#1 Posted by kamrenamir (212 posts) - - Show Bio

"C'mon!Let's hurry this up Harry."

Drake Kano stood over the body of Harry Dumont, who was tied up. He had already been told what would happen if he screamed so he wouldn't try it.

"Now, please work with me Harry, where....are....the pills?"

Harry's limp and almost lifeless body sat still in the satin cushioned chair as he looked at the uniquely patterned carpet of the room. Minutes went by before he gave a reply.

"F*ck you and F*ck whoever you're working for."

"Well if that's how you want to do this." Drake cracked his knuckles.

use me a voice in the back of his head snapped at him with aggression.

"Alright, but only a little." Drake walked over to the dresser near the far wall of the exotically decorated room and opened the drawer. "Ah, here we are." Numerous rings, bracelets, earrings and necklaces were spread out in the deep drawer. mmm stainless steel the voice reemerged to Drake's head. In one quick motion Drake scooped up every piece of jewelry and as he pulled it near, it liquidized and was absorbed into his skin. "Good, now let's give him something to be scared of." Drake swiftly walked back over to Dumont and stuck his fist up to the man's forehead. "Look." The man raised his head and Drake fist was pressed against his nose. A smirk slid across Drake's face and suddenly metal began to appear across his hand. Soon it was spread to a smooth layer across his fist.

2 hours earlier

"Hey Drake, do you own any good suits? A voice came from the ceiling, it was his receptionist Taylor Pennie.

"I think I can find one. Why? " Drake finished his drink and set the glass on the kitchen counter.

"Harry Dumont, A source says that his sister's having a private party to celebrate the launch of her fashion line. " Faint but vigorous typing could be heard in the background.

Harry Dumont is the governor of this city,Rail city. It turns out that he is also one of the top competitors in the underground war to make a good drug. Whether he knew it or not, indirectly he gave me this curse, but I'm not mad, it's not all bad. Aside from the living organism living in my bloodstream that can barely control it's anger, the power is nice, it's really nice. But I have to make sure no one else can get this curse, not how I did. So the only option is to find all of his drug operations, and brutally destroy them.

"I'll be there, send the location to the car. Bye." Drake hastily pressed a button near his bedroom door and the tone of the PA system was heard.

1 hour later

I didn't think the drive would be this long, curse that woman. I've been meaning to get rid, Suddenly Drake heard a knock on his window. A young man in a dark blue vest greeted him has he rolled down the window. "Park somewhere close boy." Drake left the car and turned towards the unique mansion,the man nodded with a little irritation and drove off. Drake got to the front door and looked down at his watch. 9:00, okay lets try and make this quick. Drake walked through the large double door into a brightly lit room filled with models and business men. The tall man walked through numerous groups of people who seemed to take no notice of him besides the occasional seductive stare from a model. Finally, near the small arrangement of string instruments playing elegant classical music, he saw Dana Dumont talking to her agent. She constantly flipped her light brown hair and left a stain of red lip gloss when she drank from her glass.

"Dana! Congratulations on the new line, It's going to be hot." Drake faked excitement and slightly changed his voice.

"Thank you, ummm." It was obvious that Dana didn't know who he was.

"Oh excuse me, I'm Todd Beckal. A friend of your brother." He smiled and stuck out his hand for a shake.

She shook it and gave a slight smile. "Thank you Todd, I appreciate your support." She noticed that Drake wasn't completely focused on her. "My brother, if you're wondering, is by the bar. " She looked slightly irritated that he obviously did not come to talk to her.

"Thank you, and congrats again." Saying this, Drake walked away and the fake smile quickly vanished from his face. He quickly walked around a corner and saw Harry flirting with a model. As he walked over to the impish man he did not fake a smile, instead he leaned over and spoke in his ear. " We need to talk about some pills" Harry's face went almost pale but he turned around and gestured for Drake to follow.

Present

"What do you think? You did this to me ya know." Drake put more pressure on Harry's nose.

"I'm not telling you Sh*t." The man revolted.

"Fine." Drake turned around and looked at his fist. From it, three dull spikes formed from the knuckles. As this happened Drake turned around and slugged Harry in his jaw. He coughed up blood and spit out about five teeth. "Tell me now" Harry looked up at him, and spit blood on his tan face. kill him the voice in Drake's head snapped. fine, whatever Drake muttered. He began to violently thrash the man's head blow after blow blood flew in every direction, until the man's body moved no more. After a few minutes, blood was splattered in multiple places across the room, and Drake just gave a slight chuckle. He looked in Harry's pockets, and took everything, his wallet his phone, and the key to his house. Drake made no attempt to clean himself, he just opened the door and walked out of the room. No one seemed to hear anything, but when he walked out, they gasped because now, his whole body was covered in a layer of metal.

(note-That's the end everyone. This was just a taste of what's to come. Stick around, I'll be giving more detail on Drake, his powers and the voice in his head. Also more on the Rail City, and Taylor. Thankyou and please leave feedback. I probably made a few grammar mistakes, I know. Plus "The Ender" Is going to be his name. )

#2 Posted by batkevin74 (11040 posts) - - Show Bio

Couple of spacing issues eg "C'mon!Let's hurry this up Harry." Needs a space between the exclamation point and let's. Asides from that (which is easily fixed, copy it onto a word doc) this bit about absorbing

@kamrenamir said:

Numerous rings, bracelets, earrings and necklaces were spread out in the deep drawer. mmm stainless steel the voice reemerged to Drake's head. In one quick motion Drake scooped up every piece of jewelry and as he pulled it near, it liquidized and was absorbed into his skin.

That's a cool idea, taking the metal into himself, sorta like a metallic Rogue :)

#3 Posted by dngn4774 (3251 posts) - - Show Bio

Maybe you should give him the power to fire small pieces of his armor like a bullet, that way he's greatest defensive tool is also his greatest offensive weapon.