The fight against opression, a Magneto original story.

Avatar image for krypton-115
Krypton-115

545

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

The following story takes place in an alternate universe, where HYDRA won the Second World War and now, with the help of a HYDRA-version of Doctor Doom, rule the world with an iron fist. There is no hope, The Invaders failed, Captain America is dead, Howard Stark is a prisoner, never meeting his wife, thus preventing the birth of Iron Man. People are being experimented on with Gamma radiation, and mutants never existed.

But there is a revolution, a resistance. A lone hero fights for his place in a world gone to hell, and they call him, MAGNETO.

This story is told through the journal that Magneto kept during his fight for freedom against HYDRA and the Nazi oppressors.

I spent most of my life in camps. Not the kind of camps that have bonfires and songs accompanied by guitars. No, my camps were the kind where people would suffer, break and die.

My name is Erik Lensherr, and I’m Jewish by birth. It is because of my religion that I suffered, like so many others before me.

When I was only a boy, my father and mother where both killed by an overdose of Gamma radiation. I however, got an entirely different treatment.

The man who killed my parents, Ben Banner, the leader of the Gamma experimentations has since been murdered. It wasn’t in the flames of rebellion or the sparks of war in which he died, but because the rifle of his comrade suddenly “malfunctioned”.

This, of course, was my handy work.

See, my parents died, as the fascists put it, for “science”, but when HYDRA found me stealing food from their barracks a week later, they put me in an old, rotten electric chair. They weren’t going to kill me, only teach me that stealing was bad, even if my life depended on it.

But fate made the chair malfunction, killing all three HYDRA soldiers present, and left me with incredible powers.

Later I of course escaped the prison camp with my new gifts, and murdered the man who filled mass graves in the name of science.

This was 20 years ago.

It is now 1965, and with the help of HYDRA, the Nazi regime took over.

Using some sort of alien technology, HYDRA obliterated America, made all of Asia drop their guns and kneel, and is using Africa as their mining colony and weapon testing playground.

Since then I’ve been busy. With my gifts I’ve been fighting the oppressors. But I can’t do it alone. Rumors have reached my ears of resistance fighters, also with “gifts”, holed up in Africa and the rubble of what once was America.

I’ve also heard some noise about a new Captain America, a man named Clint Barnes.

Apparently this one wields a bow and arrow instead of a shield, like the previous one did, way back even before 1940.

3 months later

I’ve traveled to the desert wasteland where once New York City stood. I’ve found the resistance. Clint Barnes, the new Captain America, Pete Parks, a man with remarkable spider-like abilities, the illegitimate son of Ben Banner, Bruce, and the king of a nation that is now being used for weapon tests, T’Challa, the Black Panther of Wakanda.

Our first encounter was, to say the least, rough.

Captain America’s arrows where made of metal, a big advantage on my part. Parks brought me to the ground and Banner and the Panther speculated on the origin of my powers. No Bruce, I’m not an alien.

Meeting the estranged son of my greatest enemy was a difficult ordeal, but when heard what Ben did to him, I couldn’t feel anything but sorry for the guy.

He’d been tortured since birth, and everyday he’d have to go through his daily intake of Gamma radiation. Everyday a bit more until he snapped. Which finally happened, a couple of years before I killed the bastard. Bruce turned into a green monster and tore a HYDRA facility a new one.

Now, me and my new allies have been training for weeks, and feel confident we can take HYDRA down, one camp at a time, and who knows, maybe we’ll find more resistance fighters with gifts. I don’t know for sure, but what I do know, is that if we can’t still save this world, we’re going to avenge it.

How does this story end? Do Magneto and his allies save the world and defeat HYDRA? Or will the might of the Third Reich prove to be a little to much for our unlikely heroes? YOU DECIDE!

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

16830

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

@krypton-115: Not bad, don't mind a WW2-esque story.

Couple of things that you can do with as you wish.

1) If this is a diary, then you should almost be a bit more personal. You gloss over things (which isn't entirely bad) but since you make a point of saying this is told through Magneto's journal, implying that we are reading it after he's dead. Also you would'nt write 3 months later in a diary, you just pick up the action/next entry possibly saying "Sorry I haven't written.."

2) and left me with incredible powers. Okay I know Magneto and you know Magneto but since he's new and different you should really tell us what he can do, don't just assume. You don't have to tell us it in great detail just fill us in a bit.

3) Try putting some sentences together to form paragraphs.

4) I’ve found the resistance...was he looking for them? Again a bit of exposition could make this better. Also ties into Captain America's arrows and point two...

5) Write the next chapter please

6) Have you seen the Marvel Iron Age? Click the red, it may take your fancy

Avatar image for krypton-115
Krypton-115

545

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

@krypton-115: Not bad, don't mind a WW2-esque story.

Couple of things that you can do with as you wish.

1) If this is a diary, then you should almost be a bit more personal. You gloss over things (which isn't entirely bad) but since you make a point of saying this is told through Magneto's journal, implying that we are reading it after he's dead. Also you would'nt write 3 months later in a diary, you just pick up the action/next entry possibly saying "Sorry I haven't written.."

2) and left me with incredible powers. Okay I know Magneto and you know Magneto but since he's new and different you should really tell us what he can do, don't just assume. You don't have to tell us it in great detail just fill us in a bit.

3) Try putting some sentences together to form paragraphs.

4) I’ve found the resistance...was he looking for them? Again a bit of exposition could make this better. Also ties into Captain America's arrows and point two...

5) Write the next chapter please

6) Have you seen the Marvel Iron Age? Click the red, it may take your fancy

Thanks for the tips, I totally see where they are coming from!
This Iron Age project sounds amazing, and I really want to contribute in some way!

Avatar image for impurestcheese
ImpurestCheese

12542

Forum Posts

2824

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 14

@krypton-115: Iron Age is long dead, there isn't much activity within the group. In fact many groups are dormant or extinct at the moment - Here's one that isn't - Marvel Mayhem

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

16830

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

@impurestcheese: Just like the MMU the Iron Age isn't dead, just in a slight coma is all