I'm f**kin done. I'm tired of compromising and I'm tired of being made out to be some kind of villain because I don't want to share, you especially when I promised you'd never have to share me...Even when I couldn't help falling hopelessly maddeningly in love with you while she was in the same room. I battled that and even left your life because I was afraid of mistakes I might make and the wrongs I might do. But now that I'm back and free and ready to give you all of me to wait for you...You tell me you want me to share...The shining one was right...and now I see what turns gentlemen into wolves...wolves who run rampant on your kind...I was born a wolf...from the loins of a wolf...but yet I chose my heart and became a man instead...when I am closets to that Alpha male that I had come from...but yet you all seem to want to see this gentleman a wolf again...I see that now...I tried to be good... but nice guys finish last...and wolves strip the meat from their bones...testament one...I told you what my totem was...now you decide to try me and see how far to grandmother's house you could get...jokes on you "sweetie" (as you so emphatically called me) You can't have your cake and eat it too...but a broken heart will make a nice snack...I'm about to reach the stars from the earth...and because I can't accept this I'm changing it...I did so think your words were clever...always the clever young lady...but they can be sent back with poison at their tips aimed at that heart that had held my own...I've always measured cost of things...but this I'll give for free...Maybe now I'll see you never.
Of all the prayers I could write down. I’m a bit disappointed that its this one. To not care. Not care when she talks to him on the phone…or that she’s not being honest about it…or that she owes me nothing…or that they talk about sex and she laughs at his jokes…and that at some point they’re probably mocking me…I want to not have dreams about fighting over women…I want to have dreams about making art…My craft is my only grace from these things…People are completely unreliable for good things…but bad shit is easy to predict…I am talented and I’d love to live in the notion that my art is all I need…that no more is required…That I will be fine without… God I wish I could be fine without…I’m tired of shit seeming so simple and easy for others…but so damn stressful for me and mine…what’s that about? Who says all suffering is sweet? Sadists probably…I am not by any stretch of the imagination asking for much. Just to reach into my own mind and turn off the switch that cause me to care about what she does and who she does it with…I want to not care…I also want to be fair in my choices…endurance…strength young man she said…and I intend to take that either to heart or to the grave…but let my art exist as a testament to my difference…my uniqueness to my…extraordinary…uncanny talents that are both amazing and spectacular… Real initials are RR…and my sister in law says I remind her of Peter Parker…Let’s hope she’s right.
I was thinking that Luke Cage's wife should die and he should be made a single father. Then he should visit Isaiah Bradley for some kind of guidance and become the new Truth, then Patriot should become his side kick. That would allow him to have his own book as Marvel's favorite Black Man and touch on his super soldier roots, he might also be able to get into the Tuskegee experiments their long term effects and the treatment of people of color in the American prison system.
I’m gonna lose you…After freeing up myself of the restrains of obsolete coupling. I’ve finally allowed myself ….to be…where we needed us to be…And you’ve decided to make no compromises…just so we could have us all to ourselves…even if we are 1000 miles away and neither of us sleep alone all the time…We got ourselves where we needed to be for us…And now in spite of myself… in spite of my screaming in the face of providence…saying “I will not surrender, I will have what I want!”…as the wolf…or the man…the hero…or the Dreamer, for you know I am all of those…I am going to lose you…and In providences face all I can do is laugh manically like the melancholy clown whose joy and sorry share one expression ... I get the joke and It’s not funny anymore…and It never was.
Time for my bi monthly Shout outs. Shout out to my Cousin Cozy Stay up homey. Shout out to my Ninja Revamp. Where you been. Shout out to my Homey Uto, We be workin. Shout out to my Home Girl Fusicha, cause well she know. LOL Shout out to that N!gga King Saturn, for makin it live up. Shout out to _Slim_, What's good homey? Shout out to Ms. Lambourghini AKA Mercy Stay stunnin ma ma. I think that's it. Maxwell over and out.
I have been gone from here for a while and to my family and friends on the vine (The Crew knows who they are) I'm sorry. My life as of late has been strange. I am no longer attached to what is usually called a relationship. I'm freelance I suppose. Which wouldn't be so bad If I didn't live with the person I'm no longer attached to and didn't have to listen to her laugh at someone else's jokes while I try to get to sleep (I do work in the morning). It seems that I am however not alone in this issue. I am now gainfully employed however by a company that pays me too little and whose management is not only unpleasant but unprofessional. It is also quite stressful and cutting into my time with my artistic endeavors. But that is the purpose of work, it is the necessity of security and the enemy of freedom which is the scion of art. On to the topic of art, I have been in recent weeks conversing with a friend about Art, it's application, purpose and what the artist tries to accomplish. Currently I am attempting to stop committing what I call the "Artists sin" Which is a two fold issue that plagues me currently. The first part of the sin is to waste your talent by not actively using it for some reality altering purpose whether it be personal or en mass. The second part of that is letting anything that isn't sustaining get in the way of your art whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, Art is for all intents and purpose a divine gift as well a celestial medium. As artists we don't know the inherent roles we play in the world and sometimes in the universe at large one cannot define a culture without its art and thus you can tell the sickness or health of a culture that values entertainment over art and a mouse like stability over freedom, when the very life we live is only consistent in changing rapidly and with out our say so. Life does happen while your making plans.
I think I'll close off with this. A pound for a Prynce, a kiss for a Nightingale, A hand shake for a man who is all together Unreal and a kind word for a man who is both himself Revamped and its antithesis.
"When did you realize that love was not enough?" I asked. "I don't know." She replied "But I'd hoped it was enough." People never seem to end off on good terms, even if its mutual, there is still that sadness that follows. Better still when said person is your roomate. This piece in's particularly literary for that is not what it calls for. This is only 10% narrative the rest is getting this off my chest. "This was a learning experience, You've helped me grow." She said through digitized letters. "You've taught me paitients." I replied in kind. "I think we'd make good roomates." rushed in, the speech was not to fill the void but to establish a rapport of a more hopeful parting. The good times we have, I wish we could only remember this fondly and not suffer the pangs of seperation that now plauge us, or at least me. I still love you and you still love me, while that is good, it makes it hurt. This will be like nostalgia (The pain from an old wound.) Going home today wil be hard and not thinking of touching you inside and out. But we shall persevere for we know what we must do and what we have taken from this and I would not change it for the world. -From the Desk of Nelo Maxwell.
I'm writing this blog because I've seen a ridiculous amount of unhappy, angry or extremely depressed people on this site and I can't for the life of me think of why? Sure life can suck. That's the nature of life to be lived and suck, but on here those rules need not apply. I see CV personally as a place where people who are downtrodden, unpopular or unhappy can thrive and flourish. We're all strange the trick here is to stay strange but not be a stranger. I see people with threads about why they're this or that they're dealing with depression or what have you. I don't get it really but I'm just gonna say If anyone needs to talk. Holla at me.