The League of Extraordinary Meh
When the world is in danger, five heroes must put aside their differences to save it. No this isn't the Avengers, or The League ofExtraordinary Gentlemen, though it does follow the formula almost to a T.
No, instead of reviewing a great movie, or even that mediocre movie, I'm reviewing Rise of the Guardians. Let me save you some time and just say this movie blows. If you care to know why it blows read on.
Plot:
The boogie man (named Pitch Black for some reason) is sick of not being believed in, so he sets in motion what one assumes is a long concocted plan to get rid of the guardians and come to be a powerful character again.
Okay, this is a kids movie and variations of this plot have been played out a hundred times. So I am willing to give the plot a pass mostly. Its the subplots that bug me. The man in the moon (hereafter referred to simply as the moon for simplicity sake) tells the assembled guardians that he has chosen a new recruit for the team. (gotta have 5 don't cha know?) Enter Jack Frost. Actually we met Jack way back at the start of the movie, but that part is for all intents and purposes unrelated to the larger plot.
After you watch this movie, you'll wonder why he didn't recruit more.
Another subplot was the guardians having been human in the past. There were literally so many ways to play that out. So many of the characters could have been fleshed out through that, not the least of all the villain.
Characters:
Santa Clause in this movie is rude, bossy, and argumentative. Call me old fashion, but I would think the man who judges all the children in the world should be more mature then those children. He just didn't strike me as holly nor jolly. And the elves? They were basically walking toys whose only purpose seemed to be getting in the way. He was armed with two swords that would have been cool if he could have gotten anywhere near Pitch. In the movie he mostly served as transportation.
The Easter Bunny was not much better. Surly and grumpy, he didn't like being called on, he didn't like Santa for reasons that were never explained. He didn't like Jack for reasons that were only hinted at. He wasn't funny, he wasn't cool or cute. His only memorable trait was his attitude. He too largely served as transportation.
The Man in the Moon. Silent, aloof, judging. This "character" was cold and unlikable even for an inanimate object. He was a plot moving device, nothing more.
Sandman was the brightest character, in color and personality, rivaled only by Tooth Fairy. He was one of the only cheerful characters in the movie, and his fresh faced optimism was a warm contrast to the others. Though he only spoke in images that floated over his head, he was still easily my fave character. Interestingly he was one of two characters that seemed able to take the fight to Pitch, and gave the best action scene in the movie. His death was actually kinda sad/dark.
The Tooth Fairy was the ultimate token girl. But of course there had to be one girl on this team, and that was basically her whole purpose in the movie. Being the girl on the team. She had no useful abilities at all. None. There was a part about the memories of children being stored in lost teeth, but honestly that just felt forced to me. Like it was just written in to justify her being in the movie at all.
Jack Frost. As the star of the film, he naturally had a bit more back story/character development. For some reason poor Jack had no memories of his past life, and so had some understandable trouble coming to grips with his existence. Predictably he told the guardians to jog off, and predictably they dangled a carrot in his face. His childhood memories, if he helped them. I guess poor Tooth Fairy was so used to being used that she forgot how to work with others without manipulating them.
Pitch Black is such a bad villain on the surface. Boring design, boring motivations. Easily forgettable. Until you realize if the other characters were human in life, then Pitch probably was as well. Which means he was created to cause fear. Which means he was set up to fail by the Man in the Moon, who is the true villain (not officially) in the movie. Think about that. Pitch is a villain because he was doing his job which consisted of being villainous. Kinda messed up in my opinion.
Given how utterly ineffective the "guardians" were against Pitch overall, I have two questions. One, what was the guardians supposed to protect anyone from? I mean seriously? And two, why make Jack and Sandman strong enough to fight Pitch but not the others? Because the Man in the Moon was a bad Man in the Moon.
This movie is a generic holiday cash in, and you should not waste your time watching it.
