Born in 1842 on a whaling ship owned by Francisco Himmelstoss (a prominent Freemason and a shifty eyed fellow), Moosey was always filled with a sense of justice, a need to fight for the weak and impoverished, and an innate hatred for Freemasons. He was also imbued with the super toughness and manliness that only a whaling ship can give someone.
Also, he was born with a grizzly beard that most men in their thirties cannot match.
When the Civil War started in 1861, Abraham Lincoln personally asked him to lead the Union Army to victory against the horrible Confederates (who were led by Freemasons). And lead them to victory he did! However, upon Lincoln’s assassination in 1865, he fell into a deep depression for many years. Re-emerging in 1933, he was asked by Franklin Delano Roosevelt (who shared Moosey’s hatred of Freemasons, because the Stock Market crash was caused by Freemasons) to raise the spirits of people as a part of his New Deal. Moosey then donned a mask and cape and called himself The Moose-Man, and became a super hero who used brains and gadgets to fight crime on the streets of Boston. He would serve as the inspiration for Bob Kane and Bill Finger when they created Batman, though Bill Finger never gets any credit because of a massive Freemason conspiracy.
Then, in 1947, he helped found the CIA, and headed up the NSA in 1952. Throughout the 50s and 60s, he spent most of his time fighting commies.
And the best part is, I did not write this with this website in mind.