By Vrakmul 26 Comments
A blog dedicated to Vrakmul's relentless trolling exploits across the multiverse and generally being an incredibly petty douche and utterly loathsome human being.
The curious case of the feral worlders
Many aeons ago, when man on Earth still lived banging rocks together to light fires, Vrakmul the glorious descended upon a world with a Black hand force to ascertain it's worthiness for absorbption into the Dominion of the Black Hand.
He saw the hills, the trees, and the primitives who had formed from a long cut off Cyronaxi colony, primitve humans they were. And he found it good.
All was prepared for their absorbtion, but as he prepared to return to his space ship, one child, a nameless boy who had a disliking of the Lord of Doom, blew him a raspberry.
The Dark Emperor was most displeased, and had his forces turn around and begin slaughtering everyone on the planet.
Oceans boiled, plains burned, people died, the world was left a smoldering ruin in a single day. And when it was all done, the boy was still alive.
Vrakmul then brought himself to the boy, and most verily flipped him the unholy bird before leaving the planet.
Well I cured your Asthma
Once there were parents with a beloved little girl who was suffering from Asthma. They prayed and begged for salvation from their God who ignored them. But someone heard. Before them manifested Vrakmul who said
"What troubles you, bearers of grief and woe?"
"Oh angel of our lord, our daughter is sick and no medicine from man or faith can heal her. Cure her!"
"Very well" He responded as he put his hands over her
Immediately her breathing improved, but a tumor exploded out of her chest in a shower of gore before she started growing tentacles and far too many mouths
"What have you done!?" The parents begged
"I cured her, by making her into a Chaos spawn of Nurgle" Vrakmul laughed as the daughter messily ate her parents and rampaged out the city.
Over a dozen people died that day before someone could stop the monster by ripping her apart, and Vrakmul had a most hearty laugh.
A sandwhich store, my kingdom for a sandwhich store
A man in Bosnia was upset, his fortune had been depleted. He sat with misery and woe, wondering how he could find his fortune and get money for his family. He couldn't afford to go to America, but then a man in robes came to him and gave him an idea.
"You are good at making sandwhiches right?" He told him.
"Aye, the best" He responded
"Well, I'll gift you some money and offer you a lease to a new location, it'll be all the rage!" He told the Bosnian who jumped to his feet and shook his hand
"Oh thank you! How can I ever repay you?" He asked
"Pass this onto your family "recommend the patronage of Gavrilo Princip" and all will be fine" He cheerfully responded.
Thinking nothing of this, the man set up his sandwhich store, which was quite well to do. But in the year of 1914, a young man named Gavrilo princip, down on his luck for he had failed to kill the Archduke, went to the restaurant where he had been recommended.
Unhappily munching on his sandwhich, he saw the Archduke, and grabbed his gun and shot him.
For the rest of the century, endless misery and woe would be caused by this one moment as the domino fell, and when the robed man read the Newspaper, a trollish grin spread under his mask
And every day when he read about more and more deaths, that grin would grow wider and wider.
"Just as planned" said Vrakmul as he sipped his martini.
To keep a woman warm
A woman, chill and cold for her world was one of ice, huddled over a fire and begged the stars for warmth.
"Oh what I would give for warmth." She begged as she and her friends huddled closer.
But to her surprise, they answered, and the magnificent masked lich appeared before her and her friends.
"Greetings lords and ladies, I am Vrakmul, how may I help?" He asked with a cheery tone
"Oh Vrakmul, we are ever so cold, could you not give us warmth?" They asked, teeth chattering away
"Oh very well" He said, and with a snap of his fingers he went away
"That did nothing..." They said, and for an hour they waited, still miserable and cold.
"Perhaps we imagined i-" One started before the Supernova washed over them.
Oh father christmas
A child prayed beneath his christmas tree for something nice for christmas, anything but clothes and socks! Oh they were ever so boring, you couldn't even play with them. But then the magical man appeared in a blast of darkness and doom and said.
"Well little Tommy, guess what I've got?"
"Is it the present I want?"
"Oh open it tomorrow and see" He grinned frightfully before vanishing in the night
On the morrow the boy scuttled to his present, hoping that it was Santa who had given him his present.
He opened the first box and with a cheer he saw; it was all the new consoles he sought.
He opened the second box and squeed and saw all the best games that could be bought.
He opened the third box and peered inside, his parents confused until they saw
A mighty black hole in a box!
It devoured them and their house and disappeared with a pop!
Finished part 1
Thoughts, criticism, suggestions?