Frozen Affidavits at the Friskoteque
Ugh. Arnold Drake and Co. show us again why the moribund series is doomed - issues like this just aren't any good. The drawing is poor, the lettering is horribly located, and the dialogue is so lousy it would have to get better just to be awful. As nice as it is to pick up the, I guess we'll call it, "action" right away, Drake takes a lesson (the wrong one) from his predecessor once removed, Roy Thomas, and just has things happen simply because he wants them to happen, not because they make any sense or connect in any way to what has happened or is currently happening. The entire "Undercover Cyclops" thing is ludicrous - it comes from nowhere, does nothing, and goes nowhere. Where did Cyke get the costume, the powers? How has he planned everything down to the minute, considering the numerous factors involved? Why would he release Mesmero and the minions, if their goal is to rescue Lorna, anyway? If that even is their goal ... nothing here makes any sense. The supposed secret hideout is apparently on the main highway, since everyone can find it easily. Cyke/Erik walks right in, the X-Men walk right in, and Iceman saunters on in whistling a merry tune. Again, things just happen because A. Drake wants them to. Fight scenes occur, the dialogue destroys any possible tension, and Mesmero's magical mental powers just sort of happen and then it all stops. Iceman gets knocked out by the magic power cable, only to wake up in the heart of the secret cave with Lorna, so he takes the opportunity of notifying Lorna about his affidavits he's collected from her hometown about Magneto not being her dad. I really don't know what else to say about that. Is this issue taking place several months after the previous issue? We are given no time references at all (which is actually one of the nice things about this issue, in that since A. Drake is in a big hurry to get this over with, he doesn't spend any time on transitions). Magneto gets away, Jean saves all their lives a couple times (but no one takes that seriously, apparently because she's a girl), and the X-Men decide to let Lorna know about their real identities. I'm sure that won't be a problem with Magneto's desire for revenge. The never-ending not-really-origins of the X-Men series continues with the Beast and Conquistador debacle, highlighted by Xavier telling the guys about the top-secret brain-reading machine he has hidden away (despite the fact no one knew about it until he told Cyclops years later, but we'll let that slide). Hank learns too late villains who kidnap parents aren't very honest, and we are left with the disheartening conclusion this story is not over yet. I'm a great fan of the X-Men, but this issue was quite close to disgraceful. I can't tell if it's worse than the Cyke and Jean Computo issue or the Mekano issue or the Spidey issue, but it's definitely in the conversation (one of the least enjoyable conversations anyone could ever have). Thank you, Jim Steranko, for making the past few issues tolerable by your artwork - you were sorely missed here.
