How many threads should I be allowed to make in one day?

I think there should be a limit on threads created. So far I've seen threads created from other threads to cover a topic people are already discussing in the threads where they made the same exact posts. My theory is that so many threads will exist that tangent threads will create a parallel forum, much like that of those Facebook games that have sequels. I didn't want to run a online restaurant twice! Discuss.

17 Comments

Test your math skills [here].

So I have four underwear, six pairs of socks, two khaki pants, one casual semi-ugly plaid shirt, five navy blue button-up short-sleeve dress shirts and a two pairs of ratty Dickey's chocolate pants (juggalo editions) and only a fourth of a box of the medium Gain laundry detergent to stretch for five weeks. How much of a scoop is required every three days? Also, weekends do not count based on the principle that if you haven't left the house you're not technically dirty. This is for work and is purely scientific.

9 Comments

Sikebook.

Reese Witherspoon died August 10th in a tragic Facebook punch line. This is the power of social media.
http://cheezburger.com/6494189312
 
For the follow-up, tarnishing the few social media enthusiasts' records. All fifteen fans are outraged.
http://www.examiner.com/article/rumors-swamp-the-web-but-reese-witherspoon-was-not-stabbed-to-death       

"As for the death by natural causes, one website had a report that Witherspoon died on August 10, 2012 at the age of 36. 'The news has left the world shocked and saddened.' The internet smarts immediately jumped on it with one even stating, 'I would believe this, except it's August 8th today.'  

  " Strangely enough, false reports of both Usher  and Wiz Khalifa also died. One report stated that Khalifa also died on 'August 10, 2012.' The report on Usher  is that he died of a car crash which is something that was also falsely reported back in June 2012."

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I forgot my keys at work.

I forgot my keys at work, called work and asked a manager about them and she said she would walk them to the front. Lo and behold, when I get there I find what seems to be semi-expensive jewelry attached to my key ring. I had to pry them off of the key ring.The odds of this happening are... well, I don't really care. I'm requesting a video feed to the highest effing caliber. Now, I have had a few drinks after work and I'm pretty damned surly right now, but given a sober experience, how would I react?  How would anyone react? This is my damned livelihood, my integrity. 
I'm glad I caught it right then and there and pointed it out to the manager in question, who was oblivious. Should I tell the store manager I'm just a little too emotional right now? or should I delve deep into why I loathe micromanagement, favoritism and the like? I absolutely hate retail.

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How long can you go without clipping your toe nails?

I looked everywhere on the boards and, to my surprise, no one bothered to ask. Money has been tight. Really tight. The other day I scored an extra four hundred on my check and I avoided buying clippers on purpose. It's been four straight weeks and they haven't curled. In fact, they're starting to point and descend like that of a baby velociraptor. At which point would they be flexible enough to stand on? Will they make me a better swimmer? Discuss.

33 Comments

Shithead vs Matter-Eater Lad

Shithead owes Matter-Eater Lad twenty bucks, but due to inflation it comes to about eight trabillion dollars. Shithead won't pay. Matter-Eater Lad is starved.

Fight takes place in an adamantium public restroom with no doors, windows and visible cracks.

21 Comments

Stocking meets stalking. Hadouken.

For some time my ex-girlfriend has been stalking me, but she has been careful. She has infiltrated everything I've been a part of for the last two years to run everything amuck. Dates, work in general and family outings. I don't understand it. She left me. Twice, even. Why bother now?

So my ex-girlfriend assaulted me and my friend at the bar today. The wonderful part is that we all work in the same store on the same shift. Me, I don't necessarily care. My friend, however, talks about slashing people's tires and punching them in the love organs; I dissuade her a lot. So much, in fact, that it has almost become a tired Abbot & Costello shtick meets American Psycho/Splendor. Playing the straight man doesn't work anymore. It hasn't helped that my ex has been spreading rumors about me throughout my store (ranging from cheating to full-blown gay), following me home. Comics have been the least of my worries, lately: I'll tell you that much.

I have several options right now. Call work and tell the managers I want to have a meeting proposing a store transfer of my ex, having her switched to days where she'll take a cut in pay, or simply having her fired for attempting to punch my little friend, then me, right in the collective face. But I don't want anyone fired.

What would any of you do in my situation? It's already too late to call the cops, I guess.

16 Comments

A blue Christmas, indeed.

I had the bright idea to dye my shirts blue after a long night of talking with family, exchanging presents and eating spaghetti. The dye appeared to be working as the shirts got pretty dark (navy blue). I didn't quite read the instructions because I watched my father dye his white shirts for years, and he almost never read instructions. I woke up three hours later with my hands on the shirts to keep the air bubbles from ruining everything. What I don't understand, however, is that though my hands are completely blue now my shirts are more of a lavender color. Other than not wearing rubber gloves, what did I do wrong? Also, how long will it take my hands to return to normal color?

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