Yikes. Alright, I'll take your input and start culling those ellipses. It's not really a form of punctuation I've noticed much, but I'll run through this first chapter and try to limit its usage. Regarding those select sentences:
- Ah alright, good catch here. I'll edit it.
- I don't know, I feel like both are trailing-off sentences. Maybe I just didn't quite achieve the effect intended. The first one is supposed to be left ominously lingering in the air. While the second line's more of a semi-comedic variation of 'Arson, Murder, Jaywalking'. Basically it's meant to come across as "Moon Knight is the soldier of vengeance! Avatar of moon-god! Oh and the guy who was in the WCA that one time..."
- Yeah, I think the second version of the sentence you came up with sounds a lot better. I'll change it.
- Mm, sounds much better now. I'll keep your pointers on semi-colons in mind for future use.
Do you have any more technical foibles I should look out for when writing the next chapter? I have to admit that my writing style's a little different than usual on this one. My milieu is writing military science-fiction, which is mostly just technical jargon and long, gritty descriptions. For Moon Knight, I wanted to simulate the dynamism of a comic-book, so I tried to make every paragraph as 'snappy' as possible. Fill each sentence with texture while keeping exposition to a minimum in order to maintain reader-attention. Basically.
Do you have any thoughts to share on the story's content itself? Seeing as how you've read most, if not all, MK issues, you're probably the best person to ask. I was reading the old Marc Spector issues, and the thought occurred to me that many MK volumes are weak simply because they always write the character as just another street-level vigilante. The aim with this fic was to try and focus on the three aspects that I feel separates MK from his competitors: religion, disassociative identity disorder, and 'weird' crime ala Moench or Ellis.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to not just read, but help improve this chapter, Danial. I really do appreciate it. ;)