Now cometh the She-Hulk (literally)
So we open on Betty in bed with some rebound-guy. Probably some other rich actor douchebag like the kind that she left Bruce for when he needed her most. Because we all know if anything bad happens in a relationship, it's the man's fault, the man's responsibility to fix, and the woman should just kick him to the curb, right? RIGHT!?
Anyway, the guy wants to cuddle but Betty doesn't want to. ...Wow. Right after I rant about a gender double standard, the comic goes and flips a male stereotype around. 0_0 I'm shocked, honestly.
But I digress. Remember back in issue 2 when Bruce called Betty from India and a man answered? Well this is what was happening on the other end of the line. And Betty quickly realizes that it must be Bruce. Oh, so she's actually fully aware of all the innocent blood that it's implied is being spilled half a world away right now, partially because of her? F*CK. THIS. WOMAN!
So we cut to the scene from the very first issue, and we hear Betty and Jen talking while Fury and Logan are meeting in the next room. Jen says she thinks Logan is kinda cute. Jen tells her she "has an interesting taste in men".
Jen: "Yeah... Well at least my taste in men didn't get eight hundred people smashed."
Betty: "What the *$&% is that supposed to mean?"
Jen: "It means, Betty, that if you'd just kept it in your pants, Fury there wouldn't have to put a hit out on your ex-boyfriend."
...Jen Walters has officially become my favorite character in this entire series.
Anyway, we find out that Jen wants to secretly modify the Hulk serum and try to remove the "uncontrollable rage" part of it.
This next scene... I'm not sure if I can even summarize everything wrong with this scene. Tony Stark and Steve Rogers are playing ping-pong, and to keep up with Steve, Tony's using a hi-tech servo-arm invented by Forge. ...Except Forge is actually a prisoner who's been forced to make the arm and watch the game. I... is there even a number high enough to measure how many levels that's wrong on? I'm pretty sure this is slavery. To make matters worse, isn't Forge Native-American? I'm not an SJW, but this... this just defies all known levels of wrong. I knew the Ultimates were complete a-holes, but this...
Back to the story, Betty is (surprisingly) chewing out Steve and Tony for being so okay with how Fury's sending Wolverine to kill Banner. Steve doesn't mind because he's the Ultimate version and thus a heartless monster. Tony tells Betty that she doesn't understand what it's like to wield tremendous power, so she should leave it to people who do.
So we then cut to Jen's work with the Hulk serum, testing it on a literal guinea pig, and it Hulks out. (During which we get a shot of Jen's bra. Look, I like fanservice and all, but that was just pointless) And the formula works! The guinea pig is completely calm! So Jen comes up with a plan... to frame Jen for treason by convincing Fury she's selling the formula to the Chinese, while she goes to find Bruce with the serum. Yup, still a complete bitch.
By the time Fury has found out and alerted the pilots moving Jen, she's already injected the formula... into her ass, for some reason. And then... well, maybe y'all should just see for yourselves:
...Yeah.
Title of this review's probably starting to make sense now, huh? Though it's not like this hasn't been done before...
So She-Hulk jumps out of the plane and finds Hulk and Logan. And Hulk is, understandably, pissed off at her.
"Betty break Hulk's heart..."
"...NOW HULK BREAK BETTY!"
Could it be? Karma time at long last? Don't count on it.
While this issue at least keeps a coherent story, it really showcases what despicable people we're supposed to be rooting for.
