ComicVine Court: Jimmy Olsen vs Friendship

Posted by inferiorego (21217 posts) - - Show Bio


Judge, jurors, and members of ComicVine, a crime has been committed in the world of comic books, and that crime is the abuse of the term friend… pal.

Dictionary.com defines friend as:

–noun

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5. (initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.


A synonym for that is “Pal.” The term pal denoting a tighter bond between the two friends, maybe even a “best friend.” We’ve all heard about how terrible a friend Superman is to Jimmy Olsen, however, the door swings both ways and Jimmy Olsen is NOT Superman’s pal. I’ve looked through the first 50 covers of Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen, and I’ve found undeniable evidence that not only is Jimmy Olsen a terrible friend, he’s also a terrible human being.



Case 1: He’s thinks he’s better than everyone else.

Issue number one shows us right off the bat that Jimmy Olsen thinks he’s a better detective than Superman, and that he doesn’t need his help. Obviously, Mr. Olsen forgot his manners and left the rules of teamwork at the door! Jimmy and Superman are supposed to be a two man team, working together in order to solve the crime. He has no respect for anyone, only himself!


 

 

Case 2: He breaks the rules to get what he wants.

Man rule #32: Never date your buddy’s ex. Not only does Jimmy break that rule, here in issue 21, but he destroys it with a nuclear missile, and he urinates all over the ashes. We have a man who considers himself a supposed “friend” taking another man’s girlfriend down the aisle to wed her. Obviously Superman is physically distraught over this, but just too timid to say otherwise. Why is he too timid, well your answer lies within my next point.

 

Case 3: He’s a user and an abuser

Issue 22, proves that not only does Jimmy Olsen use Superman to do his evil-bidding, and yes, I just called him evil, but Jimmy also physically abuses Superman almost to the point of death! Can I get an Amen? Jimmy finds out he has Kryptonite eyes and decides to use them on Superman to do his evil bidding? Is that what one friend would do to another? I think not, friends are supposed to help each other.



 

Case 4: He considers thoughtful gifts a bartering tool

Issue 35 shows us that Jimmy takes advantage of friendship to a point where Jimmy will use gifts from Superman in order to get his own way. Jimmy obviously did something horrible, which as you can see greatly upset Superman, and instead of apologizing, like a man, he decides to smash a framed and SIGNED picture of Superman himself because if he does, Superman may open up his big heart and forget Jimmy’s indiscretion. I do say! Is this the action of a friend or an enemy?

 

Case 5: He belittles your accomplishments

My final piece of evidence today comes from issue 37 where that devious little “friend” decides to go watch Superman play on his intramural baseball team. However, when Superman finally gets the chance to hit that game winning home run, Jimmy robs him of it to show off his newfound stretching ability and catching the ball from the stands. Not only was it horrible to Superman’s ego, but it later led to THIS
 

       

Would any of your friends do something like this to you? NO! Because they would be your enemies!  
I move to change the title of the book from Superman’s Pal: Jimmy Olsen to Jimmy Olsen: Total Douchebag.

Now if it pleases the court, I’d like any other viner available to please present further evidence, in order to further prove Jimmy is a jerk.

~Mat Elfring (inferiorego) is a comedian, teacher, comic book writer, comic store employee and pretend lawyer.~

Staff
#1 Posted by CATMANEXE (17052 posts) - - Show Bio

when you look at it, Jimmy Olsen is almost Luthor...

#2 Posted by They Killed Cap! (2243 posts) - - Show Bio

He's a Putz
#3 Posted by Emperor Gonzo Noir (19714 posts) - - Show Bio

Jimmy Olsen : Lex Luthor's Pal?

#4 Posted by MemnochZERO (146 posts) - - Show Bio

He hasn't killed a bus full of school children (yet) but I'd say he's quite possibly as twisted as the Joker and should be sent to Arkham and taught a lesson. Granted, Superman is no saint either.. he's a dick... but Jimmy in the guise of a goofball sidekick doing these things... so much worse than a god-like alien that knows he can get away with it. 
#5 Edited by Zniperking (281 posts) - - Show Bio

what an @$$hole

#6 Posted by Quest (108 posts) - - Show Bio

jimmy's soul is black
#7 Posted by aouric (188 posts) - - Show Bio

Jimmy Olsen you are guilty as charged, the jury has decided that you are no friend of Superman and will be banished to the Phantom Zone!

#8 Posted by Tyler Starke (4410 posts) - - Show Bio

I present to the court, that all of Jimmy's "Acts against superman" are clearly influenced by the LSD dose that was slipped to him, and plead temporary insanity for my client

#9 Posted by MrCipher (276 posts) - - Show Bio

The eviddence is clear. And with a little push, Jimmy could even become a hulking, muscle-bound jerk who likes to push people around (see Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths).
#10 Edited by ninjasquirrel01 (85 posts) - - Show Bio

Viners, huh?  
I like how he doesn't ask Superman's permission until they're literally AT THE WEDDING.
Well at the very least he's Clark's only friend.

#11 Edited by SUPER-MAN 23 (1872 posts) - - Show Bio

I also remind you the users and staff/moderators of the time when Jimmy sold pictures to another news paper in a world without super-man. However Jimmy has shown himself to be a real pal to super-man in other areas I'm pretty sure. But he is still Guilty.

#12 Posted by Yung ANcient One (4601 posts) - - Show Bio

...

#13 Posted by crazed_h3ro (1000 posts) - - Show Bio

Jimmy is such a "pal".

#14 Posted by Chocolate Lantern (169 posts) - - Show Bio

I have to go after you on this just because I can and my work day is near an end and I’m bored and I don't feel like doing my job right now SOOOO……
 

MOTION TO DISMISS

NOW COMES THE DEFENDANT JIMMY OLSEN, by and through their attorney, ANDREW BELLON, MOTION TO DISMISS on grounds of false practice and states as follows:

MOTON TO DISMISS

1.      

2.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 1

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 1: this is a personal opinion NOT fact, based on limited evidence that is determined by how the defendant (Mr. Jimmy Olsen) is perceived by the reader and therefore cannot be deemed worthy as evidence.

3.      

4.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 2.

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 2: “Man Rule” is not a universally recognized legal set of rules or codes. Although I STRONGLY agree with this said “Man Rule #32” it is invalid to make any argument that Mr. Olsen breaks the rules.

5.      

6.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 3.

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 3: Mr. Olsen has sworn that only once did he use his Kryptonite eyes in a manner affecting Superman and at this time Mr. Olsen wanted his FRIEND Superman to get the Doritos and pass them over to him this is neither a crime nor abuse!

I HAVE RUN OUT OF TIME AT WORK AND NOW MUST GO HOME... TO BE CONTINUED

IT FOLLOWS THAT:

This case is null and void. If the said attorney Mr. Mat Elfring continues his negative public manner the DEFENDANT JIMMY OLSEN through his attorney will be forced to take legal action for false practice.

 ... sorry mat lol 
 
p.s. I in no way am a real attorney nor is this a legal document, nor am I seriously trying to defend Jimmy Olsen... I'm just bored.

   

#15 Posted by Emperor Gonzo Noir (19714 posts) - - Show Bio

Jimmy needs a good lawyer, he should call this guy

#16 Posted by Dracade102 (8167 posts) - - Show Bio

Jimmy Olsen; The Council Of The Planet Krypton has Spoken. 
You will now be Banished to the Phantom Zone.. 
*The Phantom Zone Portal Comes out of Nowhere and Imprisons Jimmy, Non, and Ursa in it*
#17 Posted by Portrait (4484 posts) - - Show Bio

Down with Jimmy Olsen!

#18 Posted by Primmaster64 (21138 posts) - - Show Bio

What an a$$

#19 Edited by NightFang (9862 posts) - - Show Bio

The arch-enemy is alway's the best friend.    

#20 Edited by iLLituracy (13537 posts) - - Show Bio

When Luthor dies...Jimmy Olsen will take his place.

#21 Posted by LP (673 posts) - - Show Bio

BASTARD!!!

#22 Posted by Ms. Omega (4403 posts) - - Show Bio

Damn what a Douche'

#23 Posted by nick7913 (104 posts) - - Show Bio

Ahhh, the Silver Age... Should we also be expecting an article about what a manipulative b&*^h Lois is? If so, I would like to present exhibit A:
 
 http://neillcameron.blogspot.com/2009/08/imaginary-adventures-of-lois-lane-part.html

#24 Posted by pentagram (312 posts) - - Show Bio
@Chocolate Lantern said:
"

I have to go after you on this just because I can and my work day is near an end and I’m bored and I don't feel like doing my job right now SOOOO……
 

MOTION TO DISMISS

NOW COMES THE DEFENDANT JIMMY OLSEN, by and through their attorney, ANDREW BELLON, MOTION TO DISMISS on grounds of false practice and states as follows:

MOTON TO DISMISS

1.      

2.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 1

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 1: this is a personal opinion NOT fact, based on limited evidence that is determined by how the defendant (Mr. Jimmy Olsen) is perceived by the reader and therefore cannot be deemed worthy as evidence.

3.      

4.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 2.

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 2: “Man Rule” is not a universally recognized legal set of rules or codes. Although I STRONGLY agree with this said “Man Rule #32” it is invalid to make any argument that Mr. Olsen breaks the rules.

5.      

6.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 3.

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 3: Mr. Olsen has sworn that only once did he use his Kryptonite eyes in a manner affecting Superman and at this time Mr. Olsen wanted his FRIEND Superman to get the Doritos and pass them over to him this is neither a crime nor abuse!

I HAVE RUN OUT OF TIME AT WORK AND NOW MUST GO HOME... TO BE CONTINUED

IT FOLLOWS THAT:

This case is null and void. If the said attorney Mr. Mat Elfring continues his negative public manner the DEFENDANT JIMMY OLSEN through his attorney will be forced to take legal action for false practice.

 ... sorry mat lol 
 
p.s. I in no way am a real attorney nor is this a legal document, nor am I seriously trying to defend Jimmy Olsen... I'm just bored.

   

"
motion approved by the DA.
#25 Posted by flynntanamo (38 posts) - - Show Bio

He is a ginger, he doesn't have a soul.....jk jk :D

#26 Posted by inferiorego (21217 posts) - - Show Bio
@pentagram said:
" @Chocolate Lantern said:
"

I have to go after you on this just because I can and my work day is near an end and I’m bored and I don't feel like doing my job right now SOOOO……
 

MOTION TO DISMISS

NOW COMES THE DEFENDANT JIMMY OLSEN, by and through their attorney, ANDREW BELLON, MOTION TO DISMISS on grounds of false practice and states as follows:

MOTON TO DISMISS

1.      

2.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 1

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 1: this is a personal opinion NOT fact, based on limited evidence that is determined by how the defendant (Mr. Jimmy Olsen) is perceived by the reader and therefore cannot be deemed worthy as evidence.

3.      

4.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 2.

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 2: “Man Rule” is not a universally recognized legal set of rules or codes. Although I STRONGLY agree with this said “Man Rule #32” it is invalid to make any argument that Mr. Olsen breaks the rules.

5.      

6.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 3.

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 3: Mr. Olsen has sworn that only once did he use his Kryptonite eyes in a manner affecting Superman and at this time Mr. Olsen wanted his FRIEND Superman to get the Doritos and pass them over to him this is neither a crime nor abuse!

I HAVE RUN OUT OF TIME AT WORK AND NOW MUST GO HOME... TO BE CONTINUED

IT FOLLOWS THAT:

This case is null and void. If the said attorney Mr. Mat Elfring continues his negative public manner the DEFENDANT JIMMY OLSEN through his attorney will be forced to take legal action for false practice.

 ... sorry mat lol 
 
p.s. I in no way am a real attorney nor is this a legal document, nor am I seriously trying to defend Jimmy Olsen... I'm just bored.

   

"
motion approved by the DA. "

All points made are null and void since he states within the motion that he is not a "real attorney, nor is this a legal document."

I, however, am a real attorney in the world of comics.


DENIED!

Staff
#27 Posted by cmaprice (809 posts) - - Show Bio

I love how Superman was the flower girl at that wedding. Really? How often he saved you, he couldn't be the best man, or give Lois away? Not even the ring bearer? That's emasculating. 
 
He's the man of steel, Jimmy, but he's not made of stone.

#28 Posted by inferiorego (21217 posts) - - Show Bio
@cmaprice said:
"  He's the man of steel, Jimmy, but he's not made of stone. "
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So awesome.
Staff
#29 Posted by 244 (496 posts) - - Show Bio

Jimmy, how could you???!!! I always saw you as a lovable photographer boy making an honest living who looks up at Superman as a hero but I can't believe you would stoop down to Lex Luthor's level!

#30 Posted by Korg (11931 posts) - - Show Bio

Motion to dismiss. Olsen gets sh!t on by Superman constantly in this series, including Superman withholding water from a dying Olsen. He also burns Jimmy's Christmas present with his heat vision. The list goes on. Superman has super powers. Olsen does not. Jimmy is clearly the wronged party here, and this farce should not be allowed to continue.

#31 Posted by utnapishtim (2 posts) - - Show Bio

May Jimmy, Superman, and Lex Luthor be shot (via the Green Lantern Corps) into a black hole
#32 Edited by jakob187 (998 posts) - - Show Bio

Jimmy Olsen: The TRUE Lex Luthor? 
 
Come on, we all know it would be SWEET to see Jimmy Olsen grow a set and be the best Superman villain EVER!

#33 Edited by Scoobypuff (127 posts) - - Show Bio
@Chocolate Lantern: i have a pending case against the late estate of papa smurf would you be my attorny?
#34 Posted by Chocolate Lantern (169 posts) - - Show Bio

@Scoobypuff said:

"@Chocolate Lantern: i have a pending case against the late estate of papa smurf would you be my attorny? "

I would be more than happy to represent you against Papa Smurf!  Fax all current documents to my office and we will talk.

@inferiorego said:

"@pentagram said:
" @Chocolate Lantern said:
"

I have to go after you on this just because I can and my work day is near an end and I’m bored and I don't feel like doing my job right now SOOOO……
 

MOTION TO DISMISS

NOW COMES THE DEFENDANT JIMMY OLSEN, by and through their attorney, ANDREW BELLON, MOTION TO DISMISS on grounds of false practice and states as follows:

MOTON TO DISMISS

1.      

2.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 1

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 1: this is a personal opinion NOT fact, based on limited evidence that is determined by how the defendant (Mr. Jimmy Olsen) is perceived by the reader and therefore cannot be deemed worthy as evidence.

3.      

4.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 2.

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 2: “Man Rule” is not a universally recognized legal set of rules or codes. Although I STRONGLY agree with this said “Man Rule #32” it is invalid to make any argument that Mr. Olsen breaks the rules.

5.      

6.       The Defendant denies the allegations and conclusions of law contained in paragraph 3.

a.      

b.       Rebuttal Case 3: Mr. Olsen has sworn that only once did he use his Kryptonite eyes in a manner affecting Superman and at this time Mr. Olsen wanted his FRIEND Superman to get the Doritos and pass them over to him this is neither a crime nor abuse!

I HAVE RUN OUT OF TIME AT WORK AND NOW MUST GO HOME... TO BE CONTINUED

IT FOLLOWS THAT:

This case is null and void. If the said attorney Mr. Mat Elfring continues his negative public manner the DEFENDANT JIMMY OLSEN through his attorney will be forced to take legal action for false practice.

 ... sorry mat lol 
 
p.s. I in no way am a real attorney nor is this a legal document, nor am I seriously trying to defend Jimmy Olsen... I'm just bored.

   

"
motion approved by the DA. "

All points made are null and void since he states within the motion that he is not a "real attorney, nor is this a legal document."

I, however, am a real attorney in the world of comics.


DENIED!

"


 

Mat please don't make me to force my hand. I really do not feel like having to draft a real motion to dismiss, but if it must be done than it must be done.  
 
#35 Posted by Mbecks14 (2068 posts) - - Show Bio
@Ms. Omega said:
" Damn what a Douche' "
well said
#36 Posted by inferiorego (21217 posts) - - Show Bio
@Chocolate Lantern: Bring it on East Coast.
Staff
#37 Posted by Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer (5 posts) - - Show Bio

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and was later thawed by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! When I see my image on the security camera at the country club, I wonder, are they stealing my soul? I get so upset, I hop out of my Range Rover, and run across the fairway to the clubhouse, where I get Carlos to make me one of those martinis he's so famous for, to soothe my primitive caveman brain. But whatever world you're from, I do know one thing: During the years in question where James Bartholomew Olsen was said to have acted out against Superman, he was legally insane.

#38 Posted by Raia (59 posts) - - Show Bio

hahaha and here i thought he was a good guy (i've only watched the films and Smallville) but the comics prove otherwise lol
#39 Posted by SuperGamera (565 posts) - - Show Bio

bastard
#40 Posted by MrDirector786 (43390 posts) - - Show Bio

Jimmy Olsen is the worst pal a guy could have.

#41 Posted by Retro_Metro (368 posts) - - Show Bio

Scary when you actually see it this way, he's more foe than friend!  "EGAD!"  Whatta a jerk you've been Jimbo!! *hits him with a newspaper*

#42 Posted by Comicjew (164 posts) - - Show Bio
@inferiorego:
Did you actually read the comic?
#43 Posted by Comicjew (164 posts) - - Show Bio

Did you actual read any of these comics?!

#44 Posted by hdorman1 (4662 posts) - - Show Bio

i tells yeah , he is a bad soul that one 

#45 Posted by Comicjew (164 posts) - - Show Bio
@inferiorego:
However, Superman has done Jimmy wrong. 

  1. Case 1
    Superman left his "friend" behind during a time of crisis and left to die.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 

Case 2

Here Superman has much needed water and says only Jimmy or Aquaman can have it, even through there is enough for the both of them!

#46 Posted by Comicjew (164 posts) - - Show Bio
@inferiorego:
You [censored]! Those are "gag covers" used to get your attention so you'll buy the cover and what ever happens on them usually proves to be a hoax or there was a piece of info we didn't know about!

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