Veshark's forum posts

#1 Edited by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

@battle_forum_junkie

I actually agree with folks in that the second sketch is done a lot more realistically, at least in terms of features and general physiognomy. But yeah, as you mentioned, it doesn't really resemble Steve too much. The thing you have to keep in mind is that Steve always has to look bigger than the average athlete. He's a superhero - so he has to look larger-than-life. I believe Stan Lee himself made that comment in Buscema's 'How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way'.

Try increasing the mass on his shoulder blades and his neck. In your first sketch he looks muscular and defined, but in the second one he looks like a skinny cosplayer. The other improvement I'd suggest are the eyes. Specifically, the eye-holes of Cap's mask. Try making them more angular, like in an angry expression ala Epting or you can try a more triangular look ala Garney. Remember that when it comes to a mask like Cap's, a lot of his facial expression comes from the brow.

Aside from all that, I do think it was a solid effort, BFJ. Nicely done, and I hope my pointers were constructive :)

#2 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

@gustofwind

The question of who the greatest of the Old Ones is, as I mentioned, largely debatable. Lovecraft was pretty vague with his pantheon in all his short stories, so there's no real concrete say either way. The closest one we can find is the H.P. Lovecraft Companion, which argues that Yog-Sothoth and Azathoth are co-rulers, each representing opposing principles. Yog-Sothoth represents the infinite worlds, while Azathoth is the center of the universe.

Long story short, at least for my money, I don't think we can definitively say which Outer God is the 'greatest'. I don't think Lovecraft created these entities to fill an established hierarchy, I think they were more like storytelling tools to add atmosphere. But generally, in his work, these are the guys referred to as the 'big guns'.

#3 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

@risingbean

Grayson? Nah, I'm not gregarious enough.

Like the new AV, by the by. Very VeggieTales hah.

#4 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

Give me a character b#tches!

Quentin Quire. Arrogant, loud-mouthed, and irritating. Also prepubescent, like you!

#5 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

@danial79

Yay! More MK fanfic to celebrate the Month of the Moon!

For starters, I enjoyed the premise. OK yeah, I kinda suspected that we were heading for a 'identity crisis' story by the first few paragraphs, but still, it's a classic superhero plot thread with lots of room for potential. I'm interested to see where it goes. My money's on Marc having been mystically split into his separate identities (prove me wrong, mate). And I also thought you handled the character of Jake very well. The bits with him talking about the downsides of the superhero biz were solid and add to the mystery.

If there's a particular aspect of the story that needs improvement though, I'd point you towards the latter half of the chapter. The opening paragraphs did a really good job of selling this idea of the confusion and loss-of-bearings that comes with amnesia. It's the detail (like Jake checking his phone or his GPS) that aids the verisimilitude. But I feel like the stride is lost with the final length of the tale.

You might want to flesh out Jake's thoughts on the scenario with a little more exposition. Like when Jake sees the MK impostor for the first time - I feel like that should be an 'oomph' moment. It should feel like a surprise to both Jake and the reader. It's the prose equivalent of a comic-book splash page. But the effect is glossed over or lost because we don't really delve into Jake's reaction. I think that a story like this - one told from a first-person perspective and dealing with a very character-based situation - needs go deeper into the protagonist's mind.

That said, I thought it was a good start, and I'm looking forward to finding out the meaning behind the title.

#6 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

Probably Hawkeye. I like to talk smack, I jump into stuff without thinking, I'm a bit hot headed and can shoot pretty good (not with a bow, but semantics!)

@veshark "Hey! You with the head!" What's your answer?

Hah. Hawkeye fits you to a tee, RB. Brash and opinionated, but ultimately a decent bloke.

I don't know, if I had to pick a character, I might go with Cyclops. I'm not a master martial-artist or a tactical mastermind (or someone with ruby beams shooting out the pupils...), but there's a bit of a similarity there.

To start, I'm one for control. That's not to say I'm neurotic or a control freak, but I like being prepared for a given situation. I'm not the type of guy who spontaneously goes 'Let's take a road trip!' and wings it; I'd prefer to plan the whole thing out and know where I'm headed. I'm also pretty polite and mild-mannered, much like Scott. I won't risk an off-color joke just to get a few laughs. I'm dry and boring like that.

And whenever I find myself in a leadership role, it's less about others respecting me, or me even wanting to lead. Generally it's because I'm acknowledged as being the best person to take charge in a particular project.

#8 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio
#9 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

@lvenger said:

@sovereign91001 said:

@veshark: There's been no movement from @kidman560 for over two weeks, you want to just take this to votes?

I haven't heard from him either, I can only imagine how annoyed you guys feel with all the commitment to this CAV. Looking forward to votes though.

Yeah sure why not, let's open this to votes. Calling voters:

@lvenger @comicstooge @god_spawn @esquire @cosmicallyaware1 @beatboks1 @dondave @venomoustaco @thetruebarryallen @wolverine08 @lukehero @oceanmaster21 @whirlwind_33 @floopay @pr0metheus @kingares109 @those_eyes @allstarsuperman @dorukesin @jashro44 @higorm @nighthunder @highaccuser @frozen @eisenfauste @funsiized

#10 Posted by Veshark (9058 posts) - - Show Bio

@the_impersonator Thanks for reading, mate.

@danial79

Yeah, I left that sentence on its own to pull off a jarring effect. An earlier line of unspecified dialogue was attributed to the second man (The god Khonshu cries for your name!), so I wanted the reader to pull a double-back on this line, until the next paragraph reveals it was MK. That being said, if it harms the story's immersion that much, I'll elect to edit a line in so you can tell. Regarding the story's tone, yeah I guess 'pulp noir' sums it up. Though I will be looking to add more mystical/superheroic elements in subsequent issues.

Thanks for the kind words, bud. The inspiration came from those Shadowknight issues mentioning 'two Khonshus', as well as the Resurrection War series where Set had his own 'avatar' in the form of Morpheus. I try to build my ideas off existing Moon Knight mythology. If you ever do get around to penning those MK fics, shoot me a link and I'd be happy to return the favor with a read.

And no worries, you didn't come off as a jerk in the slightest. Any help in improving the story is a plus in my book, especially when you take the time out of your own day to do it. Knowledge is power, as they say. I'm working on the second 'issue' right now, and hopefully I'll be able to get it done before the month closes. Thanks for reading, again!

@impurestcheese Appreciate the comment, friend. Oops, could you point out these spelling/grammar errors? I proofread my stories a couple of times before hitting Publish, but as always, even the best of us can miss some snafus. As for the plot, well you've gotta read the next ish to find out.