Why a Wonder Woman Movie Would SUCK!

  • 111 results
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
Posted by etragedy (1085 posts) - - Show Bio

For everyone that thinks a Wonder Woman movie is a good idea, I give you... the making of 'Wonder Woman':

Warner Brothers board Meeting

A guy with a big chart finishes a presentation on how revenues are down and the stockholders are unhappy.

EXECUTIVE

We need another big action film. Ideas?

PRODUCER

I've been looking over the properties we own. Superheroes are hot, and we own Wonder Woman. We haven't done a female superhero yet...

EXECUTIVE

Good. Run with it.

Producer's office Next day

Intercom buzzes.

Secretary

Sir, Mr, DiDio is here to see you.

PRODUCER

Who?

SECRETARY

He's the Veep of DC Comics.

PRODUCER

DC Comics?

SECRETARY

Our vertically integrated subsidiary that owns the rights to Wonder Woman

PRODUCER

Oh, the 'funny book' guy. Yeah, send him in.

DAN

I have a stack of scripts here by some of our top writers.

PRODUCER

Oh, that's right, your marketing guys. O.K., I'm always happy to look at screenplays by admen, I came out of advertising myself!

DAN

No, by comic book writers, actually.

Producer

Fine. Fine. Say, want to have a tour of the studio lot why you're here in L.A.? Come on, I'm about to have lunch with Jack Nicholson. Why don't you come along!

PRODUCER'S OFFICE NEXT DAY

Producer's brother walks in and sits down.

Producer's Brother

What is this stack of stuff?

PRODUCER

Oh, you can just toss those in the trash. A guy from the Time-Warner kiddie book wing brought over a bunch of spec scripts for the Wonder Woman project. Not written by actual screenwriters. I gave him a tour of the lot and a cookie and sent him home to New York. Nice guy, but doesn’t know jack about the movie biz.

The producer's brother tosses scripts by Azzarello, Straczynski, Simone, Moore, Snyder, Byrne and others into trash.

PRODUCER'S BROTHER

Ha ha. People still send you spec scripts?

PRODUCER

Hey, didn't I promise to let your son Kyle do one? I need a writer for Wonder Woman. Tell him if he can have a script to me by Tuesday, he's got the gig!

KYLE'S APARTMENT

Kyle is tearing his hair out trying to bang out a script by Tuesday.

Kyle the 'writer'

I don't know enough about Wonder Woman. Wait... wasn't it like a TV show in the 70s? I know, I'll buy the DVD box set, watch all the episodes and take notes! Then the script will practically write itself!

WARNER BROTHERS BOARD MEETING

Everybody is half asleep as Executive drones on.

EXECUTIVE

So? What's the status of our 'Super Woman' project?

PRODUCER

We have a script. Just need to crunch some numbers to get a budget.

EXECUTIVE

Nice. You gonna have Lynda Carter in it?

PRODUCER

Uh, sir, she's a bit long-in-the-tooth.

EXECUTIVE

Oh, right. Well, I'm not going to greenlight anything without a 'marquee value' star. You get someone signed by this afternoon.

Executive 2

We need someone with youth appeal.

PRODUCER

What about that 'Twilight' chick?

EXECUTIVE 2

Yeah, Kristen Stewart. My daughter loves her!

EXECUTIVE

Good! Get her agent on speaker phone! Let's have a contract by noon.

Kristen Stewart's agent is contacted. Seeing dollar signs, he signs her immediately and manages to negotiate a three picture deal for her.

PRODUCER'S OFFICE NEXT DAY

Producer is having a meeting with the film's marketing and design department.

OBSCENELY OVERPAID FASHION DESIGNER

So here is what we have for the Wonder Woman costume.

PRODUCER

Get rid of the stars-and-stripes. We need a wider international appeal.

OBSCENELY OVERPAID FASHION DESIGNER

(flips to next drawing)

O.K., we can do that. How about this one?

PRODUCER

Go-go shorts? Too retro.

OBSCENELY OVERPAID FASHION DESIGNER

How about this?

PRODUCER

No mini skirts! Jesus, I'll have all the feminists and the evangelicals after this film. Besides, we're relying on toy sales to carry this thing, and focus groups tell us the mommy contingent is uncomfortable with a Wonder Woman in a skirt. Put her in LONG PANTS!

OBSCENELY OVERPAID FASHION DESIGNER

You're the boss!

PRODUCER

Oh yeah, speaking of toys. Tell Kyle to put a funny animal friend in the movie. We need to sell more toys. I want a rewrite with a funny animal companion on my desk by Friday!

Oh… and tell him to get rid of all that “Paradise Island” crap too. It’s not relatable. We need some sort of ‘dark and gritty’ background like Batman. Dark and gritty is very hot right now.

SECRETARY

Yes, sir.

PRODUCER

Johnson, have a teaser poster worked up ASAP. Put whatever you want on it, but keep Kristen Stewart's face off it for now until we make the announcement at that little convention thingee in San Diego. I want the poster to say, "HOUSEWIFE BY DAY, AMAZON BY NIGHT!"

JOHNSON

That's a little butch. The guys over at Disney are making a mint off the princess thing. We were wanting to incorporate that.

PRODUCER

Good idea! Make it, "HOUSEWIFE BY DAY, AMAZON PRINCESS BY NIGHT!"

etc. etc. etc...

#1 Edited by etragedy (1085 posts) - - Show Bio

Of course, that is just the beginning then we have:

The director who wants to 'put his personal stamp on the movie'.

The wacky comic relief character added in as a vehicle for up-and-coming stand-up comic on Warner Bros. Records.

The CGI monster battle... because they needed something for the trailer.

etc. etc.

#2 Posted by drgnx (3564 posts) - - Show Bio

@etragedy:

LMAO

#3 Posted by RazzaTazz (9647 posts) - - Show Bio

Could be

Moderator
#4 Edited by colonyofcells (2038 posts) - - Show Bio

Lots of greek mythology movies lately. I would use Percy Jackson as a model for a Wonder Woman movie. Maybe ditch the silly costume and just have Diana Prince fight the mythology characters without using a silly costume. No tights, no flight, no codename like in Smallville tv. I would do it like a bionic woman movie but replace the science with greek mythology science fiction or more like new gods science fiction. Can connect earth to the planet of the greek mythology characters using star gates.

#5 Posted by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@colonyofcells: there's nothing wrong with her costume and wonder woman without powers is not wonder woman,a wonder woman movie can work just as well as thor if it's done right.

#6 Posted by darkman61288 (752 posts) - - Show Bio

@gokuwarrior: He didnt say without all her powers just with out flight which wouldnt be a bad idea. And the costume does need to get changed especially if they dont do a sexed up big boobed aproach, and do a feminist role model for girls one.

#7 Posted by JLDoom (2310 posts) - - Show Bio

The worst part is that this is very spot on

#8 Posted by Press Oblivion (1643 posts) - - Show Bio

feels like I've seen a thread like this before.

#9 Posted by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkman61288: the costume doesn't need to be changed,and will never be changed,and since when they don't do things sexed up in movies nowdays?,won derr woman's costume is sexy but she is not a sexual character.

and wonder woman is not jus for girls,most girls don't even read comics.

#10 Posted by etragedy (1085 posts) - - Show Bio

@Press Oblivion: I cross-posted it a couple places.

#11 Posted by Jonny_Anonymous (33609 posts) - - Show Bio

sounds about right

#12 Posted by mk111 (3141 posts) - - Show Bio

A Wonder Woman couldn't be worse than Wrath of the Titans.

#13 Posted by Black_Claw (2996 posts) - - Show Bio

The sad thing is, I can actually picture Warner Bros doing something like this. LMFAO!!!

#14 Posted by Kid_Omega_Prime (1260 posts) - - Show Bio
#15 Posted by Stormbox (2001 posts) - - Show Bio
#16 Posted by TeamUnitedNerds (402 posts) - - Show Bio

It could work, in theory. It wouldn't be very good, but it could work. Putting emphasis on the mythological aspect seems to be the wisest move

#17 Posted by Blood1991 (8098 posts) - - Show Bio

I refuse to believe that something that isn't typical can't be successful. With the right director, script and cast I think a Wonder Woman could be excellent. That being said I'm not naive enough to think Warner bros. has the talent or resources to pull it off.

#18 Posted by lilben42 (2550 posts) - - Show Bio

Wonder Woman can definitely be sucessful. All you need is a good director and writer that uses Gods and Mortals as a canvas. It should be serious with intense moments not dark and gritty. They can keep Themyscira and focus on relating on an emotional level. Maybe her mother is over protective, or something. Costume is the only real problem which is easily resolved.

#19 Edited by etragedy (1085 posts) - - Show Bio

I wonder how many people actually read the original post.

not could/couldn't... would/wouldn't

not can/can't... would/wouldn't

not can be successful... would/wouldn't be successful

It's not why a Wonder Woman couldn't be good - but why a Wonder Woman movie wouldn't be good.

(And this costume is awesome... but yeah, not gonna happen)

#20 Posted by darkman61288 (752 posts) - - Show Bio

DC is waiting to see if Man of Steel is a success to move forward with any WW film.

#21 Posted by Avenger85 (1869 posts) - - Show Bio

Lets have Uwe Boll direct it.

#22 Posted by etragedy (1085 posts) - - Show Bio

@Avenger85: Oh man, at least they're not dumb enough to do that - I hope!

#23 Posted by CuddlyPlane (84 posts) - - Show Bio

You should have said "A Wonder Woman movie would be bad because it's Wonder Woman."

#24 Posted by lykopis (10746 posts) - - Show Bio

This had me laughing so hard -- you had me screaming "Nooo!" when Kyle's dad chucked all those scripts as per brother's request.

Well done! :)

#25 Posted by lilben42 (2550 posts) - - Show Bio

@etragedy: Wonder Woman film would be great if done right, any film can be bad.

#26 Posted by Press Oblivion (1643 posts) - - Show Bio

@lilben42 said:

@etragedy: Wonder Woman film would be great if done right, any film can be bad.

Of course.

#27 Posted by SmashBrawler (5801 posts) - - Show Bio

@CuddlyPlane said:

You should have said "A Wonder Woman movie would be bad because it's Wonder Woman."

No.

#28 Posted by Press Oblivion (1643 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkman61288 said:

DC is waiting to see if Man of Steel is a success to move forward with any WW film.

I think we should be realistic, they are waiting on the performance of "Man of Steel" before moving forward on a Justice League initiative. Characters like Wonder Woman and Aquaman will be hard pressed to make it to the big screen.

#29 Posted by Avenger85 (1869 posts) - - Show Bio

@etragedy: Why not ?

I mean, just look at the sheer works of art the guy has directed.

How can you not want a Wonder Woman movie made like the masterpieces of filmmaking that are Alone in the Dark & Dungeon Siege ?

#30 Posted by TAneT62 (1066 posts) - - Show Bio

Oh oh oh oh oh, such an irrelevant and a bore of a thread. This is merely you're own emphasis on the thought of a Wonder Woman film. Just like Batman, if it's done right, the actress is a great choice, and the director knows what he's doing, then it would be brilliant. Period darling.

#31 Posted by Superguy1591 (3420 posts) - - Show Bio

@gokuwarrior: It very much does, Wonder woman will only sell if it appeals to women of all ages. Most men would disregard it as they do so many other female action movies and only people looking for a softcore peepshow would show up to watch it. No self-respecting woman would show up to a Wonder Woman movie with her dressed as a two bit skank. No parent would take their little girl to a "woman empowerment" movie with the lead woman dressed like that. Hell, I don't think a self respecting parent should allow their little boy to watch a movie wit her dressed like Wonder Woman that calls itself a "woman empowerment" movie.

There is nothing empowering about Diana being dressed in a star-spangled thong and with 90% her breast hanging out. She can be sexy without being dressed like that.

#32 Edited by etragedy (1085 posts) - - Show Bio

: c'mon, Razz, as much as we wish it weren't so, you know I'm right.

: and yet I did not...

@TAneT62: Once again, reading is fundamental. I never said a Wonder Woman film couldn't be good. I said (given today's Hollywood climate) a Wonder Woman film wouldn't be good. Difference.

#33 Posted by lilben42 (2550 posts) - - Show Bio

@etragedy: Not at all Wonder Woman really wouldn't be hard to make good and apealing.

#34 Posted by lilben42 (2550 posts) - - Show Bio

@Superguy1591: Its just a bathing suit, I really don't see the problem with it but her costume should be changed a little.

@Press Oblivion: So this thread is a waste of time....

#35 Posted by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@Superguy1591: completely wrong,catwoman is all about sex and nobody complains about it,xena warrior princess was a popular series and her costume was provocative,sailor moon characters have also provocative costumes and the manga and series are a huge success,lynda carter show was a huge hit too,wonder woman costume is not the problem,it won't be the first time that you'll see sexy chicks with provocative costumes in action movies,a well done wonder woman movie can work,because she is still the most popular,recognized,iconic and best selling female character in comic history.

#36 Posted by Press Oblivion (1643 posts) - - Show Bio

@lilben42 said:

@Press Oblivion: So this thread is a waste of time....

No this thread isn't a waste of time, I don't think that anyone should be deceived into thinking that the powers that be are waiting for Man of Steel's performance to move forward on, specifically, a Wonder Woman film.

Their focus is clearly on a Justice League movie to garner them that Avengers money. Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and possibly The Flash have high hurdles to traverse before they make it to the big screen in solo ventures.

#37 Posted by StrangeMan (411 posts) - - Show Bio

This could apply to every female superhero really.

#38 Posted by Imagine_Man15 (1801 posts) - - Show Bio

@CuddlyPlane said:

You should have said "A Wonder Woman movie would be bad because it's Wonder Woman."

Go away.

#39 Posted by lilben42 (2550 posts) - - Show Bio

@Press Oblivion: yeah but thats not the topic here and mostly Aquaman and Flash. Getting viewers won't be that hard either.

#40 Posted by Superguy1591 (3420 posts) - - Show Bio

@lilben42: You don't see a problem with the most iconic female character in comicdom wearing a star-spangled one piece as her costume? A character created to teach girls that they can be equals to any man, even a Superman. The costume is classless and in bad taste, the character deserves better.

@gokuwarrior: Don't compare Catwoman to Wonder Woman, Catwoman is not a feminist icon created to be a champion of an entire movement. Catwoman is a whore...literally. She can be all about sex because she wasn't created to be crusader. Xena's costume was not provocative to me and I would love it if Diana's suit looked more like Xena's. Like Catwoman, don't compare Diana to a character who isn't a champion for equality, Sailor Moon was probably meticulously created with the intent to sell sex as was The Lynda Carter '70s show.

Nothing from that show should be copied or emulated in any Wonder Woman stories from now on because the she turned a warrior princess into the predecessor of Baywatch. Wonder Woman can work, but not with the one piece. She needs to act, look, dress and move like a warrior princess. Put her in some traditional Greek battle attire, give her a great script(hopefully based on the New 52) and get the best female director Hollywood has to offer on the seat.

#41 Edited by lilben42 (2550 posts) - - Show Bio

@Superguy1591: Nope its iconic. That costume is the best I don't know what you are talking about! All you really need to do is make the bottom more thick and down just a little. For a movie I would choose either....

I just can't imagine Wonder Woman looking as good with a skirt or especially pants. or the original of course.

#42 Posted by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@Superguy1591: again wrong,forget about girls,they don't read comics and wonder woman is a god like warrior she is not for kids,there is nothing wrong with the costume,look at elektra,red sonja,etc,wonder woman's costume is fine,sailor moon's costume is also very similar and it worked,arazzello's run in wonder woman is not the best a wonder woman movie should be based in perez run or ruka run,or have a new plot for the movie with good writers that know what to do with the character,that's all she needs to have a successful movie,but first they should make an animated adaptation of perez run,ruka run and simone run,more promotion is all she

needs.

#43 Posted by Stronger (4948 posts) - - Show Bio

@mk111 said:

A Wonder Woman couldn't be worse than Wrath of the Titans.

#44 Posted by TheHulk (808 posts) - - Show Bio

Hulk hope they do it right if they DO go along with it.

#45 Posted by Superguy1591 (3420 posts) - - Show Bio

@lilben42: Undies on the outside were iconic too, now they're not. Not a lot of people take the character seriously and it is because of the way she is dressed. You've probably heard this before, but "Dress for the job you want". I would love it if DC/WB put her in this...

Respectable, powerful, doesn't stray too far from the original and most importantly, makes her look like a warrior.

#46 Posted by Stronger (4948 posts) - - Show Bio

@Superguy1591 said:

@lilben42: You don't see a problem with the most iconic female character in comicdom wearing a star-spangled one piece as her costume? A character created to teach girls that they can be equals to any man, even a Superman. The costume is classless and in bad taste, the character deserves better.

@gokuwarrior: Don't compare Catwoman to Wonder Woman, Catwoman is not a feminist icon created to be a champion of an entire movement. Catwoman is a whore...literally. She can be all about sex because she wasn't created to be crusader. Xena's costume was not provocative to me and I would love it if Diana's suit looked more like Xena's. Like Catwoman, don't compare Diana to a character who isn't a champion for equality, Sailor Moon was probably meticulously created with the intent to sell sex as was The Lynda Carter '70s show.

Nothing from that show should be copied or emulated in any Wonder Woman stories from now on because the she turned a warrior princess into the predecessor of Baywatch. Wonder Woman can work, but not with the one piece. She needs to act, look, dress and move like a warrior princess. Put her in some traditional Greek battle attire, give her a great script(hopefully based on the New 52) and get the best female director Hollywood has to offer on the seat.

Great ideas pal!

#47 Posted by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@Superguy1591: some people don't take her seriously because wonder woman and her villans have been victim of bad writing too many times in the past,there is nothing wrong with the costume.

#48 Edited by Superguy1591 (3420 posts) - - Show Bio

@gokuwarrior: How can you say "forget about the little girls" when that's who the character was created for? Little girls, and a lot of women, don't read comics because all the women look like slores in g-strings, breast popping out and little to nothings. The only people that appeals to are 12 year old boys and creeps who get off on drawings,

And saying Wonder Woman isn't for kids is like saying Thor isn't for kids, but Marvel already proved you wrong. You're right though, superheroes aren't only for kids, they're supposed to appeal to all ages. Did you get into superheroes at the age of 18? I didn't, so what do you mean she's not for kids? And Perez's run is dated and cheesy, BA's run is the better take.

#49 Edited by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@Stronger:

there is nothing wrong with the costume,look at elektra,red sonja,etc,wonder woman's costume is fine,sailor moon's costume is also very similar and it worked,arazzello's run in wonder woman is not the best a wonder woman movie should be based in perez run or ruka run,or have a new plot for the movie with good writers that know what to do with the character,that's all she needs to have a successful movie,but first they should make an animated adaptation of perez run,ruka run and simone run,more promotion is all she needs.

#50 Edited by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@Superguy1591: arazzello run is not better,no action,no good feats,no good interaction between characters,she seems a supporting cast in her own title,everything has just kept going in circles around the zeus's child drama for more than a year,perez run was better,he defined who she is,what she stands for,with good development,interaction between characters and great action.

wonder woman doesn't have to appeal to girls anymore,we are not in the 40s,forget about the sexism thing,sailor moon is a huge success even with all the provocative and suggestive costumes,the main character has a costume similar to wonder woman'scopstume,the salilor moon character has many other similar aspects,like being a princess from a ancient world,bein the most powerful of her race and compassionate,and it is successful with huge fan base,men and women,so the costume is not the problem,wonder woman proves her worth,when she is written properly,she shows that she is a badass warrior with god like powers.

This edit will also create new pages on Comic Vine for:

Beware, you are proposing to add brand new pages to the wiki along with your edits. Make sure this is what you intended. This will likely increase the time it takes for your changes to go live.

Comment and Save

Until you earn 1000 points all your submissions need to be vetted by other Comic Vine users. This process takes no more than a few hours and we'll send you an email once approved.