New Amalgam Universe: Thunder Woman #2

New Amalgam Universe: Thunder Woman #2

INT. New York

Ten years have passed since Thunder Woman was banished from Amagard. She is now in the form of a mortal Dr Diana Blake.

In the office of Dr Diana Blake, a patient is leaving her office. Diana is walking with a cane.

DIANA:

You should be fine Mr Jikey, just get plenty of bed rest.

MR JIKEY:

Thank you Dr Blake.

DIANA:

It’s not a problem. It’s my job.

Mr Jikey walks out of the office. Diana’s nurse Steve Foster walks up.

STEVE FOSTER:

Dr Blake, your 2:00 o’clock canceled.

DIANA:

Okay. I’ll be in my lab.

STEVE:

Okay. If there are any calls, I’ll let you know.

DIANA:

Thanks.

DIANA (thoughts):

Ah, Steve. I love him, but how could he ever love me?

Cut to.

EXT. Amagard.

Hippodin is watching Diana Blake. Then, Sifa enters the throne room.

HIPPODIN:

What is it, Sifa?

SIFA:

I was wondering, if you could, perhaps, consider letting Thunder Woman come back to Amagard.

HIPPODIN:

Not yet. She must first learn a lesson in humility.

SIFA:

But banishing her to Man’s World as a mortal? That is just too much.

HIPPODIN:

You are not her mother. You do not have control over her. Now, leave my throne room.

SIFA:

Yes my lord.

Cut to Earth.

Diana Blake is in her lab.

DIANA:

Steve. Will I ever confess my love to him? I can’t. He could never love a lame, crippled woman. He would become uncomfortable and quit his job. Then, I would never see him again.

Cut to

EXT. Amagard

HIPPODIN:

My daughter, please, learn your lesson. The time of the Hippodin sleep is upon me.

This happens, while a person is watching.

MAN:

So, the time of the Hippodin sleep is here. That means, it is time for Demoki to make his move.

@TheCannon: Oooooo Demoki! It's Loki and...d'oh! I just clicked; Etrigan!

No. It's Loki and Deimos. I have an interesting back story for him.

@TheCannon: Deimos? Who's that?

@TheCannon: This guy right http://www.comicvine.com/deimos/29-56747/

I was actually referring to this guy

http://www.comicvine.com/deimos/29-15768/

@TheCannon: Ahh the son of Ares, nice

I have Ares combined with Ares.

@TheCannon: Ha ha ha so he'd be AARRESS or Aressera or Ares 2.0? :)

No, just Ares.

"Dr Blake, your 2:00 o’clock canceled" Okay it should be "Dr Blake? Your two o'clock cancelled" A spell check over your story can catch some of these minor mistakes, and some get pointed out by picky readers aka myself :P I stand by my original opinion on this from #1, it would be better as a STORY not a SCRIPT. There is nothing inherently wrong with a script but it leaves major gaps and it is easier to write for example: THUNDER WOMAN: Stop base coward! than to write Thunder Woman roared at Hippodin, the words stinging her vocal cords as much as it did her heart, as she turned on her mother "Stop base coward!" I suggest you try writing one, not nessecarily a Thunder Woman, but as an exercise write a short story: start/middle/end on a character you like to get a feel. Scripting while good, is nothing compare to invoking imagery with a sentence you created.

@4donkeyjohnson said:

"Dr Blake, your 2:00 o’clock canceled" Okay it should be "Dr Blake? Your two o'clock cancelled" A spell check over your story can catch some of these minor mistakes, and some get pointed out by picky readers aka myself :P I stand by my original opinion on this from #1, it would be better as a STORY not a SCRIPT. There is nothing inherently wrong with a script but it leaves major gaps and it is easier to write for example: THUNDER WOMAN: Stop base coward! than to write Thunder Woman roared at Hippodin, the words stinging her vocal cords as much as it did her heart, as she turned on her mother "Stop base coward!" I suggest you try writing one, not nessecarily a Thunder Woman, but as an exercise write a short story: start/middle/end on a character you like to get a feel. Scripting while good, is nothing compare to invoking imagery with a sentence you created.

Thank you for the suggestions. They have been taken under notice, and I might try one for a future Thunder Woman short story in the New Amalgam Universe Summer Special.