Excerpts From Wonder Woman Script: The Story by jpfola26

#1 Posted by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

WONDER WOMAN EXCERPT FROM WONDER WOMAN REBIRTH

Written by John Paul Mokuolu

This is the story form, not the script form I hope you enjoy:

This first excerpt comes soon after the Amazons are led to Paradise Island by the Gods. This is an important scene that really sets the tone for the film in general, but also Paradise Island, and what ́s going on before Diana ́s birth.

Super: Paradise Island

Cut to, we are outside an impressive vineyard estate in what appears to be the countryside. The weather is scorching. We see women workers on the Vineyard happily go about their daily business. Note: we are somewhere out side the Themysciran City-State. When along comes a Royal Guard on horseback led by Alkyone. They speak amongst each other of how “The great playwright Lysandra is feared to have gone mad. She has not entered a story offering for the Queen, and speaks of being with babe.” They all laugh, however, Alkyone is angered by their levity, and tells them “This is no laughing matter, to talk of propagation on this Island is nothing less than high treason.” Dissolve to: They enter Lysandra ́s dwelling and then finally her bed chamber. The five women enter and what they see frightens them to the core of their being. Lysandra is sitting on a rocking chair in a darkened room, with what seems to be a slumbering baby quilted in her arms, singing it a lullaby. She turns to Alkyone, Lysandra: “Sisters quiet, she ́s just got to sleep. Can you see, our prayers have been answered. Hestia in all her infinite wisdom has granted the Amazons a child.” She continues to sing her a lullaby.

Alkyone, is so disturbed by what she sees that she recklessly grabs the child from her arms, so as to inspect it. However on closer inspection, the child is not at all a baby, but rather a doll. Alkyone cruelly discards it to the floor. Lysandra falls from her seat, and bows crying before the child as if it were real and had been murdered.

The four then leave her quarters, to discuss the situation just outside her door. Alkyone appears very concerned. The others ask what should be done. Alkyone replies, “It is true then, our Island ́s greatest poet has lost her reason. She is a broken woman.” “So what shall be done Alkyone?” Alkyone: “By Athena ́s gracious wisdom, I do not know. But our sister ́s cannot discover Lysandra ́s madness. She must be silenced, or, this whole island may turn to chaos...” She ponders a moment... “May the gods forgive me of what I must ask of you sisters, but I think we must be rid of her, lest her madness spread like a plague amidst our sisters and spoil our fragile peace... You are charged by my authority to... to kill the poet Lysandra, and give her a holy burial in the north quarters, outside Themyscira. I myself must return to our queen as she inquires over her favorite playwrights health... and I must bring news soon.” The four would- be assassins once again return to inside Lysandra ́s quarters. We see her weeping over the doll. Then back to outside; Alkyone, mounts her steed looking to the sky saddened by the immensity of her decision. “Oh sister, you always seemed touched by the spirits; may the Gods be with you Lysandra, I will keep you - always - within my heart... Oh sad tidings you bring us Gods. Why such sad tidings?” She then begins her journey back into the city.

The Following scene is a bit further on in the Story. I wanted you to get a sense of who my Diana is. So I put this in for you to read. As the title suggests its just before Steve arrives on the Island.

Steve ́s Arrival, Tournament, Voyage To Mans World We fade out, to show a jump in time.

It is night. From a birds eye view we float down from the heavens over one of Themysciras magnificent beaches. We can make out the outline of three figures laying upon the soft white sand, star gazing.

Now closer: We see the 3 figures are Io, Mala (Now in her 20 ́s) and Diana also in her early 20 ́s. We see from their P.O.V the clear sky. Scattered about the magnificent heavens are throngs of twinkling diamond like stars; it is truly a wondrous view. We then hear OS, Mala: “To Themyscira.” Mala holds up her brass cup for a toast. The rest of the girls also hold their cups up. Apparently the young Amazons are sharing a glass of wine. Diana and Io join in the toast. Io then asks: “Why would any Amazon ever want to leave? The gods have truly blessed us.” Diana looks pensive, seemingly reflecting on what Io has said. She then repeats the statement back, but less as an assertion and more as a question. This forces Io to question her ponderous expression. Diana replies: “Io, Amongst my sisters, I have always found you the most troubling of paradoxes. On this whole Island no finer mind can be found than yours... was it not you who challenged the Amazons first thinkers, when they defended mans belief that the world was flat?” Io “Yes it was I...”, Diana: “And as the Amazons mocked you, bemoaning and ridiculing your solitary studies of nature, did you not bring the Amazons into the light of the empirical sciences? You refined our knowledge of medicine, chemistry, physics, optics. You more than any Amazon has sought for our enlightenment. You refused that even the Gods hide the source of their miracles from us, by studying the barrier that hides us from mans world. For you all things must conform to nature, and, all things with patience and an open mind can be revealed to us ... and yet with such a open mind as yours, you see no wisdom in exploring the world any further than the smallest of its corners. This tiny Island of Themyscira, is less than a dot in the immense canvas that is the world.” Io: “Diana I understand your curiosity. I do. But you did not suffer under mans cruel reign as we Amazons did...” Here Io ́s monologue becomes a VO, over a montage, for each statement we see the Amazons past, and their frequent betrayals by men. Io: “before Hippolyta found me I was a slave, orphaned by mans wars. I ́ve seen the truth of mans soul. My family annihilated, while for the Glory of the Persian Empire, my mother was carted off to entertain in royal menageries. Human Zoos showcasing the strange and exotic peoples they ́d conquered... It is with sad regret, I think man and Amazon must forever be segregated on this Earth. Mans unquenchable thirst for dominion and The Amazons desire to remain free would only lead to never ending hostilities. A war that would engulf the world. A war of eternal struggle, continual fear, and, danger of violent death. Under such conditions no art, no culture, no science or erudition shall prosper. Nothing will flourish but the seeds of discord. Seeking union with Mans World is a fools errand.” Diana: “The Amazons have surely suffered, but their fear, their pain, their anguish, their isolation; this type of anger and unexamined prejudice, is like a poison we Amazons sip, in false hope our foe will keel over. I remember Clio once told me something. She

said, nothing gives the Amazons heart more courage than our capacity to love.” Io: “Yes Diana, and look how she died, look how her love betrayed her...” Diana is noticeably saddened by Io ́s retort. Mala pours some more wine. Mala: “Come now sisters, are we to spend such a glorious night philosophizing on such bleakness? Lets speak of merriment and lighter affairs, as beautiful Clio would have wanted...” Diana smiles “Yes quite.”

We see as the night fast forwards into day; by now the 3 are asleep on the beach. It is a calm and somber morning, when out of nowhere, the rapid sound of machine gunfire is heard. A Loud deafening explosion roars in the sky above us. Diana and Mala awaken, startled by the sudden commotion. They look to the sky and are surprised to see two fighter jets in the distance falling from the sky, and then thunderously crashing into the sea.

Mala: “What is that Diana?” Diana replies “I do not know. Come sisters.” They run in closer to see what is happening.

Two men emerge out of the sunny sky on parachutes. They are wearing Jet fighter jump suits, the canopy of their parachute bearing national symbols. We see as they float down a little distance away from the Shoreline, with a trail of fiery smoke trailing behind their descent before they thunderously crash into the sea.

As this is happening, in the distance some Amazons on horseback, lead by Artemis, gallop toward the scene. Finally one of the men lands in the sea, he is clearly wounded and may drown. The other lands on the beach, his parachute covering his eyes so he cannot see anything. Artemis now realizing a man has landed on the Island yells out to the troops “charge.” Meanwhile Diana instinctively leaps into the sea to save the man from drowning, she finally pulls him towards shore and onto the beach. He immediately coughs up some water. Io and mala whisper behind her, “It’s a man. How is this possible?” while Diana, now taken aback and realizing what she has done, stares in amazement at the strange injured man. OS we hear Artemis, screaming out to The Princess, “Get away from it.” Suddenly we see from Diana ́s P.O.V. as she looks down on this wounded mortal. He ́s in his 30s, handsome. He looks at Diana dazed and as if he ́s just seen the most sublime sight of his life, he says: “Angel.”

Almost immediately after, we hear gunfire OS. It appears the other man has removed the parachute and has seen the charge of the Amazons. He is noticeably intimidated and confused, as this marauding gang of armed warriors fast approach him. He begins to open fire. One Amazon falls, as her horse is injured by the gunfire. Diana screams “Stop!!!” to the gunman, who turns to Diana, preparing to open fire on her.

Cut to: A look of pure fear enters Artemis ́ face, “Diana!!”

Cut to: We see as the gunman is about to pull the trigger. However just before he does, he is shot down mysteriously. Diana doesn ́t understand; she then looks down toward the man laying by her, he has a gun in his hand, barely knowing where he is, it is obvious he has shot the man in hope to save Diana ́s life. As the strange visitor falls into unconscious, so do we the viewer with him.

Cut To: The Next Scene Is Steve Trevors Dream Flash Back Of How He Landed

On The Island.

We Cut Fast between the following scenes.

We are in the midst of hell. A once thriving agricultural village somewhere in the Middle East has been bombed into the Stone Age. This little village has obviously fallen victim to a campaign of bombing and extermination. We get the sense this was once a charming, gentle and graceful hamlet, but now chaos, bombing and violence has reduced the town to a site haunted by the ghosts of countless victims.

Random signs of community, technology, culture, only make this heart wrenching scene all the more implausible to the observer. What could have justified such a merciless attack?

We are faced with a tragic indictment of modern warfare. Buildings once occupied, streets once busied with commerce, playgrounds once played in by innocent children, burnt to ash, laying in ruins. All that was developed now reduced to rubble. Goats, Cows, Dogs, eating trash from the streets. Flies buzz around the bodies of charred carcasses of animal and human alike. Life has become unbearable. Bloodstains smeared across walls, and mixed in with dirty sand.

Yet, the beating heart of life pulsates, nobly striving on, mustering up a will to carry on that given the conditions can only be described as miraculous. At the epicenter of this circus of cruelty and death, is a queue of sole survivors lining up outside, a now crumbling hospital. The hungry, the humiliated, the wretched, the displaced, impoverished and

sick, are served bread by what seem to survived what ever horror occurred in this

They are queuing outside one of the last the hospital now converted into a bakery bread while others seek medical attention.

be medical staff who somehow damned land.

hubs of activity in the town; and medical center, doles out

The men organizing the handouts, tirelessly try and affect some kind of order, but with the degree of suffering and desperation around them, their efforts are rendered futile. The itinerate, expelled, and deracinated, too disoriented and disorganized, coalesce into a troublesome mob. Some appear injured, lugubrious, despondent and enraged; others stare wildly into the sky cursing the Gods for their fate. Shocked at the devastation they ́ve witnessed, heart broken and withdrawn, many men weep for the loved ones they ́ve lost along the way, still more curse the world; spirits utterly crushed.

Obviously they have been caught up in bloody civil war. Simple men, women and children. Fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, families, workers, farmers, doctors, teachers. All stand equal, side by side, victims of hatred, intolerance and indifference. Those handing out the bread have a difficult task controlling this unruly mob, who all just want bread for their family or medical attention for their injured children. Many push past others, who are weaker, so desperately hungry that all sense of community and civility has broken down.

They shout, they beg, they squabble, attempting to get to those handing out bread. Many of them are clearly malnourished, including children. The

sight of this starving huddled mass is sad and disturbing.

Suddenly without warning, OS, an explosion is heard. Confusion. Black plums of smoke. Broken glass. Bodies scatter from the breadline.

Cut To: In the sky, we see as seven Kamov KA-50 attack helicopters hover over the bread line in formation. Each releasing heavy fusillades of artillery fire on clearly unarmed civilians.

Terror ensues. On the ground women, children, families, scatter in panic, attempting to get to safety.

Cut to: Clear Sky over Bialya. Jet fighters approach at about 10000 feet. Like locus, these flying death machines soar in at vast speeds, with deadly intentions. Aim 9 sidewinder missiles drop from the sky, with lethal precision. On their way to devastating nearby areas.

Cut to: One of the attackers lets off an Aim-9 sidewinder missile. Cut To The bakery. Target Hit. Devastation.

Cut To: What appears to be a medical facility nearby. Target Hit. Devastation.

Cut To: Muslim women, herding a number of school children as quickly as possible out of a rundown dilapidated school. Screen goes blank. Gunfire. Screams. Crying.

Cut To

Int. Steves Fighter. Steve is flying high over the town under siege. “Mission Control, I ́m seeing heavy fire on ground. Permission to engage? Over.”

#2 Edited by WDW (1514 posts) - - Show Bio

You need to do it in script form Please.

I cant get passed the first few sentences

#3 Posted by darknightspideyfanboy (1177 posts) - - Show Bio

@wdw said:

You need to do it in script form Please.

#4 Posted by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

@wdw:

@darknightspideyfanboy:

I will eventually, but I was mapping out the whole story. I have the latter half in script form. Can you upload in script format?

#5 Edited by WDW (1514 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: Personally I dont think you need to map out the script now... Just start and finish the rough draft in script format. RE-read and re read again... after that make your adjustment..

To upload in Script format I would convert the excerpt into a JPEG image and post it that way.

#6 Posted by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio
#7 Posted by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: it's really good,but don't forget to make sure that diana's durability and speed is written properly,she can't be hurt by human hits or tagged by humans,and maybe you can also make her bulletproof like in the god among us comic.

#8 Posted by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

@gokuwarrior: Her power level is pretty strong. I´ve tried to look at all the versions and explain the different strength levels. Thanks.

#9 Posted by PowerWoman (3325 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: A versions of Wonder woman maybe just a little bit stronger than normal man,but some versions of wonder woman close to superman in strength....so...

#10 Edited by WDW (1514 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: If you can I would download a copy of Final Draft 8. It makes writing in script format SUPER EASY. I am sure you can find it someplace online and download it like I did :P

anyway here are 4 pages from my very first Draft Wonder Woman script. Using the program Final Draft 8. I omitted the parts with Wonder Woman and some other details so it does not mess with your own creative Juices.

#11 Posted by gokuwarrior (4368 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26 said:

@gokuwarrior: Her power level is pretty strong. I´ve tried to look at all the versions and explain the different strength levels. Thanks.

ok,all her version have a very strong power level except the one that lost her powers,i know we can trust you,you won't let wonder woman's power level get a bad treatment i know that,and good work with the script.

#12 Edited by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

@wdw: I have final draft, but the part I´ve scripted is not ready to be shown yet unfortunately. I explained I think before the excerpts that this is just the story. Sorry its just my process. Before I script I generally write the story first. Then I go back and script it. But I´ve written most of the part where WW finally enters Mans World in final draft. Its just the end that I haven´t written. I look forward to reading the script parts you left and I hope maybe you can get over the format and leave me a comment for what I´ve done as I respect your opinion.

Here are some pages from the script, but its the first draft and not as polished as the excerpts above. Also PG-13, no swearing or graphic violence unfortunately. Hope you enjoy.

Ok I just read your script. Awesome. Very different approach to me, I have to say. I think I was going more PG-13, so the violence and swearing is not quite as gruesome. Don´t get me wrong that´s not to say I dislike it, just to say I never pictured it like that. Very nicely written, well crafted, and flows well. I actually put mine up cause I wanted some encouragement as I´ve had a bit of a creative slump as of late. I hoped getting a little feedback will get me on track. Thanks for showing me your work. You are really talented, I imagine your WW is badass. I actually have her first fight scene in script form as one of my excerpts, but again not sure how to download it from pdf.

#13 Edited by WDW (1514 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: The problem I am having is that reading it is very Jarring. Its not written as a script and its not really written as a story. Its some sort of hybrid of both so the story does not flow when I attempt to read it as a story and same when I try to read it as a script

So anyway I read it best I could.. Some parts the dialog to too wordy. If you plan to make this into a spec script you have to use less dialog to explain events and more imagery.... but then again it can also just be your writing style prior to writing your first draft script.

You should not put "WE" when describing events in the story/script but like before this can just be your process of preparation.

As far as the events go in the story all I can say is that the characters seem familiar.

I think your story would be MUCH better if you either wrote it as a script or stick 100% to the story format. Not a Hybrid.

personally my view on Amazon's differ a quite a bit from yours but I can certainty appreciate the fact that you read the source material for your amazons

I find ACT 1 and ACT 3 fairly easy to write.

Its ACT 2 which is always the longest and most difficult to write for me.

Your Excerpt seems to be in ACT 1 cool

#14 Edited by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

@wdw: Yeah you´re right actually, act 2 is has been difficult, I´ve skipped bits even. I accept your criticism of the first part of the script and how its written. The description is shorter obviously, alot of it is notes for me. I just thought it was pretty easy to follow and everyone I´ve shown it to seems to be fine. I think its cause you´re used to reading scripts now and I agree to that extent. I don´t know that its too wordy though. I think the language in the excerpts are much better than in the script above. But as I said at first I just like to get the whole story out then go back and cut and edit. So your seeing this in its raw form. To be honest as well I like a bit of a wordy script, I don´t buy into this new image per second form of writing scripts, I found Iron Man 3 far superior to Man Of Steel. Why because its character driven. My Wonder Woman is a character piece so I´m giving the characters time to breath on screen. Obviously it still has to be 120 pages, but it depends if you´re talking about the script above or the excerpts in the main post. The script above is just the first version and has since been edited and still will be. So I agree about the language there.

#15 Posted by WDW (1514 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: OK I read it MUCH easier to read and understand. the script decent start. I must say that I dont like Diana at this stage in your script. She seems like a drunk bully LOL

As far as wordiness goes I found that the best scripts incorporate non verbal communication rather talking out every emotion through dialog. I find that simple non-verbal communication goes a long way to giving characters more volume/depth in a lot of parts where dialog is used.

Personally I never write my scripts with a RATING.. (G, PG-13, R) In mind they are too restrictive. I let my characters be who they are to capture the intensity. Its always easier to edit to a RATING once the script is done.

#16 Posted by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

@wdw:

@wdw said:

@jphulk26: OK I read it MUCH easier to read and understand. the script decent start. I must say that I dont like Diana at this stage in your script. She seems like a drunk bully LOL

As far as wordiness goes I found that the best scripts incorporate non verbal communication rather talking out every emotion through dialog. I find that simple non-verbal communication goes a long way to giving characters more volume/depth in a lot of parts where dialog is used.

Personally I never write my scripts with a RATING.. (G, PG-13, R) In mind they are too restrictive. I let my characters be who they are to capture the intensity. Its always easier to edit to a RATING once the script is done.

1. OK I read it MUCH easier to read and understand. the script decent start. I must say that I don´t like Diana at this stage in your script. She seems like a drunk bully LOL

Yeah, this moment in the script Diana has been shown to be very wise and profound. I actually had someone say something similar, I think out of context the scene may seem strange. But think about it like this, this is my Batman Begins for Wonder Woman. Its like when Bruce comes back from Princeton and he´s just an angry young man. He´s not the hero we know he is going to become yet. He wants to kill Joe Chill and nearly does. For me this scene is all about her first really knowing her power (which again out of the context of the whole story may seem like she´s a bully), she is young, wise, compassionate, but still unfamiliar with the ways of man and she knows nothing of the kind of wonton violence that we are capable of. The violence of the thugs reflects the violence she faces in the shape of the villain of the film. In the sense that it is senseless, its ultimate motive the love and rivalry in the suffering of others; Diana´s journey in this is to understand such evil and gain compassion even for what she finds most reprehensible. So thats the significance of the scene. But that was an earlier draft of it.

2. As far as wordiness goes I found that the best scripts incorporate non verbal communication rather talking out every emotion through dialog. I find that simple non-verbal communication goes a long way to giving characters more volume/depth in a lot of parts where dialog is used.

I absolutely agree. I mean I´m not afraid of dialogue, and I think its very important sometimes to character building. People shouldn´t just state everything they´re feeling at all. Film is after all a visual medium. I think the parts I´ve put in are dialogue heavy maybe. But I agree with you. I just didn´t know what particular scene you were referring to. If its the scene on the beach I think the dialogue is really good and everyone I´ve shown it to, people I don´t even know agree that it adds real depth to Diana. But again I feel it loses some impact outside the context of the whole piece, I wish I could share the whole thing, but I chose these excerpts as they were to just give a flavor of the approach I´m taking, while not giving away the whole thing.

3. Personally I never write my scripts with a RATING.. (G, PG-13, R) In mind they are too restrictive. I let my characters be who they are to capture the intensity. Its always easier to edit to a RATING once the script is done.

This is the first PG-13 thing I´ve ever written. But I want this to be something adults and little kids can enjoy. Theres a layer their for adults to understand, but Wonder Woman is an inspiration and represents something hopeful for me, a symbol of peace, so I didn´t want it to be too overtly violent, or use bad language. Its a lot harder to write tough guys or thugs without a few swear words though :) It always feels like dude would totally say "fuck" there or some other curse word. :) I appreciate the feedback a lot. I also really liked the little of your script I read. It looks like a very cool, refreshing take on the character.

I find it really hard to deal with military or CIA dialogue or scene descriptions. Its actually the bit I´m struggling on now. Any advice.

Thanks again.

Jp

#17 Edited by Black_Claw (2872 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: Great script dude, but I'm curious, who's the villain in your movie.

#18 Posted by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: Great script dude, but I'm curious, who's the villain in your movie.

My favorite character apart from WW in the WW mythos. The main man of course. In the script he goes under 2 names, one of them is Bakunin. :)

Thanks for the compliment.

#19 Posted by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks for everyones comments so far.

#20 Edited by lilben42 (2487 posts) - - Show Bio

@jphulk26: How did you begin your script? Like from the very beginning.

#21 Posted by jphulk26 (1308 posts) - - Show Bio

@lilben42: Yes

@lilben42 said:

@jphulk26: How did you begin your script? Like from the very beginning.

You didn´t say what you think.

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