Red X Oscura Ch03

Ch03

This fiction will be rated FR21 just incase. We've got ripped open chests(Yeah Mutilation!), potty mouths and sexual content so readers discretion is advised.

Many of the characters seen are HumanX adaptations of characters from the various DC Comics animated series. HumanX holds no rights to characters such as Red X and Johnny Rancid h(e only tweaked them for this story).

Let's get to the story already.

It's a common anime scenario. The hero of the story is sleeping peacefully and slowly wakes up from his slumber to see a beautiful girl standing by his bed, about to wake him up. I've seen it a lot of times on TV but waking up to it is a different story. Especially when the girl is a blonde underage rich brat who really shouldn't know where I live since I didn't tell her my secret identity.

"Holy Christmas!" I hit my head off of the wall when I see Charlotte standing over me.

"You don't have to be so rude." She sighs. "A little hottie like me comes to pay you a visit in this dirty little apartment and all you can do is scream like a little girl. Looks like I have a lot of work to do."

"What are you doing here…Lady I do not know?"

"Give it up." She tells me with her confident smile. "I know you're Red X, mr.Arkham. And I've known it for a while. What really gave it away was that thing you said about "knowing insane" last night. It's not hard to figure out how many geniuses took psychiatry around the time Red X started to appear in town. Then there was the fact that you fall off the grid before that. Being rich I can donate quite a bit of money in exchange for information. Anyway, get up. I made you breakfast."

I've learnt how to stay aware in my sleep but last night I was poisoned by the blade on that Ghoul guys scythe and ended up more tired then usual. What happened to all of my booby traps? I learn the answer to that when I walk into my living room/kitchen and see the pile of wires and darts on the floor.

"The darts where a nice touch." Charlotte tells me when I sit down to eat and she drops a plate of what I'm sure was supposed to be eggs and waffles. There might have been bacon in it too. "Silent and tipped with a sleeping agent designed to keep a target down for about thirty four hours. I knew you where a pro."

"What is this?" I ask her as I try to get some of the charcoal onto my fork.

"That is breakfast a la Charlotte. Bon appetite."

"I can't eat this." I tell her as I stare at the concoction. I swear she burnt the orange juice. How do you do that? "I'll die."

"Look. A cute high school girl cooked you breakfast. Feel gratitude."

"I'm going to feel sick. Maybe if you show me the cute high school girl who made it"

"Me of course, you jacka$$!"

"I thought you said cute."

"I've spent the last two years looking for you and I spent all of last night hunting you down and learning to cook those eggs. Eat or die."

A few moments later I am spread out on my couch with a terrible ache in my stomach. "I'm dying!"

"Anyone would be dying with happiness after trying food cooked by my beautiful hands."

"Actually, I think it's the indigestion."

"Food wasn't why I came over here anyway. I wanted to bring you to see what I've got for Red X."

"And why should I honour our agreement?"

"I tried to be nice." She sighs and walks over to my window, opening it and turning back to me. "I guess I have to tell the world that you're Red X. And you can't kill me here since you don't know if I've told anyone or recorded it somewhere. Maybe I have a letter written somewhere that says something like "I learnt that Alex Arkham was Red X and he threatened to kill me if I didn't entertain his sick fanatics. I'm afraid for my life but he says he'll kill me if I don't do what he says"."

"Where are we going?" I pull my aching body off of the couch.

"To our secret lair."

Dadadadadadada! Meanwhile in the "secret lair". Charlotte took me to this apartment overlooking the city.

"My daddy built this place before he passed away. He said it was a testament to man reaching for the sky against impossible odds, or something like that. This whole building is part of my inheritance. I've had it modified with state of the art security equipment which is fully automated but I can give you the run down. You can see the whole city from the window and we're right by the train station. Since the building is located near the middle of the city it is a great place for a watch tower." She brings me over to a wall. "But even though it looks like an expensive luxury hotel room. It has tones of hidden rooms and stuff in the walls." She presses her hand against the wall and it drops down to reveal a secret room full of weapons. "Now, I heard you liked to use shuriken, like Batman's boomerangs so I had a lot of those made up with different abilities. This one over here explodes and this one is a gas bomb. When you hit the switch this one is set to become electrified after ten seconds. These grappling hooks are set with a special surface structure that uses electrical charge to stick to any surface. We've been working on a way to make you invisible too but that will have to wait a while."

"How are you keeping this hidden?" I ask her.

"My parents where big supporters of Wayne Enterprises and believe it or not, a lot of the parts needed for the equipment where ordered at a time from that company. We just asked the providers to double their shipments of what we needed and send it to us. My parents did some weapons testing for safe arms. They had this goo that would go from a solid to an adhesive and was supposed to trap an enemy but they could never get it to work. My dad said that if we made bullets out of it then we could eliminate the need for police to use lethal weaponry. Because of that he would also buy a lot of weapons like tanks and guns so he could one up them and make his non lethal stuff more efficient than them."

"He sounds like he was a good person. I'm sorry for your loos."

"He and my mom died about two years ago, so I'm over it. Right now I need to focus on my first and only issue. You need to try some of this stuff on and get fitted for a new suit."

"I like my suit."

"I'm sure you do. But if you're working with me you do it in style. And no hood. It's too easy to grab."

"But I look like death."

"You look like a tacky biker fetish villain."

"A tacky biker fetish villain with kick a$$ style."

"But what you need is body armour. I have a light weight armour that will not add weight or bulk to you but it can stop bullets flat from at least three feet away."

"So two feet is the limit for letting them get close? Wheres the fun in that?"

"If you're not going to take some precautions then there's no point in going out and kicking a$$ in the first place. The toys you use and the suit you wear in part of the fun."

"Look." I sigh and get to the point I've been wanting to get to for a while. "Why the hell do you even care? Why are you doing all of this? A seventeen year old girl has no reason to help me out with my life or death games. Especially not one who has all of this to live for."

"Maybe I'm just bored. With all this money I can do just about anything I want so it's hard to find something challenging."

"Bulls#!+. There's something else. I wont dig into your past but if you're just using me for some revenge against the scum of the Earth plan you've been thinking up because of some scar in your past then count me out. Go ahead and tell the world Alex Arkham is Red X. I can find another secret identity and another name." I pick up one of the special shuriken and spin it in between my fingers. "You seem perfectly healthy and your life looks like somebody's fairy tail. What's your angle in this?"

She swallows before turning to me and looking at me in the eyes. "I agree with you." She says.

"What?"

"I agree with you. You have your own rules and live by them. You protect people who need it and punish those who deserve it because you think it's fun and you're not hurting people who are innocent. It's the perfect outlet and the perfect thrill." She walks up and touches the zipper of my jacket. "Thrill me. Let's see what you can do to stop my boredom."

I sigh and take her hand off of my jacket, surprising her. "Liar." I walk further into her hall of weapons. "If you don't want to tell me then don't. Just don't pretend to be some slutty teenager looking for a free bone jumping from some dangerous guy."

She smiles up at me with a far more genuine smile than she's shown me before. It's actually kind of cute.

"Alright, Arkham. Then from the girl who isn't pretending, I want you to try a new suit design. I've based it on some of the Batman and Robin suits at first but then I thought I could use Nightwing and that sort of took over. You're using this design but with some modifications to look like your old one. But no hood."

"Can I keep the cape?"

"You can keep the cape."

"Score."

The whole conversation with Charlotte took a bit out of me. It must've been that food she gave me. Either way I'm hungry. It took me a long time to find a store in Oscura that serves ramen noodles but now I will finally get the chance to try it out. It's this tiny little place on the way to my work.

I order and wait for my bowl of steamy deliciousness. Three long months of searching will now be culminated in this one single act of glutinous awesome. The bowl is set down in front of me and I clap my hands together.

"Itadakemasu." I reach out for the bowl but out of nowhere comes the hands of a person ready for death. My eyes dodge over to the insolent fools face. "Who the fu-You are tall."

I stand face to somewhere around the mid-chest with some crazy jacked looking guy with long black hair that flies back in all direction. A drop of broth dribbles down his unshaven chin as he devours my meal before my eyes. His skin is pale, nearly white. He sets the bowl down after finishing it up and wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket and leans back in the chair beside me, letting loose a belch. His emerald green eyes turn to me and he pats me on the back, hard.

"Thanks for the meal, bra."

"Your welcome." I say with a smile. "You treat me next time. Oh, and also."

I move fast. My leg comes up from under the table and comes so close to his face but a massive pressure comes down on me as his hand grips my ankle.

"What's your problem?" he asks me.

"If you'd like to apologize for eating my food I'll gladly tell you."

"Hey. It was just sittin' there. I don't let food go to waste."

"I was gonna eat it."

"Law of the jungle."

"There's another law of the jungle you should know about." I pull back for a punch and we will now skip scene to outside the restaurant.

And I go flying through the window. I get up to my feet and crack my neck. "This may not be my greatest moment."

The a$$hole walks out and cracks his knuckles. "It would be rude if we fought inside."

I let him come after me first. He rushes me and I hop over his head, spinning on the ground and knocking him off his balance. I take the chance to jump up and kick him in the stomach.

"That was dirty." He tells him.

"I know."

He grabs my leg and tosses e into the wall behind him. D@^^9 he's strong. I barely have time to move before he punches at me. I swear he bent the wall for a moment. I hop up behind him and spin kick the back of his big dumb mellon. He turn around but I don't give him the time. I punch his gut moving up to an adams apple strike and then another spin kick to the head, knocking him right down again.

"Guess I gotta play dirty too." He says as he clicks a button on his belt…wait, that can't be good.

A freaking bike comes around the corner and drives full speed straight at me. I hop over it in time.

"Dude. It's a freaking ghost bike." I say as it pulls up to the ramen jerk.

"Actually it's my bike." He says as he gets to his feet. He looks like he's about to do something but his cellphone rings out some punk rock song and he puts it to his ear. When he's done he puts it away and gets on his bike. "We gotta finish this some other time." He says before driving off.

"Don't run away! You a$$!" I call after him. "Get back here and pay for my ramen!"

The manager of the store comes running out. "What have you done!? Look at my store!"

"Oh, yeah." I pull a wallet out of my pocket. I totally jacked it off that jerk while we where fighting. I love being me. "That guy who just left is a good friend of mine. He said he'd pay for it it." I toss him the wallet and walk off without my precious ramen…This is not turning out to be a good day.

"So, you stole his wallet and gave the money in his bank card to the restaurant?" Charlotte asks me as she sucks on a popsicle.

"That's how it went." I bit the end off of mine.

"And you thought that since it's been such a bad day you'd come running to me for comfort. That's so sweet. You're like a little puppy." She teases.

"Actually, I just ended up running into you and I spent my last spendable cent on that ramen. I needed some comfort food."

"Didn't you tell me earlier that you have some big money supply?"

"Yeah, but if I hock that stuff all at once I'll get caught by the police. I really don't want to leave some big paper trail. Secret identities are hard work."

"I could lend you some cash."

"In exchange for what?"

"Originally I thought you would be living in that apartment, but you turned that down flat. My school is having a dance I wasn't planning on going to. If I show up with an older guy I'll definitely gain some popularity."

"Except that high school kids make me want to puke. I graduated when I was fifteen just to get away from them."

"I guess not. You don't seem like you'd be fun at a party anyway. So, how about moving in?"

"There is no way in hell I'll…"

Have you ever seen an apartment go up in flames? No? Neither have I. But I have seen the aftermath. My house was gone. Dead gone. and with it goes my independence from this brat.

"So, how about that apartment offer?"

It's amazing how in the same day I get woken up by little miss pubescent and attacked by some psycho punk rocker at my favourite restaurant some jacka$$ with a thing for setting peoples homes on fire decides to set his sights on my apartment. Luckily I keep all of my more secret items locked away in a very secure little safe. My suit and a lot of my cash is absolutely safe. The issue in front of me now is…

"So, where do I sleep?" I ask Charlotte, who has this big grin on as she helps me move what few possessions I have into the new apartment.

"You can have any room you want except the one to the left, closes to the window. That one's mine."

This girl has something wrong in her head. "You're sleeping here?"

"Don't get the wrong idea." She tells me. "It's just incase I end up working a few late nights. This is close to my school and it would be easier to help you out if I had constant access to you. I'm not expecting anything physical."

"And you think with an arrangement like this that would still be your choice? Nice logic easy target."

"Oh, where you thinking of doing something to me? The locks in this house are all state of the art and you have no clearance access to my room. So you can keep your fantasies in your own pants."

"My fantasies tend to involve girls with much better bodies than yours. especially in the chest."

"I'll have you know I'm an E cup."

"I'll have you know, I don't care."

"You should be a little nicer to the woman who's putting you up. Oh, yeah. Your new suit is finished."

"Let's see it."

I have to admit that the pubescent pipsqueak knows her stuff. I can barely feel the costume on me. There is almost no extra weight added onto it. The new helmet design for my head is awesome. The skull isn't a halloween mask anymore but a design crafter right into the helmet and she even had the X on my chest engraved into the armour. I can make it glow too. I can't wait to take it apart and rewire it. The cape is made of an almost unbreakable fabric steel fusion which can withstand bullets. The night vision and inferred make running across the city's rooftops a lot like a video game. There's only one thing I'm not happy about.

"How's it handling?" That thing would be the intercom inside the helmet. I really don't like having that chick in my head.

I do a flip off of a beam for a building half way through construction. "I don't really need some of the systems in the helmet. The positioning systems is kind of unneeded since I don't have bad aim. and why is it telling me my temperature?"

"How about a little gratitude? Hey. I've got someone fallowing you on the scanner."

"I noticed them several buildings ago. Two of them from the shadows and a third one coming in faster, from the sky."

"How did you notice them first? I had your suit made to let off an ultrasonic wave that could be read through the computer back here like sonar."

"You made it so I could see like a bat."

"Yeah."

"Too bad. I can already see better than a bat." I jump over the alleyway between the next two buildings and toss a few shuriken back as a little present. They land near their targets but the two I aimed at notice that the shuriken are not normal and jump away before the explosion. By the time they come after me I've already made it down to the bottom of the alleyway and started running through the hobo infested streets. Too many stinking bums in this city.

I don't know where the third one went but I'm getting too much attention on the ground so I make use of those electro-whazits on the souls of my feet and run up the side of the building.

"Do you think these people fallowing you are from the Depraved?" Charlotte asks me.

"Dunno. But if they are assassins they suck a$$. Maybe I should give them a break and hold up a flag to let them know where I am." Just as I say it the wall under my feet begins to give way. I notice the sudden change and jump off before anything happens.

Debris flies everywhere as a massive tricked out motorbike breaks through the wall. The gas guzzling monstrosity roars its engine as its rider twists the handle.

"Well, well." The rider looks down at me with piercing green eyes and a wide smirk. "I was just looking for you."

He pulls a gun and fires at me but I dodge out of the way with a series of dynamic flips and summersaults. I have to use the special cape to block the next one and swat away the bullets in one swipe. Next I pull out my twin pistols and fire on the enemy. He turns his bike up and it acts as a shield. The bike turns the exhaust pipes towards me and fire comes streaming out of it. I retaliate by shielding with my cape then tossing some shuriken out from under it. The shuriken explode into a cold mist which freezes over the exhaust pipes.

"Nice one grease rag." I make smug remarks at the guy I just now recognized. "You should always remember to winterize your vehicles."

He gets to his feet in time to block a kick with his arm. He grabs me by the chest and tosses me over his shoulder, grabbing his gun and firing at me, but I grapple the closest building and swing off before he can get me.

"Who the hell was that?" Charlotte asks me.

"I dunno. Some food thief." I tell her. "I ran into him a little earlier today, before my house burned down. Real strong. Could be a Xenotope user but I doubt it. He shows no signs of deterioration and aside from a little problem with manors he doesn't show any mental signs either."

"Is he a metahuman?"

"Could be. Maybe an alien. I remember someone who looked a little like him fighting Superman at one point."

I look back and see that biker boy is fallowing me on his stupid flying cycle.

"Sometimes you just can't get rid of a bad date." I swing in between two buildings which he blows through with his hog. "Now, that's just inconsiderate. Do these people come by your place of business and fly through it on their flying motorcycles?"

I notice that the headlights on the motorcycle have moves out of place and two rockets replace them.

"That is not fair…" I flip up before the missiles fire and start running like a mother F^(*er across the rooftops. "Some days you just can't get rid of a heat seeking missile…Heat seeking. Duh."

I hit the dirt and lower my breathing to almost non existent and have Charlotte cause the suit to power down everything. Then I toss an exploding shuriken back at my unwanted guest which attracts the heat seekers and makes them explode around him.

"If you can't stand the heat" I point up at the explosion. "Something something I'll kick your a$$ with missiles."

"Nice one!" Charlotte chimes in my ear. "That was awesome!"

"He's not dead yet." I tell her as I watch the smoke clear. A loud laugh rings over the rooftops as my enemies silhouette gains form and he decent from the smoke.

"Aw, man that was awesome." He laughs as he gets off his bike. "Looks like my baby's out of business too." He pats the bike and smiles over to me. "You are one crazy son of a b!+(#. If that didn't work you'd be blow half way to Star City. That was like, Sousuke Sagara bada$$. I'd like to see what you could do in an Arm Slave."

"Twas nothing. Merely genius." This guy may not be so bad.

"Too bad I havfta kill ya." He takes out his gun and points it point black at my head.

"Guess so." I sigh and out my hands in the pockets of my suit. I love that my suit has pockets in the pants. "So, what are they paying ya to take me out?"

"About thirty mil." He gives me a peace sign as he thinks about the cashola he'll be rolling in. "Pretty sweet deal for taking out a cape no ones heard of. But now it seems I've been ripped off."

"Yeah. Too bad about that. If you let me go you might have some time to renegotiate your money issue."

"Nice try skull man but I aint as dumb as I look."

"Can't blame a guy for trying." I toss my body backwards and drop off of the building before he can fire. That was close. From that range he would've gotten me.

"Huh." I look up and see that crazy b@&+@%d falling down the side of the building after me.

"You got a plan to survive this?" I ask him.

"Not really." He calls down. "Just figured I'd do whatever you do."

"Got a grapple?"

"No."

I use my grapple to swing out of the fall. He punches his fist through the wall and almost dislocates his shoulder. He whistles and his bike flies down to get him.

"You done charging?" He asks it as he hops on.

"You have got to be kidding." I feel a sudden bad feeling when I reach the end of my swing and let go just in time to avoid being cut in half by a massive bladed finger. I begin to fall but sense another danger and avoid a second pair of claws. Avoiding these two assassins keeps me distracted long enough for stupidly overpowered bike man to ram into me. He takes us through the wall and into the building.

He gets off his totalled bike. "Maria." He rubs its seat and takes his gun out. "I will totally have you back to normal once I finish this job."

"That was so not my fault." I say as I back up from him.

"Yeah. But without my check I'm pretty much broke and you are my only meal ticket. Some douche bag stole my wallet."

"S#!+. I'm an idiot" I'm out of bullets in these worthless new guns. I'm down to ninja equipment.

I knock the gun out of his hand with a shuriken and use the time it gives me to leap at him but he swats me aside and goes for his gun again. I explode the ground bellow us with an exploding shuriken and we fall away from his weapon.

We fight through a few floors. Sometimes I get thrown through a wall and others he gets a bomb to the belly. Either way we fall far from where we used to be. We're both enjoying this throughly.

"You should really get out of there." Charlotte tells me.

"Shut up." I snap back.

"If you don't leave he could kill you. You're wearing obscene amount of my company's technology and if that ends up in his hands."

"You'll regret every decision you've made these past years. If you want to work with me it's on my terms. And I'm having fun, so stay out of it." I jump up and get back to fighting while I can hear Charlotte punching the wall through the speaker in my helmet. I toss a few more exploding shuriken his way but the guy just keeps on coming at me. He an't get a hold of me though, since I'm so much more acrobatic than him. The issue comes when I suddenly realize where we are after a stray exploding shuriken hits a barrel and the result blasts me into the wall.

We just had to be fighting inside of some dumb chemical filled warehouse. A least if I'm lucky this guy will breath in something toxic. My head is pounding and my vision is blurred. The stupid visuals in the helmet are blinking on and off. Figures that the only thing still working is the d@^^9 intercom. Charlotte should really learn when to shut up. The enemy comes up and picks me up by where the cape meets my neck and slams me into the wall behind me. I activate a new toy and my suit becomes electrified, making him let go and giving me a clear shot for a kick to the face. I guess I can't afford to use anymore bombs. Luckily my visuals are coming back online, just in time to see the enemy running at me with a crowbar. He smacks me so hard my helmet comes flying off my head.

"No way." He smiles a wide, toothy grin. "The ninja boy from the restaurant? You gotta be kidding. I knew there was something messed up about you."

"Guess you know my secret." I smirk. "I can't let you live anymore."

"Guess not." He runs at me with the crowbar and I duck under his first swing and dodge to the left as he brings his next attack down from above. I backflip away from him and get my helmet back. I slip the health hazard back on my head and thank crapping goodness that the visuals are still online. Since I can't risk anymore explosions I have to try close range weapons. The X's on the tops of my hands extend into blades and begin rotating like buzz saws.

This bugger is just as fast as he is strong. He may only be human but hell is her resilient. I cut his crowbar in half with my saws and go for the throat but he leans back in time and grabs me by the leg when I try to go over his head. He swings me into the wall. Lucky for me I have this armour. He tosses me to the ground and is about to try to finish me.

"Bye bye." I wave as I press a button on my wrist. The little rocket pack I planted on his back starts up and flies him backwards, out the hole in the roof.

I was able to use the rocket pack to escape to the rooftops again but am met with two asian dudes in red wetsuits. Both of them have these ridiculously large blades extending like claws from their fingers.

"The Kabuki Twins." I sigh. "The Depraved is really underestimating me if they sent low level assassins like you after me."

"We will see."

"Once we have your head."

Oh, great. They finish each others sentences. That wont get old.

The two of them rush me with a flurry of swipes and slashes. I avoid each attack with fluid movement.

"You almost had me that time. Oh, so close. Who trained you? You couldn't hit the broad side of your moms a$$." I taunt them as they try to hit me.

"This man is"

"Infuriating."

"But at least"

"We have backup."

Don't tell me. Suddenly biker maniac jumps up from the side of the building and comes running at me. I dodge between the strike of my three assailants. I'm backed int a corner but I avoid the blades of one of the Kabuki's and kick him away, defending myself from the big guy by spin kicking his face, but I miss the second Kabuki and he gets a lucky strike on my back. I fall to the ground but the Kabuki stops on my helmet.

"Let's tie"

"him up."

The two Kabuki's use chains provided by the big guy to fasten me up and kick me against the entrance of the rooftop.

"Now you will feel incredible pain"

"As we carve your body into a million pieces."

"You know I love it when you talk dirty." I tell them. "The chains are a good touch. Kinky." That one gets me a kick to the helmet, putting my head through the wooden door behind me.

"Enough of this foolishness."

"Now we kill you."

"Can'tcha at least tell me who sent you?" I ask them. "What's your bosses name?"

"Why should we tell"

"A dead man?"

"Come on. Just tell me. I just want to know the name of the guy who hired you to kill me."

"Crispin Curser was the one"

"Who hired us to kill you." They raise their claws.

"One more question." I tell them. "Then I promise to let this play out. How much do you make again?"

"Our pay"

"Is none of your business."

"Not you." I tell them as I gesture towards tall dark and punk rocky. "I mean this guy."

"Thirty million."

"Thirty million dollars. And how much of that will go to fixing your bike?"

"Well, you froze my exhaust, causing internal damage around a couple thousand then there's the missiles and bullets along with fuel and some other damages. The whole thing practically went to hell so around twenty eight million."

"That would leave you with only two million as a profit. That's not much for taking out a cape. I may not be Superman but a nice a$$ like mine isn't cheap."

"What does this" The Kabuki's start but this guy raises his hand to stop them.

"Go on." He tells me.

"Actually, since my skills alone put me on as an extreme danger I'd say that your base pay should've at least been three times as much as what you where given. That's only for what the Depraved seem to know about me. In the end I'm actually much higher than that. Also, your bike and bullets should've been written off as a work related expense and provided to you by the people you're working for. Sure, most assassins don't use weapons given to them by a client but you should have at least had them pay for what you used. That way you don't get screwed on those fees. Also, when did you get your money?"

"I'll get it after I kill you."

"No no no." I shake my head. "Always get the money up front in cash. Have it checked out incase of forgery and never under any circumstances believe that the person you're working for is going to pay up later. They could totally screw you and just fire on ya when you deliver. Also, are these two getting their own thirty million or are you sharing? In that case you would only get ten million and would actually be in debt after you repaired your bike."

"What is"

"the point?" The Kabuki twins ask me, irritated.

I look up at the muscle man. "Twice the pay and replacement parts for your motorcycle."

"Free ramen?" He asks me.

"Three bowls is my limit."

"Six."

"Five and I'll throw in an ice coffee."

He punches one of the Kabuki. "We got ourselves a deal."

I stand up and let the chains fall to the ground. "Pretending to be helpless is so annoying." I sigh as I do a few stretches. "I hope Charlotte doesn't mind me borrowing a couple million dollars."

One of the Kabuki attacks me but I avoid him again and again. We back up to the others and I flip up over my new comrade's back.

"Swap ya." I say as I extend the X's on the top of my hands and slash a line down the other Kabuki's back. I dodge two of his strike before slashing down once and then wait another two before slashing him again, leaving an X mark on his chest.

"Insolent." He stabs at me but I bring my blade up and cut off his hand. He screams out as crimson liquids hit the air. He swipes at me furiously with his remaining hand. I dodge it as easily as I dodged him with two hands. He lunges forwards and I step to the side, avoiding the blades, but I grab his arm and bring it down on my knee, breaking his bone. "You took my arms." He curses at me.

"Settle down man." I dodge one final strike and put my blade through his neck, decapitating him. "No need too loose your head. Ha. Decapitation pun."

My hired help is fending off his attacker pretty easy. He's already broken his enemies left arm and right leg with his chain.

"You shouldn't leave him hanging." I tell him.

"Don't tell me how to do my job." He tells me as he kicks his enemy off of the roof. The chain around the Kabuki's neck tightens and then crushes his wind pipe. We've won.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" Charlotte yells at me. It's the day after the Kabuki incident. The apartment's a little messy and I have a house guest laying on the couch in his underwear. "I am not having that thing in my apartment!"

"Well, I kind of offered him six million in cash and new parts for his bike if he'd help me."

"And ramen." He points out.

"I don't care! I am not letting him live here! He stinks! He scratches himself in inappropriate places and he's walking around in his underwear!"

"I think I broke your DVD player." He tells her.

"We don't have a DVD player in here."

"Well, I broke something."

"Please kill him." Charlotte looks up at me.

"I was actually thinking I could keep him. Like a pet."

"I'm up for that." He air fist pounds me.

"I would rather be thrown naked into Black gate prison."

"And I would watch." He raises his beer.

"Shut up…What's your name anyway?"

"Johnny Rancid." He tells her. "I work as a mercenary now and then but my real love is freedom."

"Whatever." Charlotte sighs. "Even if I did let him stay here, what good would he do us?"

"He could create a helmet that wont get me killed."

"How many times do I have to apologize for that?"

"Once would've been a good start."

"Whatever. He's not like us. He does what he does for the money, not for fun or the thrill of it."

"That's not true actually." Rancid calls our attention. "I just did that job before because I needed the money. The only reason I came here was because Alex told me about what you guys plan on doing and I want in. I just need a roof over my head and a few parts for my bike."

"Great. Just great." Charlotte mumbles to herself. "Now I have a hairy motor bum living in my apartment. I can deal with that." She pulls herself together. "I'll give you the money you need but we are going to have some ground rules starting with one shower every day and from now on pants are a necessity when you leave your room, which is on the opposite side of the apartment to mine!"

"Is this how she talks to you?" Rancid asks me.

"All the time. I think she has some daddy issues."

"Sounds like she just needs to get laid to me. Hey, you got those To Love Ru disks?"

"In my room."

"Bring them out here! We'll put em on the big screen!"

"Wait." Charlotte's eye twitches. "Another anime geek."

"Rancid's an ecchi fan." I explain.

"I just like the boobs." He tells her.

"What have I done?" Charlotte mutters. "Where did my life go to hell?"

Preview Time!

Charlotte: "What have you animals done to my house!?"

Alex: "Honestly, it's just an apartment. It's not like you actually live there."

Johnny: "Like I said, she just needs a good ride on the love wagon. The girl's wound up way to tight."

Charlotte: "I'm not wound up!"

Johnny: "Hey Alex, you where holding back through our fights weren't you?"

Alex: "You could tell?"

Johnny: "Yeah. You got tossed around like crazy."

Alex: "Yeah. It was all a part of my plan to get you on our side."

Charlotte: "You wanted this animal on our side?"

Alex: "If offering a better deal worked on Firefly I thought it might work here."

Charlotte: "Do you ever not have a plan?"

Alex: "I guess we'll see in the next chapter."

Charlotte: "Don't you dare! I get to announce this one! You did it last time! Anyway, the next chapter will be a daring attempt on the life of ALex Arkham by a man who truly believes in brains over brawn…What the hell does that mean?"

Alex: "Don't question the script."

Charlotte: "Fine. Alex will have his brain put to the test by a fearsome foe yadyada…Arrogance or blablabla. Am I even in this next chapter!?"

Johnny: "If it was a manga we'd start off with you in a shower scene."

Charlotte: "I am not just sex appeal you know."

Alex: "I thought I was sex appeal."

Charlotte: "I don't even know what to say to that."

Alex: "At least I don't wear animal print underwear."

Charlotte: "I don't wear that."

Alex: "Then what are these?"

Charlotte: "Give those back!"

Alex: "Johnny catch."

Johnny: "Aw, cute. The kitty says you're purrific."

Charlotte: "It doesn't say that! Give them back."

Alex: "We should probably wrap this up. The next chapter is Alex verses the master of games. We are really taking a different direction with this guy than the cartoon. See ya then."