Jurassic Park: Terror on Site C Chapter One: The Offer

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CaptainLantern76

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#1  Edited By CaptainLantern76

Author: CaptainLantern76

Rating: PG-13

Genres: Adventure/Romance/Suspense/Sci-Fi/Mystery

Disclaimer: I do not ownJurassic Park.Universal does.

Well, after a couple years, I've FINALLY uploaded my first fanfic. It is set in an AU of the Jurassic Park universe, and deals with a place called "Site C" (obviously). There will be a lot of characters - some returning characters from the movies, some OCs created for the story.

This story is also on FanFiction.net, so you all know.

Anyway, let's get started now, shall we?

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No Caption Provided

“Edwin, can you get me some more tea”, John Hammond asked his butler as he lay in his bed, watching the documentary, Walking with Dinosaurs on his 90-inch plasma TV

“Yes, Master Hammond”, Edwin Pennysworth said. Edwin was actually not much older than John Hammond; he was only five years older. He, however, had a hunched back and wrinkles on his face. He had a steel gray mustache, but had no other hair on his eyes. His eyes were droopy enough to cause one to deviate. He was also not the tallest person; he only stood 5ft 4in. Despite his aging, however, Edwin was a good and loyal worker, and he always followed John’s orders, no questions asked.

John sighed as he watched the sixth episode of Walking with Dinosaurs; Jurassic Park came to mind. John thought back to its development; he just wanted to capture the imagination of the globe with his attractions. He wanted to awe people by showing them real live dinosaurs. Over the course of five years, all kinds of dinosaurs were created, from the famous and iconic Tyrannosaurus rex to the little-known Hypcarosaurus altispinus. However, some of their creations, like Spinosaurusaegypticus, proved too aggressive and could not be shown to the public. Still, Jurassic Park would’ve been the greatest theme park ever.

However, all that work was for not, as a selfish JP employee named Dennis Nedry screwed everything up; he shut down the system, releasing the dinosaurs and getting four people eaten, Dennis included. Years later, two incidents would happen at “Site B”, and John has dreaded this ever since. To his relief, aside from two survivors of the incidents, Ian Malcolm and Alan Grant, going to Isla Nubular seven years ago to stop poachers from killing dinosaurs, no one had set foot on either Isla Nubular or Isla Sorna since the Kirby rescue mission.

Then he thought of Site C; Site C was located on Isla Mutybro, an island located 249 miles west of Costa Rica and 89 miles west of Isla Nubular. Its purposes were similar to that of Site B’s; breed dinosaurs and send them to Site A. When the inspection on Jurassic Park turned into a horrible mess, though, Site C was abandoned. However, John Hammond has discovered that BioSyn, InGen’s rival, had discovered Site C, and planned to go there as part of their plan to create their own Jurassic Park. He is organizing a team to stop them; he just needs to fill in three more spots, and the team will be complete and ready to go. He had already summoned two – Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm. John was hoping they were on their way right now.

John’s thoughts were interrupted as he heard Edwin walking up to him, with the tea. “Thank you, Edwin”, John said as Edwin handed him the tea. John began drinking his tea as he continued watching Walking with Dinosaurs. Right now, it was at the part where a male T.Rex tries to attract a female with a Triceratops carcass. John looked at the amazing CGI of Walking with Dinosaurs, and noted to himself that he could’ve showed people something that wasn’t CGI, but was actually real……

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

‘Please don’t be about Site B, please don’t be about Site B, please don’t be about Site B….’ Alan Grant thought to himself as he, Ian Malcolm, and Billy Brennan rode in a taxi to John’s mansion.

Alan was wearing a red collar shirt, along with jeans, brown tennis shoes, and, of course, his cowboy hat. Alan had changed little since the last incident he was involved in. He was still a socially awkward, world-renowned paleontologist. The temples of his hair, however, were greying, and he had grown a slight beard.

Ian, as always, was wearing all-black: black sunglasses, black jacket, black t-shirt, black pants and black shoes, along with his black hair to go along with it. Like Alan, Ian sported a beard, though his was a little thicker. Ian had also not really changed much. While he was a more serious and responsible guy now, he had his snarky moments, and he was still a pessimist and a skeptic.

John had not intended for Billy to come along, but Billy came along with Alan and Ian out of curiosity. Billy was wearing a plain grey t-shirt, along with golden earrings, jeans and gray tennis shoes. Billy’s appearance had undergone some changes since the second Isla Sorna incident; his skin was slightly tanner, his hair was shorter, and he had a large tattoo of a King Cobra on his left arm.

“OK, refresh my memory.” Ian told Alan. “Why are we going to Hammond’s mansion? It’s obvious his reason for summoning us has to do with Jurassic Park. I swear to God, it better not have to do with Site B. I am NOT going back to that damn hellhole of an island”.

“Well, Ian” Alan responded, “it might not be about Isla Sorna this time. It could be about Isla Nubular. Maybe some poachers are hunting dinosaurs again and John needs us to stop them.”

“That, I’m fine with; I’d rather do that again than return to Site B. Come to think of it, does John ever learn?” Ian said. “I’ve reminded him that sending people on these islands is a mistake. I’ve tried to say it in a way that he would understand. I’ve used plain simple English, and –“

“OH SHUT UP!” Billy yelled. “If you have such a problem with this, why are you going to the mansion then?!”

After a few seconds, Ian responded, “Well, you see, Billy, over the past few years, my research in Chaos Theory has been…less than productive. I’m going broke here; John said that, since he owns InGen again, he could buy me out and fund my research if I helped out with this mission of his. So we had a deal; otherwise, I wouldn’t be going on his next little adventure that’s planned for us.”

“Aw, I see”.

The rest of the ride was pure, awkward silence. A few minutes later, the taxi stopped, and the trio was at Hammond’s mansion.

The mansion was quite big. It’s shape was similar to that of the White House, but it was smaller and had a different coloring; it was mostly brown, with the poles on it being yellow and the roof being black. The windows were quite fancy, as was the door.

Ian and Billy got out of the taxi and walked up to the door. Alan paid the taxi driver, then catched up with the other two.

Ian rang the doorbell. After a few seconds, Edwin opened the door.

“Ah, you must be Ian Malcolm and Alan Grant and….who’s the other dude?” Edwin asked, not knowing who Billy was.

“My name is Billy Brennan”, Billy answered. “I am an accomplice of Alan’s. I came along out of pure curiosity.”

“Ah, I see”, Edwin replied. “Well, come in.”

Alan, Ian, and Billy entered the mansion. Ian had been here before, even if a long time ago, so he was familiar with the inside of the mansion. Alan and Billy, however, were not. They were astonished at what they saw; they were monuments, statues, fancy and big bookshelves, etc. Ian did see some new stuff he didn’t see in his first visit.

“Would any of you like some tea?” Edwin asked.

Alan and Billy said no, but Ian accepted Edwin’s offer. So he went into the kitchen to get Ian some tea. After he came back with Ian’s tea, Alan asked him a question.

“So…where’s John?”

“Master Hammond is up in his bedroom watching TV. Let me take you there”.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Narrator: For 160 Million Years, dinosaurs ruled the Earth; while living in their shadows was a group of animals which couldn’t have been more different. These were our ancestors; small furry creatures called mammals; clinging into safety wherever they could.

Having watched the entire Walking with Dinosaurs documentary, John was now watching another documentary made by BBC; Walking with Beasts. As he was watching it in his bed, Edwin came into his room, along with Alan, Ian, and Billy.

“Master Hammond, the scientists you have requested, along with an accomplice named Billy Brennan who came out of pure curiosity.”

“Ah, thank you, Edwin. Welcome, Dr. Grant and Dr. Malcolm” John said. “And it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Brennan” John said as he walked up to Billy and shook his hand.

“So….what do you want with us, John?” Alan asked. “This better not involve Isla Sorna”.

“No, no, no”, John said. “This does not involve Isla Sorna”.

Alan sighed in relief.

“You see, gentlemen, I am organizing another team to another island. This island is known as Isla Mutybro. The thing about this island, and this might come to your shock….well, you know how Isla Sorna is Site B? Well, this island is Site C.”

Upon hearing the last two words, Ian spit out the tea he had in his mouth, and the tea landed all over Edwin, much to the latter’s s anger. Edwin grumbled under his breath and gave Ian a death glare as he walked out of the room to get a towel.

“Are you freaking kidding me?!” Ian yelled. “There’s another island with dinosaurs. What’s next? Is there a Site D?!”

“No, no. There is no Site D. Just Sites A, B, and C”, John answered. Ian sighed in relief.

“Um…John…Site C? That’s even worse!!! What was its purpose anyway?” Alan asked

“Site C had the same tasks as Site B; however, Site C, along with Site B, was abandoned when the inspection went wrong….”

Alan and Ian sighed.

“But somehow, Site C is even more successful than Site B! The dinosaurs are also flourishing here, and there’s a bunch of mixed herds. Much more than Site B, and these herds are even more unique. I mean, there’s an Apatosaurus and Parasaurolophus mixed herd, a Triceratops and Stegosaurus mixed herd….”

“So what’s the problem?” Billy asked.

“Well, one of InGen’s rivals, BioSyn, has discovered the island. They plan to go to the island and capture many dinosaurs and create their own Jurassic Park. I do not want a repeat of the San Diego Incident. I don’t want any more lives lost. And the leader, Lewis Dodgson, is ruthless and merciless, and he will kill anyone who stands in his way. A disaster is inevitable. They need to be stopped. And what’s where you guys come in.”

Alan and Ian looked at each other. They knew where this was going.

“I am organizing a team, a bigger team than last time, to stop them. I have 16 people so far. You guys know Ellie Sattler, Nick van Owen, Sarah Harding, and Henry Wu...”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ellie has agreed to be on this insane adventure of yours?” Alan asked. Ian asked the same thing about Nick and Sarah.

“Yes. Well anyway, there is Richard Levine, a world-renowned paleobiologist…” John continued. Alan sighed at the sound of that name; he and Richard Levine go way, way back….

“….and there is Jack Thorn, who is the engineer of the group; then we have Marty Guitierrez, who the med of the group; and then we have a little group of mercenaries – Peter Jones, Anna Depp, and Robert Williams, and we have Valeria Taylor, Anthony Tank, Anna Depp, John Griffin, and Emily Griffin, five agents of InGen that really wanted in, unlike the other InGen agents….and I was hoping you two would be on the team, Dr. Grant and Dr. Malcolm. And I guess Mr. Brennan can fill the final spot – that’ll take care of that.”

Ian Malcolm was about to give John a big fat no, but then he remembered the deal he struck with John; he was ticked off that he wasn’t giving all the details, but he needed the money.

“You know what, John” Ian said. “At this point, I have nothing to lose.”

“Good, good” Hammond said. Then he turned to Alan. “And what about you, Dr. Grant. Are you coming?”

Alan gave it a long, good thought. “*sigh*…Fine. I will go, but only to ensure that this ‘inevitable disaster’ you speak of does not happen and no innocent lives are lost; and will I be getting paid?”

“Yes, yes, of course”

“If Alan’s going, I guess I’m going, too. Well…when do we leave for the island?” Billy asked.

“Two days”, John answered. “’Til then, you might want to stay at a hotel. There’s the Hotel Occidental LLC; that’s the closest one there, and the rest of the team is there. Edwin can drive you there”

Alan, Ian, and Billy agreed. So they walked out of the room, found Edwin, who agreed to take them to the hotel, and left the mansion.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Voila!

I still can't believe I actually managed to finally write a fanfic.

As for the poaching incident thing...that is from the mobile game. I have not played it, but the story sounds good; it defiantly sounds better than Jurassic Park: The Game. So, the mobile game is in THIS continuity, not JP:TG

Also...For those of you who don’t know, Hypcarosaurus is a duckbilled dinosaur. It was similar in appearance to Corythosaurus, but it was larger and had tall neural spines, like this:

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#2  Edited By wildvine

Okay. Bad notes. Your descriptions are too wordy. We don't need Alan's wardrobe in one line. Break it up. Example: Alan was wearing his red collared shirt despite the heat. He preferred be too warm to being sunburned. He pulls his cowboy hat off and wipes smooths his hair back with one hand.

Get it? Or...

Ian was wearing his trademark all black ensemble. Which perfectly matched his drab outlook.

You also do this when describing Edwin. You need to work on showing rather then telling. Also, the bits in bold where you explain what the dinosaur is and where you talk about the game, those need to be removed. They are just distracting.

Your dialogue also needs work.

Good notes. The characters are spot on. The story itself was good and very enjoyable. And i do want to read the next chapter. You made a few mistakes, but you are pretty good. If you keep writing you will get great.

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CaptainLantern76

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#3  Edited By CaptainLantern76

: Alright then. I'll remember to stick to your advice when writing Chapter 2.

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#4  Edited By TheCannon

@CaptainLantern76: Awesome.

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#5  Edited By CaptainLantern76

@TheCannon: Thanks.

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#6  Edited By Referee

Well that is a lot to take in. Now I know absolutelynothing about writing so i can't help you there I can only state my opinion.

Pros.

  • I loved the small unimportant details like...
  1. Please don’t be about Site B, please don’t be about Site B, please don’t be about Site B
  2. Ian spit out the tea he had in his mouth, and the tea landed all over Edwin
  • The personality of Ian and Allan came trough clearly (However I already knew of them)

Cons.

  • I would have loved to read more about John's state of mind
  • If I had never seen the movies I would have been completely lost in you story.

So that's about all I can comment on, In fact i should be turning to you for advise on writing. I would also listen to what Wildvine suggested, she know worlds more than me.

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#7  Edited By CaptainLantern76

@Referee: Oh I will be listening to her advice - and the rest of the story will be even better as a result.

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#8  Edited By Referee

@CaptainLantern76 said:

@Referee: Oh I will be listening to her advice - and the rest of the story will be even better as a result.

Can't wait to read it!

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#9  Edited By batkevin74

@CaptainLantern76: @wildvine said:

Okay. Bad notes. Your descriptions are too wordy. We don't need Alan's wardrobe in one line. Break it up. Example: Alan was wearing his red collared shirt despite the heat. He preferred be too warm to being sunburned. He pulls his cowboy hat off and wipes smooths his hair back with one hand.

Get it? Or...

Ian was wearing his trademark all black ensemble. Which perfectly matched his drab outlook.

You also do this when describing Edwin. You need to work on showing rather then telling. Also, the bits in bold where you explain what the dinosaur is and where you talk about the game, those need to be removed. They are just distracting.

Your dialogue also needs work.

Good notes. The characters are spot on. The story itself was good and very enjoyable. And i do want to read the next chapter. You made a few mistakes, but you are pretty good. If you keep writing you will get great.

I concur. The BOLD bits can go at the end as notes if you'd like, or maybe throw in a picture of said dinosaur to SHOW us what you mean.

If it just had some superheroes in it....:)

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#10  Edited By batkevin74

@CaptainLantern76 said:

No Caption Provided

“Edwin, can you get me some more tea”, John Hammond asked his butler as he lay in his bed, watching the documentary, Walking with Dinosaurs on his 90-inch plasma TV

“Yes, Master Hammond”, Edwin Pennysworth said. Edwin was actually not much older than John Hammond; he was only five years older. He, however, had a hunched back and wrinkles on his face. He had a steel gray mustache, but had no other hair on his eyes. His eyes were droopy enough to cause one to deviate. He was also not the tallest person; he only stood 5ft 4in. Despite his aging, however, Edwin was a good and loyal worker, and he always followed John’s orders, no questions asked.

John sighed as he watched the sixth episode of Walking with Dinosaurs; Jurassic Park came to mind. John thought back to its development; he just wanted to capture the imagination of the globe with his attractions. He wanted to awe people by showing them real live dinosaurs. Over the course of five years, all kinds of dinosaurs were created, from the famous and iconic Tyrannosaurus rex to the little-known Hypcarosaurus altispinus . However, some of their creations, like Spinosaurusaegypticus, proved too aggressive and could not be shown to the public. Still, Jurassic Park would’ve been the greatest theme park ever.

No Caption Provided

However, all that work was for not, as a selfish JP employee named Dennis Nedry screwed everything up; he shut down the system, releasing the dinosaurs and getting four people eaten, Dennis included. Years later, two incidents would happen at “Site B”, and John has dreaded this ever since. To his relief, aside from two survivors of the incidents, Ian Malcolm and Alan Grant, going to Isla Nubular seven years ago to stop poachers from killing dinosaurs, no one had set foot on either Isla Nubular or Isla Sorna since the Kirby rescue mission.

Then he thought of Site C; Site C was located on Isla Mutybro, an island located 249 miles west of Costa Rica and 89 miles west of Isla Nubular. Its purposes were similar to that of Site B’s; breed dinosaurs and send them to Site A. When the inspection on Jurassic Park turned into a horrible mess, though, Site C was abandoned. However, John Hammond has discovered that BioSyn, InGen’s rival, had discovered Site C, and planned to go there as part of their plan to create their own Jurassic Park. He is organizing a team to stop them; he just needs to fill in three more spots, and the team will be complete and ready to go. He had already summoned two – Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm. John was hoping they were on their way right now.

No Caption Provided

John’s thoughts were interrupted as he heard Edwin walking up to him, with the tea. “Thank you, Edwin”, John said as Edwin handed him the tea. John began drinking his tea as he continued watching Walking with Dinosaurs. Right now, it was at the part where a male T.Rex tries to attract a female with a Triceratops carcass. John looked at the amazing CGI of Walking with Dinosaurs, and noted to himself that he could’ve showed people something that wasn’t CGI, but was actually real……

Something like this is what I meant :)

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#11  Edited By CaptainLantern76

@batkevin74: Well it is possible for me to edit the chapter and add that?

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#12  Edited By batkevin74

@CaptainLantern76: It sure is

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#13  Edited By CaptainLantern76

  1. How?
  2. Were there any other cons for you, as well as pros?
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#14  Edited By batkevin74

@CaptainLantern76: At the bottom of your original post there's "Reply, Quote, Flag, Edit' Click edit. It allows you to edit your posts. To add a pic the box above where you type it has a box "Image' it allows you to add pics from either your desktop or Comic Vine. That's how

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#15  Edited By CaptainLantern76

@batkevin74: Well...come to think of it, I don't know if I want a lot of images; would it be acceptable enough if I just moved the bold parts to the bottom and maybe add a picture of Hypacrosaurus?

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#16  Edited By batkevin74

@CaptainLantern76: Of course, it is your story to do with as you wish. These are simply just suggestions :)

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#17  Edited By andrewtheking

@CaptainLantern76:

good

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#18  Edited By nerdork

@CaptainLantern76: This is going to be a very fun series, i can tell. Very well written. Unlike a previous post from another Viner, whose opinion i respect, i feel your descriptions are not too wordy, but rather paint a very vivid picture that allows you to tell the story that you want to tell, instead of leaving it for the audience to interpret. It allows you to be a tour guide, so to speak.

If you are interested in a fanatasy story, i have just posted my first as well, this is part 1 of 6 (which justs scratches the surface for the amount of stories i have outlined). i would love your feedback.

http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/bergthors-murder-the-forbidden-lands-part-1/741062/

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#19  Edited By Lvenger

@CaptainLantern76: Really great stuff as I thought you were capable of! Excellent story telling, great characters and a detailed, intricate plot. I'm no fan fic writer so I can't point out mistakes but learning new techniques from veteran fan fic writers is part of the name of the game.