I am stunned how many people were caught surprised by the recent news that the Turtles will be aliens in the upcoming movie producted by Michael Bay. I liked the cartoon as child and lost hope the moment I heard Michael Bay would be behind. Look I am not saying he is bad at what he does; you Americans made him king of the popcorn-action movie for a reason. But then Hollywood comes in and mutilate our childhoods with piss-poor adaptations usually by not caring enough. But this time it looks like Michael Bay is willingly trying to ruin TMNT (add to the fact he is tyrannical director and douchebag in person) and I can think of how appropriate (read: horrible) this adaptation will be. Just to remind you folks: I am not trying to change your minds about your expectations, just to show what expect from a movie like this.
- Comic Relief: One of the Bay's greatest flaws in movies is his signature attempt at comic relief usually involving sex, racially-insentive or toilet humor. He thinks people acting like assholes is funny and people will laugh at it, the one that will suffer most with this caracterization will be Michelangelo. He is the show's clown and I can already picture he acting like the Twins from Revenge of the Fallen or Joe Pesci and Butthead in Dark of the Moon but I doubt he will be the only wacky comic relief character, as seen the sheer number of these kind of characters in his movies.
- Merchandising: Its very common to see product placement in his movie, such is the infamous Camaro' case in Transformers. Also he likes to remind people he directed X before like the Bad Boys II poster showing up in Revenge of the Fallen. Any chance of the Transformers being referenced in Ninja Turtles?
- The Bad Guys: TMNT has one of the most extensive rogue gallery I'v seen having ninja-overlords, mutants, extradimenional conquerors and etc. Considering the new Turtles will be aliens, I think Krang will be the main villain and Shredder his right-hand man very much like The Fallen and Megatron respectivaly. You could count another minor villains such Tokka, Rahzar, Bebop and Rocksteady to make a cameo.
- Miss. Fanservice: In each of his movie, there is one or more female characters who only purpose is to titillate and "reward" the male audience looking with feels clothes as possible and sporting D-Cups (much like shirtless male characters in Twilight) and distract the viewers of how awful the story is. Rachel Taylor, Megan Fox, Victoria Secret's Blondie, Kate Beckinsale just to name a few. And everybody, one of the best things people remember about the cartoon is April O' Neil, who fits this kind of character very much. If this movie sucks really hard, at least she is one of the good things to came out of this movie like Megan Fox.
- USA Army: Everytime Bay squeeze a way for the Army to show up in a very heroic fashion, and in Transformers' case, take the spotlight from the stars. I can imagine the Army getting attacked in the prologue by Shredder/Krang's forces invading the Earth in search for the NT and they regrouping only to be attacked by Leatherface or the Rat King or something like that. I am sure that even if they make another Captain Lennox or Major Epps that the audience will love I still wish to be rooting for Turtles. Which leads to the inevitable...
- Explosions: It is not a Michael Bay movie with out TNT or CP4 or whatever. You don't need to picture anything your mind to make this happen. Just this:
ALIENS + MONSTER + USA ARMY - NINJAS =
But here is the part that makes my cringe:
- One the reasons I didn't like the Bayformers is because the humans took the protagonist role and the Transformers are reduced to side characters in their own movie. You see Sam Witwicky in the screen a lot more than Optimus Prime in all the movies together and Megatron (one of my favorite villains of all time) is reduced to a henchman in the later movies. There is a very likely possibility of Casey Jones having the same fate of upstaging the Ninja Turtles and will turn out Michael Bay learned nothing from Transformers.
Thanks for the reading, I'd like to have you share your opinion and expectations as well about it.