PREVIOUSLY: DEADPOOL KILLS THE DC UNIVERSE #2 - (Script)
THE REST - DEAD! - Rated M
Page 1
1.1
The Watcher stands in the corner of a laboratory and workshop. Lex Luthor is hard at work on a suit of armor that is fully formed. It is shadowed.
THE WATCHER: It is done.
LUTHOR: I noticed.
THE WATCHER: Now, you must summon the chosen wearer.
1.2
Luthor turns to Uatu.
LUTHOR: What? I thought I was-
THE WATCHER: You are the architect.
THE WATCHER: However, only SLADE WILSON may wield this armor.
1.3
The Watcher points to an assortment of raw materials scattered on a table.
THE WATCHER: Construct the mask with these.
THE WATCHER: And then, summon him.
LUTHOR: But why?!
1.4
The Watcher.
THE WATCHER: Only Deathstroke can save the universe, from the omniversal cancer known as…
Page 2
2.1
Deadpool jams a taser duct taped to a wooden cane into Aquaman’s chest.
DEADPOOL: DEADPOOL!
DEADPOOL: Funny how you just feel like shouting your own name for dramatic effect, ain’t it?
AQUAMAN: AGH!
2.2
Aquaman slams his trident into the side of Deadpool’s head. Deadpool drops the cane-taser.
SFX: WHUD
DEADPOOL: HERP
AQUAMAN: I know who you are!
2.3
Deadpool’s on one knee, looking up, bleeding from his head. Aquaman has his trident at Deadpool’s throat.
DEADPOOL: Who am I?
AQUAMAN: You killed The Flash. You killed Batman.
DEADPOOL: You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale… if somebody told you I was your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world…
2.4
Deadpool has pulled out Mr. Freeze’s gun and is aiming up.
DEADPOOL: Somebody lied.
2.5
Deadpool fires a shot, but Aquaman just moves to the side.
SFX: CHOOM
DEADPOOL: Aw crap.
2.6
Aquaman tries to stab Deadpool, but Deadpool rolls out of the way.
DEADPOOL: IF YOU WERE FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE YOU COULD APPRECIATE THAT REFERENCE!
Page 3
3.1
Aquaman pressing his fingers to his ear.
AQUAMAN: Hal, I have him. The Gotham docks.
3.2
Deadpool runs for the dock’s end, freeze gun in hand.
DEADPOOL: Ihavealwayswantedtotrythis!
3.3
Deadpool jumps from the dock, while aiming the gun down and firing.
3.4
Deadpool belly slides on a trail of ice that he fires in front of him, moving pretty fast and far.
DEADPOOL: WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
3.5
Aquaman glares at Deadpool on the ice trail.
DEADPOOL: YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME!
DEADPOOL: NEVER!
3.6
Aquaman.
DEADPOOL: HAHAHAHAHA!
DEADPOOL: HA… OH!
Page 4
4.1
A giant shark at the end of Deadpool’s ice trail, mouth open.
DEADPOOL: Technically this isn’t you catching me so much as-
4.2
The shark chomps down on the ice where Deadpool was.
4.3
Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and Supergirl are standing next to Aquaman.
HAL: Where is he?
AQUAMAN: In the stomach of a shark.
SUPERGIRL: … He got what he deserved.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: I can hear thoughts from the ocean.
4.4
Supergirl looking at Martian Manhunter.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: He’s saying…
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: “Wow, I can’t believe this worked.”
SUPERGIRL: What does that-
4.5
A frozen solid shark, the entire front now a large sharp icicle, leaps from the ocean. Aquaman pushes Supergirl out of the way.
AQUAMAN: LOOK OUT!
Page 5
5.1
The shark crushes Aquaman.
5.2
Supergirl, Martian Manhunter, and Green Lantern are horrified at what they see. Deadpool kicks a foot out from the frozen shark, which is parked on Aquaman’s body.
DEADPOOL: Wow, I can’t believe this worked!
5.3
Supergirl’s eyes are glowing red, she’s pissed.
SUPERGIRL: ENOUGH!
5.4
Deadpool is crouched beside the frozen shark, covered in gorey slush. And reaching for a katana on his back.
DEADPOOL: What? I’m just saying.
DEADPOOL: It totally worked.
Page 6
6.1
Supergirl rushes Deadpool, fists at the ready.
6.2
Deadpool slashes Supergirl’s head off with the kryptonite katana.
SFX: SHKGT
DEADPOOL: Snappy quip!
6.3
Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern stand together, facing Deadpool.
DEADPOOL: Antagonizing dialogue!
DEADPOOL: Look, I was just thrown in a shark’s stomach. I’m low on steam.
6.4
Hal’s ring, glowing black.
HAL’S RING: UNIVERSAL CANCER LOCATED. DIRECTLY AHEAD.
HAL’S RING: DESTROY IT.
HAL’S RING: DESTR—GSHZK—OY IT—GHHHZZZ--
HAL: It’s… it’s overloaded!
6.5
Hal holds up his fist. A giant hammer, bent backward, at least 50 feet tall hovers overhead.
HAL: SO THAT’S HOW!
HAL: THAT’S HOW WE HAVEN’T BEATEN YOU YET!
DEADPOOL: Talk about overcompensation.
DEADPOOL: … and I’m back on track!
Page 7
7.1
Deadpool runs past Hal, up the dock, leaving his truck behind. The giant green hammer is coming down toward him.
DEADPOOL: Hey, wasn’t I supposed to fight Wonder Woman?
HAL: THIS IS FOR ALL OF THE HEROES YOU KILLED!
7.2
The giant hammer crashes down on the harbor.
HAL: FOR OA!
HAL: FOR KYLE!
7.3
Hal, glancing toward the area, the construct is gone now.
HAL: There.
HAL: No one could have survived that.
7.4
A bullet goes through Hal’s forehead.
HAL: dht
7.5
Deadpool stands a few feet to the right of the impact crater of the hammer.
DEADPOOL: Yellow bullets, dude!
DEADPOOL: I swear, we should re-title this “Wikipedia kills the DC universe.”
Page 8
8.1
Martian Manhunter runs past Hal.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: ENOUGH!
8.2
Deadpool runs toward Martian Manhunter, toward his truck.
DEADPOOL: Movie reference!
8.3
Deadpool jumps over Martian Manhunter, who looks back as Deadpool does.
DEADPOOL: PRETEND I’M DOING THIS IN SLOW MOTION.
DEADPOOL: IT’S SO COOL.
8.4
Martian Manhunter’s transformed into a green dragon.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING, OR I--
8.5
Deadpool’s standing in front of the back of his truck, which is now open, and he’s holding a bazooka.
DEADPOOL: Can we just take a second to appreciate how I have a t-shirt cannon in my truck?
Page 9
9.1
Martian Manhunter’s dragon form is ripped apart by a fired wad of flaming t-shirts going through his chest.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: GHAAH!
9.2
Deadpool moonwalking to the front of his truck.
DEADPOOL: Fire t-shirts.
DEADPOOL: T-shirts on fire.
DEADPOOL: Exposition joke.
9.3
The truck drives away from the devastated harbor.
DEADPOOL: Now I just have Wonder Woman left.
9.4
Martian Manhunter is weakly calling out.
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Diana… he’s coming…
Page 10
10.1
The sun on a TV monitor. There is a black spot forming in a small section of it. The Watcher is pointing toward it.
THE WATCHER: There.
THE WATCHER: That is what will destroy you.
LUTHOR: Is that… a tumor? A tumor in the sun?
THE WATHCER: The omniversal cancer is aptly named, Luthor.
10.2
Side shot. The Watcher looking at the TV monitors.
SLADE: So, I’m going to save the universe?
THE WATCHER: Possibly even more.
10.3
Deathstroke steps out of the shadows. He’s wearing the DCnU version of his costume, the armor Luthor was building.
DEATHSTROKE: Sounds good for business.
Page 11
11.1
Deadpool and Wonder Woman in a dramatic swordfight in the middle of Metropolis. Deadpool is using one of his kryptonite katanas. The other is sheathed on his back.
SFX: CLANG
DEADPOOL: Hey, so, just wondering, how do you feel about sandwich jokes?
11.2
Wonder Woman slashes Wade across the chest with her sword.
DEADPOOL: GHA
11.3
Deadpool looks up at Wonder Woman.
DEADPOOL: I was just askin... ow...
WONDER WOMAN: Enough.
11.4
Deadpool squinting.
DEADPOOL: You seem hostile. Is it your time of the-
11.5
Wonder Woman punching Deadpool in the jaw.
WONDER WOMAN: HRA!
SFX: SOK
Page 12
12.1
Deadpool on his back, looking up at Wonder Woman standing over him.
DEADPOOL: Oh… I get it.
DEADPOOL: You're trying to seduce me!
12.2
Wonder Woman punches down, off panel. Chunks of debris fly up.
DEADPOOL: RAHK
12.3
Wonder Woman stands on Deapool, her foot on his face.
WONDER WOMAN: Are you finished?
DEADPOOL: Almost there. Really close, actually.
12.4
Wonder Woman’s hand grabbing Deadpool’s neck.
DEADPOOL: URP
12.5
Wonder Woman holding Deadpool up by his neck.
DEADPOOL: Hey Tumblr, pretend I'm Scott Lobdell.
DEADPOOL: SMALL TEXT: Forgive me yet?
DEADPOOL: SMALL TEXT: This really hurts.
WONDER WOMAN: You killed my friends.
12.6
Deadpool jamming a knife into Wonder Woman’s ribcage.
DEADPOOL: I love it when you talk dirty.
SFX: GSHK
Page 13
13.1
Wonder Woman looks down at the knife.
DEADPOOL: Now spit on me and call me Liefeld.
WONDER WOMAN: Do you think this will-
13.2
Wonder Woman lights up like a flare, her bracelets glowing particularly bright, Deadpool is released.
DEADPOOL: Taser-knife.
DEADPOOL: One million volts.
13.3
Wonder Woman falls to the ground, a deformed corpse.
DEADPOOL: The metal bracelets probably didn’t help ya out.
13.4
The TV monitor. The black tumor is growing. The Watcher and Luthor are looking at it. Luthor has an ear-piece to talk with Deathstroke. The other monitors show Deadpool standing over Wonder Woman’s corpse.
THE WATCHER: The more he kills, the worse the damage will be. And the damage is almost terminal. Slade Wilson is our last hope.
THE WATCHER: If Deadpool kills anyone else, your sun will cease to be.
LUTHOR: Slade. Move in.
Page 14
14.1
Close up on Deathstroke holding his sword from the DCnU with two hands, moving fast enough that his background is blurred.
DEATHSTROKE: On it.
14.2
Deadpool’s head flies up in the air, surprised. It’s several feet above his body, flipping in the air straight up.
DEADPOOL: HERP
14.3
Deathstroke stands behind Deadpool, looking toward him.
DEATHSTROKE: Easy.
14.4
Deadpool’s head lands back on the stump of his neck in perfect position. Backwards.
DEADPOOL: AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! A PERFECT 10! THE JUDGES ARE IN TEARS!
DEATHSTROKE: No f**king way.
14.5
Deadpool’s hands on his head, adjusting it to the right way, he’s now turned around facing Deathstroke.
DEADPOOL: Frankly, I'm just as surprised as you are.
DEADPOOL: In case you were wondering.
DEADPOOL: So what's your deal?
Page 15
15.1
Deathstroke stands there, facing Deadpool.
DEATHSTROKE: I’m Deathstroke. I’ve been hired to kill you.
DEATHSTROKE: Before I do… personal question.
15.2
Deadpool.
DEADPOOL: DEATHSTROKE? That’s … wow.
DEADPOOL: I don’t take questions. You’ll have to talk to my probation officer, Miles Morales.
15.3
Deathstroke rushes at Deadpool.
DEATHSTROKE: Okay.
15.4
Deadpool looks at his side in surprise as Deathstroke chops his right arm off.
DEADPOOL: RIGHTY!
15.5
Deathstroke stands to the side of Deadpool. Deadpool is looking at his arm.
DEADPOOL: Not cool!
DEADPOOL: I explore my body with that arm…
DEATHSTROKE: Deadpool. Why?
DEADPOOL: I’m a growing boy.
Page 16
16.1
Deathstroke facing Deadpool.
DEATHSTROKE: No, you idiot.
DEATHSTROKE: Why this? Why come here?
16.2
Deadpool re-attaching his right arm.
DEADPOOL: It all started with my manic pixie dream girl...
DEADPOOL: Who happened to be literally the grim reaper.
DEADPOOL: We were flirting for a couple months, then she went crazy and threw me into an alternate dimension. Apparently made it so I can’t die on accident or on purpose.
16.3
Deathstroke.
DEATHSTROKE: Do you even realize what you’re doing?
DEATHSTROKE: The entire universe is falling apart because of you.
16.4
Deadpool looking at his arm.
DEADPOOL: I know.
DEADPOOL: The voices in my head told me so.
DEADPOOL: They also recommend I watch Cannibal Holocaust.
DEADPOOL: But you know what, Stroke?
16.5
Deadpool, serious and angry.
DEADPOOL: I don’t care about this place. I want to tear it down. Then I can find her again.
DEADPOOL: Then we can be together.
Page 17
17.1
Deadpool unsheathes his kryptonite katana.
DEADPOOL: Look up “Star Wars Music – Duel of the fates” on youtube right now and listen.
DEADPOOL: Seriously. Do it.
17.2
Deathstroke readies his sword.
DEATHSTROKE: Who the hell are you talking to?
17.3
Deadpool runs at Deathstroke.
DEADPOOL: YOUR MOTHER!
Page 18
18.1
Luthor is working on a different project now, welding a bit of metal, wearing black goggles. Uatu is watching the fight.
LUTHOR: Uatu, I’m going to help him.
THE WATCHER: No.
18.2
Luthor keeps working.
LUTHOR: Yes. It’s my home.
LUTHOR: I can’t be expected to help humanity with this in the way.
THE WATCHER: Hm?
LUTHOR: Deadpool killed Superman. He must be stopped.
LUTHOR: Then, I can finally get to work.
18.3
The Watcher.
THE WATCHER: You pathetic fool.
18.4
Luthor turns around.
LUTHOR: What did you just-
Page 19
19.1
The Watcher grabs Luthor by the shoulder. Luthor is in visible agony.
LUTHOR: AAAH
THE WATCHER: You cannot interfere.
19.2
Luthor looks in horror at The Watcher. The Watcher is glowing black.
THE WATCHER: This world must die.
THE WATCHER: The mirror must be the last to die.
19.3
Luthor, in agony.
LUTHOR: WHAT ARE YOU? REALLY?!
19.4
Luthor’s face starts to age rapidly. He’s becoming a skeleton.
THE WATCHER: I am…
19.5
Luthor is now skin and bone, dead on his work bench. The Watcher is glowing black still.
THE WATCHER: Sweet release.
Page 20
20.1 Splash Page
The Watcher is no longer standing there. Death stands in his place, looking toward the TV monitors.
DEATH: And my darling will put an end to this wretched plane.
--
NEXT: DEADPOOL KILLS THE DC UNIVERSE #4 - FINALE! - (Script)
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