Raiiyn's forum posts

#1 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: haha how did you get pictures of their top secret special training?!

#2 Edited by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

#3 Edited by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: Now, now, don't underestimate your own smarts!

@wildvine: Don't worry my penguins can protect themselves! Plus anyone goes near em and ill kill them with my bare hands O_O

@laflux:

#4 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: that's why you need his protection!

#5 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo: Better warn Cappy yo @laflux: oh my aching heart **clutches at heart dramatically**

#6 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@raiiyn said:

Sure, if I sit here and think about it. But I don't keep a list or purposely count. I don't count the number of relationships Ive been in either, should I be?

I mean....yeah? I think so.

I don't think that you have to tell them that whatsoever. It's your prerogative, not a requirement.

Being honest with your significant other IS a requirement. You should be able to share ANYTHING with them, and if you're not capable of doing that then you're not ready for a committed relationship IMO.

The amount of risk doesn't matter because the thing is, once you'd had sex, you're at risk period. That's why it's pretty much the same thing. If you know your partner isn't a virgin, then you know that you could be at risk for a dormant STD and dormant STDs becoming undormant more than a few months to a year later is pretty rare. Most STDs don't stay dormant period.

Yeah, but the more sex ya have, the higher that likelihood.

The point of the story is simply that sex history isn't always as huge. My aunt has cold sores too. She's kissed her kids, etc. Her son has had them. He's like 9. Guess what? He has HSV and he didn't get it from sleeping with a bunch of people.

Again, it happens. But that doesn't mean just cuz that they're are other methods to get them, that suddenly we should be like "Well since I can get them anyway, who cares!"

Im equating your ridiculous paranoia with further ridiculous examples of it. If you're that worried by a number you should be just as worried by my examples. And you should also monitor who you kiss. So you know, if you're at a club and end up drunk making out with someone, better make sure to get the notepad out when you get home and make a tally mark.

It's not my ridiculous paranoia, because I for one am not in a committed relationship nor do I plan on being one for quite some time. Personally, I would never ask how many people someone's been with, because I don't care.

HOWEVER, not everybody is like that. Some people DO care. Some people want to enjoy the experience of that "first time" with their partner. Others just don't want their partner to be a "whore." (I'm referring to both men and women, just so we're clear).

And that's not the point. Risks are lowered when condoms are worn too, or are you inferring people don't use those?

A lot of people don't, no.

And even if they do, notice the word you used is "lowered," not "eliminated." There's still a chance.

Oh and don't forget to keep count of every bj you've gotten or given or pussy you've eaten, etc. Because those don't always happen with people you have sex with.

Psh, you don't think I do? That's a freaking trophy! In fact, I might hang up a tallyboard in my house now that you mention it!

And you disagreeing has no bearing on the situation. It's ridiculous to be required to tell your partner something.

It's ridiculous to be honest with your partner?....That's where we're at in this debate?....

That's kinda sad honestly...

If you have something or during your relationship discover you have something, yes you have a right to know. Before getting into a committed relationship I am very big on getting tested together and being open with your partner that way so you both know the other is clean, etc. That doesn't mean Im going to sit there and think back on my relationships, the people Ive kissed or slept with and then provide my partner with a number. That is something I find utterly ridiculous for male or female to have to do.

It's less about the number, and more about honesty, trust, those kinds of lovey-dovey things.

If I was in a committed relationship, I would tell my partner anything she wanted to know. And if that included the number of people I've been with, then so be it.

If you're going to be in a long-term relationship, or dare I say it, marriage....then you're gonna have to come to grips with the fact that you're pretty much for all intents and purposes required to be completely open, honest, and truthful.

If you can't handle that, you shouldn't be in a serious relationship IMO.

And I appreciate that you don't disagree but I don't feel that emotions should make you more of a responsible sexually active adult.

Again, agreed.

If you would tell your partner you should tell any sexual partner and if you don't you're a hypocrite so your opinion is therefore invalidated.

Except that I don't owe my "sexual partners" anything. The only thing I owe them is a night of extreme, and I do mean EXTREME ;), pleasure.

However, If I'm to be in a committed relationship, I owe my significant other every last bit of truth that they desire.

Now, in theory, one night stands should be treated as people, not objects. And therefore, you SHOULD owe them as much as you would a significant other. However, we live in a somewhat morally corrupt world where that isn't the case. I'm just playing Devil's Advocate.

Honesty and being open does not equate to disclosing every little detail of your life before them.

Yes, it does, if they ask.

My romantic or sexual life before my partner is mine to choose to disclose, not something I am required to do.

I would disagree.

/fin

Jmarshmallow

  • why? whats the point on dwelling in the past? And if I really count relationships should i count the ones from elementary school too? i mean we held hands? we pecked? he called me his gf? thats a relationship so i guess i gotta count it...
  • honesty is completely different from what your suggesting here. I am 100% completely honest with my partner about everything. However, that does not mean that I would divulge my entire history to him. Sure, he knows pretty much everything as it is but I have no obligation to tell him I've slept with, kissed, dated or had oral with however many either of those have been. I also don't expect him to do the same for me. He is under no obligation to tell me his sexual history either. Again, I will say sexual health is different.
  • Higher the likelihood is a ridiculous concept when you really think about it as a whole. You're at risk no matter what. And its very possible you can get nothing from someone who's had 50+ partners and something from someone who's had 2. My point here being you should treat it the same way. You're at risk and you put others at risk once you've had sex. Regular check ups and honesty about those check ups, especially going together as I prefer to do, makes much more sense than divulging your sexual history to your partners. It does no good really because you don't know those people sexual histories. For all you know 2 of the people you slept with have slept with people in the double digits, thus increasing your risk even more. Keeping count can't protect you and neither can sharing that number. Only regular check ups and professionals can.
  • It's not about who cares, it's about identifying and dealing with the risk in the right way. Like I said above, a number won't do anything for you.
  • That is a completely different argument than what you have been talking about in your last posts. The first time with your partner is the first time with your partner no matter what. I don't know how old you are or whatever but I have had three very important relationships in my life and each one was unique different and felt like the first time for various reasons. If you truly care about your partner, it's special. If you can sit there and think your partner is a slut or manwhore or whatever, you don't really care about them and even if they were a virgin it doesn't really matter. If someone really cares about their first time and virginity like many christians do, that's their prerogative and i know people who waited til marriage. But again, an entirely different concept than the one we have been speaking about.
  • There's still a chance my cell phone can give me breast cancer if put it in my bra. There's still a chance I can walk out the door and die today. There is always a chance. The point is to mitigate risks which is what sex ed., testing, monitoring, condoms and birth control is for. (cause not everyone wants babies either)
  • Now your trophy as you put it, will put your future sexual partners at varying degrees of risk. From the way you have been speaking, I expect you not to wait to be asked but to voluntarily divulge this information to them. Because it's important they know just how much of a risk your little friend is.
  • Again, honesty =/= as telling them your sexual history. Honesty is, no, that dress looks bad on you. Sweetie, you can't cook. I have to fart. When I was 6, I used to wear a tutu and pretend I was the tooth fairy, etc.
  • Again, that is completely different. There are things that could do more harm to a relationship than good, such as sharing romantic pasts. They cause inferiority issues, jealousy, etc. Sharing those type of things don't make you honest or open, they damage your relationship.
  • And Ill probably shoot myself for doing this, but how many serious and committed relationships have you been in to discussing how they should be? And how long have they lasted?
  • Im just going to ignore that last part since you invalidate your own arguments and have already acknowledged playing devils advocate here.

@bumpyboo said:

@raiiyn said:

did it happen during their relationship? cause then he's stupid...

If it was prior... your partners sex life prior to you is prior and no one's business but theirs... not even yours.

Damn true, that :)

Unless they have an STD/STI or HIV/AIDS, then you need to know.

That's a different story and what check ups are for. And if you did, you don't even owe them the story of how, just that you have them. If you WANT to share, that's a different story. I think many people forget that just because you're in a relationship, does not mean you're any less of you and are entitled to privacy when wanted.

#7 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@laflux said:

I had a one night stand with a girl with Wales, and while it was going on Bumpyboo briefly passed through my mind.......

O_____________________________________________________________O

@bumpyboo

#8 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@jmarshmallow: I think that if you're clean, healthy and responsible when it comes to things like STD's then no, you don't owe anyone anything. That's the only thing a new potential partner really has any right to know, in my opinion. As long as you aren't putting them at risk, they don't need to hear about your past. I don't feel they are entitled to that information.

I'm not talking about a new, potential partner. I'm talking about someone who you've been in a committed relationship for some time now, let's say a year, asks you to give a rough estimate of how many guys you've been with (Truthfully I think it's a little weird if you didn't know EXACTLY how many people, but that's a different argument I suppose).

And if you've been with a large amount of people, it doesn't matter HOW clean, healthy, responsible, etc you are. You can still get STD's, and even if you go to get checked, they can be dormant and not affect you.

@raiiyn said:

Do you really sit there and take stock of the people you've slept with and keep a list or count to make sure you can tell future partners that you've been with them? Getting tested on a regular basis and providing your partner that information is essential yes. But detailing... "Soo back in college, I slept with jack and tom and stacy and michael and jenna. Then in grad school there was my two year relationship with dennis and we had four threesomes with some random bargirls, etc.

Are you telling me you DON'T know the amount of people you've slept with?

If anything, THAT'S ridiculous.

I'm not saying that you have to tell your significant other the people's names, age, address, occupation, cell phone number, social security number, etc., but you should certainly be able to be like "Yeah, I've slept with 30 people..." if they want to know that information.

That's ridiculous. Sharing personal sex history and numbers can be seriously damaging to relationships by creating unwarranted standards in your partners head and feelings of inadequacy. There is no need to tell your partner, male or female, how many people you have slept with.

Obviously you don't just go around sharing that information, but if your committed partner asks you and really wants to know, it is your obligation as a part of that relationship to be honest with them. A serious relationship is built on trust, and to withhold that information when they want to know is a serious breach of trust.

Your sexual health is different. That doesn't mean you need to tell them a number. Because one or 20, the risk is pretty much the same.

What? No? Not even close?

If I'm with one girl, that means I have one opportunity to get an STD. If I'm with 30 girls, that means I have THIRTY opportunities to get an STD.

How could you possibly say such a crazy statement?!?!

If that one had an std and its dormant, its dormant. And a lot of stds are actually dormant in people naturally. My friend Krystina had oral herpes at 15 (which is pretty much normal cold sores for those of you who didnt know) and she was a virgin who never even had a bf or a first kiss yet.

Weird story, but that doesn't change the fact that sleeping with more people increases the chance of an STD. That's just a fact.

And if you're really paranoid like that, you better start counting who you have kissed too. Because a lot of stds can be transmitted that way. Or by getting an unhygienic tattoo. Or shaking someones hand while both of you have paper cuts and they have AIDs.

*sigh*

You're not honestly equating having sex with shaking someone's hand, now are you?

Yes, all of those methods above can give you STD's. But that's a lot more rare than transmitting it sexually. Hence why it's called a SEXUALLY transmitted disease.

Keeping track of your own personal sexual health has no bearing on telling your partner the number of people you have slept with.

I totally disagree.

@raiiyn said:

@jmarshmallow: Also, if the reason you think your partner should know how many people you have slept with is STDs then you should tell every and anyone you have sex with. They have JUST as much right to decide whether they want to take that risk or not as a potential partner does.

I don't disagree.

However, as awful as it sounds, most people (myself included) don't really care about one-night stands on an emotional level.

If you're going to be in a committed relationship with someone, you have to accept the fact that honesty is the foundation. Without it, it's not a real relationship.

Jmarshmallow

  • Sure, if I sit here and think about it. But I don't keep a list or purposely count. I don't count the number of relationships Ive been in either, should I be?
  • I don't think that you have to tell them that whatsoever. It's your prerogative, not a requirement.
  • The amount of risk doesn't matter because the thing is, once you'd had sex, you're at risk period. That's why it's pretty much the same thing. If you know your partner isn't a virgin, then you know that you could be at risk for a dormant STD and dormant STDs becoming undormant more than a few months to a year later is pretty rare. Most STDs don't stay dormant period.
  • The point of the story is simply that sex history isn't always as huge. My aunt has cold sores too. She's kissed her kids, etc. Her son has had them. He's like 9. Guess what? He has HSV and he didn't get it from sleeping with a bunch of people.
  • Im equating your ridiculous paranoia with further ridiculous examples of it. If you're that worried by a number you should be just as worried by my examples. And you should also monitor who you kiss. So you know, if you're at a club and end up drunk making out with someone, better make sure to get the notepad out when you get home and make a tally mark.
  • And that's not the point. Risks are lowered when condoms are worn too, or are you inferring people don't use those? Oh and don't forget to keep count of every bj you've gotten or given or pussy you've eaten, etc. Because those don't always happen with people you have sex with.
  • And you disagreeing has no bearing on the situation. It's ridiculous to be required to tell your partner something. If you have something or during your relationship discover you have something, yes you have a right to know. Before getting into a committed relationship I am very big on getting tested together and being open with your partner that way so you both know the other is clean, etc. That doesn't mean Im going to sit there and think back on my relationships, the people Ive kissed or slept with and then provide my partner with a number. That is something I find utterly ridiculous for male or female to have to do.
  • And I appreciate that you don't disagree but I don't feel that emotions should make you more of a responsible sexually active adult. If you would tell your partner you should tell any sexual partner and if you don't you're a hypocrite so your opinion is therefore invalidated.
  • Honesty and being open does not equate to disclosing every little detail of your life before them. My romantic or sexual life before my partner is mine to choose to disclose, not something I am required to do. /fin
#9 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@jmarshmallow: Also, if the reason you think your partner should know how many people you have slept with is STDs then you should tell every and anyone you have sex with. They have JUST as much right to decide whether they want to take that risk or not as a potential partner does.

#10 Posted by Raiiyn (3523 posts) - - Show Bio

@bumpyboo said:

@raiiyn said:

did it happen during their relationship? cause then he's stupid...

If it was prior... your partners sex life prior to you is prior and no one's business but theirs... not even yours.

Damn true, that :)

Like, I don't mean to step on any toes here but...I take serious beef with this right here...

If you're in a serious committed relationship with someone, there really shouldn't be ANY secrets between you two. Now, obviously, if he/she doesn't want to know his partners sex life, then awesome! Ignorance is bliss after all!

But do you two truly believe that it's okay to not tell your significant other that you've been with more than a dozen guys? All of whom could have potentially given you an STD? It may be dormant, you don't know. I feel like it's your significant other's right to know about that, so that he can make a decision of whether that matters to him or not...

It just seems weird to me that you guys don't think sleeping with a large amount of people is something you should tell your significant other...

Now obviously this only applies when you're in a long-lasting, committed relationship. You don't need to go telling every guy/girl you wanna sleep with "Hey, wanna guess how many people I've slept with?!?! I'll give you a hint: Triple digits!"

Jmarshmallow

Do you really sit there and take stock of the people you've slept with and keep a list or count to make sure you can tell future partners that you've been with them? Getting tested on a regular basis and providing your partner that information is essential yes. But detailing... "Soo back in college, I slept with jack and tom and stacy and michael and jenna. Then in grad school there was my two year relationship with dennis and we had four threesomes with some random bargirls, etc.

That's ridiculous. Sharing personal sex history and numbers can be seriously damaging to relationships by creating unwarranted standards in your partners head and feelings of inadequacy. There is no need to tell your partner, male or female, how many people you have slept with. Your sexual health is different. That doesn't mean you need to tell them a number. Because one or 20, the risk is pretty much the same. If that one had an std and its dormant, its dormant. And a lot of stds are actually dormant in people naturally. My friend Krystina had oral herpes at 15 (which is pretty much normal cold sores for those of you who didnt know) and she was a virgin who never even had a bf or a first kiss yet.

And if you're really paranoid like that, you better start counting who you have kissed too. Because a lot of stds can be transmitted that way. Or by getting an unhygienic tattoo. Or shaking someones hand while both of you have paper cuts and they have AIDs.

Keeping track of your own personal sexual health has no bearing on telling your partner the number of people you have slept with.