By Squares 7 Comments
A while back, I reviewed two volumes of the newest team to bear the name The New Warriors. Recently, however, I re-read the volumes in question, and ended up changing my opinion on the series. I did some background research on the old New Warriors, a team consisting of members such as Namorita, Speedball, and Firestar (of whom I am a bit of a fan). As I discovered, this new team is almost nothing like the old one.
The founder this time around is Night thrasher, who not only has a really stupid name, but was also a member of the original team....or was he? Also, no, his identity wasn't surprising at all, nice try. This 'enigma' of a man hand-picked new members for his take on the classic team, choosing fresh, young faces...that all used to be X-men. Sounds promising? There's more: he only chose depowered ones. And the chances of you remembering some of them are very slim. Let's take a look; on the roster we
Excalibur, post M-day). I assume you won't recognize him for two reasons: Firstly, I read Generation X, in it's entirety (as far as I know, at least), about a week and a half before I started New Warriors v. 4&5, and I didn't recognize him; Secondly, also being the reason I didn't notice who he was, he's blue. Those of you who are new to this character may have been wondering about that, and no, he wasn't always blue...he just didn't have the lower half of his jaw. Or most of his chest (and the contents). Yeah, from mouth to waist he used to have this weird field of psionic energy just kinda sitting there, like a ball of sparks. To this day I still believe nobody really thought his powers through beforehand. Of course, after losing his powers, he almost died, and then something happened with him being related to Apocalypse; I'll be honest, I found it all kinda stupid and ignored most of it after the 'he's alive' point. What I'd like to point out is that this guy never stops moping. EVER. I don't care if he's British, I don't see how we're supposed to find him charming or even notable.
New X-men, Grant Morrisson's take on the series), she just never had a code name. Incredibly rude, abrasive, and all-around unlikable, I think we were supposed to think of her as 'sassy', but ends up missing sassy and going right for obnoxious. She had five children with a classmate of hers, who was also depowered at M-day, named ...
Exiles, and appeared alongside Angel as a member of the Xavier Institute's special class. You know, the one taught by Xorn, dude who led humans into ovens while his class watched. They may have retconned that, but I'm pretty sure it's still listed as having happened. I mention this purely for the sake of asking how the hell they end up so damn well-adjusted? All I'm saying is they should at least have like nightmares or something...right? All those people, dead, shouldn't that leave some kind of mark?
This is totally beside the point, but him and Angel named their kids after the Jackson Five.
New X-men, Sophia is a character I actually liked. And what's not to like? She's sweet, has a good head on her shoulders, and in general someone you'd actually want to be friends with. Not to mention the fact that she was one of the focal characters in the series she debuted in, Sophia was the on-again, off-again girlfriend of Hellion, another student at the Institute. We're introduced to the series from her perspective; after M-day, she became a waitress in downtown New York. Not the worst kind of life for what we assume is a 20-something year old woman, but we're told to believe she's barely off the streets. I, for one, would have liked this series so much more if she had been the narrator throughout the entire thing.
Tattoo, her brother, and Redneck Oh, Tattoo. Not a good pick for a superhero team; nor, for that matter, were the others. Why?
Not only did they (and three other students of the Institute) beat the crap out of five random college-age men they happened to hear saying they didn't really like Mutants very much, but the little group (the Omega Gang) also managed to start a riot at the Xavier institute, massively abuse street drugs, attack mutants and humans for stupid reasons, and generally act like total idiots. And I'm convinced that Tattoo has no higher brain functioning. At any rate, the siblings (along with the rest of the gang) were sent to prison- human prison- to serve a sentance appropriate to their crimes. THIS IS NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN.
I kid you not, these three, who were sent to prison (along with the rest of the gang) (yes, real 'don't drop the soap' prison, where Redneck complained about not being able to defend himself against the other inmates) for beating five innocent people almost to death (and other things besides) are treated li ke everyone else, poor little depowered mutants trying to make their way in the world. We're supposed to believe they just got let out of prison? For what reason? We aren't told anything, and yet it's as though we're expected to just know who all the members of the team were! Which leads me to our final team member...
So much for a winning team. I gave them nicknames while reading the series because I couldn't stand the awful code names they had (Skybolt, Renascene, Ripcord, Wondra, Phaser, Longstrike, Tempest, Blackwing, Decibel).
You'll remember these people have no special powers of their own anymore. That's where Night Thrasher comes in. He somehow managed to find all this amazing 'technology' at the ruins of the Avengers' mansion (it got destroyed before M-day). Just lying around in the rubble and stuff. Not like anyone was using it...right?
NO. I'm calling him on that one. You do not find freaking super-power mimicking devices just lying around in a bunch of rubble. For that matter, that bunch of rubble belongs to the Avengers, which although no longer active, used to hold members like Tony Stark, who we're told is a control freak/genius (the later half of the series literally revolves around this point). Even if the ruins of the mansion weren't cleared of anything potentially harmful (by S.H.I.E.L.D or something), biohazardous (you know, because of all the 'awesome tech'), cordoned off, patrolled/watched 24/7, or something just as realistic, the chances of Night Thrasher getting there in time to take that many useful things is impossibly unlikely. This is New York, remember; there are a LOT of homeless people that would get there first. Not to mention the idiocy of leaving that kind of thing accessible; what if some D-list villain got some super-awesome death ray the Avengers had just lying around? They wouldn't risk that kind of thing.
I'm not going to bother with the plot, because I honestly couldn't believe it for a second. I know, 'this is the world of comics, it's not supposed to be realistic' and whatnot, but the fact is that it is supposed to be somewhat realistic and/or plausible. That's something that defines good writing; that sense that, in a way, it could almost happen in real life. In this case, it's like they had to throw something together, so they didn't really try to make it good. All in all, it's mediocre at best, but I'm sad to say I've read worse. For having stupid code names, a senseless plot, unbelievable premise, the stupidest team roster ever, but decent art, this series gets a 3.