Yesterday, I discussed my first memories of reading the incredibly gimmicky X-Men 2099 #1 and got in touch with my ignorant inner-child. Today, I summon that ignorant child once again to reread and review the book that seemed like all flash but no pop.
Adult I.E.: So this book starts off with Timothy, who later becomes Skullfire, heading out of the wasteland to, well, a rave.
11 Yr Old I.E.: The future is totally like Mad Max except everyone has free time to party. That's so cool.
Adult I.E.: I guess. We're introduced to Junkpile who is basically the bouncer at the future-rave, and then we see Eddie AKA Metalhead who has the ability to touch metal and become that metal.
11 Yr Old I.E.: It's awesome! He has a adamantium bracelet on and a gold bracelet on and he turns into gold here. That's amazing!
Adult I.E: Really? Gold is incredibly malleable. He might as well turn into clay, unless he plans on running a Cash For Gold store and "wowing" his customers. They spend a good chunk of time describing the instrument he's playing. An instrument you'll never see in this comic again. A total waste of dialogue. As this story continues, we meet Serpentina and Cerebra. Get it? Like Cerebro? And she discusses her powers with Junkpile, someone she seems to know pretty well. Why is she discussing her powers with him if they already know each other?
== TEASER ==
11 Yr Old I.E.: She's like Proffesor X's Cerebro, but in human form. She's so cool, and she's very pretty.
Adult I.E.: More characters are introduced, including the leader of the new X-Men, Xi'an AKA Desert Ghost who is more of a heartless killing machine than leader.
11 Yr Old I.E.: He's totally a good guy! He talks about how he learned how to unite because of Professor X!
Adult I.E.: He also says he follows Magneto and he comes off as more of a cult leader terrorist than anything else. When you're at his rave, don't drink the Kool-Aid.
11 Yr Old I.E.: Yeah, but then something really cool happens. There's this sniper, and Timothy spots him and uses his Skullfire powers to shoot him, but Xi'an still gets shot, but then he tells Timothy, "I knew you'd join the X-Men."
Adult I.E.: He didn't join anything! He just tried to save a man's life, and frankly, did a poor job at it! Let's talk about the writing, shall we?
11 Yr Old I.E.: It's so good! All the...
Adult I.E.: Stop right there... It's terrible. There's tons of long-winded monologues, over-expository dialogue, and useless information.
11 Yr Old I.E.: I didn't understand half of those words.
Adult I.E.: While the character concepts may be really cool, especially Skullfire, he just feels like Gambit, except shooting green out of his hands instead of pink. It's recycled garbage. However, the art still stands up pretty well, and overall the story is still a lot of fun. But, why is there a preview for issue #2 of this book, in the middle of it? Spoiler alert anyone?