I Have Been Punished
Why couldn't they just stop with the first Punisher reboot? That was the highest this franchise was gonna get. Instead, they decided to aim low and hope some Fratboy Michael Bay Zack Snyder fan out there will be somewhat entertained. This movie did try to make an impression that comic book movies aren't just for kids (a point that Spawn surprisingly failed to make). But in the process, they made a movie that could only entertain the adults that haven't grown up enough to know what real cinema is.
The effects are crap, the fights are unimaginative, the characters are cardboard devices and the acting, oh god, the acting. And when thick skulled actors butt heads with a thick skulled writer, shit is goin' down. It all starts with the Punisher painting the walls red with mobsters and only a handful escape to a recycling plant. Why? I don't know, it's about as well thought out as the rest of the movie. Anyway, Billy "The Beaut" falls over the railing without anything pushing him , he just seems to trip and jump over a four foot rail. And he falls into a pit of bottles. Punisher turns on the Burton-esqe bad CGI machine and Billy gets sucked into a torrent of broken glass very blandly screaming "Fuck! My face!" as though he's being brushed with kittens, not broken glass.
He becomes Jigsaw and swears to kill the Punisher. Step 1 of his plan is to break his brother James out of the looney bin. Just before Jigsaw breaks in, a fatass guard eats James' applesauce. This may seem pointless, but trust me, it is. When Jigsaw undoes the restraints on his dear insane brother, he walks up to the guard and says, I'm not joking here, this is exactly quoted from the movie: "I'm gonna get ma applesauce back. Did you know that applesauce and spleen is a delicacy in Sweden? Yummy yummy yummy in my tummy tummy tummy." He then proceeds to eat the guard. Does that sound like crap to you? Now imagine that and worse lines executed by "actors" with less talent then your ten year old sister's school play. Now throw some CG blood and explosions on those kids and you've got Punisher: War Zone.