PS238 #6

What happens when students get thrown into the middle of politics? Sometimes the outcome surprises even the adults. Also, a back-up story introduces a new student.

Main Story

Our story opens with Gord and Ed preparing to shake down the new kid in class for his lunch money. Unfortunately for them, they are unable to lay a hand on Dillon as he dodges or deflects every attempted blow. He walks away unscathed, noting that his orders prevent him from giving them a thrashing. Gord and Ed then decide to pick on the other new kid, Jenny, who stuns Gord with a touch to the wrist, leaving him unable to anything more than stand there and whimper. She also walks away unharmed. Gord and Ed are then accosted by camera crews with release forms, wanting the boys to sign off on them for the footage they just captured. The camera crews are quickly hustled away by Miss Kyle, who strongly reminds them they were told to stay off the playground during school hours.

Miss Kyle then complains to Principal Cranston that this was the second time she has caught the video crews making a scene. Principal Cranston promises to have a word with them yet again. Miss Kyle asks if this is going to happen every election year, to which Principal Cranston replies that since Freedom Fighter isn't going to last forever both political parties are grooming their own replacement. Unfortunately, PS238 gives them the biggest opprotunity to launch their campaigns. Their conversation is interrupted by a PA announcement requesting Principal Cranston come to conference room two to discuss the school's textbooks with their "guests from Washington". He says that if he is still in the meeting an hour from now then Ms. Kyle should have Herschel vent reactor coolant into the conference room air ducts. Herschel just happens to be passing by and notes the amount of cameras he has been finding all over the school. Cristina notes that would be the doing of their friends from the government. Herschel remarks that he missed something and asks who is at the school. They are interrupted by Dillon, now in his USA Patriot Act costume, who asks them for directions to the bathroom. Herschel points him in the right direction and he leaves with camera crew in tow. As Herschel yells after them to keep the cameras out of the bathroom they are again interrupted, this time by Jenny in her American Eagle costume, who is looking for Mr. Alloy's Science classroom. Herschel asks Cristina to fill him in on what's going on.

In the meantime, Principal Cranston has his hands full with the government representatives. Despite the school's textbooks being purchased from state-approved vendors the government staff feels that the books contain several passages that are biased against their ideals. In reality, they are both looking to further their candidates in the race to replace Freedom Fighter, America's hero. Cristina and Herschel are busy discussing the goings-on. The "flag-wearing squirts", as Herschel calls them, are going to try to out-American each other in front of their handler's cameras.

Mr. Alloy's science class is a prime example of this. During a discussion on the spectrum of light the class members are asked to pick their favorite colors and tell what they like about it. While the rest of the students give normal answers, USA Patriot Act and American Eagle give sound-bite worthy answers on the colors red and blue, respectively. Their speeches are met with applause - from their handlers. Mr. Alloy reminds the handlers that he has the authority to send all of them to detention if they don't knock it off.

The teachers discuss what to do about the situation. Coach Rockslide hopes that they'll be ok in his gym class next period. He plans to have his class continue their unit on basketball, but the handlers want some good film clips and ask him to do something more "combat-oriented". Coach stands his ground and tells them no way, the kids will be learning basketball. USA Patriot Act interrupts them with an appearance in the gym doorway, on his motorbike. He revs his way across the floor, snags a basketball, and sinks a basket. Coach yells at him to get the motorbike off the floor because he's leaving skid marks. As he does this, American Eagle flies in, ordering USA Patriot Act to stand down. Their handler overrides Coach's authority and eggs them on to play some one-on-one. Dillon and Jenny then begin to chase the basketball back and forth across the court until Dillon pegs Jenny with a throwing disc, prompting her to try to blast him. In the ensuing back-and-forth Dillon misses a shot at Jenny and one of her blasts goes awry, zapping Captain Clarinet and Suzi. This angers the rest of the children, who then attack the pair, causing great damage to the gym in the process. The pair's handlers dismiss the amount of destruction, saying that the other students attacked Dillon and Jenny over a misunderstanding and that the whole thing was caused by a lack of discipline on the school's behalf. Principal Cranston notes that a direct protest against this is going to do no good, but he has an idea.

Meanwhile, the two candidates are trading barbs on the playground. They are interrupted by both Zodon and Victor Von Fogg, who solicit the pair to become their minions. The project director brings Miss Kyle a set of documents for the voting project, to replace the ones that accidentally fell in the shredder earlier.

Miss Kyle is then forced to have her class vote to see whether USA Patriot Act or American Eagle gets to be the "Official Protector of Student Liberty and Guardian of Constitutional Values at PS238". The students are less than enthused by this. Zodon remarks that if this were a real election they'd need about half the class to not participate and have a small minority cast write-in votes for a candiate with no hopes of winning. This gives the class an idea.

The next day a class assembly is called in the hangar bay, due to the gym being under reconstruction. The winner of the election is announced, and it is... Tyler Marlocke! The class picked him as a write-in candidate because he doesn't have superpowers and they knew his victory would tick off the "flag twins". Tyler accepts the victory gracefully and asks Principal Cranston what his duties will be. The principal notes that they don't know yet, but they'll come up with something. The project director congratulates Principal Cranston on a well-orchestrated stunt and notes that due to this setback they will have to pack it in. The directory hints that Mr. Cranston and his powers had something to do with it, but the principal notes that he had nothing to do with it. Both USA Patriot Act and American Eagle concede victory to Tyler and almost immediately begin trying to out-American the other one on camera in anticipation of the class election next year. Their verbal argument begins to escalate as the principal takes Tyler to the conference room to discuss his duties. Among his duties will be Hall Monitor, giving a presentation on the Constitution on President's Day, and acting as the official ribbon cutter for the re-opening of the newly repaired hangar bay.

Back-Up Story

Vashti invites Miss Kyle to join her in meeting a new student for PS238. They teleport to a neutral realm and meet with a mixed-marriage couple - an angel who is a Seraphim general and his demon lover. They bring forth their son, Malpahst, who they need to keep secret from both the forces of good and the forces of evil. They feel that if he were discovered that it would make his life very hard, so they want him to stay with the humans for now, so he can learn and decide what he wants his own destiny to be. They give Vashti a scrying sphere so they can be contacted, a list of spells and wards that may be used if he misbehaves, and a list of things to which he reacts "poorly", like beets and dairy products. Cristina notes that they might be able to help with that, which pleases the Seraphim, as he would like his son to have a favorite flavor of ice cream. Vashti and Cristina are then transported back, with Malphast in tow. Cristina welcomes Malphast, who also seems excited about the ice cream. Vashti promises to have Doctor Newby look into it. Doctor Positron notes that they have a new student, who appears to have supernatural powers. Cristina agrees, and notes that the real thing that will drive Positron nuts is trying to figure out how the son of an angel and demon is lactose intolerant.