The X-Men #12

Ok...I have passed on talking about this particular thing for far too long, but how many slip and fall accidents have been caused by Iceman's ice slaloms?

I mean, even if it does melt, he still leaves gigantic puddles of water everywhere he goes. Those puddles could cause people to unsuspectingly injure themselves or do a bad bit of property damage. Forget them blasting their way through your living room, the water damage to the furniture would be disastrous, and I bet his room always smells like mold. Also, if he is pulling ass that moisture out of the air for his ice powers, I bet everyone that hangs around him, permanently has a soar throat. Think of the damage he could do as a villain if he could direct where he pulled the moisture from. You think you're just starting to sweat a lot, but in reality he is pulling the water molecules out through your pores. Let alone if he just froze your blood while it was still inside your body. Iceman could be an EVIL villain.

So the X-Men have a Cerebro alert, the biggest one yet, and have to fortify the mansion. To do this they build an ice wall outside the actual wall, burn a trench behind the real wall. I wonder if Scott accidentally severed an public service running to the house like water or electricity. Then they hollowed out some lumber and dropped grenades in them...why? Who knows. No real way to set off the grenades remotely from what the showed, but whatever.

Dun, dun dun...Prof X has a brother! OMG! Seriously though, negative points to Stan for using the word holocaust in such a frivolous manner. So, Chuck's dad dies in an explosion, then his mom hooks up with her dead husbands lab partner, then move in together. The weird part is, he doesn't even disguise his contempt for her after he moves into HER MANSION. Seriously, has she never heard of an annulment?

Enter Cain...the red-headed stepchild, no really, technically he is. Of course his first brotherly duty is to harass the butler and slap Charles in the face. Good job. No veil of secrecy that he is going to be a villain. He's been in 3 panels so far and I already want to see him hit by a truck.

"Haw! That'll teach you not to stand around with your dumb lookin' face hangin' out!" -Cain Marko

Next issue. Originally, Cerebro could only detect mutants within a short distance, then over a larger distance, then all the way to Antarctica, and now it can detect any threat. They shouls sell some of this warning system technology to the public if they REALLY wanted to make the world safer. Think about it. Nobody would ever die from accidentally stepping out into traffic. There would be no more deaths involving a piano falling on them. This is one of the single greatest "First World Problem" preventing inventions EVER!

So the "Mystery Villain" (that they showed on the cover so I'm not sure why they're being so secretive about it now) is breaking through the thinly created defenses. All the while, the X-Men are asking Professor X to tell them what they're going to be up against and all he can say is "No time for that now!" Really!?! You can say that he is super strong, impervious to pain and his momentum cannot be stopped, by an outside force, when he is moving all thanks to a magical gemstone? That's like three lines of text. You can't say that, but you can go back into your origin story and waste 3 more pages? Dumb.

More back story...Cain's dad dies...Charles cheats in school...Charles was a superstar football quarterback? Weird. Blah, blah, blah more trophies...brother was jealous...drives Chuck off a cliff and bails out...wait...Stan lied to us. Ok, so if you didn't ready it, or I didn't cover it well enough, Stan wrote in issue number 9 that the character "Lucifer" was the reason that Charles lost his ability to walk.

Quote: "It was Lucifer who lost me the use of my legs...years ago! Someday I shall tell you the whole story...if I survive the next few hours!"

Dammit Stan! You F'd it up again! Liar. Then Cyclops asks the same thing I did and then Stan backtracks and says..no, that was another time. This time I managed to survive using my brain power. I think he was just gonna go ahead and re-write the origin then someone said to him...uh, dude...you already said this other guy broke his legs.

Oh, well...moving on. Cain finds the gem of Cyttorak, which Professor X knows WAY TOO MUCH about. Seriously? I'm also not seeing the down side of the "cursed gem". It makes you super strong and unstoppable...oh no, please don't curse me with crazy AWESOME super powers.

They finally clash on the last page of the comic, and that is basically Juggy bitch slapping the whole team. End.

Final thoughts: I didn't like all the back tracking and bullshit filler added to this book, but I did like the origin story of the Prof and Juggy. If they would have had the Juggernaut in the city, making his way towards the mansion, and not went back and forth as much, I would not have crapped on this issue as much.

TLDR: Chuck's an orphan, his brother's a dick and NOBODY CAN STOP THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!