What To Expect from Michael Bay's Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles

Posted by Inverno (12821 posts) - - Show Bio

I am stunned how many people were caught surprised by the recent news that the Turtles will be aliens in the upcoming movie producted by Michael Bay. I liked the cartoon as child and lost hope the moment I heard Michael Bay would be behind. Look I am not saying he is bad at what he does; you Americans made him king of the popcorn-action movie for a reason. But then Hollywood comes in and mutilate our childhoods with piss-poor adaptations usually by not caring enough. But this time it looks like Michael Bay is willingly trying to ruin TMNT (add to the fact he is tyrannical director and douchebag in person) and I can think of how appropriate (read: horrible) this adaptation will be. Just to remind you folks: I am not trying to change your minds about your expectations, just to show what expect from a movie like this.

Hell in any Transformer's fan eyes. And Michael Bay is the Devil.

- Comic Relief: One of the Bay's greatest flaws in movies is his signature attempt at comic relief usually involving sex, racially-insentive or toilet humor. He thinks people acting like assholes is funny and people will laugh at it, the one that will suffer most with this caracterization will be Michelangelo. He is the show's clown and I can already picture he acting like the Twins from Revenge of the Fallen or Joe Pesci and Butthead in Dark of the Moon but I doubt he will be the only wacky comic relief character, as seen the sheer number of these kind of characters in his movies.

- Merchandising: Its very common to see product placement in his movie, such is the infamous Camaro' case in Transformers. Also he likes to remind people he directed X before like the Bad Boys II poster showing up in Revenge of the Fallen. Any chance of the Transformers being referenced in Ninja Turtles?

- The Bad Guys: TMNT has one of the most extensive rogue gallery I'v seen having ninja-overlords, mutants, extradimenional conquerors and etc. Considering the new Turtles will be aliens, I think Krang will be the main villain and Shredder his right-hand man very much like The Fallen and Megatron respectivaly. You could count another minor villains such Tokka, Rahzar, Bebop and Rocksteady to make a cameo.

- Miss. Fanservice: In each of his movie, there is one or more female characters who only purpose is to titillate and "reward" the male audience looking with feels clothes as possible and sporting D-Cups (much like shirtless male characters in Twilight) and distract the viewers of how awful the story is. Rachel Taylor, Megan Fox, Victoria Secret's Blondie, Kate Beckinsale just to name a few. And everybody, one of the best things people remember about the cartoon is April O' Neil, who fits this kind of character very much. If this movie sucks really hard, at least she is one of the good things to came out of this movie like Megan Fox.

- USA Army: Everytime Bay squeeze a way for the Army to show up in a very heroic fashion, and in Transformers' case, take the spotlight from the stars. I can imagine the Army getting attacked in the prologue by Shredder/Krang's forces invading the Earth in search for the NT and they regrouping only to be attacked by Leatherface or the Rat King or something like that. I am sure that even if they make another Captain Lennox or Major Epps that the audience will love I still wish to be rooting for Turtles. Which leads to the inevitable...

- Explosions: It is not a Michael Bay movie with out TNT or CP4 or whatever. You don't need to picture anything your mind to make this happen. Just this:

ALIENS + MONSTER + USA ARMY - NINJAS =

But here is the part that makes my cringe:

- One the reasons I didn't like the Bayformers is because the humans took the protagonist role and the Transformers are reduced to side characters in their own movie. You see Sam Witwicky in the screen a lot more than Optimus Prime in all the movies together and Megatron (one of my favorite villains of all time) is reduced to a henchman in the later movies. There is a very likely possibility of Casey Jones having the same fate of upstaging the Ninja Turtles and will turn out Michael Bay learned nothing from Transformers.

Thanks for the reading, I'd like to have you share your opinion and expectations as well about it.

#1 Posted by Gambit1024 (9890 posts) - - Show Bio

Very well written, dude. I've personally never got into TMNT but I totally understand where the fans are coming from here. I hated the Bayformers, so I can only assume this will be a lot like that...

#2 Posted by Vortex13 (12156 posts) - - Show Bio

I pretty much agree with you completely. Bay is definitely the king of popcorn flicks but I feel like TMNT should be more then just some popcorn flick. Oh well.

#3 Posted by Hot_Karl (288 posts) - - Show Bio

they should make candice swanepoel one of the teenage alien ninja turtles and have her walk around in a bikini the entire movie

#4 Edited by cattlebattle (12273 posts) - - Show Bio

I expect people to bash and criticize it giving it extreme notoriety all across the internet. Then when it comes out no matter how bad it looks everyone still goes and sees it. It makes billions and billions of dollars.. 
 
Michael Bay gets richer and laughs
 
You cry
 
the end

#5 Posted by Jolt92 (170 posts) - - Show Bio
#6 Posted by EdBlank (394 posts) - - Show Bio

The original animated Transformers movie was miles ahead of all three of the new ones put together. The reason is the very nail that you just hit on the head: it was about Trans freakin Formers not some unfunny family and a hot chick tagging along. Enough with Aliens already, but the TMNT being aliens is just hurtful. What is Splinter? A different alien race? That fact alone removes the M and the last T from TMNT. The first T is only of minor significance (seeing as how there is only a 7 year window for 'teens' anyways). The N only comes in becuase a RAT from EARTH taught the fledgling TURTLES the Eartling art of NINJITSU. If the Aliens are already trained when they arrive, they can't very well be Ninjas now can they? He dismantled the whole TMNT in one stroke. Nice work Bay.

#7 Edited by Vortex13 (12156 posts) - - Show Bio

@cattlebattle: I'll wait till it comes out on t.v...... or depending on how bad it sounds not at all. I still have never watched revenge of the fallen or dark of the moon after all.

#8 Edited by CATPANEXE (9366 posts) - - Show Bio

More or less. I overplay this, but Bay forces himself onto film franchises and is an idea thief. You have your guys like Lucas and Speilberg, whom Bay is pretty acquainted with. But in their cases they work for it in the traditional sense. In Bay's case, he comes in after a film and franchise are already established and uses his clout to pull the film to himself, notably when it's a series that already pulls in gross shackles on it's own. Transformers being the obvious case, but a lesser one being Nightmare On Elm Street. In that ones case aside from being an already made franchise of course, the film was already green lit and another director (1) had put their hard work into it. In fact, it looked like it was going to be pretty horrifying. Then once the movie started gaining some notice, Bay moved and forced the director out and took that film, and of course, scrapped everything that was there to make his own vision (which according to him and quote " would recapture Wes Craven's work but be less of a " comedy " and more of a " horror " movie. Wes should have given him the finger for that). That doesn't earn a lot of respect in my column. Personally I wish Bay would do what his peers have done and establish his own franchise, rather than lazily riding coat tails. I do think he's capable, he wouldn't have even gotten as far as he did in the first place if he didn't own the chops. Like a friend said, you may have the skills, but you keep forgetting to apply them. I have little hope for this film, but, it won't be the first time as a Turtles fan I've been jipped, and I'll get over it. I'll still have the television series as a standby, and if Transformers is any indication all will be well.

#9 Posted by WarMachineMarkV (1214 posts) - - Show Bio

1 - Visually stunning

2 - A story and plot that could have been written by an 8 year old

3 - Terrible reviews

4 - Makes at least $250 mil US and $500 mil worldwide

#10 Edited by Inverno (12821 posts) - - Show Bio

@CATPANEXE said:

More or less. I overplay this, but Bay forces himself onto film franchises and is an idea thief. You have your guys like Lucas and Speilberg, whom Bay is pretty acquainted with. But in their cases they work for it in the traditional sense. In Bay's case, he comes in after a film and franchise are already established and uses his clout to pull the film to himself, notably when it's a series that already pulls in gross shackles on it's own. Transformers being the obvious case, but a lesser one being Nightmare On Elm Street. In that ones case aside from being an already made franchise of course, the film was already green lit and another director (1) had put their hard work into it. In fact, it looked like it was going to be pretty horrifying. Then once the movie started gaining some notice, Bay moved and forced the director out and took that film, and of course, scrapped everything that was there to make his own vision (which according to him and quote " would recapture Wes Craven's work but be less of a " comedy " and more of a " horror " movie. Wes should have given him the finger for that). That doesn't earn a lot of respect in my column. Personally I wish Bay would do what his peers have done and establish his own franchise, rather than lazily riding coat tails. I do think he's capable, he wouldn't have even gotten as far as he did in the first place if he didn't own the chops. Like a friend said, you may have the skills, but you keep forgetting to apply them. I have little hope for this film, but, it won't be the first time as a Turtles fan I've been jipped, and I'll get over it. I'll still have the television series as a standby, and if Transformers is any indication all will be well.

You CATPANEXE adressed exactly what I think about our friend Michael Bay.

#11 Posted by Inverno (12821 posts) - - Show Bio

If you have time or patience to watch one hour and half video, Noah Antiwiller and Brad Jones give their opinions about Dark of the Moon and the Bayformers in general.

#12 Posted by TheGreyOutcastX (1989 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaioTrubat said:

@CATPANEXE said:

More or less. I overplay this, but Bay forces himself onto film franchises and is an idea thief. You have your guys like Lucas and Speilberg, whom Bay is pretty acquainted with. But in their cases they work for it in the traditional sense. In Bay's case, he comes in after a film and franchise are already established and uses his clout to pull the film to himself, notably when it's a series that already pulls in gross shackles on it's own. Transformers being the obvious case, but a lesser one being Nightmare On Elm Street. In that ones case aside from being an already made franchise of course, the film was already green lit and another director (1) had put their hard work into it. In fact, it looked like it was going to be pretty horrifying. Then once the movie started gaining some notice, Bay moved and forced the director out and took that film, and of course, scrapped everything that was there to make his own vision (which according to him and quote " would recapture Wes Craven's work but be less of a " comedy " and more of a " horror " movie. Wes should have given him the finger for that). That doesn't earn a lot of respect in my column. Personally I wish Bay would do what his peers have done and establish his own franchise, rather than lazily riding coat tails. I do think he's capable, he wouldn't have even gotten as far as he did in the first place if he didn't own the chops. Like a friend said, you may have the skills, but you keep forgetting to apply them. I have little hope for this film, but, it won't be the first time as a Turtles fan I've been jipped, and I'll get over it. I'll still have the television series as a standby, and if Transformers is any indication all will be well.

You CATPANEXE adressed exactly what I think about our friend Michael Bay.

The man lacks the imagination for that sort of thing.

.

#13 Posted by Inverno (12821 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheGreyOutcastX: Its a shame really. If he stopped being a manchild imagine what memorable movies he could have made. But nope he just made action-flicks which their purpose is to kill time and soon we will not remember.

#14 Posted by TheGreyOutcastX (1989 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaioTrubat: But action flicks is Michael Bay's MO. He's all about the effects and spotty story. So when they knew what they were getting when they hired him. He could have been a solid director for good movies, instead he didn't want to improve past the summer blockbuster stage.

#15 Posted by Inverno (12821 posts) - - Show Bio

You know what I wrote this just after Michael Bay announced the Turtles would be aliens... and the leaked script turned out to be like I predicted. Of course anyone using common sense and logic would predict that Ninja Turtles would resemble Transformers a little... but oh man I did not see the Colonel Shraedder bulls*****...

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