I Hate Superman.
By TheBoyWonder 122 Comments
So here we are back to the age old debate (Or is it?) Is Superman the hero of our dreams or our worst nightmare? Is our spandex suited, caped crusader all that he's put out to be or does our fake alien friend flop?
That's the question that I'm here to answer and here's a SPOILER: Superman sucks, a lot, in fact he sucks more then Aquaman. But I guess that answer won't do it for some of you Superman Sympathizers so I'll elaborate a bit
(Here Goes!)
You've got a choice, Superman or No Superman.
So you ask, why do you hate Superman O' so much? Well I'll tell you why.
Lets start with a different topic actually, why do I read comics? I read comics because I like the heroes, I like the villains, I even like the bystanders sometimes, but really I read comics to see men and women overcome there greatest villains even there fears sometimes. I read comics to watch people struggle to battle and war over what's right and wrong. How is this relevant to Superman?
Superman is essentially a god compared to the mere mortal, Superman has superhuman strength, speed, hearing, vision, breath, smell, laser vision, X-ray vision and even his signature flight. Superman has been said to be able to lift nearly 6 Sextillion pounds (6,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000). Now I don't know about you but I think that might be a bit excessive.
With the ability to withstand a supernova and lift so damn much fighting is no longer a real challenge. When you have the ability to get nuked, not flinch and then smash the earth out of orbit all faster then you can say "tlhoy wa' Doch wa'DIch qo' 'oH muS DeghwI' Superman." Then your fights cannot really be that interesting.
If Superman was ticklish he would definitely be laughing at how that gun felt
Don't believe me? Fine, here's some proof. Injustice: Gods Among Us #23-24 there's a battle scene between Superman and Kalibak with his Parademons. (The Battle was featured in "Best Battles in New Comic" but obviously I don't quite share the same view). Kalibak jumps into the world with his Parademons causing mass mayhem. Superman is pissed (but then who wouldn't be) and he goes to have a bit of a "chat" with Kalibak. Kalibak gives him one hell of a punch and what happens? Nothing, that's what. A little bit of talking happens after that and then "fighting" (More like Kalibak has the snot beat out of him.) Once Clark deals with him he flies around the globe at super speeds and fries all the Parademons.
Seeing this battle just shows that superman had to put a minimal amount of effort into beating everyone up and it just seems to simple. So unless he can find someone who's a real match for him I won't be getting any of his new titles.
There you have it, that's why I hate Superman (Although there are many other reasons, including promoting "alien love") But that's a story for another day.
Be sure to tune into my later blogs (They wont all be this angry, trust me) even feel free to follow me but for now this is TheBoyWonder signing off and telling all you SuperSympathists that are mad at me right now to get Superman to use his brick builder vision to build a bridge and get over it.
122 Comments