PREVIOUSLY: VEILED VACATIONINGS - PENNY OFF A DEAD MAN'S EYE
AS THE CLOCK STRUCK THIRTEEN - Rated M
1.1
Limbo. Overhead view of a pitch black room, lit only by a spotlight on a large, circular conference table, with the Earth carved onto its surface. Thirteen figures sit around it.
HITLER: Mein friends, I realize the time has been brief since we last convened.
1.2
Hitler sits at the table, still in his full regalia, while his large black dog sits upright by his side.”
CAPTION: HITLER, A. - Prime Necroführer
HITLER: But I have only just learned of a matter of grave importance to we…
1.3
Along the table, a Kingpin-sized, black robed Qin Shi Huang stands up angrily. Next to him, Thutmose III, in a purple Pharoah’s headdress and insectoid armor, crosses his arms in equal frustration.
HITLER: THE THIRTEEN FIENDS!
CAPTION: SHI HUANG, Q. - Chief of State
QIN SHI HUANG: Bah! We all know you merely toy with use!
QIN SHI HUANG: I ask you once more, my fellow chancellors, by what right does our Führer claim leadership?
CAPTION: THUTMOSE (III) - Chief of Employment
THUTMOSE III: Here here! Do we truly follow a man too timid to face down his own--
1.4
Further along, Napoleon stands on his seat. He’s a midget, wearing his famous bicorne hat with a modern three piece suit, and his right hand has been replaced with a sword. To his right, Francisco Pizarro sits in solid gold armor, wrapped with traditional Peruvian clothing. To Napoleon’s left, Mahmud of Ganzi is wearing a leather chest harness, along with a turban and domino mask.
CAPTION: BONAPARTE, N. - Chief Armed Forces Advisor
NAPOLEON: You fools! It is only through Herr Adolf’s proactivity that we’ve come to regain what power we now have!
NAPOLEON: If anyone is in question, surely you torpid heritors are it!
CAPTION: PIZARRO, F. - Chief of Treasury
PIZARRO: I find myself concurring.
CAPTION: MAHMUD (Of Ganzi) - Chief of State
MAHMUD: As do I.
1.5
Genghis Khan, who has Hulk-like proportions under a giant nehru jacket, sits next to Attila the Hun, in a cape and a Bulleteer-style helmet. Both men are incredibly calm.
CAPTION: KHAN, G. - Chief of Party Affairs
KHAN: ORDER!
KHAN: THE ISSUE IS TABLED AS OF THIS INSTANT!
CAPTION: Attila (The Hun) - Chief of Internal Security
ATTILA: Pshaw. Such barbarians.
1.6
Alexander the Great, Charles the Great, Ahsoka the Great, Cyrus the Great, and Timur the Great all sit in matching spandex, with giant “>”s on their chests.
CAPTION: ALEXANDER (The Great) - Chief of Foreign Affairs
ALEXANDER: If you’ll all be calm, I’m quite curious as to what it is our führer has brought to the table.
CAPTION: CHARLES (The Great) - Chief of Housing
CAPTION: AHSOKA (The Great) - Chief of Public Relations
CAPTION: CYRUS (The Great) - Chief Attorney
CAPTION: TIMUR (The Great) - Chief of Additional Resources
Page 2.
2.1
Hitler begins to stand.
HITLER: As I was saying, I’ve only just learned of a grievous breach in our security.
2.2
Hitler gestures at the pitch black room behind him.
HITLER: It would seem there’s an assassin from the above within our ranks.
HITLER: An assassin bearing a striking resemblance to one…
2.3
Another spotlight comes on, directly above Fury. His hands are tied behind his back as he dangles upside down, his ankles tied to a rope from the ceiling. He’s shirtless (again) but someone had the good sense to give him some pants.
SFX: CHOOM
HITLER: NICHOLAS JOSEPH FURY!
Page 3.
3.1
Mahmud raises a monacle over his domino mask.
MAHMUD: Oh my.
MAHMUD: This seems like a bit of a gaffe, eh dear pharaoh?
3.2
Thutmose III stands up, pointing his finger across the table.
THUTMOSE III: SLANDER! I merely selected which agents to resurrect! ‘Twas in the tadpole’s hands to see it through!
3.3
Hitler smiles nervously.
HITLER: Mein friends! Please! What is important is our retailia--
NAPOLEON: DO NOT TEST ME, MON AMI!
3.4
Close up on Fury, with the biggest grin on his face.
HITLER: GENTLEMEN, SURELY THIS TAKES PRECEDENCE!
Page 4.
4.1
Earth. Fury Jr. stands in the aquabase, talking to a hologram of Director Johnson. Several S.H.I.E.L.D. agents scope the place in the background, while Strange (still in the bathrobe) approaches.
JOHNSON: The NYPD’s still holding onto the car and the body!
FURY JR.: Ma’am, I understand there were--
STRANGE: MS. HILL!
4.2
Fury Jr. turns to look at Strange. Johnson glares at him.
JOHNSON: I am not. Maria. Hill.
JOHNSON: I’m Director Daisy Johnson.
JOHNSON: We’ve had this conversation four times now.
STRANGE: Well, you’ll do too!
4.3
Strange puts his hand on the shoulder of the extraordinarily pissed Fury Jr.
STRANGE: I just wanted you to realize that whatever reservations you may have about this man’s actions, today he has far exceeded both his duties and your nepotism!
STRANGE: Why, thanks to his persistence, I believe I may have stumbled upon a mystery of nigh-universal implications!
4.4
Johnson continues glaring.
JOHNSON: Fine.
JOHNSON: But the opinion of a half-naked civilian aside, this is still more than enough cause for a dishon--
Page 5.
5.1
Strange & Fury Jr. looking at the hologram. Strange’s eyes are glowing.
JOHNSON: …disregarding procedure in light of this discovery.
5.2
Same shot. Fury Jr. turns in surprise to look at Strange, but Strange’s eyes have returned to normal.
JOHNSON: Fury, you’ve earned one more chance.
5.3
Same shot. Strange smiles while Fury Jr. facepalms.
JOHNSON: Doctor, it seems we might be out of our depth on this one. Would you mind staying on this case as a consultant?
FURY JR. (small text): Oh lord.
5.4
Fury Jr. walks away from Strange and the hologram.
STRANGE: Oh, I’d be delighted! Would you excuse me?
5.5
Strange follows Fury Jr.
STRANGE: Something the matter?
5.6
Fury Jr. continues walking, not making eye contact with Strange.
FURY JR.: No, I’m fine.
FURY JR.: Just not sure if this is where I want to be, is all.
Page 6.
6.1
Strange looks at Fury Jr. curiously.
STRANGE: Under the Hudson?
FURY JR.: Dealing with some brand new magic/super-science/alien bulls**t every week for the rest of my life!
FURY JR.: I went millitary ‘cause I didn’t know where to go in life. Same for when I joined S.H.I.E.L.D.
6.2
Strange stops as Fury Jr. continues towards an elevator.
FURY JR.: I never signed up for buddy cop bulls*** with goddamn Gandalf! I… I dunno.
FURY JR.: Maybe I should’ve looked into a desk job.
6.3
Same shot. Fury Jr. gets in the elevator.
6.4
Same shot. The elevator doors close.
STRANGE: I COULD MAKE HER GIVE YOU ONE OF THOSE INSTEAD!
Page 7.
7.1
Limbo. Genghis Khan walks out the door of the pitch black room.
KHAN: All things considered, I think that went rather smoothly.
7.2
Hitler and his dog stand next to the still-dangling Fury.
HITLER (small text): …Hm, yes.
FURY: Real class act ya got here, Adolf.
7.3
Hitler glares at Fury.
HITLER: Oh, some conflict is inevitable from this many great minds in close proximity.
HITLER: A necessary evil, towards my ultimate ends.
FURY: Yeah, was meainin’ to ask… It’s not exactly an Aryan lineup.
7.4
Hitler laughs.
HITLER: What?
HITLER: Oh, that’s hardly a priority these days, is it?
Page 8.
8.1
Hitler paces around Fury.
HITLER: No, no no no no no!
HITLER: Tell me, Nicholas. Have you ever heard of a Soviet mathematician by the name of Tsiolkovsky?
FURY: Never penned you for much of a fan of the ruskies.
FURY: Or math.
FURY: Hell, they both came back to bite ya.
8.2
Hitler pets his dog.
HITLER: Yes, well, communist leanings aside, the man was quite the visionary. Pity his death didn’t bring him down here, I would so love a chat.
HITLER (small text): Good girl!
HITLER: Particularly, on his beliefs that humanity would one day unite in their combined desire to conquer the stars!
8.3
Hitler looks back to Fury.
HITLER: Does it not sound even more plausible now? I believe you too have heard about these… Skrulls, was it?
HITLER: Surely, nothing they could achieve is beyond us?
8.4
Fury’s face, still smiling.
FURY: Here we go.
HITLER: By resurrecting my agents into the proper places at the proper times, I can assassinate any world leader! Sway any election! Infiltrate any government!
HITLER: Why, I already have an agent within your president’s line of succession.
8.5
Hitler has his back turned to Fury. His dog is nowhere to be seen.
HITLER: Of course, one cannot move a soul without paying the afterlife back. And with interest.
HITLER: Building enough credit with these forces to control the world… Let alone, the universe… It will take some time.
Page 9.
9.1
Hitler turns to face Fury.
HITLER: But I have all the time in the world, here!
9.2
Hitler unsheathes his sword.
9.3
Front view of Hitler swinging the sword at Fury.
HITLER: DO THE FORCES OF GOD TRULY THINK YOU’RE ENOUGH TO STOP ME?!
Page 10.
10.1
Fury hits the floor hard, the rope around his ankles precisely cut. His arms are still tied behind his back.
SFX: THUD
FURY: AGGHH
10.2
Hitler walks towards the still open door, while Fury pulls his wrists around under his legs.
HITLER: Of course, that trinket wouldn’t do much permanent damage to you here.
HITLER: Thankfully, I took the time to domesticate some of the local wildlife.
10.3
Fury stands in the spotlight, his wrists now in front, though still tied.
HITLER: They’ve been called by many names. Baghests, Cerberuses, Hellhounds.
HITLER: They’re said to have no stomachs. Just infinite mouths within mouths.
HITLER: You don’t have to die, to be chewed for eternity.
10.4
Hitler stands silhouetted in the doorway.
HITLER: When you entered my day, you were inside my bitch.
HITLER: Seems only fitting you should leave it inside another.
10.5
All black.
SFX: CHOOM.
Page 11.
11.1
Fury looks around, surrounded by blackness.
SFX: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
11.2
Fury continues looking, crouched slightly.
SFX: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
11.3
Fury continues looking. The hellhound’s growling jaw is visible behind him.
SFX: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
11.4
The hound’s mouth lunges at Fury, open impossibly wide, with several smaller dog jaws growing out the sides of it. Fury lunges out of the way, but it scratches his ribs.
SFX: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAF
FURY: AAAG
11.5
Fury lies on his back watching the mouth approach him.
SFX: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAF
Page 12.
12.1
Fury grabs the hound with both hands directly under the throat, while its mouth snaps in face. The hound’s outline is somewhat more visible now. It’s paws are scratching up Fury’s chest.
SFX: RRRRRRAAAAAAFFFFRRRRRRAAAAAAFFFFRRRRRRAAAAAAFFFF
12.2
Fury slams the hound in the chest with both his knees, flipping it in the air.
SFX: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAF
12.3
The hound is now flipped on it’s back, with it’s head resting upside down on Fury’s chest. Fury’s tied wrists are on top of the hound’s throat, his arms wrapped around it.
SFX: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAFRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAF
12.4
Fury’s face. He’s grating his teeth.
SFX: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
12.5
Fury’s wrists on the hound’s throat.
SFX: crick
12.6
Fury lying on the floor. The hound on top of him is completely limp.
FURY: -pant-pant-pant-
Page 13.
13.1
A demon in a janitor’s uniform stands in a hallway, looking into the open door to the pitch black room.
CAPTION: Twelve minutes later.
DEMON JANITOR: Hello?
13.2
Fury rams the janitor with his shoulder, slamming him into a wall.
FURY: GNH
SFX: THUNK
13.3
Fury turns a corner in the hallway. There’s a men’s room visible further down the hall he’s turning onto.
13.4
Same shot. Cyrus the Great and Napoleon are coming up the hall. Fury doubles back, taking cover behind the corner.
NAPOLEON: Black and Blue’s where it went to s***!
13.5
Same shot. The two dictators walk into the men’s room, Napoleon pontificating with his sword-hand. They haven’t noticed Fury.
CYRUS: I dunno, Fool to Cry came out alright.
NAPOLEON: Ohhhh, “Fool to Cry” he says!
13.6
Close up on Fury’s confused face.
NAPOLEON: I swear on high, when Ronnie Wood gets down here…
Page 14.
14.1
Hitler stands in a room full of assorted henchmen and flashing lights and maps on screens. Something like the control room from The Prisoner.
HITLER (small text): Come onnnn…
HITLER (small text): Do you have to cut it this close?
14.2
Hitler turns, wide eyed.
FURY: Hey fritz!
14.3
Fury stands in the doorway. His wrists are untied, but he’s covered in noticeably more blood than on the last page. He’s also holding Napoleon’s sword-hand.
FURY: The dog left you a present!
Page 15.
15.1
Hitler stumbles back slightly.
HITLER: Y-you? YOU!?
15.2
Fury runs at Hitler, sword swinging.
FURY: Y’know, when I took this job--
15.3
Hitler parries with his own sword.
SFX: CLANK
15.4
Fury ducks under a retaliatory swing from Hitler.
FURY: When I took it, I was afraid!
Page 16.
16.1
Fury slashes Hitler’s armor, only scratching it.
FURY: TERRIFIED!
16.2
Fury dodges another slash from Hitler.
16.3
Fury and Hitler’s swords lock against each other.
FURY: Not of the death!
16.4
Fury shoves hitler back.
FURY: Of doing the SAME cloak and dagger bulls*** for the rest of damn eternity!
16.5
Hitler, terrified, looking to his henchmen. They’re all backing away.
FURY: Then you showed up!
Page 17.
17.1
Fury slashes at Hitler from overhead. Hitler parries.
FURY: The guy who got me pissed enough to serve!
17.2
Fury knocks Hitler’s sword out of his hand.
SFX: CLANK
17.3
Fury puts his sword to Hitler’s throat.
FURY: Now, I’ve put up with a lot since then. But you…
FURY: Nice thing ‘bout you, is…
17.4
Fury’s face, smiling.
FURY: You were never subtle.
Page 18.
18.1
Hitler puts his hands up.
HITLER: B-b-but I…
18.2
Hitler gestures towards all the computers.
HITLER: You must understand, this was never me!
HITLER: This wasn’t my plan! I only--
18.3
Fury smirks.
FURY: What, you were following orders?
18.4
Same shot.
Page 19.
19.1
Fury’s sword hits the ground.
SFK: CLANK
19.2
Fury starts to fall over. There’s a gunshot wound in his back.
19.3
Fury’s face as he hits the ground. Dead.
SFX: THUD
19.4
Same shot. Fury’s body turns to dust, leaving the eyepatch on top.
19.5
Hitler’s face, still terrified.
???: Well?
Page 20.
20.1
Full page spread of Eva Braun standing in business attire. She’s pointing Fury’s silenced, still smoking gun at Hitler.
EVA: Aren’t you going to answer him?
NEXT TIME: HELL HATH NO FÜHRY
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