Captain's Log: Stardate 11812
So we start with a flashback to..... wait, we can't start the review yet. This is Star Trek we're dealing with here. If we're going to do this we're going to do it right:
Space, The Final Frontier. These are the Voyages of the Starship Enterprise. It's continuing mission: To explore Strange New Worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To Boldly Go Where No Man has Gone Before.
(The rest of the review is to be read in a Shatner voice)
Captain's Log Star Date 11812: The Enterprise has been ordered to investigate a strange epidemic of mass insanity on several remote planets. Our search has lead us to a remote planet called Deneva. Attempts at communication have proven unsuccessful. Mr. Spock believes there to be a pattern at work here. I feel bad for my friend knowing he'll grow up to appear in Bruno Mars videos and Michael Bay movies. Our sensors have detected a small Denevan vessel leaving the planet.... and he just flew into the sun. He must have mistaken us for the USS Voyager and feared the loss of his dignity from mediocre writing, but more likely it is because the pilot was suffering from the same insanity affliction as the previous planets, confirming our suspicions.
Captain's Log Star Date 11812: Dr. Mcoy, Mr. Spock, Myself and Two human shields-I mean Red Shirts have beamed down to the planet's surface to investigate. We were immediately greeted by the afflicted natives who attempted to attack us with blunt objects while screaming "intruders" at us. We have managed to subdue them with phasers and Bones noticed their nervous systems have been violently stimulated. A strange insane woman attacked us as we ventured further. She was incredibly hot but she wasn't Green so she's not my type. Bones has given her a sedative and Spock has theorized that this is not an affliction but rather an internal sentient threat. I have sent one of our crew members to the surface to contact the enterprise and beam the woman to sick bay, because I have the utmost confidence that the man in the Red Shirt who's name I can't remember will be absolutely fine on the surface that's crawling with lead pipe wielding psychotics.
Captain's Log Star Date 11812: We have discovered what we believe to be the source of this epidemic. A strange life form that resembles a pink globby thing.
Why is any object we don't understand always called "a thing"?
Not now Bones, I'm monologuing. One of the creatures has attached itself to Spock rendering him unconscious. It is unfortunate that this is not the franchise where he has the ability to see how things work just by looking at them, but then he'd probably rip open all our heads. I attempted to carry off my incapacitated friend who is surprisingly heavy, I guess that's a Vulcan thing now.
Captain's Log Star Date 11812: We have escaped from the afflicted natives thanks to the help of my brother George, who left home when I was a little kid. It had a profound affect on me which is why I never brought it up until now. It was the fact that he left that led to my childhood rebellious phase. One time I even stole my step dad's car and his collection of 20th century CDs. I especially liked the one called Ill communication. But I guess he's here now and has not yet succumb to whatever caused the plague of insanity.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Aside from the fact that I get to make a lot of Star Trek jokes, this was a fun read. It follows the 2009 movie and does a good job of it. I love Star Trek so of course this is for me. Also, I love the fact that Chekov's accent is written into the dialogue.
I tried something new with this review as you probably noticed. I can't help it I'm a huge Trek fan so I had to go all out with this sort of thing. I hope it wasn't to distracting for my readers. This was fun read like I said. I get a sense that this series is meant to be a more modernized take on some classic Trek stories from the sixties and I think it's great. It was fun to read and even more fun to review.