#1 Posted by spetsnaz_gru (235 posts) - - Show Bio

I just need some insight. It's a sorta woman problem. See there's this girl at work. Who is stunningly hot. And I've been infatuated by her for quite a few years now. But thing is she's already taken. By a man who looks almost like me! But he's bigger. Anyway, She became a close friend over the years but I've been pulling away from her (which is hard cause we're from the same department!) since she had a boyfriend and tried to see other girls instead. But then last weekend I saw his man come out of a brothel! With two chicks by his side!

I want to tell her about it so she could end it with that two-timing jerk but unfortunately, I don't want her to get hurt. See she has this VSD (aka hole in the heart) and I can't risk it if it would mean getting her health in trouble. I really don't know what to do. I need help.

#2 Posted by deadpoolrules (4683 posts) - - Show Bio

Tell her,its the right thing to do.

#3 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio

I know who theeeeey aaaaaaaare!!!!!

Does the girl have a "south london fc" kinda name and the guy has this "team-ish" kinda name and that he kinda looks like a baldie porky pig?

Nyahahahahahahahahahaha! Print screen and post to office bulletin board!

Nyahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

#4 Posted by spetsnaz_gru (235 posts) - - Show Bio

@deadpoolrules: I'll take that into account.

@ssejllenrad: I hate you so much. Welcome back, anyway.

#5 Posted by deadpoolrules (4683 posts) - - Show Bio

She will discover it on her own,so there's no way she'll be 100% safe.Maybe if you help and stay by her side...

#6 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio

@spetsnaz_gru: Say what? You hate me? I'm so hacking your pc when you leave. Nyahahahahahahaha!

Seriously man, tell her. If you don't, i will. Then i'll take all the credit and all these shoulder to cry on priveledges. Nyahaha! Motivation enough for you?

#7 Posted by slacker the hacker (7844 posts) - - Show Bio

@spetsnaz_gru: Tell her mate. I'm sure you could provide her with much more happiness and smiles then that guy. The longer you wait to tell her the more she will frown once she finds out herself. And a pretty girl should never frown. So tell her and then try and make her happy yourself.

#8 Posted by spetsnaz_gru (235 posts) - - Show Bio

@deadpoolrules: @slacker the hacker: thanks guys. I'll do that.

@ssejllenrad: you're a married man for pity's sake! But i guess you were just pushing me to tell her so thanks as well. :D

#9 Posted by InnerVenom123 (29510 posts) - - Show Bio

@spetsnaz_gru said:

But thing is she's already taken. By a man who looks almost like me! But he's bigger.

It's you from the future.

Just wait and you'll eventually become him and have her.

#10 Posted by spetsnaz_gru (235 posts) - - Show Bio

@InnerVenom123 said:

@spetsnaz_gru said:

But thing is she's already taken. By a man who looks almost like me! But he's bigger.

It's you from the future.

Just wait and you'll eventually become him and have her.

I'll become a douchey jerk?!?!?!?! Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

#11 Posted by Illuminatus (9510 posts) - - Show Bio

Do you have proof? 
 
If they're still together, it's completely feasible she'll just decide to dismiss your accusations as an attempt to pull her away from him and into your arms, so to speak. You need to have tenable, damning proof that you can use to fully corroborate your contention.

#12 Posted by spetsnaz_gru (235 posts) - - Show Bio

@Illuminatus said:

Do you have proof? If they're still together, it's completely feasible she'll just decide to dismiss your accusations as an attempt to pull her away from him and into your arms, so to speak. You need to have tenable, damning proof that you can use to fully corroborate your contention.

The brothel has a CCTV cam and the head of the security firm that handles that joint is a friend of mine. That and some other eyewitness account (you know who you are... JESS!). Proof has never been a problem.

#13 Posted by Illuminatus (9510 posts) - - Show Bio
@spetsnaz_gru said:

@Illuminatus said:

Do you have proof? If they're still together, it's completely feasible she'll just decide to dismiss your accusations as an attempt to pull her away from him and into your arms, so to speak. You need to have tenable, damning proof that you can use to fully corroborate your contention.

The brothel has a CCTV cam and the head of the security firm that handles that joint is a friend of mine. That and some other eyewitness account (you know who you are... JESS!). Proof has never been a problem.

Alright. 
 
First, you'll need to get your ducks in a row by compiling all of the evidence into something that is easily presentable to her. Start off with the security footage, and then move on to eyewitness account(s). 
 
Next, you'll have to just flat out say, "____, he cheated on you. I'm so sorry, _____. I've been compiling all of the evidence so that you wouldn't shun me when I brought it to you." 
 
Good luck.
#14 Posted by spetsnaz_gru (235 posts) - - Show Bio

@Illuminatus: Thanks, mate. Good advice.

#15 Posted by redbird3rdboywonder (4435 posts) - - Show Bio

@Illuminatus said:

@spetsnaz_gru said:

@Illuminatus said:

Do you have proof? If they're still together, it's completely feasible she'll just decide to dismiss your accusations as an attempt to pull her away from him and into your arms, so to speak. You need to have tenable, damning proof that you can use to fully corroborate your contention.

The brothel has a CCTV cam and the head of the security firm that handles that joint is a friend of mine. That and some other eyewitness account (you know who you are... JESS!). Proof has never been a problem.

Alright. First, you'll need to get your ducks in a row by compiling all of the evidence into something that is easily presentable to her. Start off with the security footage, and then move on to eyewitness account(s). Next, you'll have to just flat out say, "____, he cheated on you. I'm so sorry, _____. I've been compiling all of the evidence so that you wouldn't shun me when I brought it to you." Good luck.

You work for cheaters don't you? Are you joey Grecko in disguise

#16 Posted by Illuminatus (9510 posts) - - Show Bio
@redbird3rdboywonder: Im afraid I have no idea what you're talking about. I try to help people solve their problems pragmatically and present the best possible option to them, given what I know about a situation. 
#17 Posted by ARMIV2 (8801 posts) - - Show Bio

Break it to her gently. Seriously.

#18 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio

@spetsnaz_gru: Wait! Won't chelzea ask why you were at the brothel as well?

#19 Edited by FadeToBlackBolt (23334 posts) - - Show Bio
@spetsnaz_gru: Do not tell her. Get someone else who knows her to do it, otherwise, you'll just be the guy who ratted out her boyfriend. You will be friendzoned VERY quickly.  
 
That's how it turns out in my experience at least. (from observation, mind you)
#20 Posted by redbird3rdboywonder (4435 posts) - - Show Bio

@Illuminatus said:

@redbird3rdboywonder: Im afraid I have no idea what you're talking about. I try to help people solve their problems pragmatically and present the best possible option to them, given what I know about a situation.

It's a joke. There's this show called Cheater's since I assume you've never heard of it

#21 Posted by Imagine_Man15 (1801 posts) - - Show Bio

@ARMIV2 said:

Break it to her gently. Seriously.

Agreed. This is definitely important.

#22 Posted by spetsnaz_gru (235 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the insights and suggestions.

@ssejllenrad said:

@spetsnaz_gru: Wait! Won't chelzea ask why you were at the brothel as well?

YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I THAT WE WERE AT THE DINER ACROSS THE STREET WITH THE REST OF YOUR TEAM!!!!

Vouch for me... Pretty please?

#23 Posted by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm a little late here but I would strongly suggest you not be the person to tell her. Really don't tell her. Assuming she is in love with her partner, blaming the messenger could be a high possibility.

Either you tell a friend of hers or you somehow let her discover it on her own. It's important she does know -- for health reasons (and I say this not because it was a brothel, sexual infidelity is risky in itself) and because outside of your strong feelings for her, she is your friend and deserves to know.

If your only motivation to have her know the truth is because you want her to come running into your arms, then you need to do some real thinking about your motivation in wanting that. If it's because she is a great person who deserves to know, then great.

Also, if you look like her partner, I don't think it's going to work in your favour once her heart is shattered from his cheating on her. Just a little suggestion.

#24 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

Blackmail the guy, and get him to do whatever you want, including...

... Wait for it...

FREE PIZZA

No seriously, I wouldn't beat around the bush even if she might hate you for telling her. I'd straight up tell her, and then provide the evidence when/if she dismisses it.

Of course you should take her down as easy as possible, but "as easy as possible" is not going to be very easy, and you need to make sure she's out of the way of other things so she can't leave the room right away when you tell her, if she doesn't believe you.

Basically... Make sure she hears you out, and just tell her.

#25 Posted by satyrgod (2115 posts) - - Show Bio

Do you believe she really wants to know? Besides, not you're business, not your secret to reveal. Bide your time. When she wakes up and breaks up, be there. Timing is everything.

#26 Posted by Earth616 (174 posts) - - Show Bio

@satyrgod said:

Do you believe she really wants to know? Besides, not you're business, not your secret to reveal. Bide your time. When she wakes up and breaks up, be there. Timing is everything.

Ya you're probably right. If it becomes a big issue, then of course tell her. But in the mean time, just keep on being her friend, and just be ready to be there for her if anything does come up.