You used to think saying, "you're a goddess" was a compliment, not a rebarbative truism.
Getting tied up seemed like fun until you had to tell the truth the wielder of the rope and she made you ask the number one going-to-get-you-killed-question: do I look fat in this?
If there's one thing we can all for sure take away from Greek Mythology, it's that people and gods don't mix unless you want to get turned into a tree or have your insides eaten out by an eagle, or push a boulder up a hill in hell, etc. . .
A god with a bazooka. Would you invite her home?
The truth is, she's too hot for you and she intentionally exposes her cleavage which will only get you in trouble again, and again, and again, and again.
If you've seen the Crow, you're familiar with the phrase, "it can't rain all the time." Think again, bucko.
No honey. I said a dress. That creepy skeletal thing is NOT a dress.
You don't want to be the awkward couple where your girl is WAAAAAYY taller than you.
"Dude your girlfriend seems so cold. She never lets you touch her."
"Yeah, well she'll suck the life out of me if I do."
"More like suck the--"
"No. Not like that at all. Life. Out of me. So I'm dead. It's not kinky or fun in any way."
So I know this guy who owns a tanning salon who would love to meet you . . . what?
I mean, would you ever want to date her? I guess it might be fun if she turned out to be an excellent sushi chef since she could do it all by hand . . . but I mean, really.
Oh, you know, everyone likes the girl who dresses like a Nazi . . . not.
Assassins make pretty poor bedfellows. They've got trust issues, other people want to kill them, oh, and they kill people for a living. How's that for good dinner conversation? "How was work today?" "Oh, you know, the usual; cut some guy's head off and pushed him off a rooftop. You?" "Oh, you know, the same. I mean, if you call running rec sheets and filing the same."
Never trust a woman who could literally disappear. The minute you're looking at random-girl-number-50's bikini photos on facebook, she'd materialize and punch you in the head.
Don't bring up the coma Rogue put you in, Don't bring up the coma Rogue put you in, Don't bring up the, "so what was it like being in that coma that teenager put you in for a couple of years . . . . oops."
You think putting words in your mouth is annoying? How bout crazy painful visions?
Everyone thinks birds are awesome and majestic, but do you have any idea how badly they smell? How about just not find out? Sound good?
As if women aren't already mysterious enough, this one uses it as a mantra.
Some like it hot, but no one likes it boiling.
What's wrong with you, Devilwoman? . . . oh, yeah, right. Well it makes sense now
Demon girls--never smart. Again and again, this needs emphasis.
See the things is . . . women talk to each other. All you have to do is piss off one member of this team and they'd all kick you around the block.
Is it just me, or did you step in poop or something because it really stinks in here . . . . oh . . . I see.
You'd never run away from her. Ever. No matter where you went.
Again with the name. You won't get to know her better side; you're not going to be the ONE who changes her--she's openly admitting to being a tad psychotic so just do the right thing and steer clear.
Her actual boyfriend is gone quite a lot so you'd have to be the guy on the side until Spidey finds out and sticks you to the Empire State building to think it over. His webbing dissolves in an hour and I don't think he'll be coming back.
She's known for murderous rampages, so let's not bring her home, okay?
She's not an alcoholic drink; she's just a freaking meanie.
She beats Luke Cage like he's Jon Gosselin (and Luke's got a pretty thick skin, but she still drives him nuts), so I wouldn't try.
You have to imagine she'd constantly be testing you by showing up as other women who are wayyyyyy to sexually interested in you. You give in--she punches you in the face . . . if you're getting off easy that is.
She's got this totally over-protective cousin . . . .
You've read Final Crisis right? I know she's not like this all the time, but having a mental break down like that in the past AND a previously half-shaved head is just too much.
Any girl who would never EVER be impressed with flowers is already way too much to handle.
It. Smells. Like. Cat-pee. Everywhere. Ick.
Well, she's only attracted to you if you're a superhero too and you're taken. How limiting is that?
See, honey, we have this thing now called Deodorant. You're beautiful and all, but you're also so rank I can't get near you. That might be cool in the wild, but this is Olive Garden and people are staring.
No, she will not help you with your pheasant or grouse hunting, so quit asking or she'll bludgeon you. And for god's sakes, stop blaming her for the poop on your car.
No disrespect meant, dear, but your movie was terrible---terrible. I can't be associated with you, nor should anyone else.
Some people are afraid of swimming because they think little fish will bite them. What if you were afraid you might get pulled under for a lecture? How scary would that be?
Okay. You learned about STD's in what? Seventh Grade?
No, my girlfriend is a superhero. Yes, I know she looks like a "working girl," Dad, but you're going to have to get over the fishnet stockings.
Shouldn't the name be warning enough? And your butler would so be at risk (read the Ultimates and you'll see what I mean).
She has Crazy in her name. How stupid would have to be to approach this one knowing that she's fully aware she deserves this kind of label?
It would just be impossible to be okay with her hiding in some other dude's coat all the time
I like flexible girls, but actually getting tied up by her feet . . . . no thanks.
You'd ask her if "Cold as Ice" could be your song together and then she'd beat the shit out of you.
As if we don't all guard ourselves from each other enough, how 'bout putting a big metal plate on your face. How's that for not letting you in?
She's nuts. Just look at her. Totally nuts.
Is it really worth pissing off an entire alien race of warriors by scorning her? I didn't think so.
If you ask for a chocolate discount one more time, she's going to kill you.
Her name alone would cause you to eventually blame her for stealing something you'd misplaced and we all know how well THAT would go over.
I know she's tough and all, but I'm still not going to jail for her.
It goes without saying she'd have daddy issues . . . but I said it anyway. :)
She leaves sharp things around. Really big sharp things, and you know, I can be clumsy and really don't want to cut my foot off, so it's a no.
She knows how to bend blood, so let's just leave it there and assume we're not safe.
So about the wings . . . do you think you could keep the jacket on when we go out? Please?
I cant' stress this any more than I already have--demonic powers and a good night out are just never going to mix.
Who of you would ever want a girlfriend who can read your mind? You would ALWAYS be in trouble. ALWAYS.
Because you'd have to use the acronym GILF at some point in time which would have serious consequences and most of your friends would just stop hanging out with you . . . even if you were equal age.
Mockingbirds are known to repeat things they hear, in a really quite annoying way. Try playing that game with her like this: "So if you're a mocking bird, do you repeat things you hear?"
"No." "No?" "No. I said no, okay?" "No, I said no, okay?" "OMG. You've got to stop this. "OMG. You've to stop this" "That's it. You're done." "That's it. You're--" BLAM BLAM BLAM. Aaaand, you're dead.
Have you ever tried to make-out under water? And how did that turn out? Horribly, I suspect?
So I was wondering, if just maybe, you'd wear a hat when we're you know out in public so others, don't, well, stare. at. your ears . . . . no?
Jolly green giant jokes would only go so far until you're a can of spinach.
This not only puts "dragon lady" on a whole new level but there's other bad news: she's just not that in to you . . . if you're a dude that is.
Thanks to the gray hair, every time she picked up the kids from school, all the other parents would be doing the "grandma, mom, grandma, mom?" thing.
She's a psycho who completely lacks a moral compass and has a super lame-ass excuse for a costume . . . though she would be pretty amazing in bed until you left her and she shot you in broad daylight just to prove that the fraternity is immune to normal laws.
So how'd you end up in the wheel chair? . . . Why are you glaring at me?
Hey, sweetie. Do you like my new cologne? It's called trigger sent; it's supposed to drive women wild. Wait. Why are your eyes turning red? AHHHHHHHH!
You know you'd keep confusing her with all of Turner's other characters since they all look exactly the same. Otherwise, Aspen would probably be okay . . . until you called her Lara or Kara or Diana or Clark; you know, whichever.
Use your keyboard!
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