The two vampires come face to face in a dark alley. Angel is holding his favorite broadsword and Edward is making his favorite constipated expression, Edward yells, "You better not hurt Bella!"
Angel replies, "You mean that weak minded girl who let Spike rail her rotten all night?"
Edward cocks his head in shock.
"And you're going to fight me? You, a pale imitation of my appeal to young teen girls, only instead of maintaining the strong character traits that made me not only continue to appeal to young girls but also an audience of any age group or gender, you simply built upon my early stalker qualities. However your desire to protect Bella was far less required from you than my feeling of protectiveness to Buffy, because Buffy is hunting and fighting evil things every night and is always in mortal danger because she is the slayer, whereas Bella was not in any danger, until she got involved with you."
Edward stuttered a few times, trying to think of a proper response but Angel just cut him off, continuing his rant, "In fact, you continually put the blame on Bella, telling her to stay away from you, but you however do not stay away from her, and even when you knew it was unhealthy for you to be together, you still made her feel as though it was her fault for you leaving. You also continuously brood like myself, feeling bad for yourself, but instead of trying to atone for your sins by using this "vampire" curse as a weapon to fight evil and help people, like I do, you simply continue to brood and hang out in high-school, eating animals, I mean I drink animal blood as well that I buy from the butcher, as opposed to hunting wild animals and killing them, unlike you, so now that I think about it, I really do a lot more for the world around me."
Edward's mouth just dropped as the truth continued to be laid upon him.
Angel chuckled at that and asked, "What is with you constantly ripping off mine and Buffy's story as well? I mean you stalk her in the beginning just like me. You are unable to kiss her at first like me because my vampire side takes over and I can't control it. I also explain to Buffy that its dangerous for us to be together because I might loose control of myself. However eventually I learn to overcome my vampire side to be with her more intimately and eventually be able to have sex with her, ...and does this sound familiar? It should because you do the exact same thing over the course of your story! That's weak and lame, can't you be more original? You and Bella are like bad versions of me and Buffy, because the difference in the strengths of our characters is vast."
Edward put his chin into his hand thinking about it and noted the truth in what Angel was saying.
Angel smirked and went on, "And then when you thought she had died, you went to kill yourself, constantly putting yourself and your own feelings above anyone Else's. Hm, I remembered when Buffy died, I dealt with it and continued fighting the good fight. I mean I did almost killed myself once like you and was planning to do so by revealing myself to the sun-like you, sounds kinda familiar huh, but it was not out of fear of living alone, but because I thought that I was brought back from Hell to kill Buffy, due to a powerful essence known as The First Evil corrupting my dreams and waking moments to make me believe so, but I got through it. In fact, I always took the bigger burden of pain from her as opposed to you who constantly puts the blame on Bella, I made the choice to leave her for her happiness, and when I became human and we could be together finally, I gave up my happiness and mortal life because I knew that it would cost one of us our lives or it would cost other people their lives, so I gave up my own desires for the people who need my help, because that is how I will atone for my sins. . .not stalking my heart's desire and eating animals while being in the 11th grade for a century. Also, when I was human for just a day, instead of allowing Buffy to suffer the memory of knowing what we could've had, I took the memory of this day alone, as my price for turning back time to alter this event, and thus one more pain that I burden myself with, and hey, right after this emotional time, my best friend Doyle dies leaving me with more pain, but do I give up? No, I go on, fighting the good fight, finessing my skills to be the best champion I can be."
Edward dropped his head then, feeling rather shameful of himself.
Angel wasn't finished yet as he went on, "And what have you done to hate yourself so much, pretty much copying the idea of my character? I mean I was Angelus for over a 100 years, on the birth of my immortal life I slaughtered my village, mother, father, and little sister. I became a master of torture and torment, toying with people for months before killing them, destroying their lives and their sanity, I friggin drove Drusilla completely insane because she was a religious and pure virgin who simply interested me. Hell, I trained Spike and led our pack, reeking havoc across Europe for a hundred years. I've killed and fed upon babies and children, I did horrible things because as a TRUE vampire, I had no soul and no conscience. ...What did you do again? Kill a few people? You're barely over a hundred years old, so you don't really have that many years of guilty baggage to work through, whereas I had a little over a 100 solid years of death and destruction. Now I brood, because the Gypsys cursed me with a soul to feel eternal torment and guilt for my sins. So my curse is to never feel a moment a true happiness and if I do I loose my soul and become a soulless, evil creature once again, so I have a pretty damn good reason to be broody and depressed, however despite my emotional issues, I work through them every day, and keep moving each day, fighting the mission and saving people. ...I'm just curious why people find such a weak and poor character as yourself interesting to any degree; you're creepy, borderline abusive,completely irredeemable in any way, and you whine about what a monster you are but don't try to do anything to atone for your sins, you just obsess over Bella."
Edward stared at the floor still feeling ashamed.
"Hell, I've got some experience on you as well my friend, especially if you count the 100 years I spent in Hell, and fought my way back to my love, only to realize that she was better off without me, so I left her. Most people don't know that the way I came to be a Champion in the first place was when I first saw Buffy, I had been wandering for 100 years after I regained my soul, going mad with guilt and loneliness, but after I saw her I trained incredibly hard for the next year to be of help to her in her upcoming struggles, she was my light back from the darkness. She was my light back from hell, guiding me and pushing me onward for the 100 years I spent there. And despite her being my only meaning and reason for living, I gave her up because I knew it was the right thing to do, ...you can barely stand without your girl, and your girl is just as pathetic. Buffy is strong and able to walk alone, I mean she killed me and sent me to hell in order to save the world, and Bella goes into a comatose state when you dump her? Tell me what you have really done for the world or anyone in it besides yourself and Bella? I mean, even Spike sacrificed his life to save the world. I knew I could never be happy or be with anyone because of my Gypsy curse, even so I still gave up Buffy, knowing I would love her for all eternity and knowing she would move on, which she did and had another boyfriend, I did so for the betterment of the world and was still able to find not only the strength to go on living, but to fight evil every day! And you try to kill yourself because you think she died? Are you really this pathetic of a character and really have no desire to act like a man?"
Edward allowed his shoulders to drop then, clearly admitting his inferiority.
"So lets recap, you're a horrible, obsessive, selfish, over protective person who has done nothing for the world around him or the people in it. You brood like me, but with less of a reason. You pretty much ripped off my style, hair, and base character, but only maintained my weakest qualities and none of my strong or admirable ones and have done nothing compared my heroic feats of saving the world more than once. Oh yea, and what the hell is with vampires having an impossible baby? That is such a ripoff of me having my son, another impossible baby, two vampires creating life. However, unlike you, at least I had a reason, as in my 4th season, everything on this long arc connecting all of my friends together was revealed, including how I could have a son, not to mention all of the prophecies I am mentioned in, dating back thousands of years that were drawn upon and had new things discovered to keep my story flowing and rich and have answers to the many arisen questions, which from the way they were told were intended, which means epic storytelling. ...I fought in the trials, earning a new life for Darla, but since she was revived once by magic, I couldn't use that reward to cure her of her disease, however I still had won the life for her, so when she became a vampire again and we got intimate, that reward was granted in the form of a son, ...see the plot makes sense and is connected to earlier events that were waiting to be resolved, unlike you for some reason just able to have an impossible baby using my story's ideas, but without providing a reason like mine did. . .yeah, plot-hole extreme."
Edward scratched his head then, going through the reasoning and realizing he and his family and his universe was the result of some bad storytelling god.
"Also why can you walk in the sun and why do you sparkle? I mean when people die do they suddenly develop diamonds in their skin? Another issue. Also how are you a vampire for that matter? I mean based on the mythology of vampires you should burst into flames under the sun and you should have fangs, but you possess neither of these qualities. In fact, you are more of an immortal, like in Highlander, as opposed to actual vampire, I mean drinking blood is one thing, but your physiology in terms of "no fangs" defeats the point of you hunting for blood. We have very sharp fangs to cleanly puncture the major arteries in our victims in order to feed, ...you just ....chew them open I guess. . ..? Your physiology after becoming a vampire shows no indication of hunting for blood, only the fact that you need blood to survive, but if you underwent a radical internal transformation like that to make you require blood to live, then you should have developed an outer transformation to support this change, like tigers have claws and sharp teeth so they can hunt and catch their food and be able to eat it, nature has built them with these tools to survive and to indicate their purpose, you having "no fangs" does nothing to support this internal change or the need to hunt for preferably human blood. ...Just saying."
Edward finally mustered the courage to talk and retorted, "Yea but in my stories I'm stronger and faster than you on your TV show, mostly due to the fact that you didn't have a high enough budget for the special effects to display your powers and abilities as intended. So I'm still gonna defeat you, despite you having 100s of years of battle and fighting experience over me along with your many different skills and many different mastered fighting styles." Edward took on a fighting stance then, as poor as it was and said, "I'm really faster and can read your every thought,, so you can't land a blow without me knowing!"
Angel smirked then and said, "Well obviously you don't know my universe, as vampires don't cast reflections, same is with our thoughts, we have them but they cast no reflection, so our minds cannot be read, as I explained to Buffy when she acquired her mind-reading ability for a short period." He then swung his sword over his shoulder and said, "Also you must not have read the canonical continuation of our stories in comic book form, because on that medium our powers and abilities could be properly displayed as intended."
Angel fully smiled then and levitated into the sky, then at incredible speeds he disappeared from sight and appeared behind Edward, loping his head cleanly off. Spike charged in then and began tearing off Edward's limbs and igniting them with whiskey and a cigarette, ending the poorly written and developed character's life.
The End.
**Yea, just displaying my hatred towards Twilight and how much it ripped off Buffy and Angel, and believe me there are WAY more specific connections to be made between the two that are not here and also how the characters in Twilight are basically inferior versions of the characters in Buffyverse. Yer, maybe a little nerdish, but I am a Buffy/Angel fan from back in the day and the comics =)**
Angel(from Buffyverse) vs Edward Cullen(from Twilight)
Wohoooo Angel wins ! Edward that Pu**y is ash. You`re right it really ripped off Buffy and Angel . Oh man I hate twighlight -_-
Awesome story !!!
Thnx! Yer, I thought I would point out some of the ripoffs that I have seen (and there are even more than in this fanfic) and put them to paper--err, well to thread. I know a few people that had sent this to die-hard twilight fans or in other debates on other sites, so if you ever come across the situation where you wanna proove how much of a ripoff Twilight is of Buffy/Angel, then please feel free to use this fanfic that way, (I actually wrote it for that purpose, shh ;)
And again, thnx!!
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