Thor Rectonned: Volume 1#1

I'll post more parts on this thread(the entire story won't be in the OP).

Scene 1: ASGARD

Outside of the world you know, there exists the realm eternal: Asgard. Asgard is home to the gods. All of whom bow down to the All Father: Odin.

Located in the center of Asgard, is Odin's palace. A symbol of power and divine righteousness, with only those who are worthy gazing upon its halls of gold. Outside the steps of the palace, a strong wind takes hold! Suddenly, the fabric of the universe is ripped apart as a wormhole is created, as the sound of wind turns to the sound of lightning, a large figure appears, with a large hammer in his hand and a red cape: The Mighty Thor!

As Thor walks up the steps, his father, sits, awaiting a explanation for the sudden and unexpected appearance of his beloved son.

"Why are you here, son?" Odin says with a hint of regret in his voice.

"I have made a terrible decision, father." Thor says anxiously.

"What decision is that?" Odin says.

"I have merely visited Midgard, the time I have spent with humanity has taught me that I need to be more than just a visitor, I need to be a protector."

" PROTECTOR??! The humans are a primitive and barbaric species, that is why we Asgardians left them thousands of years ago! And yet you want to go back! Remember the Dark Ages? Napoleon? World War-"

"-I am not asking to be Midgard's protector, father, I am telling you that I am Midgard's protector. This is why I have chosen....to live amongst the humans." Thor's last statement struck despair in his father's heart, for Odin had hoped that his son would follow the same path as him.

" I see you have made up your mind, son. Now, I am not only your king, I am your father. As your king, I am telling you that you are arrogant, brutish, and impulsive. As your father, I'm telling you that you are free to make whatever choices you want, no matter my opinion is on the subject. Whatever your heart is telling you to do, do it."

"Thank you, father."

"BUT KNOW THIS, whatever happens to Midgard, I will take no part in. I will neither prevent its destruction nor help its people. All of humanity's problems, both foreign and domestic, are your responsibility."

And with that note, Thor nods to his father, glad that it didn't turn into a physical encounter or result in his banishment from Asgard. Thor leaves the kingdom, with much on his mind and the weight two worlds on his shoulders. He swings his hammer in a circle, opening a portal to a city in Midgard, a city which Thor plans to develop his secret identity in Los Angeles, California.

@xxxddd: I enjoyed reading this! You write clearly and with good description, the pictures are a helpful in imagining it too. I look forward to more.

@xxxddd: really good and this is just me i licked how you had thor say tis

@xxxddd: Awesome, man. There are some basic grammatical and formatting issues but it reads really clearly and i can't wait to read more!

@feebadger said:

@xxxddd: Awesome, man. There are some basic grammatical and formatting issues but it reads really clearly and i can't wait to read more!

1. What grammatical errors?

2. What formatting issues?

@xxxddd: 1. There are a few. "His blinks rapidly while looking out towards the glass window." That doesn't really make much sense.

"I have merely visitedMidgard, tis time spent with humanity has taught me..." This doesn't really make much sense either. 'Tis is actually and abbreviation of "it is" so it doesn't really work in the context of this sentence.

"emphasizing that he serious about what he presenting to his father." This needs revising. There are a few more, but you get the idea. It just needs a bit of polishing is all.

2. Grammatically, when somone speaks, it should always be on a new line;

"Why are you here, son?" Odin says with a hint of regret in his voice. His blinks rapidly while looking out towards the glass window, thinking about the future of his kingdom.

"I have made a terrible decision, father." Thor says anxiously. "

What decision is that?" Odin says.

Like i said, i like your story. Hope these comments are helpful and, again, i look forward to more.

@feebadger: @Selinaky:

Thanks, I'm continuing the story with this post:

" I am not asking to be Midgard's protector, I am telling you that I am Midgard's protector. This is why I have chosen....to live amongst the humans." Thor's last statement struck despair in his father's heart, for Odin had hoped that his son would follow the same path as him.

" I see you have made up your mind, son. Now, I am not only your king, I am your father. As your king, I am telling you that you are arrogant, brutish, and impulsive. As your father, I'm telling you that you are free to make whatever choices you want, no matter my opinion is on the subject. Whatever your heart is telling you to do, do it."

"Thank you, father."

"BUT KNOW THIS, whatever happens to Midgard, I will take no part in. I will neither prevent its destruction nor help its people. All of humanity's problems, both foreign and domestic, are your responsibility."

Narrator: And with that note, Thor nods to his father, glad that it didn't turn into a physical encounter or result in his banishment from Asgard. Thor leaves the kingdom, with much on his mind and the weight two worlds on his shoulders. He swings his hammer in a circle, opening a portal to a city in Midgard, a city which Thor plans to develop his secret identity in: Los Angeles, California.

@xxxddd: very good read mate. My only critisim is that i think Odin should have been more of a twat but other than that its cool.

@Z3RO180:

1. What is a twat?

2. Do you like the pictures?

@xxxddd:

1. a twat is a jerk

2. amd yea the pictures were awesome

@Z3RO180: Thanks for the input.

@xxxddd: np

@Z3RO180: I'll have my second story up by tomorrow.

@xxxddd: Ooh, LA, interesting! I enjoyed reading it, I am looking forward to the next part :-)

@Selinaky said:

@xxxddd: Ooh, LA, interesting! I enjoyed reading it, I am looking forward to the next part :-)

Thanks.:)

@xxxddd: cool

@The Poet said:

@xxxddd: cool

Thanks.

@feebadger: @Z3RO180: @The Poet: Go here.

Ah, now #2 makes much more sense. Very good.

@TheCannon: I updated #2, and even made a third one.

@z3ro180: @thecannon: @the_poet: @feebadger: @selinaky: I know this is a REALLY bad bump, but I just can't believe that I wrote something this good.

@xxxddd: B...but i already read it and commented? ;P