“You are still so young, you still believe and trust people… and you wish to be loved. It is, of course, a character flaw, but a tolerable one. Unfortunately there is no shortage of pathetically selfish people who will exploit that, especially boys. One might even consider you first heartbreak/betrayal/eternal imprisonment of the opposite sex to be a rite of passage. So congratulations, you’re on step closer to knowing what it is to be human.”
– Emma Frost
Is the need to feel love, or be loved, really a character flaw? Is it part of the human condition as claimed by Ms. Frost, and if so, can we overcome it? How about mutants or heroes and heroines? We can look to one of the Marvel Universe’s most elusive and guarded characters for guidance on this, since she has graciously opened the door to this discussion for us.
Emma Frost, The White Queen, is one mutant is one we all love to hate. Having been a super villain in the Hellfire Club, turned leader of the X-men, and more recently host to the Dark Phoenix bent on redesigning the world as it was known, Ms. Frost maintains herself as consistently one of the most powerful mutants and telepaths in the Marvel Universe. I mean really powerful too, she took down Thor in an embarrassing one-on-one match up in Avengers Vs. X-Men (much to my own disappointment), which is no small feat. Ms. Frost’s continued and growing appearances throughout the years has turned her into one character who we can all relate to, as much as we might not want to admit it.
Ms. Frost typically comes off as selfish, greedy, and is admittedly a self-proclaimed snob. In Grant Morrison’s New X-Men #117, Emma is asked by Dr. Jean Grey why she is so, well, unpleasant (not exactly Dr. Grey’s choice of words), to which Emma responds “Breeding, darling. Top class breeding.” Emma never denies her sense of self esteem (to put it nicely), and owns up to how she confidently portrays herself by going on the defensive, but we all know why Emma never liked Jean. One word: Jealousy. Despite her defensive and secluded nature, Ms. Frost has graced us from time to time with brief moments of honesty that give us a glimpse of what is behind that diamond hard exterior. In Astonishing X-Men #1, when asked by the Beast why Wolverine and Cyclops are fighting (again), Emma responds with, “ What do you think? Superpowers, the best body money can buy, a scintillating wit, and I still rate below a corpse.” Emma implies that although she believes herself to be “the whole package,” the man she has fallen in love with, Cyclops, still cares more deeply for his late wife the Dr. Jean Grey, than the woman who has finally taken a chance, let her guard down, and opened herself up to someone. That can hurt, a lot. Jealousy is natural a result of the pain that Cyclops had caused Emma, although not so natural for the woman who seems to have everything, and all under her control to boot. Emma tries to present herself as a confident, intelligent, capable woman who believes she is plotting her own course through life, and we all want to control our own destiny to some extent, and well, that would be nice.
We may act or believe that we are in control of our destiny or fate, but often times this is a false sense of security that acts as defense mechanism to the insecurity and pain caused by fear of the unknown. The future is home to many plaguing questions. Will everything work out for the best? Will my relationships last? Are the feelings of love we feel towards someone reciprocated to us? In Emma’s case, not much is unknown to her and her telepathic abilities, so it is the actual knowledge that her love for Scott Summers is not wholeheartedly reciprocated which pains her. Even though Emma is powerful enough to have full control over Scott's thoughts and emotions, that is a hollow victory in the face of the truth: that Scott's true love is, and likely will always be, Jean Grey. Emma occasionally reveals her vulnerabilities, insecurities, fears, and the pain she carries around with her. Her hardened exterior (and I mean that literally, the woman turns herself into impenetrable organic diamond on command), is not only a physical representation of her defensiveness against letting people hurt her, but also a metaphorical representation that she can, and will, harden herself to the point that no one else can get in to her head or her heart. If Emma refuses to let anyone in, she remains (or believes to remain) in control of her emotions, and also her own fate by avoiding the risks that are associated with falling in love. Sound familiar? How many heroes and heroines have built walls around themselves in order to protect themselves from being hurt? It’s something we see fairly often with many of Marvel’s characters, (Think Spider Woman, Ms. Marvel, Wolverine), but how many of us do that too? As I have heard somewhere before, the walls we build around ourselves do more than keep the bad out, they also keep out the good.
I believe Ms. Frost, more so than most other mutants and heroes or heroines, wholly captures the need to protect ourselves from pain, and further that when we can’t protect ourselves, we deny or hide our own anguish. In Dark Reign: The Cabal by Matt Fraction, Ms. Frost states this as a matter of physical safety and how she overcomes physical pain when facing danger: “That’s how I survived. Time and time again. That’s my secret. I survived because I willed it to be…How did I survive apocalyptic fire? I simply refused to feel the flames.” With this striking statement, Emma reveals her acknowledgment of the pain she should be feeling, but does not allow herself to feel pain or express emotion in order to protect herself. Although just because she does not feel the flames, it does not mean they don’t exist, or hurt.
Emma shows us that the tough exteriors and the confidence we try portray to others is often a mask for our own deep-seated fears and insecurities. The need to love may be a human character flaw as Emma has claimed, and while she exudes the power, confidence, and self-control many of us would like to feel, we have learned from her that there is little anyone can do to escape it, and even the most powerful of mutants is susceptible to it. Although we may, like Emma, try to pretend that we are as hard as diamonds and can willingly keep people and the pain they cause us out, it does not necessarily protect ourselves from being hurt, and it does not mean that those feelings don’t actually exist. Those feelings are very real, sometimes too real that it's easier to shut them out, and we just don’t allow ourselves to feel the burning flames of love and loss.
So thanks Emma, we truly appreciate your willingness to let us in this time.
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