Anti-hero – A character who is neither evil nor good, although this type of character is mostly willing to work for either side depending on the circumstances. aka neutrals

Archenemy – the main and greatest foe of the hero who is the most difficult to defeat; archenemies come with a variety of origins, reasons for their actions etc., although their plots are often threatening to destroy or control a large amount of land, such as the world, galaxy, or universe.

Dark Lord or Evil Overlord – a villain of near-omnipotence in his realm, who seeks to utterly dominate the world; he is often depicted as a diabolical force, and may, indeed, be more a force than a personality. The effects of his rule often assert malign effects on the land as well as his subjects. Besides his usual magical abilities, he often controls great armies. Most Dark Lords are male, except in parody.[12]

Dog heavy – a film term for the third villain in a group, often with minimal or no lines of dialog. The term comes from

B-movie Westerns: if the lead villain (or "brain heavy") is the one who leads the group and shoots the sheriff, and the next most villainous kills the deputy, the "dog heavy" is the one who kicks the dog.[13]

Evil genius – a character of great intelligence who chooses to use their knowledge for antisocial/immoral ends. For example, Count Fosco in Wilkie Collins' The Woman in White.

Femme fatale – a beautiful, seductive but ultimately villainous woman who uses the malign power of her sexuality in order to ensnare the hapless hero into danger.

Heel – the villain in a match of professional wrestling

Mad scientist – a scientist-villain or villain-scientist

Supervillain – a villain who displays special powers, skills or equipment powerful enough to be a typically serious challenge to a superhero.

Surprise villain – a villain whose identity as such is not known until the end of the history. They are often portrayed as characters that the audience would not suspect as villains.

Second string villain – often not very evil or even competent. Typically more ridiculous or annoying than fearsome or deadly and often serve as comic relief. Sometimes they reform and become probationary heroes or sidekicks. Frequently seen as the adult villains in children's adventure stories.

Tragic villain – is a villain who really does not intend to be a "villain" and perhaps believes they are honestly doing good. They are perhaps misled or not entirely in control of their feelings and/or actions.

Wicked stepmother is a common fairy-tale villain. She may act as the witch or ogre who directly endangers or deprives her stepchildren, or she may drive them out into danger in the world.

World domination is everyone’s dream. It’s not a bad job really. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Villain I’ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, I follow these guidelines while conquering the world:

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artefact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them.

7. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him then say “No.”

8. After I kidnap the hot girlfriend of the hero, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled “Danger: Do Not Push”. The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum—a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there’s just one thing I want to know.”

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way—even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless—my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line “No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!” (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colours, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I will never employ the use of a major weapon that takes time to charge up before firing and utterly destroying the rebel base. Instead I will use weapons that can do the same thing with a single push of a button.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he’s my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harbouring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of scepticism when I capture the hot rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say “And here is the price for failure,” then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me “My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?”, I will reply “This.” and shoot the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artefact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh PowerBooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the hot friend of the hero’s cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the hot friends of the hero that I capture says “I’ll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!”, I will say “Oh well” and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and oddball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artefacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner’s manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask “Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?”, I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a fire fight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they’d better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant’s loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super-weapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk “Project Overlord” and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror “And he must be taken alive!” The command will be “And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical.”

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I’m eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. “Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse.” Instead it will be more along the lines of “Push the button.”

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I capture the hero’s super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cell-mate tells the guard its an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others’ lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

It used to be that merely having an unusual physical deformity or minor mutation was enough to make the general public realize you were a serious villain and feel properly threatened. Sometimes, just having a limp, a missing arm, a heavy foreign accent, or a flat-topped head would do the trick.

But in today's cultural climate, you can no longer count on even a really intriguing physical deformity to get you very far as a villain. Sure, it must be cultural progress in some sense that having one's hands be made of tempered steel blades--even with the optional Sawzall attachment--no longer stands in the way of obtaining gainful employment as a stewardess or in the lucrative field of vacuum cleaner repair, but it means that the modern-day villain needs to go beyond what was required in the Dick Tracy days.

Remember, a deformity or mutation can make or break a villain's career, so if you have any control over what happens to you, choose wisely. As a general rule of thumb, try to avoid exposure to any alien technology or experimental mutagenic ray that's likely to transform one or more body parts into anything commonly served in a cafeteria.

No matter how nefarious your plot to unleash nuclear devastation on a major population center may be, the sad truth is that your threats will probably not be taken seriously if circumstances force you to refer to yourself as something like "Doctor Parsley"; even the scariest of food-related supervillain identities--"Brussels Sprout Knuckles," for example--will rarely strike terror into the heart of anyone over the age of seven.

Mechanical bodily modifications, on the other (ahem) hand, can be fraught with almost as many pitfalls as the vegetably-styled. A drilling bit from a large oil rig might look menacing, but bear in mind that one of those can weigh in at more than a hundred pounds. If you have trouble carrying your luggage all the way down the main concourse without switching hands at least once, having one for a hand is almost certainly a bad idea.

Nobody's likely to be intimidated by a villain who's dragging his mechanical limb along the ground, and your credibility as a potential threat to national security will drop every time you have to call off an evil scheme on account of persistent back pain.

Pick mechanical body modifications that are scary-looking and fit your personality, but are compatible with your physical skills and limitations. If in doubt, go for stainless steel claws; they're lightweight, never go out of style, and all but the klutziest of villains can keep from hurting themselves with just a little bit of practice

Finally, whether you're immune to gunfire or not, it's best to pretend to be.

If people think you can be destroyed with a few well-aimed bullets, they'll probably try to shoot you. As long as they believe you're invulnerable, they won't bother. Simple enough?

Back in the good old days . . . er, bad old days, running an evil empire was a lot simpler: it was a lot easier (and cheaper) to find a remote and forbidding location to put a fortress from which to launch one's diabolical schemes, minions were relatively cheap and generally pretty reliable, and one could count on being able to support a moderate-sized campaign of world-threatening efforts from the returns of a reasonable investment portfolio, especially if one timed stock trades to coincide with relevant threats against humankind.

Over the past few decades, the cost of effective villainy has skyrocketed, outpacing the Dow, the Consumer Price Index, and even health insurance. These days it's hard to find a secluded mountaintop or isolated island that hasn't already been covered with condos. All the really formidable-looking abandoned warehouses have been converted into high-priced lofts. And don't even think about finding a "fixer upper" castle for a reasonable price.

So what's an up-and-coming villain to do? For the well-heeled would-be-world-conqueror, there are still some abandoned missile bases available such as those from 20th Century Castles For those seeking more urban accommodations, there are plenty of aging strip malls headed for the chopping block that can be picked up at a reasonable price, and you can add on missile silos later as your fortunes permit.

Whether you're building your secret stronghold in a mountaintop castle or (shudder) a simple townhome, having to live within a budget doesn't mean having to live without style, but it does mean you'll need to exercise that much more imagination, resourcefulness, and creativity when decorating your fortress. Plan your decor with as much care as you'd put into a plan for unleashing deadly biological weapons on an unsuspecting public; begin by formulating a basic theme and style that expresses your own personal style of villainy and always remember these two fundamental principles:

1. No matter what happens or what you have to work with, make it look like it's that way for a reason.

2. Accessorize.

The one thing any stronghold or fortress needs most is a sense of impenetrability.

If you can afford it, try to start with a basic structure that gives a sense of strength. It doesn't have to be something as elaborate as a castle; the walls of older, heavily-built warehouses and industrial facilities can exude almost as powerful a feeling of sturdiness, as can former prisons, mental institutions, and high schools.

Broken windows and decrepit construction may add to the atmosphere of your evil lab, but with the "atmosphere" there also comes the rest of the stuff that's in that atmosphere--bugs, rain, and, occasionally, neighborhood children.

The "open to the elements" style of evil laboratory went out with Baron von Frankenstein. Fortunately, with a few inexpensive touch-ups--like these stylish plastic wallcoverings from the Mothra Stewart "Lab Wrap" collection--even a poor-condition, hidden-in-a-long-abandoned-warehouse research lab can be updated to a more modern (and sanitary) look.

When it comes to decorating your lab, remember the adage that more is ... more. A busy, even cluttered, work environment gives victims and secret agents alike the impression that your fingers are into many fiendish plots.

Don't worry if some of your lair accessories aren't actually useful or relevant to your evil plots, or even if you don't know what they are. As long as they fit with the overall decor, they'll just add to the sense of complexity and mystery of your operation.

Studies have shown that most secret agents will flee as soon as a few large and imposing items in your fortress begin to emit sparks and smoke; add a convincing "it's about to blow up" warning siren, and over 90% of international counterintelligence agents will run out the nearest exit without ever checking to see whether any of the smoking equipment is part of the evil plot they were attempting to foil. Having a few idle or unnecessary high-tech items that appear prominently in your fortress decor provides an easy and convenient method of ridding your stronghold of secret agents who have overstayed their welcome.

Be sure to shop around and take advantage of sales and quantity discounts. Foreign arms dealers are often eager to get new clients and may offer attractive pricing structures and financing options.

If you're new to the villain trade, adding a few international arms deals to your resume' always looks good and helps build up your credit rating and credibility.

Don't forget to save the packing material. Not only will you need it in case you have to return some defective weapons for a refund, just having the extra armaments packing boxes around looks impressive; no one else will know if they aren't really full.

After you've settled on a basic style, picked out a few major decorating items, and selected the devices critical to your fiendish scheme, an inexpensive way to round out your fortress decor is by hitting a few computer and IT surplus sales.

A few years ago this kind of equipment would have cost tens--if not hundreds--of thousands of dollars, but if it's not state-of-the-art this week, you'll find everyone from going-out-of-business dot-coms to major defense contractors practically giving away their most imposing-looking equipment.

If you're lucky, some of your surplus computer and IT equipment will come with documentation. It probably won't be for the equipment you've bought, but it will be documentation. Read it anyway.

Why? Because more evil plots have been foiled as a direct result of villains foolishly disclosing the details of their plans to their enemies than all other reasons combined. Wading through a few manuals for high-end networking equipment won't stop you from blurting out the details of your plots, but if you can master their style, you'll never have to worry that anyone will understand those details well enough to thwart anything.

In this case, we picked up an ordinary DEC VAX 11/750 minicomputer, a Qualstar 9-track half-inch-tape drive, and a US Robotics analog modem bank. The total out-of-pocket cost was under $100, but you can see how it adds a high-tech flavor and much-needed blinking lights to an otherwise dark corner.

An IBM 3290 multisession flat-plasma display is just odd-looking enough to look higher-tech than it really is, yet obsolete enough to be free for the hauling. Combined with the VAX, the Pertec interface tape drive, the modem bank, and a phone-book-sized Bang & Olufsen remote control, it was possible to decorate a lab without ever having any two pieces of hardware that were compatible with each other.

This might not seem like a laudable goal, but it's a common side-effect of buying surplus computer equipment.

If you are going to include high-tech looking stereo or video equipment in your lair decor, be extra-careful to remove or obscure any logos of product names that could prove embarrassing if noticed during a critical moment of evil. No matter how cool the equipment looks, it's going to look unprofessional if it's labeled "Nintendo," "Sony," "Fisher," or--even worse--"Fisher-Price."

That caveat aside, no matter what it really is, if it looks high-tech, cool, and does not have a translucent fruit-colored case, by all means, sneak it into your decor. After all, if a Grass Valley Group television production switcher was good enough to be the planet-destroying laser control system in the Death Star, there's no reason you can't put some of your own audio and video accessories to bad use--and, when you're relaxing between schemes, you can still use them to change channels on the TV from the comfort of your evil lab.

Surprisingly, a cluttered-looking lair is easier to maintain. The stark, minimalist look in evil labs will only be taken seriously if it's also kept immaculately clean and polished--and who has time to keep their equipment dust-free, especially with the demands of coming up with world-threatening plots? With high-tech equipment in every corner, nobody will notice a few fingerprints or a little dust, and it'll maintain its intimidating quality even when you don't get around to dusting as often as you'd like to

Of course, you still have to provide the ominous, malevolent presense. No amount of decorating finess will make up for a lack of an overwhelming aura of evil. Make sure you stay in practice even in between evil plots by cruelly dispatching rival villains, feeding stray secret agents to sharks, or--if absolutely no more challenging victims are available--ordering in pizza and then refusing to pay the delivery person.

One caveat, however: avoid "Jacob's Ladders" and other electrical discharge devices; not only did they go out around the time that plumbing came in, they can wreak havoc with modern-day electronics.

Leave the spark gaps at the electronic surplus store, or you'll be risking a computer crash right when you're about to take command of a missile guidance system or having your radio jamming system start transmitting the chorus from Britney Spears' "Oops, I did it Again" when you'd meant to be broadcasting your demands to the President.

Often it's a good idea to put the equipment for the real control center in some innocuous room underneath your fortress; an unfinished storeroom can work well for this purpose.

One other helpful hint: hide a boom box outside behind a bush or other suitable spot and leave a tape of a sports car speeding away in it. Often, you just have to duck through a secret panel and then start the boom box outside to get gullible secret agents to run off on a wild goose chase, leaving you the time and privacy to get your work done.

Alternatively, your secret control equipment can simply be integrated into your decor. If you want to hide your supercomputer from prying eyes, don't put it behind locked glass doors or even throw a canvas tarp over it--just put a vase on top and nobody will look twice at it.

... but don't put any computers you actually intend to use next to your Apogee Divas, even if you think their respective lines would complement each other; with more than a hundred pounds of magnets in each speaker, the reliability of your data could be compromised, multiple redundant processors or not

Don't overlook the impression you create with your getaway vehicle either; successful villains don't drive station wagons or VW minibuses. Even if you can't afford to buy a sports car or stretch limo, you can still rent one for important occasions.

With a little thought and creativity, you can turn any structure into a professional-looking secret hideout. Remember, world conquest isn't just about having the right weaponry, it's about having the right attitude.

9 Reasons To Be Evil

1. You will have more friends Peter Parker was a social outcast. Norman Osborne was the popular kid. Reed Richards was a dorky scientist. Victor Von doom was a rich socialite. Anyone else sensing a pattern here? Everyone wants to get a little piece of the evil. It is like Starburst.

2. You get to laugh maniacally Good guys don’t get to do this. No one has ever heard Superman or Batman laughing like a maniac and no one ever will. Trust me, this is something everyone wants to do. It is strangely liberating. While you may pass chances to do this every once in a while during your civilian life, you will never get the quantity of opportunities that come with a career in villainy.

3. All of a sudden, you will have the budget for all kinds of toys Super bad guys are never broke. Not only are they never broke but they always have more resources than the hero could ever hope for. Apparently the villain racket pays very well. It also seems to be recession-proof. I hear the tax breaks are good too.

4. Hot chicks dig evil guys You never see an evil villain with a busted ass woman. Sure, they may be dirty, rotten, and out to steal your empire, but you can always kill them if they get out of hand. Studies show that breasts of women who hang out with evil guys are an average of two cups bigger than the nice dudes chicks. Studies don’t ever lie.

5. You will be safe from everyday accidents Evil villains are never killed in car accidents. It just doesn’t happen. You won’t slip in the shower, get smashed by a falling piano, or die of food poisoning. The only way you can be killed is in an explosion created by the hero by exposing the one flaw in your plan that no one could ever possibly foresee. Even then…

6. You don’t have to worry about anyone killing you Evil Villains simply can not be killed. People may think you are dead but you will secretly be lounging in an easy chair on your secret desert island hideout planning your next caper. The only way you can be taken out is by another villain eviler than yourself who will subsequently take over your identity and continue upon your path of world domination.

7. You can kill anyone you want You won’t go to jail. For some strange reason, cops never come to bust Evil villains at their homes even when the evidence is overwhelming. You could kill Superman on a live video feed in front of the entire planet and not one cop would try to arrest you. They can’t even arrest you for the stash of plutonium you have in your shed. It is in the charter when you join the union.

8. You get to dress how you want You never have to wear a suit and tie again. You can even dress in the most outrageous outfits while demanding the world bow to your demands and no one will even make the slightest of snide comment. This could have something to do with the fact that you can kill anyone you want and can’t be killed back. Remember, no one ever made fun of Magnetos helmet…

9. No matter how weak you are, you will be more than a match for any hero facing you “But zero, Batman would kick my ass in two shakes of a stripper’s ass…” None of that matters. The sheer newness of your evil plot will confuse the hell out of any good guy. As long as you aren’t doing something that has been done to death (ie goblin themed villains) you should have no problem getting your plans off the ground.

Your results:
You are

Magneto 79% Apocalypse 76% Dr. Doom 65% Mr. Freeze 60% Venom 59% Lex Luthor 59% The Joker 51% Juggernaut 50% Dark Phoenix 50% Kingpin 50% Catwoman 46% Green Goblin 42% Mystique 38% Two-Face 38% Poison Ivy 28% Riddler 18%

You fear the persecution of those that are different or underprivileged so much that you are willing to fight and hurt others for your cause.