the significance? None and nothing, respectively. Santa Hamster goes to ask Santa what to do, but he is totally useless, which should surprise no one at this point.

The story doesn't start. The characters are uninteresting, and in one case seems to be bewildered to even be in this story. If the joke had been that the squirrel had wandered in from another story, that could have been interesting. But again, nope. Its like GR2 himself was losing interest at this point, and it shows.

4 coal/ 1 present.

Santa Hamster Conquers the World -1 is the last Santa Hamster story to be posted, and presumably the last one canonically, but that is speculation. I'm doing this slightly out of order to save the New Year's special for last, for reasons you can surmise on your own. I gave this story one sin at the start, but then immediately removed that sin for this opener--

Everyone's favorite (well, some people's favorite) killer hamster with a santa hat is BACK!

Somehow GR2 anticipated that I would be sick to death of this series two and a half years before I began this review series. And that deserves to get at least one free pass.

The story is about Santa Hamster infiltrating the Hellicats (remember them?) secret base for the purpose of.... look, if you are still expecting explanations at this point, then you clearly have not been reading these reviews. I guess there to take revenge? Wasn't that a cliff hanger a while back? Or was that the gnomes. Its all blurring together now.

After mowing through the Hellicats with his trademark efficiency he investigates a random crate, and discovers Agent Grambleshout, who I assume is supposed to a James Bond arch-type. This character is on a mission to arrest Santa Clause for breaking into every child's house in the world. Is he a new foil for Santa Hamster? Is this a classic hero meet and beat misunderstanding? Do you need to ask? Personally I'd rather know if the squirrel ever found his girlfriend. Oh well.

And it teases another story involving the Easter Bunny, and the wedding of Uncle Sam. And we still don't have the origins of Santa Hamster.

4 coal/ 1 present

Here we are people. We have survived the ordeal. The twelve reviews that became the twelve labors are finally over. This is the final Santa Hamster story, and best of all, its a one-shot. No more silly no starts. Oh happy day. Santa Hamster & Baby New Years: A One Shot

Its Christmas time again, though I'm not sure where in the time it fits. Mother Nature and her gnomes are present at the party, and Santa Hamster doesn't have any problem with them. The Headless Horsemen is also present, so I guess him and Santa Hamster got that Dracula nonsense untangled, so this automatically has more continuity then 90% of the series. It even has Mother Nature inspiring the character Elsa for Frozen. No seriously, check the date of this, and that movie--

"Oh! I love this song!" said Mother Nature, creating a snow storm.

I made a joke about GR2 seeing the future in the last review, but this is getting ridiculous. True to form, the story itself has almost no substance. The story beyond the party is Santa Hamster and other guests discussing where to get a present for Baby New Year. There are some kinda funny jokes, like a group of characters "once again" assembling to form a team of heroes that has never been mentioned in this story before. What makes this enjoyable is the silly back and forth the characters share, easily making this the most enjoyable of the saga to date.

But I'm still giving it a sin because there is nothing about Uncle Sam being married. Just a reference to him having dated the Tooth Fairy. GR2 saw the future, but he couldn't see I would be a freak for continuity.

For actually trying with this one, I give it 4 presents/ 1 coal.

Each of them, shot, stabbed and blown to bits.

Extra unnecessary coma after "them." Shouldn't this be-- 'or blown to bits.'? I guess it works as is, but it also sound like these guys were seriously over killed.

standing... it was just his luck.

Unnecessary ellipses. Possibly helpful. Now can I be really persnickety? This--

And every single person that was dying... was a sinner.

--is kinda heavy handed. If this was from the diary or P.O.V. pf Frank then I would let this pass. But, all indications are this is from a third person narrator, and one sympathetic to the criminal element at that. Also third ellipses in a row are overly dramatic. If you want to do a religious analogy with 'sinner' you could say something like, "It was like Judgement Day had come, bringing punishment for the sinners." Yes I worked the word punishment in there to be cheeky, but it does go with the sinner/judgement theme. Mind you this is more of a personal opinion then a professional one. You did ask my thoughts though.

Now it was Rigoletto's turn, being the Kingpin of Crime didn't mean a goddamn thing when all his employees were dead.

Turn a phrase dude. "Now it was Rigoletto's turn to-- pay for his sins/answer for his life/dance with the devil/face the inevitable/etc etc etc.

It wasn't some sort of shield against danger... it didn't make him feel powerful, or wise... it just placed a target on his back. It meant even less when he was staring down the barrel of a shotgun.

See ellipses above ^

He ignored the corpse of his bodyguard that was keeping him pinned to the ground... he even ignored the flames surrounding him that were slowly burning down the foundation he'd spent years of his life creating. Instead...

See capitals and ellipses above ^ (Except the ellipses at the end. Those are done right.

The vigilante tilted his head slightly to get a good luck at the Kingpin's face.

Typo.

Silence echoed throughout the room... with the only noise being the sound of Frank's quick, panicked breath. There was nothing in the room. Slowly, Frank placed the weapon back under his pillow case... and for what felt like the first time in decades... Frank Castle took a deep breath. He'd been visited by the dreams again... memories of a better time... a better place. By this point, those memories were the only thing that Frank had of his old life.

See ellipses above ^

The scent of stale, cold coffee filled the air... an after effect from Frank's previous evening.

^

decorated the former War Hero's torso.

Unless he used to hold war hero as a proper title, this does not need to be capitalized. Not sure war hero is a military award or recognition, but I could be wrong on that one.

The soulless eyes of the skull atop his chest stared back,

I believe atop refers to the horizontal rather then the vertical? Again, I could be wrong, but I don't think it could be atop his chest unless he was reclined. So this should be emblazonedon , or spread across, or decorating his chest.

it stood out in the darkness surrounding him... and most importantly...

See ellipses above ^

"Punisher War Journal, Volume 17, Entry 1. So... here I am again. Standing in the ashes of the old... and getting ready to step into what's new."

^ Also, kinda dramatic a narrative for Frank, what with those pesky dots and all. Not harping to be a butt to you here. Just saying Frank is writing in his journal like he's writing a story. Actually that could be a hilarious idea. I'd love to read Frank's MLP fan fiction... *Ahem* moving on.

A gang of Drug Pushers

Drug pushers are not a proper noun. So no need for capitals.

It was a shame they hadn't improved security... even a new born infant could get past the current state of their defenses.

Unnecessary ellipses. Also 'newborn. And now I want to read a story about a fan fiction about a baby that breaks up drug rings, as written by Frank Castle.

"The old... are the drug pushing leeches responsible for the deaths of thousands.... the new..."

Unnecessary ellipses. And now I feel like I'm being racist to certain punctuation marks.

"The new..." Frank continued, gripping his voice recorder as he started to cross the street, ignoring the invitations of a nearby prostitute. "

And I am immediately put to shame by the proper use of ellipses. Curse you for foiling my humorous corrections! I shake my fist at my computer screen in angry defeat.

His large, black trench coat helped him blend in with the darkness... an advantage he couldn't afford to lose at this current time.

And again unnecessary ellipses. What a roller coaster ride. Also, this current time? Is this alluding to a time when Frank screwed a mission because he stepped into a spotlight or something? And now I'm thinking of Frank escaping from gun toting gang members by tap dancing away from some random stage light. I need to watch less cartoons or start writing my own Punisher fan fics. But that's just a sin on me, not you.

"In conclusion... these murderers aren't going to be around long enough to pollute this City with any more of their filth..." Frank pulled out a grenade that was clipped to his belt and walked to the side of the warehouse, standing directly below several large windows leading directly into the main section of the building, where the majority of the gang happened to be standing. "...and by tomorrow I'll have some more vermin to exterminate."

Frank ends his tape journal like he's wrapping up a lecture. And now I'm thinking about him teaching a college class on being a vigilante. Also, its important to not be seen, but its fine to be heard? Are drug pushers senses based on movement? Is the drug lord a T-Rex? My god what a wellspring of silly fiction ideas this has become. Also, unless the name of the city is "city" then there is no need to capitalize. The ellipses work in this context, but the final line makes me scratch my head. Wouldn't Frank have less vermin to exterminate tomorrow?

With a twitch of his finger, Frank sent the grenade's safety pin tumbling to the ground...

Ellipses.

Frank gritted his teeth as the door to the back exit was blown off its hinges and sent flying into the air, crashing into the perimeter fence and causing the two to smash into the ground.

What two men? The two from the inside? Were they against the door? I thought you were using hyperbole when you said the explosion rocked the entire world, but it to be a humdinger to blast two guys into a door hard enough to knock the door what i assume was several feet away.

This was it... this was where Frank belonged. His blood began to pump with adrenaline... and he readied his weapon before storming through the door, ignoring the meaty chunks and body parts flying everywhere. As expected there were still a few of the dealers standing, all seemed dazed and confused at the sudden assault that seemed to have come from nowhere.

Ellipses. There are people still alive after that explosion? And still standing no less? After an explosion that blew at least one guy apart, and blasted a door off its hinges? In an enclosed room? I need to do drugs then.

"It's freakin' Daredevil!"

Frank is not doing enough brand selling. That's a sin on Frank, not you.

and caused one of his cheeks to explode from the sheer force of the impact,

Yup. That's what happens when you get hit by a bullet. Or any object moving at sufficient speeds really, but that's just physics.

Less then a second later and it was followed by its brother, another bullet which quickly burrowed into the already dead gang member's chest, knocking him off his feet and sending him crashing into the ground. The dope dealer was dead before he even knew what hit him.

The final line is redundant.

A flurry of bullets whizzed by his body, all missing their target due to the metal barrier Frank had placed between himself and his opponents.

No. They missed because they went off target. Unless you are suggesting that dazed, possibly stoned, and temporarily deafened drug dealers are crack shots and are just missing because the van is deflecting the bullets just off course enough to miss Frank's large frame.

The Punisher pulled his SMG from the holster on his back

Wait, did he re-holster his gun, or did he have two guns behind his back? And why? If I was gonna stalk around as the Punisher I would have hip holsters. Have you ever tucked something into your back waistband? Its murder on your back.

Frank's enemies returned fire, their bullets bouncing off the armoured skull protecting his chest.

I have no issue with this. A torso shot is easier then a head shot, and the huge skull would draw the eye. After all the corrections and jokes I just wanted to commend you on a very logical scene, given the situation.

Frank Castle was the only one standing. His targets lay on the ground, battered, bloody and dead... like a slab of raw meat that had just been butchered. In fact... that was exactly how it was. These idiots were simply livestock... and Frank was their butcher. Frank looked at his handiwork, wiping sweat from his forehead and nodding with satisfaction at what had been a good day's work. Several dealers were off the streets... and nobody would miss them.

Ellipses. Don't you mean slabs (plural)? Frank the Butcher would be a great name for a vigilante, or a wrestler, or even a butcher. However Frank can't even sell the Punisher brand, so I would think twice before rebranding.

his cold eyes seemed to stare directly into the man's soul, making the dealer remember every single atrocity he had commited.

Franks steals the Penance Stare. Ghost Rider is gonna be pissed. Also type. *committed.

"I want you to give everyone a message." Frank instructed,

Now see, here's Frank's problem. He wants to kill all the baddies, but since one accidentally lived now he wants to send a message? I appreciate his ability to save face here, because how embarrassing to mess up and not kill one guy. That's how you get low stars on Yelp. But why the gear change? Why not kill this guy? Is he out of ammo, or just improvising at this point. Frank needs to reassess his goals is what I'm saying. Maybe write out a mission statement.

"Tell them who did this to you. Tell them WHY I did this to you... tell ALL the lowlifes in Hell's Kitchen EXACTLY what I did to your friends... and make sure you tell them that I'm back. Tell EVERYONE that the Punisher is back... and I do mean everyone. Tell Owlsley, Fisk and all the psychopaths in HYDRA that I'm gunning for them..."

See capitals and ellipses above ^ Also, Frank says he's "gunning for them" but then doesn't say "no pun intended." That's a banter foul. : P

He pulled the dealer right up close and looked directly into his eyes.

Still a better love story the Twilight.

"...and tell them that I'm going to make up for lost time."

Unnecessary ellipses and unnecessary line break.

The dealer let out a little gasp as he rolled onto his stomach and started moving towards the exit. "Start crawling." The Punisher muttered as he pulled a piece of C4 from his coat pocket.

Wasn't he already?

Yes... the Punisher was finally back in New York. He'd been gone for awhile... and the criminal underbelly had rejoiced.

Ellipses.

After a few minutes of patient work, the walls of the warehouse were lined with enough C4 to blow a hole in the side of the Empire State Building. It was a bit excessive... but it would draw attention. Every person in New York would know that the Punisher was back in his home territory. People like the Avengers... and people like the Maggia.

Ellipses. Also Frank sends messages to the Avengers by explosion. Frank needs to get on Gmail like the rest of us.

Some would see it as a sign of death...

Only the sane ones. Also, ellipses.

Frank looked up at the fire and brimstone he'd left in his wake and only had one thought.

Fire and brimstone? Holy s#it! Frank really is Ghost Rider. I was just joking about that.

I contacted the Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-come, to try and rectify the days I've missed, but instead of taking me back he took me forward. So instead of more Santa Hamster we are looking at Waezi2's Night of the Raven, a DC-Recreated title from the Teen Titan series line.

[Semi-related reviewer drivel]

I never read the DCR line, so can't really offer backstory to this. Unlike some of the other stories I've reviewed so far, I feel that, like Jester's 11, this has a larger connection to the main series, only canon in this case, which is interesting.

The story itself is a Christmas trope we have kinda seen already, that being the true meaning of Christmas. In this case Roy Harper trying to explain to Raven why Christmas is a happy time of year, despite the more negative connotations unfortunately associated with it. Greed and depression and the like.

And what I enjoy about this is it doesn't candy coat the issue. The story takes a hard look at the grim realities of life that don't take the holiday season off. Roy helps Raven understand why Christmas should be celebrated, and more importantly, how it should be celebrated. And the story ends with Raven doing her own part to bring some holiday cheer.

Its a sweet, quick read. If you haven't read it, you should. If you have read it before, give it another read for yourself. Its the season of giving after all.

I give this 5 presents (no coal)

Further reading;

For more Waezi2 Waezi2 page

For more DCR stories DC Re-Created

Rated "M" for language. 8-Ball is property of Marvel. The name Spider-Girl is property of Marvel, but the re-imagined character here is mine. Superman property of DC. 8-Ball's henchpeople are mine. More Pyromania here Pyroverse library

Metropolis. The big city. A place to make a name for yourself as a hero. Or fashion designer. Or a villain. It truly is a wellspring of opportunity for all to make a name for themselves. That's what Maria Parker was doing here. She was out to make a name as a fashion designer, (once she escaped college that was) and if she got to make a name as Spider-Girl too, then all the better.

She had been investigating a series of low rent crimes, hoping it would lead up to a big villain, since you couldn't sneeze in Metropolis without a villainous plot being involved. And she was right. Sort of.

* * *

The steel door to the pool hall basement slammed inward, and leaned awkwardly on one hinge. The small girl in the doorway didn't look strong enough to open a jar of pickles. Let alone kick a heavy door off one of its hinges. "Sorry to invade your boys only club, but the fire marshal has a ten goon limit down here, and there's clearly..." She quickly counted. "five of....you....okay. Take two? Anyone? Not so good with the one liners." She shrugged.

"You just scratched the, I'm afraid." 8-Ball said evenly as two henchmen came at her twirling pool cues like batons. One was dressed in a yellow body suit and mask. A black number one was printed on his mask and chest. His partner had the same costume, except in orange. And the number was five.

"Is that your line? Cause it was bad." She kicked 1 in the stomach, and grabbed his pool cue. She half turned, and pulled him over her back as 5 slammed his pool cue down on 1's back. As she stood up, she punched 5 in the throat, then turned and bashed 1 in the head with his own cue. She webbed 1 to the wall as he (she?) still choked from the throat punch. Then webbed the unconscious 5 to the floor. "I'm not one of those joking hero's, but even I know a good villain needs better lines then that." She stepped toward 8-Ball, who still had not moved. Neither had 6 who was obviously a girl. 'The only girl in the gang is the six? There is something kinky about that.' She thought to herself, but couldn't recall what it was. That was when a huge guy all in white stood up from the shadows.

"I love to teach upstart new players like yourself. Rule number one, billiards is all about controlling the cue ball child. You broke well, but its my turn to shoot now."

Cue Ball was six feet holy-crap inches tall. And probably weighed three hundred pounds or better. His suit was all white. His mask was a smooth blank. Not even eye holes. The monster lifted one side of the pool table in the center of the room, and flipped it at Spider-Girl like it was a toy.

Spider-Girl leaped over the heavy table as it came down on 5 with a crash. "Ooh. Well crime doesn't pay. Remember that when you come out of your coma." She webbed up Cue ball's face out of habit, and drove a kick high. But he somehow grabbed her leg, and threw her against the wall with a thud. She was stunned, but rolled aside as the behemoth tried to grab her, and webbed his hands to the floor. "Checkmate 8-Ball, to use a mixed metaphor." She smirked as 8-Ball leaned back, and made a tent with his fingers.

"Only experienced players call a shot before they make it little spider." The most annoying thing was he didn't sound beaten. Or even angry. He sounded like a teacher giving her a lecture in a classroom. Like she didn't get enough of that jazz already. Then she heard the sound of fabric ripping. Cue Ball's gloves were still webbed to the floor, but the monster was loose again. "Six Ball in the corner pocket." 8-Ball intoned. Spider-Girl swore she could hear his smug smile. 6 stopped rubbing 8-Ball's chest like a girl prisoner out of some nerds fantasy, and pulled a sword from behind her. She rushed forward and swung her sword at Spider-Girls stomach. Spider-Girl leaped up at the last second, narrowly avoiding the blade, and slipped through Cue Ball's arms as he grabbed for her. 6's sword sliced into Cue Ball's waist, and drew a line of blood. But if he felt it, it didn't show.

Spider-Girl used Cue Ball's shoulders as a spring board, and flipped towards 8-Ball. "Time to sink the eight ball." She said.

"Ah ah. You haven't sank the six ball yet." He chided, and thrust his cue stick at her. Spider-Girl dodged aside and the cue hit Cue Ball in the chest with concussive force. His enormous bulk slammed into 6, and they both hit the ground with a crash.

"You played well child. But I'm afraid the game is over now."

"Dude! I know you got a theme--" She ducked as he swung the pool cue at her head. "--here. But give it a break already." She punched him in his face, but his helmet/mask was made of something pretty hard. And he didn't seem to feel it. Her mask was not made of such stuff, and she felt his fist slam into her mouth very well. Spider sense was really on the fritz lately.

"Bank shot." 8-Ball said, and hit her easily with the cue, but the force was like being hit with a car, and Spider-Girl was knocked across the room, into the opposite wall.

"F*ck." Spider-Girl coughed, as she held her chest. For a b-list villain, he packed an impressive weapon. Absurdly, a line crossed her mind. 'Is that your pool cue, or are you just excited? Nah. Screw that one-liner bullsh*t. A little late anyway.' 8-Ball took his time walking towards her, because like all villains, he had to milk the moment.

"You're not the first cape to gamble, and lose to me. Though I suppose that's little comfort as you are about to die."

"Oh no! If only I had some last resort move! Oh wait, I totally do!" She slung webbed his ankles, and yanked his feet from under him. "Ah ah." She mocked his lecture-y tone of voice as she stepped on his wrist, and pressed down with a crunch. To his credit, he barely yelled. But he did release the cue stick, which Spider-Girl picked up. "I'm not much for pool. But I always wanted to try golf..." She raised the cue like a golf club. "Fore!!!!" She swung down. 8-Ball's mask/helmet shattered loudly.

"Ahem." A firm hand fell on her shoulder. Spider-Girl drove her elbow into the goons stomach, but it was like hitting a brick wall.

"F*ck!!" She spun around, and cursed again. She had just elbowed Superman. "Uh hi. Help you?" She asked, unsure what to say.

"I heard the sounds of concussive explosions. I decided to investigate." He replied unsmiling. His arms crossed over his chest.

"Okay. Well....I got it covered here big guy. But while I have you, I feel its my responsibility. No. Its my privilege. To tell you you're wearing your underwear over your pants." She smirked at him. She was nervous as hell, but wasn't gonna show him that.

"I don't know how they operate where you come from Ms....?"

"Spider-Girl." She was mildly insulted he didn't know of her.

"Okay. But this is my town. If your going to operate here, you do it by my rules--"

"Do I have to wear my undies on the outside of my pants?" She interrupted.

"Maybe if you were wearing pants." He replied dryly. "Rule number one. We don't use excessive force to apprehend criminals." He pointed to 8-Ball's shattered wrist. Apparently he had been watching for a few moments. "The police have been notified." He turned to leave. "I don't want to have this talk again." With that he flew away, leaving Spider-Girl to web the villains to the floor.

Continued from Corrupted: Poison Ivy Prelude Find more Corruption here CORRUPTED: THE LIBRARY »

2034

Harley flipped through the channels at ADD speed looking for some word about Joker. He and the legion were staging a massive attack in Metropolis. She wasn't present because the legion had blatantly refused her a membership. It was rumored that half the members or so had once threatened to quit if she was allowed to join. It was annoying. And a little hurtful. But she had gotten over it. Now she was content to sit back and watch them. In truth, she was a little worried about Joker, but he could take care of himself. And so what if they lost? To prison for some, to Arkham for others. Circle of life and all that.

"Junior, come watch ya daddy work." She called to Batman Quinn, her now teenage son. She had finally found a news channel with some footage. Apparently some Ryder guy had been there at the scene. Judging from the picture and sound quality, the footage was recorded by phone.

"What? Watch him get punched out by Batman again?" Batman Quinn called from his room where he flipped through a magazine of women in scantily super heroine costumes. He personally found his old man's obsession with the bat pathetic. And a little sad. But in this house you kept your opinions to yourself. He absently felt the hole in his gums with his tongue. Last time he had spoken back to his father, he had been punched in the jaw so hard he had lost a tooth. He had been seven at the time. He also remembered his mother crying that he was dying. There were over-protective mothers, and then there was his mother. He smiled to himself.

"Don't ya back sass me Lil Puddin" She replied automatically, her mind had already moved on. If he didn't want to do something, she wasn't gonna make him. It just wasn't in her to be strict with him.

"Please don't call me Lil Puddin." He groaned. He had asked her before not to call him that, but she always forgot. Or so she claimed.

"Junior....Come in here...." She called again, a little less excited this time. Batman Quinn rolled his eyes. He decided he would humor her. He would walk in, glance at the TV, mumble something, and that would make her happy. He walked into the "living room" where his mother sat on an old, broken down couch. Lou was licked at her cheek, but she was transfixed on the old TV set. She slowly shook her head in disbelief.

"Mom? Whats wrong Mom?" He shooed the hyena off the couch, and sat next to his mother. She only pointed at the TV.

"GCN has exclusive footage from Metropolis where a small war has broken out between hero's and villains. The video is very graphic. You may want to send your children out of the room."

The scene showed various costumed people having at each other. Fallen bodies and blood cover the ground. Then the video centered on Batman and the Joker as they traded blows, and words. Joker said something, then Batman tore Jokers throat out in a single, sudden strike. The blood spurted over Batman as he roared at the Heavens, and Joker sank to his knees. Somehow he still wore that crazed grin even as he slumped over, dead. The video went to black.

"Mistah J?" She whispered aloud, sounding lost. Batman Quinn gently hugged his mother, expecting tears. But she just starred, in shock.

* * *

"You inferior, sub-human headache. I have defeated the Flash! What can you do?" Captain Cold sneered as he shot at Creeper with his cold gun.

"You've defeated hot flashes? Ha! Haha. That explains the ice jazz." Creeper laughed "I just assumed you ripped off Killer Frost's gimmick." Creeper leaped and rolled in a zig-zag fashion, barely avoiding the freeze beam. Far too late, Captain Cold realized that Creeper was much faster, and more agile then he looked. Never a fighter, Creeper laid him out with one solid punch. As he crushed Cold's gun between his hands, he saw Supergirl lifted the Hellgramite into the air, and then crack him over her knee like a twig. The villain shrieked pathetically.

"Please" He croaked. "Mercy." He begged as he squirmed helplessly on the ground.

"No mercy." She replied as she raised her boot to crush his head. She never got the chance, as Bane impaled her from behind. She clutched at the sword jutting between her breasts as it lifted her up, slicing through her. A shocked look crossed her face momentarily as she sank to her knees, and Bane kicked her of the sword with his massive boot.

"No mercy." Bane told the fallen hero. As the Creeper looked around, he saw hero's abandoning the morals they had held dear. Saw them acting as savagely as the villains they were trying to stop. And for once he didn't know what to do. So he retreated, leaving Jack Ryder alone on the battle field. Jack took out his phone and recorded all he could, hoping that someday, someone could sort all this madness out....

* * *

2040, December 29.

Wonder Woman touched down lightly on Paradise Island. A platoon of Hawkmen hovered in the sky above her. "Sisters, I have come for the purple ray. I ask you to surrender peaceably." At first no one moved. "I'm only asking once." She told the amazons present. "Surrender yourselves, and the purple ray machine."

"Sister, if you have came with peace in mind, why do you bring a force with you?" Hippolyta asked as she stepped from one of the temples. "You did not come to ask. You came to take."

"So I did." Wonder Woman nodded, and the hawkmen swooped down, maces raised. A dark blur came from nowhere, and hit Wonder Woman with concussive force. Sending her flying backward through the air.

"Paradise is not defenseless Dianna." Wonder Girl said, floating in the air where Wonder Woman had been. "Stop a moment and look at what your doing! Threatening your own people! You've been corrupted Dianna. Can't you see that?"

"I see you are chained to the old ways of thinking. We played by the rules. And people suffered for it. Now we make the rules. And if you're not with us, then your against us." She flew at Wonder Girl who caught her fist, but was then grabbed and hurled into the ground with explosive force. Wonder Woman sped downward towards Wonder Girl who rolled out of the way just in time. All around them hawkmen and amazons battle for their lives. The screams and clang of metal striking metal is deafening. Maces beat shields, swords hit nth metal.

Wonder Girl flew into the air, and tossed her lasso over Wonder Woman's arms. "Open your eyes Diane. Please. Don't make me stop you." The blue lasso cinched tighter as Wonder Woman flexed her arms out.

"Your willpower is not strong enough to stop me!!" Wonder Woman roared, and snapped the blue lasso off herself. She rushed up at Wonder Girl, and drove a knee into her mid-section. Then slammed her fist into Wonder Girls back. Wonder Girl tried to retreat to regroup, but Wonder Woman threw her lasso of truth around Wonder Girls neck. She jerked the rope with one hand, and the sound of Wonder Girls neck snapping echoed over the battlefield as her lifeless body fell to the ground. All around the amazons were dead or beaten into submission.

"We're ready to transport the device." A hawkman reported, his mace and armor were stained with blood.

"Be careful with it. Or its your head." She was not being metaphorical. "Organize the rest of your men for prisoner transporting." He cut a smart salute and walked away.

* * *

2040, January 4.

Batman Quinn fumbled his way through the forest that had once been Gotham city park. He was not excited about finally meeting his godmother, as she was known to be as heartless, and homicidal as his father had been. There were rumors she had left Gotham altogether, but he knew better. If she was gone, they would have cleared the park. No. This was her turf, and everyone knew it.

He heard something rustle on his left side, and drew his gun. "I don't like surprises Ms Ivy." He tried to sound tough. But he was in the middle of a forest. She had him dead to rights, and he knew it.

"Neither do I." Ivy replied, appearing at his right side. Vines lashed out and pulled his arms away from his body. It should have hurt, but he had inherited his fathers pain resistance. "Now, before I feed you to one of my babies, tell me why you're invading my home." She looked older then the pictures he had seen. There were lines at her eyes, and her hair was faded. Or maybe that was just the poor lighting. Her eyes were the same though. Haughty, and and suspicious. The vines tugged tighter, and he did feel his shoulders starting to give. She walked around him once, taking in his outfit. The jacket was purple and worn over a black Batman t-shirt with an oversize bat symbol. The pants matched the jacket. Over his face he wore a red helmet like old Jason Todd.

"I need your help. They grabbed my mom. She wasn't even wanted! She's gone straight. Mostly straight anyway." He would have shrugged if he could.

"They?" She asked, hands on her hips. "The league? And you come to me for help?" She shook her head. The world used to make a lot more sense then this. She turned away. "Nice meeting you--"

"Quinn. Batman Quinn." He grinned at her expression of surprise. "Mom often spoke of you. Said you were her best friend, but she ain't seen you in what? Twenty years?"

"We had a falling out." Ivy replied as she ripped his mask off, and studied his face closer. He did have Jokers chin. And Harley's blue eyes. "Sorry kid, I'm not a hero. Try Batman twenty years ago." She turned to leave, and the vines became slack.

"Hey!! My mother never spoke badly about you. Not once! She adores you, even though you haven't even dropped her a postcard in twenty years!" He yelled at her back. "You tried to help her once. She told me about the night I was born."

She paused, but didn't look back at him. "I cared for Harley. And I tried to help her. But she didn't care enough for herself, or you, to do the right thing."

"You....you loved her, didn't you?" Her silence is answer enough. "Well if you really cared for her, then help her now. They are transporting her to Blackgate today to be executed." He waits for her to respond. The minute goes on forever.

"What route is the transport taking?" She asked finally.

* * *

"......So yeah, technically I robbed the place," Harley was telling an amazon chained to her. "But I'm'a single mom. I gotta keep Junior fed." The prison bus was loud and sounded like it would rattle itself apart. Or maybe break if it hit a pothole.

"I don't think they care for reasons sister Harley." The amazon replied. "Those who seek blood, will only be satisfied with blood."

"Call me an old romantic, but I always thought I would die on the job, ya know? One'a Mistah Jay's traps malfunctioning. Or somethin'." She sighed aloud. Her mind wasn't really on her impending demise though. She thought of Joker. Wondered where he went when he died. 'Probably down' She decided. Wondered where she would go when she died. What if she didn't go anywhere? What if she got lost on the way? She wondered if Junior had eaten today. He was so lanky. No fat on him. This thought was interrupted as the bus swerved, and she was slammed into the side, and crushed as the amazon was thrown against her. She heard the driver curse just before the bus crashed into something. Then whole bus began to tip over....

* * *

"Well that was fun." Ivy smirked. She had caused a massive tree to grow from the street directly in front of the bus. The results were thematic to say the least. Batman Quinn was shocked. But a certain part of him was tickled. Maybe some of old dad lived on in him. The thought wiped the smile off his face. "Pulled that trick a few times with some armored trucks."

"Yeah, uh huh. Thanks for the history lesson. Now lets get her out before the hawks arrive." He looked anxiously at the sky. Traffic was already getting backed up, and some good citizen was no doubt already calling the fuzz.

"Relax kid." Ivy replied "If I know your mother at all, she's already picked her--" She didn't get to finish as the bus doors opened. Harley flipped up through the air, and landed easily on the side of the overturned bus.

"Ta-da!!" She took a bow for the people stuck in traffic. "For my next trick, I'm gonna disappear. Thanks for com'in, and tip ya waitress'es."

"Mom!" Batman Q yelled from across the street. "Over here." He waved her over frantically.

"Junior! And Red!" She squealed. "Is it my birthday?" She hugged Ivy's neck like they had not gone twenty years without a word.

"We should be going...." Batman Q told his mother anxiously. Then noticed 13 or so women had followed her.

"Okay. Cool if my new pals tag along?"

2018

"Hush little baby, don't say'a word, Momma would kill for you the whole damned world. And if they don't laugh at our jokes, Momma's gonna stab out their throats...." Harley sang softly, and rubbed her round belly. She had not got that big, not surprisingly. She always was on the small side. It kinda looked like she had eaten a basketball.

This was her first pregnancy, and it was going well, all things considered. She'd had cravings for spicy potato chips, and chocolate chip ice cream. And had eaten an alarming amount of each. But since she had become pregnant, Joker had stopped hitting her and only occasionally yelled at her. It was wonderful for everyone.

"So boss, what we gonna name our little puddi'n?" She asked him as he paced about the hideout. She tried to reach the container of half-melted chocolate ice cream on the floor, but her belly was in the way. She grunted, and stretched her arm down, but could only brush it with her finger tips. "C'mon baby, Mama needs chocolate goodness." She told her belly. To Joker she said "Maybe Punchinello? Or Joker Jr? Maybe Harley if its a girl?" She asked hopefully.

Joker paused and raised an eyebrow at her. "His name is going to be Batman. It will be the best joke ever." He grinned. He was usually grinning. But this was a genuine grin. She rarely saw one of those. Joker's impending fatherhood had really put him in an exceptional mood, and rather then being a distraction, it had inspired him to greater joke crimes. "So, what's the ETA Harley? Are you ripe or what?" He asked and resumed pacing again.

"Nother couple days I think." She paused, hands held protectively on her belly. "Uh, What if its a girl Mistah Jay?" She asked quietly. "That wouldn't be so bad, right?"

"If its not a boy...." He shrugged. "We'll just have to start over."

"Uh huh." She suddenly forgot the ice cream at her feet. "I uh, mmph" She struggled off the couch to her feet. "I just remembered. Pammy's giving me a baby shower. So I should get going to that...." She wobbled toward the entrance.

"Harley!" He called, making her freeze in her tracks.

"Yeah boss?" She winced, expecting the worst.

"Pick up some toilet paper. We're running low."

"S-sure thing Mistah Jay." She walked to their van as fast as her pregnant body would allow her to move.

* * *

Gotham city park.....

"Ivy? Hello?" Harley walked to the first bench, and sat down. "Jeeze, who knew having a baby took so much outta ya?"

"Anyone who paid attention in health class." Ivy called down from the tree across the path.

"I always found biology more fun in practice, then in teachin'." Harley replied, a little winded.

"So, Joker kick you out again? He must have. That's the only time you come running to me." The tree branch lowered Ivy gently to the ground. She sounded a little offended.

"Oh no. He's just thinking of going pro-choice if our lil puddi'n is a girl." Her voice trailed off like she was embarrassed by the whole affair.

Ivy was horrified and enraged at the same time. Just when she thought Joker couldn't be more depraved...."Well, you can't stay here. Not in your condition. Maybe Selina would let you crash with her for a while?"

"Oh yeah! Kitty loves me." Harley struggled to get off the bench until finally Ivy helped her up. "Hey, do ya think we can stop for ice cream? I'm starvin'." Just then the baby gave a hard kick. "Ivy!!" She squealed.

"What!? Whats wrong?" Ivy looked alarmed.

"The baby just kicked me." She grabbed Ivy's hand, and pressed it to her stomach. "Already takin' after its daddy." She sighed.

"Uh, yeah Harley. Babies kick. Hasn't it kicked before?" She was worried about her friend for more then on reason. Harley was excited about being a mother. But in a lot of ways, Harley was a kid herself.

"Nope." She shook her head, making her pigtails swing. "Its been a quiet little scamp."

"Why don't you let me drive Harl?" Ivy asked as she helped Harley into the passenger seat.

"Tell me have you seen the marvelous breadfish? Swimming in the ocean waters?" Harley sang to her belly. "Have you seen the marvelous breadfish, he's like an inverse sandwich....for fishermen and sharks."

"Harley...." Ivy said through gritted teeth.

"Yes Pammy?"

"Its a long drive. Lets not make it longer..."

* * *

Joker watched as Harley and Ivy drove out of the park, his gloved hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. He was not smiling as he drove after them.

Ivy saw the car out the corner of her eye, at the last minute. But it was too late to do anything, it slammed into Ivy's side of the car, and drove it into a light pole. It happened so fast. The sudden impact, the crash and scream of metal. Then it was over. Ivy's left arm felt broken, and she had been cut by flying glass. Her door was dented inward, and her left leg was numb, possibly broken. "Harley? Are you okay?" Ivy asked, dazed.

"I....I don't think so Pammy." She cried, tears rolled down her face as she held her stomach. Blood dripped from her lap to the floor.

"Hang on Harley." She wrestled with her seat belt which had locked up. "Just don't move." Trapped in a car, and not a seed or plant to her name. Why didn't she carry a knife or something?

"Harley-poo, time to come home now." Joker said, his voice dripped with menace as he pulled her door open.

"Joker! Wait!" Ivy yelled. "She's hurt! Call an ambulance if you ever loved her at all!" Ivy pleaded, still trapped by her seat belt. Joker paused for a moment. Then hauled Harley from the car by her arm. Ivy watched helpless as he pushed her into the backseat of his car and sped away.

* * *

Gotham General. A few days later....

Ivy laid on an uncomfortable hospital bed, her arm in a cast and hung on a sling. A brace on her injured leg. A blond nurse walked in with a lunch tray. "I wouldn't eat nothin' but the jello. Its the only thing on this tray that's actually food, I think." She commented.

"Harley?" Ivy pressed the button to elevate her bed into a sitting position.

"Surprise Pammy!" Harley spun around with a flair. She was wearing red scrubs covered in black smiley faces. "Ya know the best part of havin' a baby? Getting it outta ya." She hugged Ivy tightly.

"What happened? I thought he was going to kill you. Wait," She paused. "What happened to the baby?"

"Oh, he's fine. Little Batman Quinn." She sat on the side of Ivy's bed. "He's at home with his daddy, of course. After Mistah J took me home--"

"He kidnapped you."

"Tomato, tomahto. Love makes ya do crazy things Pammy. Mistah J was just scared I was gonna leave him." She purposefully avoided Ivy's stare. "Anyway, Puddin' had a doctor back at home waiting on me. Lil Batman was a few days early, but otherwise healthy. I lov'a happy ending, don't you Red?"

Ivy was speechless for a moment. then, "He threatened your child. Almost killed us both. And kidnapped you when you were hurt. And you're going to give him another chance??"

"He needs me Pammy. And it would break his heart if I took Batty away. He loves our baby."

"I....I can't believe that Harley." She shook her head. "When are you going to wise up to Joker's act?"

"Pammy...."

"Get out." Ivy said. "I'm done with you."

"But Pammy--"

"Out!!" Ivy roared.

* * *

They wouldn't speak again until the battle at Gotham city park.