Vine Stand Up Comedy!

Do we have any Stand-Up Comedians on here or think they would / might have the potential of being one?

Post your gig / rant, here.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sarcasm is allowed (of course) but don't push it too far.

Alright give me a sec to get my act together

"Do we have any Stand-Up Comedians on here or think they would / might have the potential of being one?

Post your gig / rant, here.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sarcasm is allowed (of course) but don't push it too far."

"Voidheart said:

"Do we have any Stand-Up Comedians on here or think they would / might have the potential of being one?

Post your gig / rant, here.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sarcasm is allowed (of course) but don't push it too far."

um i think im rather funny and most people do but i cant seem to get it into a gig or rant its just kinda who i am and i flow with it"

wow I used to write stand ups but that was so many years ago...

"hands the mic to the walking STD

"here ya go!""

Well than, hit it, you go after Drift

"Voidheart said:

"hands the mic to the walking STD

"here ya go!""

O_o who's that? lmao"

"hands the mic to the walking STD

"here ya go!""

I'm afraid that if I post something up here, Dane Cook would steal it...

lol

claps

and to answer your question, your A-Sexual of course. (Think about it ;) )

Sh!tty Rabbit, Tricks are for kids :P

"Obi Wan Kenobi! said:

"Voidheart said:

"hands the mic to the walking STD

"here ya go!""

O_o who's that? lmao"

"

so now that i made this roll on... you may pass the mic down to the next one and so on and so forth... im out! cya tomorrow!

"Sh!tty Rabbit, Tricks are for kids :P"

Bear and a rabbit were taking a sh!t in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with sh!t sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his a$$ with the rabbit.

"TheDrifter said:

"Sh!tty Rabbit, Tricks are for kids :P"

... bastard!"

"Voidheart said:

"hands the mic to the walking STD

"here ya go!""

How the hell can I be a walking STD if I don't even have a Girlfriend?

Ok, So a bear is out in the woods, and he's taking a poop.......and he looks over and he see's a Rabbit, and he says "Hey. Does sh!t stick to your fur?" and the rabbit says "No" and the Bear picks the rabbit up and wipes his @$$ with him.


"

"Bear and a rabbit were taking a sh!t in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with sh!t sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his a$$ with the rabbit."

I can go into a rant about anything in real life, not on the computer

crowd (G'B, G'B, G'B)

Bandit walks up stage "thank you, thank you!"(G'B, G'B, G'B) "thank you, thank you!" (G'B, G'B, G'B)

"WOULD YOU PEOPLE SHUT YOUR YAPS DAMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(Crowd laughing)

"what the hell are you people lauhing about? shut the hell up!"

(Crowd laugh harder)

are you people deft? SHUT THE F- UP and let me do the show!"

(crowd laugh even harder)

"WTF! IS WRONG WHIT YOU PEOPLE! SHUT UP YOU F- RETARDS! ever heard of the word silence???????"

(the crowd laugh so hard they spill their drinks)

I'll just say it!


Little Johnny and his father came across his puppy, dead in the back yard. Daddy explained that Buddy had gone to heaven.

"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Little Johnny, as he fought back tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Buddy's legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to take him by the leg and lift him up to heaven."

Little Johnny seemed to take Buddy's death quite well. However, two days later when his father came home from work, Little Johnny had tears in his eyes as he said, "Mommy almost died this morning."

Fearing something terrible had happened, his father questioned, "What do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!"

"Well", mumbled Little Johnny, "Soon after you left for work this morning I saw Mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, 'Oh Jesus! I'm coming, I'm coming!' And, if it hadn't been for the neighbor who was holding her down, she would have gone to Heaven just like Buddy did."










(crickets)

"thank you you been a terrible audience.. "

(crowd laugh really hard)

bandit goes off stage..

sound guy: Oh! that was great GB the crowd loved you.

gb: these people are just a bunch of morons they didn't let me do the show right what a bunch of losers..


walks out...

"crowd (G'B, G'B, G'B)

Bandit walks up stage "thank you, thank you!"(G'B, G'B, G'B) "thank you, thank you!" (G'B, G'B, G'B)

"WOULD YOU PEOPLE SHUT YOUR YAPS DAMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(Crowd laughing)

"what the hell are you people lauhing about? shut the hell up!"

(Crowd laugh harder)

are you people deft? SHUT THE F- UP and let me do the show!"

(crowd laugh even harder)

"WTF! IS WRONG WHIT YOU PEOPLE! SHUT UP YOU F- RETARDS! ever heard of the word silence???????"

(the crowd laugh so hard they spill their drinks)

I'll just say it!


Little Johnny and his father came across his puppy, dead in the back yard. Daddy explained that Buddy had gone to heaven.

"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Little Johnny, as he fought back tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Buddy's legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to take him by the leg and lift him up to heaven."

Little Johnny seemed to take Buddy's death quite well. However, two days later when his father came home from work, Little Johnny had tears in his eyes as he said, "Mommy almost died this morning."

Fearing something terrible had happened, his father questioned, "What do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!"

"Well", mumbled Little Johnny, "Soon after you left for work this morning I saw Mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, 'Oh Jesus! I'm coming, I'm coming!' And, if it hadn't been for the neighbor who was holding her down, she would have gone to Heaven just like Buddy did."










(crickets)

"thank you you been a terrible audience.. "

(crowd laugh really hard)

bandit goes off stage..

sound guy: Oh! that was great GB the crowd loved you.

gb: these people are just a bunch of morons they didn't let me do the show right what a bunch of losers..


walks out... "

I do this live as a joke... the worst comedian ever... sometimes, as you may see, people boo me. Which to me is a success.

I like cheese

But i dont like Steak

Ronin's wife leg's smells like obay seasoning

lmao

Ok, so a seal walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar. OUCH!

The only thing worse than waking up to your wife watching the View is waking up to your wife on the view. That''s right, I married Barbara Walters

"A man walks into a bar. OUCH!"

A crackhead was je#@#@ off and he used his pen...............is to Hi jack the train,He shot off a few rounds just to let people know he was serous.

I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired. :)

I'll go now....

"I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired. :)

I'll go now...."

"I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired. :)

I'll go now...."

"I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired. :)

I'll go now...."

Is this thing on? Take my wife, please....

why is this in the RPG forum? O_o?

"why is this in the RPG forum? O_o?"

"Obi Wan Kenobi! said:

"why is this in the RPG forum? O_o?"

you're a RPG forum"

AAAWWWWW HELL NO

I know Judo....

As in JUDO KNOW YOU MESSING WITH!

"unclips his weave and gets in fighting stance"

"Obi Wan Kenobi! said:

"unclips his weave and gets in fighting stance"

STOP! Hammer Time!

starts dancing"

"Obi Wan Kenobi! said:

"unclips his weave and gets in fighting stance"

STOP! Hammer Time!

starts dancing"

*bursts through the walls and bursts through the other one for no reason and pianos fall on everyone's heads*

::dies::

"A crackhead was je#@#@ off and he used his pen...............is to Hi jack the train,He shot off a few rounds just to let people know he was serous."

My greatest joke can never be told on here. It is far too........special.