Was my uncle murdered or was he killed? (this is AvX related)

More than 58,000 citizens of the U.S. lost their lives in (or as a consequence of being in) Vietnam during the Vietnam War.  My uncle was one of them...
He was one of the many men and women who served their country honorably.... 
He was drafted into the U.S. Army and was sent to fight in Vietnam...
 
Now, my question to the vine is this, "Was my uncle murdered or was he killed?"
 
My opinion is this:  He was killed in the line of duty, serving his country...  I do not believe he was murdered... I do not believe a warrant should be sworn out for anyone's arrest for his murder....
 
So, how does this relate to comic books and AvX in particular?
 
Was Charles Xavier murdered or was he killed in battle?
1: Utopia was a sovereign nation.
2: Charles Xavier was not a soldier of the U.S.
3: Charles Xavier was not an agent of SHIELD.
4: Charles Xavier was not a member of the Avengers.
 
Now, I know he did not need to be a member of any organization to do what he thought was right, or to fight the good fight... But my question still stands...
- Charles Xavier went onto foreign soil, uninvited. 
- Charles Xavier engaged in a battle in which he KNEW he could die.
- Whether or not it was right or wrong to do so, Charles Xavier was fighting a war...
 
IF things had been different, for example:
1: IF Charles Xavier were an official agent of SHIELD or member of The Avengers.. AND
2: IF Charles Xavier had attempted to capture Scott Summers on AMERICAN SOIL (U.S. territory)
 
I could understand Cyclops killing of Xavier being viewed as a murder...  But what I saw in AvX was a war, fought on foreign soil....  In war, one does not MURDER the enemy, they KILL the enemy...  It's a sad reality...
 
One more question to ponder....
If you still believe Charles Xavier was murdered, exactly WHICH court should issue the warrant for his arrest?  He was murdered in a country OTHER than the U.S.  The U.S. has no authority to issue warrants for crimes committed in other countries.   You may not like that, but that is the way it is....
 
If King Namor were to kill Tony Stark within the borders of Atlantis - would the U.S. issue a warrant for his arrest?
If T'Challa or Queen Shuri killed Peter Parker withing the borders of Wakanda - would the U.S. issue a warrant for their arrest?
If Queen Elizabeth killed Wolverine (some of you are cheering this) within the walls of Buckingham palace - Would the U.S. issue a warrant for her arrest?
 
The answer to all three questions is "NO."   The U.S. has no authority to prosecute crimes committed in other countries...
So, tell me, exactly where did the warrant for Scott's arrest (on the charge of murder) come from?  What court issued it?

12 Comments

Emma and Scott.... You crazy kids! I love you! You tell 'em!

I love Emma Frost.  She brings out my inner bitch.  ( a phrase I stole from Xerox Kitty, but don't tell her) 
 
Emma deserves applause this week for doing something (in Uncanny X-Men 3) that has needed doing since the last issue of AvX.
She basically told Tony Stark to go...um... 'love' himself.
 

 
Paraphrased:
Stark, you (fill in your own explicative here)!  
YOU split the phoenix force into five pieces.
YOU forced it onto five mutants without warning or consent.
YOU created a situation in which we had power we would neither control nor give up.  You slipped us a PHOENIX ROOFIE!
YOU turned us into the Phoenix Five....
 
YOU created the problem... and now,
YOU are trying to arrest us for being trapped in a situation that you created..
 
 
 
 
 
I'm also proud of Mr. Summers for his calm yet daring display of diplomacy
 
 
 
   Nice, simple and to the point.  
 
I admit, I would have been wordy in Scott's place.  I might have wasted time saying things like: 

1: Cap, we're in Australia.  You, the Avenges, and SHIELD have no legal authority here.  What you're doing is illegal... Like when you illegally invaded Utopia...
 
2: Do you have a warrant?  Charles Xavier died on Utopia...  Did you get a warrant from the courts of Utopia to have me arrested? 

3:  Are you planning to put me back into a prison where I will never see my day in court, and you will once again arrange to have the inmates murder me like before?  Or were you planning on having Hulk do that for you?
 
 
Yes, I probably would have wasted my time with dialogue that wouldn't have changed Cap's view of things in the slightest...  Scott's three simple words were classic, eloquent, and to the point.   I'm proud of you, Mr. Summers.  You have my permission to take that stupid mask off and get a visor again...
73 Comments

Seriously, Val? Fearless Defenders 2 (spoilers within)

So I read Fearless Defenders 2 earlier and overall I'm enjoying the series so far.  It's off to a good start.  The art is good.  The dialogue is good.  The pace is decent...  So, it's a definite thumbs up....
 
But this isn't  a review but more of a WTF moment, I guess.....  What do you folks think of the following comment by Valkyrie?
Val is the last Valkyrie alive and some time back she was the task of choosing female warriors from midgard to become the new Valkyrie...  But she hasn't picked anyone yet because... Well, read it for yourself.

 
 

 
 
 
 
 I do believe Misty Knight's comment speaks volumes  
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
Of all the things in the comics this week that made me ask WTF?  This was probably at the top of the list...  I tried to imagine a conversation between The all-mother and Valkyrie, as the all-mother tried to get to the bottom of Val's inability to find "worthy" female warriors on earth...
 
All-mother:  Val, we KNOW there are many honorable and brave female warriors on midgard.  Indeed thou has worketh with many of them in thine own recent past.
Val:  Really?  I haven't noticed.
All-mother:  Weren't you on a team with the Invisible woman, She-Hulk, Jazindra, and Thundra.
Val: Was I?
All-mother:  Yes, you called yourself the Lady Liberators.  Would not anyone of these fine warriors make an outstanding Valkyrie?
Val:  Um... no... No all-mother.  
All-mother:  Not ONE of them?
Val: No, All-mother.  They all have...liabilities or impediments...
All-Mother:  Susan of the storm has liabilities?
Val:  She is married... and has children... and is currently not in this reality.  So...
All-Mother:  And She-Hulk?  She has the strength of a Hulk!  She is ferocious!  She has courage in abundance!  And she looks good on a horse.
Val: But she is a LAWYER, All-Mother.  If you put HER on the team you might as well put Loki!
All-Mother:  Fair point, Val, fair point.  But what about Thundra.  She is a warrior bred, born and raised!
Val:  She keeps hitting on me.  It's distracting.
All-Mother:  (sighs audibly) Very well.  Moving on then, how about someone who already has experience as a Valkyrie.  Young Danielle Moonstar!  Leader of the Mutants New!
Val:  She recently kissed Sam Guthrie.  Those on the other side of the 4th panel are still having trouble forgiving her for that...
All-Mother:  We see... Well then, how about Troll!  She has extraordinary strength and has been well trained...
Val:  She has poor table manners and seldom bathes...
All-Mother:  Okay, well... How about Ultragirl!  Strength, Invulnerability, combat training, and she...
Val:  She's a SUPER MODEL!  Have you ever worked with a SUPER MODEL?  
All-Mother:  Firestar!  Surely Firestar is...
Val:  A safety hazard, All Mother.   I cannot be carrying a fire extinguisher with me on every mission...
All-Mother: Tigra?
VAL: Sheds all over the place. 
All-Mother: Spider-Woman?
Val: She is sleeping with my ex.
All-Mother:  Hawkeye is your ex?
Val:  Hawkeye is everyone's ex.
All-Mother: Red She-Hulk!
Val: Anger issues.
All-Mother: Squirrel Girl!
Val: Has a tail and talks to squirrels.
All-Mother: Black Cat!
Val: Has nicer breasts than mine.
All-Mother: Domino!  
Val: Has a black eye that never heals.  A weakness.
All-Mother: STORM!
Val:  Recently divorced and bad hair-cut.  Also sleeping with my ex.
All-Mother:  Storm is sleeping with Hawkeye?
Val:  Wolverine.
All-Mother:  Wolverine is your ex?
Val:  Wolverine is everyone's ex.
All-Mother:  Lila Madrox!
Val:  She's creepy.
All-Mother: Valeria Franklin!
Val: Know it all!
All-Mother: X-23!
Val:  Still in school.
All-Mother: Monet!!!
Val:  She's muslim and doesn't believe Asgardian gods exist.
All-Mother: Wolfsbane!
Val: Sheds like Tigra and speaks funny.
All-Mother: Misty Knight!
Val: She slept with Paladin.
All-Mother:  Ewwww.  Really?  Oh well.  Um... Silver Sable.
Val: Spider-man lost her.
All-Mother: Frenzy?
Val: Anger issues.
All-Mother: Pepper Potts then!  She's dependable and she has that iron-maiden outfit!
Val: She slept with Tony Stark.
All-Mother:  So what?  Haven't we all?
Val: and he's my ex... 
All-Mother:  He's everyone's ex.
Val: Exactly.
All-Mother: Kitty Pride!  We have you there!  Kitty Pride would make an excellent Valkyrie.  And unless you've dated Colossus, she isn't sleeping with your ex! So?!?!?
Val:  Scheduling problems.
All-Mother:  Come again?
Val: She has scheduling problems.
All-Mother: Explain!
Val:  It's been a good 3 months since she's been dead, stuck in space, or stuck in phase mode.  She's due to be out of commission soon.
6 Comments

The Anti-Lanterns

I've been following the New Guardians story with Kyle Rayner.
I've been thinking about the "Emotional Spectrum."  As I understand it, the emotions are what powers each of the different colored lanterns.  So, going in the ROYGBIV order:
 
Red            -    Rage 
Orange      -    Avarice
Yellow        -    Fear
Green        -    Will
Blue           -     Hope
Indigo        -    Compassion
Violet         -     Love

 The idea of drawing power from the emotional spectrum is a very very kewl idea....   But, I can't help but notice many emotions are just... not mentioned...  So the idea of a second set of lanterns came to mind... The ANTI-LANTERNS...  A force of lanterns that 'balance' out the existing lanterns... So, off the top of my head...

                                                                            Lantern

                                                                                     Anti-Lantern

Color

Emotion

Emotion

Color

Red

Rage

Happiness

 Peach?   Magenta?   Rainbow?

Orange

Avarice

Generosity

Whatever color is left will be fine…

Green

Will

Surrender

We don’t know.   You tell us.

Blue

Hope

Apathy / Despair

We don’t care.   It’ll just be taken away…

Indigo

Compassion

Cruelty / Animosity

Is ‘hell’ a color?

Violet

Love

Hate

We’re not telling you, asshat!!!

And what would these lanterns be like, I wonder..... Hmmmm....  
 

Anti-Lanterns

Emotion

Traits

Happiness

Have short memories so they never hold a grudge.
Have no family members who can be hurt.
Own no property that can be stolen.
There either is or isn’t a God.   Either way is okay with them.

The power rings of the HAPPY corp. have the ability to sense that which makes the target most happy.   Thus a HAPPY LANTERN can generate a construct of the target’s happy thoughts.
It is believed that a Happy Lantern helped Wendy and her siblings find their happy thoughts…

Generosity

A Generous Lantern has the ability to sense what a target needs and generate a construct of said need…
The downside to being a Generous Lantern is that the target’s need is often the death and destruction of the lantern corp.   
Thus, Generous Lanterns are not long lived.

Surrender

Surrender Lanterns sense out those who wish to overcome or conquer in any way shape and form…   Their rings have the ability to generate handcuffs, straight-jackets, prison cells, and various forms of restraint around the Surrender Lantern…
Surrender Lanterns rarely serve more than one mission before having to be replaced.

Apathy / Despair

The Despair Lanterns are led by Eeyore… but who cares.

Cruelty / Animosity

Cruel Lanterns exist solely to harm, torture, irritate, and bother every other life form in the universe.   Including their own team mates.
They draw power and amusement from any action that makes life more difficult on anyone else.   These actions include but are not limited to:

·          Stealing one sock from a dryer
·          Removing the battery cover on remote controls so that the batteries are always falling out!
·          Stealing toilet paper from public bathrooms
·          Starting discussions on Politics, Religion, and Sex in the workplace
·          Starting more than half the threads in comic vine
·          Stealing half the parking spaces in any university in the United States
·          Introducing ‘Intelligent Design’ to various cultures.   They are currently destroying knowledge of gravity with the ‘Intelligent Push Down’ theory.
·          Comic Events that take up many issues over long periods of time and accomplish nothing
·          Polyester wash and wear suits
·          Creating things like BICYCLE BARS in which men can fall on and…guys, you know what I’m talking about.
·          Removing the seat from a bicycle.   Now THAT hurts. 
·          Introducing PMS to many races across the universe.

Hate

This one is obvious.   The Hate Lanterns hate….   They make terrible team mates.   Hate Lanters:

  ·        Poke holes in condoms during the manufacturing process.
·          Make sure decent medical care and medicine cost too much for the poor.
·          Supports any form of organized religion which believes in the destruction of all other forms organized religions.
·          Are responsible for at least half of all country and rap music.
·          Sell weapons AND medicine to both sides during a war.
·          Are responsible for One More Day…

Please feel free to add or subtract as necessary
9 Comments

PETER PARKER IS COMING BACK ALREADY? IN THE NEXT ISSUE?

Can you believe Peter Parker is already coming back?  It will happen in the next issue of Amazing Spider-man!
 
No, not really.  Wouldn't that have pissed you off if it really WAS going to happen and I ruined it for you by NOT using a SPOILER ALERT WARNING?
  
Most of you are probably aware of what happened in Batman Inc issue 8

You see how I put a SPOILER WARNING there so you don't have to see an event you've not had a chance to read about for yourself.
There are at least TWO threads in the general discussion which REVEAL what happened IN THE TITLE OF THE THREAD.so it's not as if you even have a choice whether or not you want to click on the spoiler warning and reveal what happened.  It's RIGHT THERE IN THE THREAD LIST.
 
People, please be considerate of others.  You have the power to end this madness...
 
Remember... You can use spoiler warnings or you can go bald, impotent, and rank with stupidity.
166 Comments

Wakanda - More Civilized???

I like the 'idea' of Wakanda, but there are too many contradictions in what is claimed about Wakanda and what the reality (comic book reality) is.
 
Wakanda is supposed to be a small African nation that is more advanced than the rest of the world.  It's supposed to be more civilized.  It is supposed to be more technologically and SPIRITUALLY advanced than the rest of the world.
 
Consider this interesting dialogue from Black Panther Volume 4 issue 3

 
 Here, King T'Chaka, Black Panther and ruler of Wakanda at the time, tells the members of the United Nations that it would irresponsible for Wakanda to share its scientific discoveries with the rest of the world until they are more "spiritually mature."
 
Hmmm... Let's take a look at these  "spiritually mature' people.
 
 

First, their more civilized way of choosing a king. Notice, I didn't say leader or president or prime minister.


 Black Panther V4 Issue 2
 
 
 
 Obviously democracy is an ass-backward concept used by spiritually immature countries where the ignorant masses believe power should come from the governed...  We waste our time with petty processes like VOTING.
 
When the people of the free world are more enlightened, they will finally see that the best way to 'choose a ruler' is to simply.... Let the potential rulers KICK THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER until only one remains standing.   Kind of like HIGHLANDER.  and who didn't like THAT movie?!
 
God bless Wakanda for showing us how uncivilized the democratic process is.  To think we could have had Mike Tyson ruling the U.S. instead of Bill Clinton...    if only we were as spiritually mature as Wakanda.
 
 
 

What else can we learn from these more civilized people. Oh, how about compassion?


 Cancer Cure for sell!

 ' IF ' the uncivilized people will give us espionage secrets 'MAYBE' we could give them the CURE FOR CANCER...
 
'WHAT?  Give these uncivilized, spiritually immature people the cure for cancer?!  Are you insane?  They don't even choose their leaders by combat!?!?!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Separation of Church and State is obviously wrong


 Many of us ass-backward citizens of the United States believe that people should be free to choose for themselves whether or not they believe in God.  We believe they should have the right to worship, or not, as they see fit as long as their religious freedom does not impinge on the rights of others.  But all these years we've had it wrong.  Thank God (or the Wakandan panther deity) for showing us a better way.    
 
In Wakanda, the King (the guy who can beat the crap out of everyone else... Oh, he has to be able to read and write as well.)  IS ALSO THE SPIRITUAL LEADER.  The King and Pope in one so to speak.  I guess it saves time...
 

The Black Black Jaguar  (yes I typed 'black' twice on purpose because I'm more advanced)

 The WHITE POLAR BEAR...
The BLACK AND WHITE ZEBRA...
The  WHITE CAUCASIAN...
 
Do either of those three terms strike you as odd?  I hope so.  I hope that you realize calling a  polar bear white is redundant because polar bears ARE white.  ALL POLAR BEARS ARE WHITE.  It's sort of a defining feature of being a polar bear.  Also, ALL ZEBRAS are black and white!  You wouldn't call a Zebra a "black and white" zebra...would you?   And would you bother describing a Caucasian man as being a WHITE CAUCASIAN man?   No... Why not?  Well, because Caucasians are white people.  That's sort of the definition of being Caucasian.
 
So, what does this have to do with Wakanda?  Well, their RULER and SPIRITUAL leader is The BLACK PANTHER.  Calling a panther black is like calling a polar bear white.  All polar bears ARE white....  All panthers ARE black...    
 
A PANTHER (the species), BY DEFINITION, ARE JAGUARS WITH BLACK HAIR.     PANTHERS ARE BLACK JAGUARS.   

Panther = Black Jaguar.

       
So, if Wakanda called it's ruler the BLACK JAGUAR... Well, THAT would make sense...  but BLACK panther? Seriously?   That's like saying the Black Black Jaguar.
 
So...Wakanda, a more advanced, civilized, and spiritually mature nation, chooses it's king through personal combat, gives them the title of Black Black Jaguar, and hoards the cure for cancer because the rest of the world aren't ready for it...  Something about that isn't quite right...
52 Comments

Comic Book Jumping - The Sonic Boom that never was...

So, I've been saying I'd write a blog about the physics involved in comic book jumping.  After many calculations, and double checking, I've decided to omit the equations unless someone REALLY wants to see them.    If you feel my numbers are wrong here, then by all means, have them checked.  I've asked a friend to verify my calculations (and he MUCH better at physics that I am.)
 
So, I once posed the following question to students in a freshmen physics class. 
 Can the Incredible Hulk jump ten miles without causing a sonic boom? 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Although that was a while back, I suspect some of them are still trying to figure that out...  But I'm going to give you the answer.   And the answer is... Not only no, but SMURF NO!
 
To jump a distance of 10 miles, the Hulk would need to jump:
  • at an angle of 45 degrees
  • with an initial velocity of 890 mph
  • reaching a maximum height of 4.38 miles
  • with a total flight time of about 57 seconds
 So, the Hulk has to break the sound barrier in order to leap a distance of ten miles.  Now, he will slow down as he approaches the masimum height, but he is going to speed back up as he plummets to earth, and he WILL impact with the same speed at which he launched.  So, he will ALSO break the sound barrier as he comes in for a landing.  Thus, to leap a distance of ten miles, the Incredible Hulk must create TWO SONIC BOOMS...
 
If the Hulk launches at any angle OTHER than 45 degrees, he will have to leap even faster to make ten miles.
 
Now, a jumper is basically a projectile.  A projectile, by definition, is any object in motion acted  upon by ONLY one force.  In this case, that force is gravity.
A simpler definition would be, any object that has been launched/hurled/projected into the air...  
 
An arrow from a bow.  A bullet from a gun.  A ball from a cannon.  These are all projectiles,  something launches them, but once they are in motion, only gravity is acting on them.  Well, anything that jumps is basically a projectile.  The springing is what gives the jumper their initial velocity, but once their feet leave the ground, gravity is the ONLY force acting on them.  (We are ignoring air resistance.)
 
So, when the Hulk or Spider-man or Squirrel girl leap, they are projectiles.  The higher or further something leaps, the faster their initial velocity (speed) must be. 
Now, according to Marvel's wiki-page on the Hulk, he usually jumps about 3 miles, but has been known to jump 1000 miles with a single jump... Um... yeah...
 
A 3 mile jump requires the Hulk to jump:   
  • at an angle of 45 degrees
  • with an initial velocity of 490 mph
  • reaching a maximum height of 1.3 miles
  • with a total flight time of about 31 seconds
 A 1000 mile jump requires the Hulk to jump:   
  • at an angle of 45 degrees
  • with an initial velocity of 8900 mph
  • reaching a maximum height of 439 miles
  • with a total flight time of 9.6 minutes
 8900 mph is MACH 12.7.   He has to launch at about 13 times the speed of sound?!?!    That's roughly half the speed of the space shuttle when it launches...  But, it's the comic book universe so.....
 
Anyway, now you know....
6 Comments

Life Follows Art - Sadly, it's almost a reality

I'm sorry to say I've become something of a recluse over the past five years.  In that time, I've not been very good at paying attention to the news on regular basis.  Today, I learned about something that the United States Government may actually start doing and it's very disturbing.  Actually, I've no doubt that every government does this to some extent, but to come out and make it legally acceptable?
 
Before I say exactly what it is, I want to remind you of something that happened in the Marvel universe during Civil War.   Tony Stark, Reed Richards, and a skrull-Hank Pym created a prison in the negative zone; Prison 42.  
 
Tony Stark, as director of SHIELD, began imprisoning heroes (citizens of the U.S.) in this prison.  He had every intention of keeping them locked away until they registered and agreed to support the registration act.  He stated that he would keep them there indefinitely without trial.  He knew they would never get a trial.  One of the reasons he chose to build the prison in the negative zone is so that it would be outside the jurisdiction of the U.S. courts.  Here are a few scans to remind you.
  

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This is pretty cut and dry.  Tony Stark did this.   I was disgusted by him.  I realize it's only a comic book.  It's make believe.  But we're here in comic vine because we love comics.   Sometimes they make us happy, sometimes they make us sad, sometimes they make us laugh, and sometimes they piss us off.
 
I have to say, I was surprised that very few people were disturbed by what Stark was doing....  I believe many sort of laughed it off with the, "It's just a comic book" mentality.
 
Well, it's not just comic book fiction anymore.   And this is NOT a conspiracy theory.  This is in the news.  You can go google it for yourself...  There is a movement within the United States Government trying to make it legal for the U.S. government to INDEFINITELY DETAIN prisoners WITHOUT A TRIAL OR CONVICTION.
 
Let me be clear on this.  They want to be able to:
  • Incarcerate anyone 'they' determine to be a threat
  • Detain that citizen for any length of time WITHOUT TRIAL
  • Detain that citizen without conviction of a crime

This is an absolute violation of one's CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS.   The constitution guarantees the citizens of the U.S. the "Right to a speedy trial."
 
So, you see, what happened in Marvel Civil War, is essentially beginning here in the real world.  Members of the U.S. government want to be able to arrest and detain indefinitely citizens of the U.S.  It's REALLY HAPPENING folks...  This kind of thing happened in pre-cold war Russia.  It happened in China under the rule of Mao Tse Tung.  It happened under Stalin and Mussolini.   You may think I'm being melodramatic, but that's the thing, I'm not.  This has happened in the past.  And it's happening again...
 
I wonder...Those of you who thought it was okay for Tony Stark to do this, do you feel the same way now that it will likely happen here in the U.S.  And as far as I can tell, President Obama supports the idea.  This makes me sad.  I voted for the man.  I've always liked him... But this... to me... is unacceptable.

63 Comments

I Have Super Powers... Seriously! I bet you do to...

When I was young, back when I first started driving, I discovered I had a super power...  I could control other people.  Seriously.  I could make them do things..
 
The first time it happened, I was stopped at a red light at an intersection.  This was one of those roads with four lanes (two in each direction.)  As it happened, there was a car to my right, also stopped at the red light.  Now, being young and impatient, I 'anticipated' the light changing from red to green.  I 'EASED' on the gas just a smidgen and my car moved forward a few inches.  and then... IT... happened.  The driver next to me inched HIS car forward a few inches...  
 
At first, I thought it was just coincidence, but it happened again the very next day.  After that, I decided to TEST this odd occurrence.   The next time I was stopped at a red light with someone next to me, I intentionally inched forward even though I knew the light wasn't going to change.   Lo and behold, the car NEXT to me inched forward.   So, I did it again!  I inched forward and SO DID THE OTHER DRIVER!  It was actually happening!  I was causing them to inch forward!  I had a super power!
 
Now, over the next few days I experimented with this procedure and it worked nearly 100% of the time...  Not a complete 100% success, but I was still new to this wondrous power.
 
It was not long after, that I learned that I could do MORE with my power...  I found a connection between my ability to control other drivers.... and makeup...
 
I made the discovery one morning when I was late for work...  I stopped at a red light, but this time, I was behind another driver.   The driver was a woman who was looking into her rear-view mirror and putting on her makeup.  Well, the light turned green, but the woman in front of me didn't notice, as she was doing her makeup.  Being in a hurry, I honked my horn and then...IT...happened.  The woman stepped on the gas and sped forward without even looking to see if the light was green or if the way was clear!!!!
 
"WOW!" I thought.  "I have the power to make women drive unsafely through intersections!"   Fortunately, events unfolded such that I had a PLETHORA of opportunities to test my new found power.  and it NEVER failed.  Each time I stopped at a red light, during rush hour traffic, behind a woman using her rear view mirror to do her makeup, all I had to do to make her drive unsafely through the intersection, was honk on my horn and ZOOOMMM!  She would speed through the intersection... Or, at least, INTO the intersection.
 
Now, for the record, I'm not an idiot.  After the first few crashes I realized I should make sure there was no traffic coming in the other directions...  A person with super powers has to be careful how they use their powers.  With great horror, comes great responsibility!
 
Many years later, I found that I had a power connected to a woman riding IN my car who was putting on makeup. I learned that a woman in the passenger seat of my car who was putting on makeup or lipstick could be...affected...  If I suddenly stepped on the brakes, I could alter the course of her lip liner or lip stick or eye liner....  Once, I wanted to impress my wife with this particular super power....There she was, putting on lip stick and I was driving... Well...
 
A week later, when she started talking to me again, I realized that some powers are just too dangerous to be carefree with...  Of course...I still have two daughters that are just starting to use makeup, and the temptation can be great at times... Of course, they have super powers too.  Somehow, they are able to control me and make me do things, or agree to things, I know I shouldn't.
 
"Dad, can I paint  your toenails pink?"
"Can't we stay up just a LEETLE bit longer?"
"Can I sleep with you and mom tonight?"
 
I suspect they may be little Sith Lords, but I'm not sure... It could be a simple case of telepathy...

31 Comments

Squirrel Girl - Is it time to take her more seriously?

I'd never heard of Squirrel Girl until I'd read the issue of Cable and Deadpool which happened during the Marvel Civil War thing.  Deadpool was working for the government helping to capture 'unregistered' heroes.  He attacked the Great Lakes Avengers because he (for whatever reason) thought they were unregistered...  He's insane, so it's not surprising.
 
Anyway, from the first time I read about her, I thought she was interesting.  I thought, "Oh, that's a cute idea," but I didn't take her too seriously as a Super Hero.  Well, after reading New Avengers vol. 2 issue 15 which took place during Fear Itself.   In this issue we got to see Doreen:
 
Slap Wolverine around in a sparring session:

  
 
  and watch her leap from rooftop to rooftop in NYC while under fire                                                                 
 
 

 
 and we even get to see her squirrel friends ripping a Nazi to shreds
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
For those of you who don't already know this, Squirrel Girl was hired by Luke and Jessica Cage to be the nanny for their daughter Danielle.  I think she makes for a great nanny.  At times she seems sweet and innocent.  At other times she's ferocious... but she's not shy, she hit on Daredevil...   I guess she's a little bit Mary Poppins with some Tigra and Black Cat mixed in...
 
So, anyway, I've noticed that she's often used as a sort of comic relief and not taken too seriously.  But i started thinking about what a person with the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a squirrel would be like... it actually came to me rather quickly;  such a person would, physically, be a match for Spider-Man.  Seriously.
 
So, based on what little I know about Squirrels, I would estimate that a Squirrel person of Doreen's size should be able to:
  • Leap somewhere between 30 to 50 feet into the air.
  • Run at speeds up to 100 mph (although, 65 mph would be more realistic)
  • Be able to lift around 10 tons
  • Have a near perfect sense of balance
  • Have extraordinarily fast reflexes.  An ordinary human would never be able to punch them (under normal circumstances.)
  • Have an immunity to a number of venoms (Squirrels are immune to most snake venoms, but I don't know about ALL snake venoms.)
  • Heal much faster than normal humans
  • Have a BITE THAT IS ABOUT 50 TIMES MORE POWERFUL than a normal human.  Think about that.  She could chew off arms and legs!  Eww but cool!
  • Have a grip so powerful that it could snap bones!

I based all that on general knowledge of the many different species of Squirrels.  Some squirrels can run MORE than 20 MPH, jump as high as 6 feet into the air, can kill animals much larger than themselves, can be bitten several times by a viper without dying... and other stuff...
 
So, when you think about it, she's actually quite powerful.  Plus, she has all those little furry sidekicks.   I think it'd be fun to have a Spider-Man / Squirrel Girl mini-series, especially since Squirrels weird Spidey out.  He thinks they're creepy.
 
So, Mr. Quesada, if you're out there listening, and I KNOW YOU ARE...  Seriously, Joe, it's time for a Squirrel Girl series.  I'd be happy to write it for you...

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