Fan-Fic Versus Tournament Round 1: Jatoe48 Vs 4DonkeyJohnson

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#1  Edited By batkevin74

@awesam being busy has asked me to post up the clash between these two: Cyborg & Vandal Savage!

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The rules were to reverse them; make the hero a bad guy and the bad guy into a hero.

Please read them and then cast a vote on basing your choice partially on these factors:

1) Which story you like? (An important one I think)

2) Did they do the reversing well? (Do you believe the good or bad versions of said hero or villain)

3) Spelling & grammar (people can be fussy about this, was it easy to read, without too many spelling mistakes etc)

4) Did the author pay you money? (if so, how much because I may need you later)

Anybody can vote, everyone should vote and put your votes here, don't PM me I've got enough to do.

Be proud of your vote and your choice! Good luck

First up is @jatoe48er with Vandal Savage in Savage Memories, followed by @4donkeyjohnson with his Cyborg story. (I hate this non-easy spoiler s#!+ thing which has combined both...blah blah blah, both stories are in the spoiler block which has got to be easier to use!)

I have been around for so long. So very, very long. Things I have seen and learnt are only experienced by one other.

Now it is time my story was told. HA, it amuses me how this form of documentation has progressed over the years. My time in in Southern Mesopotamia saw the first form of this communication. Now I merely stroke my fingers tips and the symbols and meanings are spread across electronic parchment.

To understand I have to take you back to a time before man. A time when the Earth was populated by beasts and life.

I remember the meteor crashing to the Earth and been in ore of the power emitting from the crater it had left. Flashes of red, yellow and green danced before me and my tribe from the crater. We had never seen such a sight. Only I and my brother Klarn dare approach this new unknown force. Our animal intrigue taking over as we approach the crater. The flames and we had to touch. The meteors flames engulfed us both from the crater and consumed us both entirely. As the flames covered us in a florescent glow they changed us both for ever. Not necessarily for the better.

The cosmic flames had evolved me beyond anything our tribe or this planet had seen before. My vocal cords had grown, my cranium had shrunk and my mind expanded. The late Noam Chomsky would certainly like to have witnessed this, but as I uttered what would be my first words, Klarn attacked me. His physical features were unchanged. But his mind was ill and feral. Although his eyes spoke of clarity. His relentless onslaught on me should have ended my life with the blows I received, but it appeared I had been granted another gift.

In frustration to my unwillingness to die, Klarn launched one final strike leaping at me wildly. I was able to avoid his attack and Klarn’s missed timed lunged had landed his skull on a nearby rock cracking open his skull and killing him instantly.

Centuries later as my tribe had died off and my prolonged life had begun, I encountered another being with similar features to my evolved self. I had begun to notice the evolutionary steps with each child that was born more advanced than the last. But this creature was more evolved than anything I had laid my eyes on before. Something troubled me with this creature. It was familiar yet unknown to me. I tried to communicate but when I looked into the creature’s eye’s I saw a familiar calm and mind of ill. Without warning it struck out sending me to the ground. The creature stood over me beating its chest and spoke. “Klarn”.

The Immortal man had been born and our eternal struggle had begun.

My inability to leave this life frustrated Klarn immensely. Sometimes he would torture me for weeks and other times he would become bored and leave me only to return years, months even centuries with a more vicious attack. As time was not an enemy, patience became my most valuable tool to escape Klarn’s clutches. Every time Klarn died, either from age or at my hand he would be reborn and return with a new face. But his eyes never lied who was hidden behind the disguise.

Throughout history our paths crossed time and time again. Some of these battles and encounters were recorded and can be found in scriptures. Yet they are always recorded incorrectly. Our tribal names never used and the aliases we had taken used. We both had once been caught by the Romans. Klarn for the murder of a family and myself for preaching science. We were both crucified side by side. Klarn’s next resurrection saw him reach heights of great power in Rome. I managed to organise a coup to end his terror and free the people of Rome, but history only made a martyr of him.

Klarn's ability to manipulate and corrupt those around is unparalleled. I will never be understood for my actions, but what I do is for the greater good. Each time Klarn returned he became more ruthless towards his regard of life. I made a vow to stop Klarn no matter where or who he returned as and protect the fragile life of others I was unable to know.

My only hope is that one day Klarn shall return with his mind intact and my brother shall be returned to me. I have walked this planet for so long alone. I have seen war after war. Crisis after Crisis. All the lives I have saved and sworn to protect will go unnoticed. This is my sacrifice. I may not be able to give my life for this planet, but I can at least allow my name to be savaged……..

And here is @4donkeyjohnson with Cyborg

“You fear me because I’m black! You fear me because I am your superior!” roared Cyborg. The image froze on his face as the lights came up. Agent Bordeaux took the podium.

“I would normally let you listen to the next 30 minutes of Victor ranting, but I’d rather not waste your time like I had mine wasted!” she said, the audience chuckling at her joke “Here’s what you need to know, Victor Stone was caught in a boom tube, any of you don’t know what that is?” She looked around the room and saw 7 hands rise up “Really? Get out!”

The rest of the room were stunned as she dismissed the agents, staring them down as the quietly left “Honestly if you don’t know what I’m talking about, raise your hand and I’ll send you home. I need Checkmate agents who KNOW what’s going on. If you don’t, you’re no good to this operation!”

She scanned the room with her bionic eye, watching temperatures and heart rates increase “The energy from the boom tube should’ve killed him, would’ve killed him if it wasn’t for one, his father and two, the location where the tube opened, which was where?”

“Metropolis!” shouted an agent, his hand straight up in the air like an eager schoolboy.

“Very good, move down the front please” she pointed to a chair in the front row “Now, Dr Silas Stone saved his sons life by containing him inside an experimental suit which somehow bonded with Victor in a process far more complex than I know how to explain, but there are notes in your folders if you really want the science side of it. Excuse me? You, third row, brown hair, green eyes”

“Yes ma’am” said the agent hesitantly as he looked up.

“Facebook or Twitter?” she asked.

The agent dropped his head in shame, got up and silently left the room.

“If you also have something better to do on social media, then please follow that man out the door also!” she growled “Seriously, we’re supposed to be a secretive government organization and idiots like him “check-in”! Moving on, Victor is now the ultimate machine, I say machine because though he has parts of him that look human, he’s no more human than your toaster or mobile phone; just ten times as smart and a thousand times more dangerous. Victor is able to shoot what?” She pointed to a female agent.

“Ummm lasers”

Agent Bordeaux pointed at the door “White noise or sonic cannon which can pulverise stone and turn a human skull to mush with a concentrated blast. Due to his cybernetic implants Victor is able to life approximately how much?”

“Up to 20 tonnes ma’am” said the agent she pointed at and was relieved when she beckoned him to sit down the front.

“Victor Stone first butted heads with?”

“The Justice League!”

“The Justice Society!”

She looked at the pair and pointed to the door “The Teen Titans. Each time they’ve managed to defeat him but only just. He keeps upgrading his tech so each encounter with him is harder because tricks used last time, rarely work twice. Any questions?”

“So what do we do?” asked an agent.

She pointed to the door “You, nothing! WE, will!” She looked around at the room now left with thirty people in it and smiled, “Now this is a taskforce! The brightest, smartest people hunting one of the most dangerous men on the planet.” She left the podium and locked the door and turned back to the group.

“Does Cyborg have any shape abilities?”

“N…” the agent’s words were cut short as the white noise cannon cut him in half. Agent Bordeaux’s visage dripped away to reveal Victor Stone, the Cyborg, as a wicked smiled ran across his perfect plastic teeth.

“No point killing stupid people is there?!” laughed Cyborg as he made an array of weapons and targeted the agents. “May as well kill your best and brightest! Really hurt your organisation because the only people left to promote are idiots and rookies!” And on that note Victor Stone ripped through the Checkmate agents like a shark, none were spared.

By the time the Titans arrived, Cyborg was long gone and the death toll just under 100 and one of the securest, secretive government departments was effectively shut down.

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#3  Edited By Monarch_Chronicle

Hmm okay il vote

1) story

Il give this one to cyborg merely because of the unexpected shock at the end of the story and the way it was told which edged out the historical thriller vandal could have been.

2) reverse

This is harder but I am going with scandal because of the description of the evil, & vandal comment to defeating its every incarnation. While cyborg had great evil I did not feel any heroism.

3) is a non-factor. 4) I was paid equally through money transfer so again non-factor

Overall I vote for cyborg because of the ending but would like to add that if vandal played more with the events through history, it would have won.

Great Writing, Great Jobs :D

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#5  Edited By joshmightbe
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The rules were to reverse them; make the hero a bad guy and the bad guy into a hero.

Please read them and then cast a vote on basing your choice partially on these factors:

1) Which story you like? (An important one I think)

2) Did they do the reversing well? (Do you believe the good or bad versions of said hero or villain)

3) Spelling & grammar (people can be fussy about this, was it easy to read, without too many spelling mistakes etc)

4) Did the author pay you money? (if so, how much because I may need you later)

1) 4d'j's Cyborg.

2) He made Cyborg evil enough, but I thought part of the deal was they had to try to keep the personality intact? Tough call on that one, because I don't know what the New 52 Cyborg is like.

I've always had a very low opinion of Vandal Savage as a character (but have always wanted someone to write the story to change that) so it's hard to say how jatoe' did with the reversal.

3) 4d'j' had a few minor issues with quotation marks (when something is quoted inside of a quote, it's single quotation marks, not double - i.e. Lois said, "He said he was feeling 'over the moon,' and then I found out he was actually on monitor duty in the Watchtower.").

Jatoe'...I don't know what happened there, but that was a train wreck of unintelligible sentences. I was having such a hard time trying to make sense of some of them, that I kept waiting for the stress of it to wake me up. I can only assume you were sleepy or something, because your writing's usually way better than that.

4) NO, they did not pay me money, and I for one am sick of it. @monarch_chronicle got paid - where the #@&% is mine at? $!%@ this! I'm not voting for anyone! Good $!%@ing day!

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Hmm this is a tough one. I have no idea of the characters but in terms of writing I am going to vote donkeyjohnson.

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@batkevin74: Wait so is Me vS ImpurestCheese voting over now?

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#15 SC  Moderator

Firstly, I really really actually want to see the evil Cyborg story in an actual comic issue now. Not sure how they could do it, but I want to see it drawn and published, would be so much fun. That twist and ending was brilliantly executed. I enjoyed it as a story slightly more than the Vandal Savage story. Also felt Victor's smartness and strange as it may seem but humility shine through really well. Just that of course he would make a joke at his own expense to further his goals. So excellent job on maintaining his characteristics and switching him to being evil/villainous as well. I really enjoyed the Vandal Savage story too, I think conceptually based on it you could lead into so many cool other mini stories. A few of Vandal's throw away lines themselves elicit tales of legend and grandeur. This story, I think due to format made me feel like it better characterized Vandal Savage, his mannerisms and tone, and did a great job also at establishing him as a hero. Was extremely tough decision, I give Vandal Savage story the slight edge. Thanks to both contestants for the entertaining and quality reads.

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@tommythehitman: I don't know, this is seperate to yours but still round 1 coz there's me Vs awesam, Irishlad vs etc etc to go. When they're all done which eliminates the field by half, we go into round 2 electric boogaloo! :)

Scoreboard update (with still 50hrs left to vote, give or take):4@4donkeyjohnson2@jatoe48er

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#18  Edited By joshmightbe

@batkevin74: I submitted my story a few days ago, any word on when it'll be up for a vote?

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#19  Edited By jatoe48er
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@sc: thank you for the vote, I sacrificed some of the story to make sure I got the character right. Thank you for picking that up and again for the vote!

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@joshmightbe: As far as I know soon (nice ambiguous answer...think I spelt that wrong?) but nothing definite. I think @awesam doesn't want to jam seven "vote for me" things up at the same time, spacing them a few days apart. He gave me one to put up as he was busy moving/studying/locked-up/rennovating but so far no word as yet on others coz there is your battle, my battle, @irishlad and two others to go I think

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. HAVE YOU VOTED YET? . . . . . . . . .

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@joshmightbe: I know :) You are a good citizen, worthy of praise and should have more people read Splicers!

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Score update because I have cast my own personal vote into the mix............my vote goes to @jatoe48er for Vandal Savage. I really liked both, it was a hard choice but these choices must get made: 4@4donkeyjohnson3@jatoe48er

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Hi! If I'm allowed to vote I'd like to vote for @jatoe48er

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#27  Edited By lykopis

Both stories are great (keeping in mind I know relatively nothing of the characters being written, reverse villain or not) and after reading them over twice, I am going with the story which resonated more with me and that would be @jatoe48er.

Although it needs to be said, this was incredibly difficult to decide on and both competitors are clearly talented, wielding their stories with perfect prowess. :)

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@synlord: Course you are dude! Welcome to Comic Vine!

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#30  Edited By joshmightbe

Are we still doing this since Awesam quit?

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@joshmightbe: I may or may not take control. Not sure yet. As that old man once said:

"With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility" Uncle Ben's Soup

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@jatoe48er: You are welcome! Although both stories were very good!

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So it's over?

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#35  Edited By 4donkeyjohnson
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