Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

The Vampire's Visit

The horse galloped along the stone-paved road winding slowly up the hill and increasing ever faster until, finally, Alistair arrived at his house. With a great leap he jumped off his horse and landed in a crouching position. The rain pattered down on his face…it was like a baptism

And he hated baptisms…

He stood up, slowly and wiped the water from his face. His sandy blonde hair draped down to his shoulders and was drenched with water, and his clothes clung to his skin…yet he was not cold. His frame was wiry yet strong, and he was quite a pale man. He made his way up the steps with remarkable speed, seeing only by way of two protected torches illuminated in the night.

It was at that moment, that Nat heard a rather loud rasping at the door. She swiftly made her way towards it and opened it apprehensively.

“Alistair!” Nat cried, embracing him tightly. Her body was curved like an hourglass, having a similar, yet more feminine build than him. Yet she shared the same paleness of the skin.

They embraced each other with a passionate kiss like lovers that had not seen each other in years. It was then, all at once, that Nat opened her eyes, realizing something amiss. She pulled herself away from him. “Alistair, where are the others? Where is the pack?” she cried.

At that moment, Alistair’s head sunk low, as he let the rainwater flow down his face and drip of his chin. “They’re dead.” he stated, simply.

Nat backed away, shocked. “What-what happened? she stuttered.

“The townspeople caught us in the middle of a feast. John Burns lead a revolt…I always told the pack to be wary of him…only I made it out alive.” he took a moment to pause and reflect. Images flickered across his mind like a slide show. He wanted to melt into the ground, as his brothers and sisters did. “My love,” he whimpered, “they caught us feasting…attacked us. Everyone is dead. My brother…the first of the pack…Ducard is dead.”

“NO!” cried Nat, who burst into tears. “NO! It can’t be!”

It was then that a loud commotion was heard, as a powerful pounding sounded at the door. With a third strike it flew off its hinges and dropped to the floor below with a thud.

“ALISTAIR!” cried a townsperson! “FACE ME AND ANSWER FOR YOUR CRIMES!”

Alistair put a finger to Nat’s lips, summoning her to be silent; never one to listen to reason, she charged out, sheering flesh from bone and gnawing away with teeth that could penetrate skin. Her rampage tore apart bodies as if they were made of cotton. Her rage could not be bottled or controlled. She was no longer of this world…she was rage.

“MURDERERS!” she cried to the heavens. Lightning stuck around the household as she threw her arms up to the sky! “ALL OF YOU ARE MURDERERS!” She continued her rampage, killing anyone she could get her hands on. Alistair watched from afar. Just then, he noticed a piece of jagged wood fly through her chest. Blood dripped from her mouth, spilling down her chin. Her body turned to flakes, and blew away in the wind, crumbling in the rain.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” cried Alistair, who grabbed a bookcase by the edges. With uncanny strength he lifted it over his head and threw it towards the killers as if it were weightless. Most were instantly crushed by it and others would suffocate; pinned underneath it. The sheer devastation from the throw knocked a chunk of the wall out, revealing a much larger army outside. Alistair let out a cry of agony and despair as if it had been he himself who had been impaled and hissed as if he were a snake, as he charged into the crowd with remarkable speed. He ripped men apart. He clawed at their faces and ate their very flesh. He tossed them aside like ragdolls. “BURRRNS!” he hissed. “JONATHAN BURNS!” he cried to the heavens, “REVEAL THYSELF, MURDERER!” He tore through the crowd, searching for his enemy. His eyes, filled with fury itself, had turned blood red from his rage. A simple stare set men on fire, as he killed and wounded the army that had dared to amass outside of his own home. Finally, he found his target.

Jonathan Burns was a fat old man who was graying at the temples, who had an outdated sense of righteousness from the Revolutionary War. He grabbed Burns by his neck and hoisted him up into the air. He squeezed slowly, choking him. Alistair said almost nothing, but simply asked,

“Why?”

Through choking sounds, Burns managed to get the words out “You were killing off this town! I won’t let you kill me too! You killed a young boy when we found you! He had only just turned twenty—.”

His accusations were interrupted as Alistair pulled him close, as he spoke, saliva spewed from his mouth onto Burns’ face. “And yet…” Alistair said, his words tiptoeing to the next, “Your family was killed by a murderer. You hunted him down and killed him.” Even closer, Alistair pulled him, until he could almost taste the flesh on Alistair’s breath. “Did you stop to think for a second?” Alistair asked him, his head tilting slightly to one side, “that if you killed me and my pack…do you think I would ever stop?”

“Go….die!” choked Burns.

“I have survived since the ides of March! The death of Julius Caesar was my birth! You do not think I can survive?” He paused for a moment. “Should I wish to?” he finished.

“You…have brought nothing but misery to this town.”

Alistair looked at him with catlike curiosity. He was a pet examining a new master. “I only do what I must to survive…as I do now.” Blood trickled down Burns’ forehead as Alistair squeezed from both sides. Burns let out a cry of agony as he began to push harder. “Do you feel that Burns?!” he howled into the night. “Do you feel the inevitability of death!? It’s the only thing in this world that you can count on.” Alistair finished, and let what was left of the limp body slump to the ground with all the others.

At that moment, Alistair’s attention turned to the East...He noticed his first glimpse of the sun rising beyond the horizon…his first glimpse of the sun in his entire life. He slowly began to crumble, as each layer of skin flaked off. He let out his last words of his long life…

“Beautiful.”

#1 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

and

should see this

#2 Posted by MsMarvel22 (166 posts) - - Show Bio

This made my day. Thank you.

#3 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@MsMarvel22: thanks! Glad to hear it!

I forgot to tag one more

#4 Posted by Blizaga101 (912 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53: amazing bud, great writing. was this for fun or something else cause it would make a great short story for a contest though :P

#5 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@Blizaga101 said:

@primepower53: amazing bud, great writing. was this for fun or something else cause it would make a great short story for a contest though :P

short story I did for fun

Where can I find such contests....?

#6 Posted by CapFanboy (4520 posts) - - Show Bio

@Blizaga101 said:

@primepower53: amazing bud, great writing. was this for fun or something else cause it would make a great short story for a contest though :P

If it's a short story, I want my royalties.

#7 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@CapFanboy said:

@Blizaga101 said:

@primepower53: amazing bud, great writing. was this for fun or something else cause it would make a great short story for a contest though :P

If it's a short story, I want my royalties.

NEVER! THE MONEY SHALL BE MINE! MINE! MINE! * maniacal laughter*

#8 Posted by 4donkeyjohnson (1620 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm not sure I like this...I don't hate it, maybe it's my feelings towards vampires, Stephanie Meyer, Vampire Diaries, True Blood and such that vampire stories really irk me. Now that is not your fault at all, it's my issue with the whole vampire phenom that sweeps the world from time to time. Asides from my personal issues with vampires, it's well written, flows nicely but the Julius Cesar reference, I don't really get (maybe in the fullness of time all will be revealed but since our central character has seemingly committed suicide by sunlight I don't know if I will). Good job on the writing, subject matter not for me

#9 Posted by tomdickharry1984 (830 posts) - - Show Bio

Dose Burns look lik Mr Burns? :) It's good

#10 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@4donkeyjohnson said:

I'm not sure I like this...I don't hate it, maybe it's my feelings towards vampires, Stephanie Meyer, Vampire Diaries, True Blood and such that vampire stories really irk me. Now that is not your fault at all, it's my issue with the whole vampire phenom that sweeps the world from time to time. Asides from my personal issues with vampires, it's well written, flows nicely but the Julius Cesar reference, I don't really get (maybe in the fullness of time all will be revealed but since our central character has seemingly committed suicide by sunlight I don't know if I will). Good job on the writing, subject matter not for me

understandable I hate Twilight myself and try to stay away from all things Vampires, but when I planned out this story, I thought Vampires would fit the mood of the story best. And this is just a one shot. But I just had the Julius Caesar reference for mysteriousness (TAKE THAT

I wanted to hint that the killing of Caesar on the ides of March was so atrocious, that it spawned somewhat of a demon...

@tomdickharry1984 said:

Dose Burns look lik Mr Burns? :) It's good

lol no.

Thanks.

#11 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

casual bump

#12 Posted by batkevin74 (10411 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53 said:

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” cried Alistair,

That's a pretty big no :) It's good (as I said to Impersonator a while ago & agreeing with the donkey man) I tire of vampire! Good job though. Formatting question though, how did you make your heading bigger, is it really simple and obvious or do I have to do something specific

#13 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74 said:

@primepower53 said:

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” cried Alistair,

That's a pretty big no :) It's good (as I said to Impersonator a while ago & agreeing with the donkey man) I tire of vampire! Good job though. Formatting question though, how did you make your heading bigger, is it really simple and obvious or do I have to do something specific

yes, the no was pretty long...I KNOW VAMPIRES GET BORING BUT I FELT THEY WOULD FIT THE STORY BEST!

To make heading bigger, in the text box in the upper left hand corner there's paragraph. Move the mouse over to that and choose header 2.

GLAD YOU LIKE IT! :D

#14 Posted by batkevin74 (10411 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53: Thanks

#15 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

please read this

#16 Posted by CapFanboy (4520 posts) - - Show Bio
a piece of jagged wood fly through her chest. Blood dripped from her mouth, spilling down her chin. Her body turned to flakes, and blew away in the wind, crumbling in the rain.

(':

#17 Posted by primepower53 (5686 posts) - - Show Bio

@CapFanboy: if you like I can go into greater detail over the death scene.

#18 Posted by CapFanboy (4520 posts) - - Show Bio

@primepower53 said:

@CapFanboy: if you like I can go into greater detail over the death scene.

Nah it's fine, thanks though :)

#19 Posted by kfhrfdu_89_76k (3712 posts) - - Show Bio

Wow. THAT`S melodramatic.

Pretty cool. The ending is the best part.

Of course it`s cliheic, but...I guess that when it`s a part of someones style (I know that it`s a part of my style, even if I try to keep away from them), it`s not a bad thing.

I`m not trying "sound" like an a-hole, by the way.

"I wanted to hint that the killing of Caesar on the ides of March was so atrocious, that it spawned somewhat of a demon..."

I don`t get hidden meanings that easily, so I didn`t get this one either. Cool, though. Even if I don`t understand it. But please, don`t spell it out to me.

#20 Posted by batkevin74 (10411 posts) - - Show Bio