etragedy's Ultimate X-Men #2 - The Enemy Within review

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Issue 2 Evaporates Any Goodwill I Had

This gets an average rating only because the art is semi-decent and there is an interesting idea here - Magneto's devious plan being it.

However, it's chock full of things that P me Off. I totally get that this is a new version of the X-Men, starting from scratch. I'm O.K. with that. Want to mess around with the origins? Fine. Wolverine is now an assassin working for Magneto? Cool.

But then it's missing all the things that made the X-Men good and different from the overly steroid pumped brainless action comics it once stood in stark contrast against. Here's just a few:

The X-Men's plane used to be a real plane a Lockeed SR-71 Blackbird. What they call a "Blackbird" now is not. It looks more like a Stealth bomber, with the distinctly un-stealthy addition of green neon ghetto lowrider lights.

Speaking of the "Blackbird" that isn't - the story opens with it going 300 miles per hour with Beast sitting on the side doing maintenance to it while Jean pilots solo... uhm no. No! Even if Beast was trying to hold on (he's not) he couldn't. Let alone make repairs. Let alone have the tools even work. This is just dumb.

All the X-Men despite having just met are already involved in faux love dramas, instead of the ones that naturally evolved over the course of dozens of issues back when the title was good. As a matter of fact - all the X-Men are already way too familiar with each other, with even the Professor making an off-color joke when he calls them together

Iceman - where to begin? On the first page we see him, he's already gliding about on ice ramps and stuff it took him years to learn in the pages of Uncanny. A few minutes later we're reminded that he's "only been with us for a couple of weeks" by the Professor, no less, who then asks him if he wants to join the mission to find the person he himself has just called, "the most dangerous killer in the world" - and then praises him when he says yes and goes. WTF? Remember how long Xavier used to make new recruits like Kitty and The New Mutants wait months... nay, years before ever going on first missions as X-Men? - let alone going after the likes of Wolverine???

The fight scenes are written and drawn like they were made for Top Cow readers (sorry Top Cow readers). The X-Men show up and the first thing they do? Strike a pose! Wolverine steals a motorcycle (a street bike) and then pops a jumping wheelie through the snow and then speeds off on a snow and ice covered road - O.K., I know he has a healing factor, so maybe he's not worried about personal injury, but no - there is no way that bike is going to take those curves without going down, and if it goes down, it's not going to start up again. Nevertheless, Wolverine passes his quarry, then says 'Boo' which of course makes them run off the road and crash into a tree and fly through the front windshield (bulletproof Humvee glass no less) and land in the snow which decapitates one, but leaves the other with glass shards in his face BUT STILL ALIVE even though he's (supposedly) a normal human!

Look, I'll suspend disbelief in the laws of physics as they apply to superpowers - but there's a limit - a normal Joe cannot live through this shit - I wouldn't expect even most superheroes without some sort of invulnerability to even be able to live through it.

This is just junk and dishonors the X-Men name.

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