Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Review (No Spoilers)

I'll start this by telling you that this is my first ever movie review (so be gentle) and that in no particular order my five favourite things in the world are my family, my girlfriend, my friends, whiskey and seeing racists getting monstered. This movie has the last thing on this list in bucket loads. Keeping that in mind I'll try and stay as objective as I possibly can.

I'll start with the pacing. This movie is set as a story being told from the diary of Abe. His diary favours his exploits as a vampire hunter and as the "Great Emancipator" and so any relationship around his main goals, be them love interests or friends, are disjointed and messy as the story speeds through the years. While I respect the idea that they attempted to space his major life events out from his childhood all the way to his adult life I feel that it was kind of rushed and, if done properly, could have stood to be an hour or so longer.

The characters were charismatic and believable and I found myself even holding a slight respect for some of the bad guys as their personalities were explored more and more even while being completely aware of the atrocities that they commit.

The action was visually satisfying with blood and guts being used very liberally but without overpowering the story. Having said that this movie played jump rope with the line between spectacular and too artistic to appreciate. The main culprit of this was a scene involving horses (you'll know it when you see it.) I haven't much more to say on the matter of how the action looked because my only problem with it has already been mentioned and everything else was very enjoyable.

There is one big twist in the movie that I picked up the instant the relevant characters were introduced and from my perspective was done so badly the bigger, more compelling mystery was whether or not this was supposed to be a secret at all. There were other plot twists that I felt were done quite well and so to a degree this can be forgiven.

On the surface this movie explores progressive ideas like equality and freedom but when you eagerly dive in to delve deeper you end up with nothing but a proverbial broken nose and the realisation that there is nothing below the surface. While I don't care for rapists and murderers and slave owners I'm not the one internationally preaching the importance of equality for all humans. Yet this film only wanted to appear like it cared for everybody while making very safe assertions as to who it is okay to kill and who it is not.

I don't like being that guy that takes something like a vampire movie and tries to push for historical accuracy but this movie uses these inaccuracies with the restraint of a left wing propaganda reel. While every scene is filled with talk of freeing the slaves they make no mention of the fact that during the Civil War the Emancipation Proclamation was, in reality, a scheme to bolster Union forces with escaped slaves from the Confederacy while keeping them enslaved in all other states to keep production lines full and functioning and stopping neutral states from picking the wrong side. They also not only strayed away from, but completely lied about the real and complex layers of reasons for the war starting in the first place.

While this review may make it sound like I didn't like this movie and there were more bad parts than good the weight of the good far outweighed that of the bad and if the complexities of complete equality isn't something you stew over then you'll find this to be fantastic. All in all I give this original and fun story 79 thumbs up out of 100.

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