Roll Call
In the midst of the other worldly realm of The Inhumans, we join a secret sect; a cloaked coven as they join together about a great table to discuss...secret things... and stupid things.
Crystal – Hello everyone and I’d like to welcome you all (and I’m very excited about this) to our first ever BOOK CLUB. Everyone comfortable?
Lockjaw – I’m not!
Crystal – Of course you’re not… you’re a dog! And get off the furniture.
Gorgon – Ha HA, Lassie! You got served!
Lockjaw – At least I’m house broken, donkey d@#k.
Gorgon – I… i am but as the Terrigen mists made me…
Crystal – Anyway, I hope you all brought your copies of the book I sent you.
Triton – Galactus ate mine.
Crystal – Oh, he did not! Here, I brought a spare. Now, without further ado, I would like to introduce (I am so excited about this) the first book for our book club; The Da Vinci Code.
Triton – What’s a Da Vinci?
Karnak – What’s a code?
Gorgon – What’s a book?
Crystal – ~sigghhh~ It’s what you were meant to have read before today!
Gorgon – So, it’s some kind of club is it? For smashing things? I like the sound of this ‘book’ thing.
Crystal – NOOO! A book is a beautiful thing! A collection of ideas, expressed through words. They are stories, narratives created to enthral and excite our minds. They are gifts from the gods. ~siiiighhhh~ You understand, don’t you, Black Bolt?
Black Bolt - …
Triton – So, what exactly do these books do? Are they weapons of some sort? Do they hold incantations designed to destroy worlds or evaporate oceans?
Crystal – Well… no…
Gorgon – Does it repel invaders? Summon celestial powers which allow us to travel from one plane of existence to another?
Crystal – No… but…
Karnak – You know, I once punched a tank.
(SILENCE)
Karnak – Well Ithink it’s impressive.
Crystal – Look, I know this is a bit confusing for you all, but this really is a wonderful book. It’s about a man…
Triton – YeeeeWWW! You know I don’t read that kind of filth.
Karnak – Stupid humans… can’t even punch tanks.
Crystal – It’s about this man and he investigates a murder which leads him to think…
Gorgon – You know how I feel about thinking, Crystal. I’m against it.
Crysttal – HE INVESTIGATES A MURDER which leads him to discover a conspiracy involving… wait for it… JESUS CHRIST!
(SILENCE)
Karnak – I also once punched a boat.
Triton – Who’s this Jesus guy?
Karnak – It wasn’t a very big boat, though.
Crystal – Jesus is the embodiment of a God that humans believe in.
Triton – What, like the Celestials?
Crystal – Yes, like the Celestials… with beards.
Triton – Well, that’s just RIDICULOUS! Everyone knows that Celestials don’t have beards!
Gorgon – I once met a Celestial with a beard.
Triton – Really?
Gorgon – Yeah. Lovely chap he was.
Triton – And what was his name, this Celestial?
Gorgon – Um… Doug.
Triton – Doug?
Gorgon – Yup.
Triton – Doug, the Celestial?
Gorgon – Uh huh.
Triton – And where did you meet him?
Gorgon – Down the Tavern. He was a helluva nice guy… for a Celestial, I mean. Bought me a bag of peanuts.
Triton – Aren’t Celestials a bit big to fit into your average tavern?
Gorgon – That’s what I thought, but he said he had some kind of disease. A short one. Happens a lot with Celestials, apparently.
Triton – Idiot.
Gorgon – No, he was a Celestial.
Trition – No, YOU are the idiot.
Gorgon – Oh, EVERYone knows that! It’s my super power.
Crystal – Can we PLEASE talk about this book!!?!
Karnak – Only if I can punch it first.
Crystal – NO!!! Books are for reading! For embracing and loving and letting into your heart! They enhance your lives and expand your minds.!!!
Triton – I had my mind expanded once.
Gorgon – Really? I’ve been many places but I’ve never really been to me.
Crystal – WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!? WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HERE IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE BOOK!?!?
Triton – Somebody said there’d be pie.
Gorgon – We like pie, don’t we, Black Bolt?
Black Bolt - …
Karnak – I wouldn’t even punch a pie. I like them too much.
Crystal – But… But…
Medusa – Inhumans!! Dinner Time!!
Gorgon – Oh boy! PIE!!!!!
(Thunder of Inhuman little feet into the dining room)
Crystal - ~sob… sob~ Why couldn’t I have been born a Skrull… ~splutter… sob.. snort…~
END.
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