The Top 6 Most Awkward Moments in Ultimates 3

Today, boys and girls, we'll be looking at Jeph Loeb's Ultimates 3 - also known by its alternate title, 'The Beginning of the End of the Ultimate Universe'. For those of you who are squeamish to terrible comic-writing, I would advise that you stay away for fear of your sanity and good sense.

For those of you who are enjoy being masochists, read on:

6: Because When One of your Colleagues has a Sex Tape Scandal, it's appropriate for EVERYONE in the team to watch the X-rated video in your home theater.

5: Because INCEST is totally accepted in the 21st century and Wasp thinks it's ROMANTIC

4: Because Despite the fact that Captain America himself swears, for some reason he thinks profanity is TEARING THE MORAL FABRIC OF AMERICA apart. Real subtle, Steve.

3: Because Pyro the reformed supervillain is a complete RAPIST, and what we needed to make this comic seem more COOL and EDGY was the sight of two bastards attempting to a violate a DEFENSELESS GIRL

2: Because I'm sorry Ultron, but no villain speech - I REPEAT - NO VILLAIN SPEECH should ever have the word VIBRATOR in it

1. No comment. Just read.

Sigh...I'm gonna go cry and read Millar's Ultimates now....

49 Comments
49 Comments
Edited by Wolverine08

What the hell is this abomination?

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Posted by Veshark

What the hell is this abomination?

Jeph Loeb.

Posted by SC

Hahaha awwh thanks. Great stuff summarizing all this, and giving it a count down. I am one of those fans that can be critical of bad stories, but I am also one of those fans that can enjoy a good laugh over it too. Only in hindsight though and hopefully also only when the book, characters etc have recovered. Which is kind of tricky here since its arguable that some of these characters didn't recover.

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Posted by Veshark

@sc said:

Hahaha awwh thanks. Great stuff summarizing all this, and giving it a count down. I am one of those fans that can be critical of bad stories, but I am also one of those fans that can enjoy a good laugh over it too. Only in hindsight though and hopefully also only when the book, characters etc have recovered. Which is kind of tricky here since its arguable that some of these characters didn't recover.

Well only the 'Big Four' of the Ultimates are still active today: Cap, Tony, Thor, and Hawkeye...they've managed to outlive this for the most part.

But Loeb killed Hank and Jan in Ultimatum. Scarlet Witch dies in this, Quicksilver is currently a villain. And BP left the team in Loeb's New Ultimates. Sigh...

Honestly it's quite incredible how a few issues of a plot that tries to substitute 'modern and edgy' with 'violence and cursing', several unnecessary guest appearances, and some of the worst characterization I've ever read in a comic-book...was able to single-handedly tear down seven years of such an awesome universe.

Edited by Wolverine08

"Besides... you're like a mother to me". "Then I guess that makes me.... The Mother F%cker!" LMAO! So bad!

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Posted by ThatGuyWithHeadPhones

Wow...wow...that

was legitimately just...bad

Posted by SC

@veshark: Yeah I always get Ultimates 3 and Ultimatum mixed up even despite the very different artwork and me being a fan of both Mad and Finch. Its just that both were so bad story wise I blend them together in my memories. Like when I was reading this list I was waiting to see when the Blob and Wasp scene would show up then realized it was in a different series. Still sometimes its hard to distinguish when you are hit in the head with a steel baseball bat twice or three times, and the experience of reading Ultimates 3 and Ultimatum is not a dissimilar experience.

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Posted by SC

Actually thats another huge tragedy - aside from how bad the writing, characterization and story is, that art is so sweet and gorgeous. Its really not fair.

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Posted by Squalleon

F@CK YEAH, REALISTIC,EDGY,DARK THIS IS HOW THE REAL WORLD WORKS.
Now the only thing missing is the cannibal fat mutant guy and the set is complete......oh wait

Posted by Veshark

@sc said:

@veshark: Yeah I always get Ultimates 3 and Ultimatum mixed up even despite the very different artwork and me being a fan of both Mad and Finch. Its just that both were so bad story wise I blend them together in my memories. Like when I was reading this list I was waiting to see when the Blob and Wasp scene would show up then realized it was in a different series. Still sometimes its hard to distinguish when you are hit in the head with a steel baseball bat twice or three times, and the experience of reading Ultimates 3 and Ultimatum is not a dissimilar experience.

Hah I get that.

Yeah it's a damn shame really because Joe Mad's art is pretty sweet, and Finch's work on Ultimatum is some of the best in his career. The five-issue cover of the entire Ultimate Universe? Awe-inspiring.

Edited by MaccyD

So this is Loeb thinks up when he's told the Ultimate universe is meant to be a more modern version of the Marvel universe...

LOEB FORCE STRIKES AGAIN!!!

Posted by HeraldofGanthet

@veshark:

I haven't read a single issue of any of the "Ultimate" line of Marvel Comics, and now I never will. *sigh* What the hell happened to Jeph Loeb... (smh)

Posted by Veshark

@maccyd said:

So this is Loeb thinks up when he's told the Ultimate universe is meant to be a more modern version of the Marvel universe...

LOEB FORCE STRIKES AGAIN!!!

I swear all Loeb likely did was read online that it was a 'oh darker take on the Avengers', and his idea of that was basically everyone acting like an a*s.

@veshark:

I haven't read a single issue of any of the "Ultimate" line of Marvel Comics, and now I never will. *sigh* What the hell happened to Jeph Loeb... (smh)

While I do urge you to stay away from any book with the words 'Ultimate' and 'Loeb' together on the cover, I do recommend that you check out the earlier Ultimate U books, man.

In the early 2000s, the UU was at the pinnacle of comic-book storytelling, they were putting out some of the best, streamlined and updated versions of Marvel characters. Ultimate Spider-Man, Ultimate X-Men, Millar's Ultimates - all top-notch stuff.

But yeah, Loeb has seriously slipped since he went over to Marvel. Destroying the Ultimate Universe, Red Hulk, and then cancelling all of the great cartoons at Marvel TV. Sigh...

Posted by Z3RO180

@veshark: Now I like Jeff lobe but Sesh that was just uhh....You know bad dosent sum it up it is Hatebadtacular. Yep I made up a word.

Posted by Deranged Midget

Hmm, I read the first issue the other day on the Marvel app as it was free. Loved the art but I had to do a double take on some of the pages since I wasn't sure if I misread some of the content or not. It was really... out there :/

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Edited by Veshark

@deranged_midget said:

Hmm, I read the first issue the other day on the Marvel app as it was free. Loved the art but I had to do a double take on some of the pages since I wasn't sure if I misread some of the content or not. It was really... out there :/

Out there's a kind way of putting it ;)

But yeah, damn shame, I actually like Joe Mad's work here.

Also, what's with the Kevin Smith-esque AV if you don't mind me asking?

Posted by dondave

"Besides... you're like a mother to me". "Then I guess that makes me.... The Mother F%cker!" LMAO! So bad!

Posted by FadeToBlackBolt

This was the first sign of Jeph Loeb having gone completely insane after his son's death.

It would not be the last.

Posted by Dragonborn_CT

Awesome blog, bro. This is without a doubt one of the worst comics I've ever read, and if you ask it to people who read it, they will say the same. When I started into comics, I was a huge fan of the Ultimate Universe and this was first nail in the coffin for me, with the last being Ultimatum also by Jeph Loeb. He obviously jumped on aboard with out even reading any Ultimates comics beforehand, the only knowledge he must had was a Wikipedia entry. How you think profanity is inappropriate when the comic is already featuring incest, graphic violence and sex scenes and a attempted rape. What the hell was he thinking?!?!

Posted by Veshark

Awesome blog, bro. This is without a doubt one of the worst comics I've ever read, and if you ask it to people who read it, they will say the same. When I started into comics, I was a huge fan of the Ultimate Universe and this was first nail in the coffin for me, with the last being Ultimatum also by Jeph Loeb. He obviously jumped on aboard with out even reading any Ultimates comics beforehand, the only knowledge he must had was a Wikipedia entry. How you think profanity is inappropriate when the comic is already featuring incest, graphic violence and sex scenes and a attempted rape. What the hell was he thinking?!?!

Thanks man. Sigh...yeah, this really was the nail in the coffin, along with Ultimatum.

Posted by cattlebattle

I often think Ultimates 3 and Ultimatum was Jeph Loebs critique of the Ultimate Universe. He was kind of exaggerating all the ridiculous "edginess and gritiness" it was infused with. I can't imagine he wrote that stuff willingly, Marvel was probably interested in just ending all the series and just had Loeb go wild.

Edited by Veshark

I often think Ultimates 3 and Ultimatum was Jeph Loebs critique of the Ultimate Universe. He was kind of exaggerating all the ridiculous "edginess and gritiness" it was infused with. I can't imagine he wrote that stuff willingly, Marvel was probably interested in just ending all the series and just had Loeb go wild.

I doubt it. And frankly the bulk of the Ultimate Universe was hardly 'edgy or gritty', it was mostly just the Ultimates.

And he did end Ultimatum with a dedication to Bendis, Millar, Quesada and the other architects of the Ultimate U, so I doubt it was a critique.

Posted by cattlebattle

@veshark said:

@cattlebattle said:

I often think Ultimates 3 and Ultimatum was Jeph Loebs critique of the Ultimate Universe. He was kind of exaggerating all the ridiculous "edginess and gritiness" it was infused with. I can't imagine he wrote that stuff willingly, Marvel was probably interested in just ending all the series and just had Loeb go wild.

I doubt it. And frankly the bulk of the Ultimate Universe was hardly 'edgy or gritty', it was mostly just the Ultimates.

And he did end Ultimatum with a dedication to Bendis, Millar, Quesada and the other architects of the Ultimate U, so I doubt it was a critique.

How do you know?? Oh right, you don't.

Edited by Deranged Midget

@veshark said:

Out there's a kind way of putting it ;)

But yeah, damn shame, I actually like Joe Mad's work here.

Also, what's with the Kevin Smith-esque AV if you don't mind me asking?

I love Joe Madureira's art! His recent mini-arc on Savage Wolverine was one of my favourites from him in a long time!

It's not Kevin Smith, it's Ryan Davis from Giantbomb. He passed away back in early July.

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Posted by NorrinBoltagonPrime21

I think Loeb is trying to Sabotage Marvel

Posted by LimpoyzLoan

You know, I was almost thinking of reading this. Almost.

Edited by Veshark

@veshark said:

@cattlebattle said:

I often think Ultimates 3 and Ultimatum was Jeph Loebs critique of the Ultimate Universe. He was kind of exaggerating all the ridiculous "edginess and gritiness" it was infused with. I can't imagine he wrote that stuff willingly, Marvel was probably interested in just ending all the series and just had Loeb go wild.

I doubt it. And frankly the bulk of the Ultimate Universe was hardly 'edgy or gritty', it was mostly just the Ultimates.

And he did end Ultimatum with a dedication to Bendis, Millar, Quesada and the other architects of the Ultimate U, so I doubt it was a critique.

How do you know?? Oh right, you don't.

.....Oohkay....what's with the snark? I just said 'I doubt it', I never said 'It isn't, and you're wrong'. That response hardly strengthens your argument at any rate.

@veshark said:

Out there's a kind way of putting it ;)

But yeah, damn shame, I actually like Joe Mad's work here.

Also, what's with the Kevin Smith-esque AV if you don't mind me asking?

I love Joe Madureira's art! His recent mini-arc on Savage Wolverine was one of my favourites from him in a long time!

It's not Kevin Smith, it's Ryan Davis from Giantbomb. He passed away back in early July.

Mm, took me a while to warm up to him, but I quite like his work now.

Ah, no I just said it was 'Kevin Smith-esque' not that it was him (because really who would put him as an AV). My sympathies.

You know, I was almost thinking of reading this. Almost.

NO! SAVE YOURSELF WHILE YOU CAN!

Posted by RulerOfThisUniverse

Wait... Jeph Loeb wrote these scenes????? You mean the guy that wrote Hush and The Long Halloween, my first and third favorite comics of all time?????

Edited by Veshark

Wait... Jeph Loeb wrote these scenes????? You mean the guy that wrote Hush and The Long Halloween, my first and third favorite comics of all time?????

The guy has done great DC work, I admit...

...But his Marvel stuff is atrocious.

Posted by Squalleon

@rulerofthisuniverse: The Loeb you know is not the same man with the one that wrote this story....Loeb died with his son.

Posted by TheWolverine04

Or 6 more reasons why I'm glad I don't read Ultimates.

Posted by Argothor

I was laughing my butt off reading this lol.

Posted by RulerOfThisUniverse
Posted by Wolverine08
Online
Posted by RulerOfThisUniverse

@wolverine08: Damn. I feel really sorry for him, he might be my favorite writer of all time.

Posted by RisingBean

@veshark: There is a special circle of hell waiting just for you....Gonna go cry myself to sleep now.

Edited by Veshark

@argothor said:

I was laughing my butt off reading this lol.

Glad you liked it :)

@veshark: There is a special circle of hell waiting just for you....Gonna go cry myself to sleep now.

Haha, I was waiting for you to show up *evil face*

Posted by Squalleon

@rulerofthisuniverse: And in a very young age.
Loeb wanted to retire but Quesada didn't let him because he thought he was going towards depression

Posted by RisingBean

@veshark: Gah. And here I thought we were pals. On a brighter note, I picked up my old comics from storage and I get to read it again. Also need to try not to tear my eyeballs out and eat them as I read Ultimates 3 again. Damn you Loeb. Damn you.

Veshark, you are the worst friend ever. EVER!!!!!

Posted by Veshark

@veshark: Gah. And here I thought we were pals. On a brighter note, I picked up my old comics from storage and I get to read it again. Also need to try not to tear my eyeballs out and eat them as I read Ultimates 3 again. Damn you Loeb. Damn you.

Veshark, you are the worst friend ever. EVER!!!!!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, chum!!! Fight through the pain! Endure the eye-rolling plot and cringe-inducing characterization! When you finish Ultimates 3, everything in life will suddenly seem so much more precious! I believe in you man, you can do it!!

.....I'll be praying for your soul.

Posted by RisingBean

Heh. I at least get the benefit of decent art, right? RIght!?!

And I now have to ask you if the Ultimates 3 is the work of the great old ones. Is mighty Cthulhu at work here. I look into that abyss of a book and it looks back through me. My soul shudders and tears and I know there is no divine spark out there in the cold cosmos. There is no comfort. Only the inevitable unwinding of reality into nothingness.

Posted by Veshark

Heh. I at least get the benefit of decent art, right? RIght!?!

And I now have to ask you if the Ultimates 3 is the work of the great old ones. Is mighty Cthulhu at work here. I look into that abyss of a book and it looks back through me. My soul shudders and tears and I know there is no divine spark out there in the cold cosmos. There is no comfort. Only the inevitable unwinding of reality into nothingness.

IA! IA! CTHULHU FHTAGN!!!!

Posted by TheCannon

What is this!?! What did they do to the Ultimates!?! They took a great mini-series by Mark Millar, and after a second mini, they come out with this!?! WTF happened!?!

Okay, now that me yelling is out of the way, this is kind of funny with how bad it looks. I may have to read this just to see how bad it is.

Posted by RustyRoy
Edited by TDK_1997

This is one of the worst stories I have ever read.I remember how I was facepalming myself at almost every page when I was reading this and I was just asking myself ''WHAT THE F**K IS THIS?!?!''.And with this book we saw the downfall of Loeb.This was definitely the start of everything.

Posted by kgb725

This is like reading a weird fanfiction

Posted by Battle_Forum_Junkie

Jeff Loeb wrote this? What happened to him? He does stuff like Long Halloween, Dark Victory, Superman/Batman, and then he writes this cr@p?

Posted by DecoyElite

Jeff Loeb wrote this? What happened to him? He does stuff like Long Halloween, Dark Victory, Superman/Batman, and then he writes this cr@p?

He was going through a very rough patch IIRC.

Edited by Veshark

@battle_forum_junkie said:

Jeff Loeb wrote this? What happened to him? He does stuff like Long Halloween, Dark Victory, Superman/Batman, and then he writes this cr@p?

He was going through a very rough patch IIRC.

I think it just stems from an overall misunderstanding of the Ultimate U. He was never very involved in that line of books, and I guess he just thought it was 'edgy Marvel' and wrote a very generic and...poorly written book, really.