God: It was awhile ago, I was drunk like I am most tuesdays, when one of the Angels pointed into an empty reach of space outside anything that could possibly matter... ( God stop's and laugh's to himself.)
The Bartender: What's so funny?
God: Matter! I did that... Oh never mind that used to be a good one back in the day. Anyhoo so as I was saying. One of the Angels pointed into the dark void of space, he was pointing at nothing, so I said what are you pointing at boy? Which is how I always talk to them when I am tanked. He said " Nothing God, just a void of space out there amongest the heavens." So, naturally just to be a smartass I create a Solar system, where he was already pointing. Then I called him a liar, and told him to give me 25.
The Bartender: 25. What 25 push up's?
God: No dollars. Now don't interrupt me again boy! Or I won't finish this damn story. So he pays me my dues, and then he says " well okay, so what are you going to call this new creation?" So being drunk I say the first goofy ass words that come to mind. Well I will call that little red one Mars, and that one next to it Earth, and that big one Jupiter, and that one over there, that one I will call Uranus, Lucifer. Well he didn't like that very much so he starts a war, and moves out of the house, wha, wha, wha,... Anyways, so I make Earth the only one that has people on it. A man named Adam, and some chick named Eve, I put them in a paradise, and told them the whole world was there's, well I was drunk so I made this tree. I pointed at the tree and said except this tree, don't touch it, don't eat it's fruit. I thought it was a good idea at the time, don't ask me why. Well you know what they ate the damn fruit anyways. Come to find out that little bastard Lucifer mucked things up for them, but it was too late. I left that dirt ball, and never returned.
The Bartender: Yeah Lucifer told me this one before, he also gave me this book to give to you.( The Bartender hands God The Holy Bible.)
God: What is this ( God open's it and starts to read.) In the begining God created the Heavens in the Earth... What! Holy shit they wrote a book about it?
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