Secret Six #3

I’m honestly not sure how to start this. Not because this is a complicated issue necessarily, but because the opening scene involves Ragdoll, and he is talking, and any dialogue from Ragdoll is so indescribably… indescribable that I’m honestly not quite sure what to make of it. It’s the sort thing that if someone came up and spoke as such to you, the only possible reaction you could have is to stare at them as if you’re unsure if this person actually exists or is merely a figment of your drug addled imagination, and then slowly back away. So Catman is visiting Ragdoll in the hospital, and he doesn’t like the food. I’d say you can imagine how that goes down, but frankly I don’t think you can. Because Ragdoll is a criminal (need we forget) the feds are after him and his colleagues, and unfortunately they’ve tracked him to the hospital. Catman and Scandal fight them off, I think Scandal murders someone with a shoe, and they escape with Ragdoll and, because Ragdoll was terrified that something may happen to it, the complimentary gelatin that came with his lunch. Back at home base, referred to as the house of secrets, (I guess the chamber of secrets had too many snakes) the team is making dinner, and it’s Catman’s night to cook. When asked if he can make anything other than eggs, Catman replies with “I also make a mean slab of raw zebra haunch.” You know, maybe I’ve read this too many times, maybe Ragdoll’s crazy is starting to rub off on me or maybe I’ve just been dieting too long, but is anyone else at all curious as too what raw zebra haunch tastes like? However, Catman’s culinary prowess is not to be outdone by that of our old pal The Mad Hatter, who refuses to eat fruit unless it is wearing a tiny hat. I shall repeat that: He put’s hats on fruit. I am long past the point of being phased by any of this. Honestly, I’m more surprised by the fact that we are scarcely five pages in and already we’ve had this much crazy to talk about. Meanwhile, the previously injured Knockout gets up and takes a shower. Being from Apokolips, she heals fairly quickly. Then she walks into the living room stark naked, much to the utter shock of the guys in the group. So, we have T & A from a character named Knockout. I really hope that’s just a coincidence otherwise this comic may actually be swallowed by it’s own insanity. Returning to something a little less crazy, we have Scandal hearing voices in her head. Don’t worry she’s not crazy, well… that’s open for debate but the voice she’s hearing is real. It is in fact the voice of her father, the immortal Vandal Savage, who I guess can communicate with his daughter telepathically. As it turns out, Savage is the true mastermind behind everything that has been happening to our merry band. His endgame? He wants a grandson, so he wants Scandal to breed. He says that he’d prefer it if it was someone she knows, so Vandal has chosen Catman to be the baby daddy. Why Catman? Well, Scandal can’t have kids with her actual lover, Knockout, so that excludes her, which leaves a sleazy bounty hunter with a Hulk Hogan mustache, a criminally insane midget with an unhealthy hat fetish and well… Ragdoll. Yeah, I’d pick Catman as well. Now let’s attempt to make sense of all this. Vandal Savage hired Cheshire and Dr. Psycho (Just drowning in an ocean of originality with that name aren’t we DC) who in turn hired numerous assassins to kill each member of the secret six that was not chosen for Savage’s little scheme, and all of this because Vandal wanted his daughter to have sex with some guy in a cat suit. I would write that off as being insane, but I know how Vandal Savage operates. This is actually pretty rational compared to some other things I’ve seen him do. Later, we see the secret six in their helicopter following a lead on the people who went after Deadshot. Then, Ragdoll tries to stab Catman. Yeah, that came quite of nowhere. Knockout attacks him and in order to escape her clutches and throw her off the plane, he slices off his own hand. In the chaos, Ragdoll himself falls off the chopper and so, the team, minus Hatter who’s apparently having a seizure, drops down after them. They find their injured comrades and it’s revealed that Dr. Psycho (Drowning I say) left a post hypnotic suggestion in that twisted mass of incomprehensibility and probably some alien fetish porn that we lovingly call Ragdoll’s brain and that’s why he attacked Catman. And so we end with the gang being confronted by the Doom Patrol.

What Works:

Um… What exactly do you want me to say. This an insane comic about insane people, and I loved every page of it.

What Doesn't:

I was going to say that this issue doesn’t feel as great as the other two because all in all, not much happens, but upon rereading it and writing the review, honestly I think this is the best issue so far, certainly the funniest.

5/5

Next Time: The Secret Six vs The Doom Patrol. This should be interesting.