Honeymooners

 

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."


Hopefully makes up for my last one

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Airplane

 

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

I can already see the hate mail, nothing but love ladies
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Old Man

 An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says. "90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?" "Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"

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Joke of the Day

 

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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Old Bio

looking through some stuff figured it was time to update but wanted a record of my old BIo before i changed it so here it is
 
 

Height: 6'2

Weight: 190 lbs.

Eye Colour: Bluish-gray

Hair Colour: Silver

Base of Operations: Genosha

Occupation: Would-be world conqueror

Mighty Magneto possesses the power to control all forms of magnetism. He can shape and manipulate magnetic fields that exist naturally or artificially. It is unclear, however, whether he must draw magnetic force from outside himself (if so, then he can do so over vast distances), or whether he can also generate magnetic force from within himself. Nor is it clear whether Mighty Magneto's power is psionic or purely physiological in nature. Mighty Magneto's power is, for all practical purposes, limitless. Moreover, he can use his magnetic powers in more than one way simultaneously. He can completely assemble a complicated machine within seconds through his powers. He can erect magnetic force fields with a high degree of impenetrability around himself for protection.

Although Mighty Magneto’s primary power is control over magnetism, he can also project or manipulate any form of energy that is part of the electromagnetic spectrum, including visible light, radio waves, ultraviolet light, gamma rays, and x-rays Also having the control of electricty and lighting. He can manipulate gravitons to create an anti-gravity field, and does so whenever he levitates a non-magnetic object. Hence, Mighty Magneto may be living proof of the long-sought Unified Field Theory that all forms of energy are related. However, Mighty Magneto almost always uses only magnetism, since it’s his signature power however he can manipulate other forms of energy just as easy. Mighty Magneto has also exhibited powers of astral projection and telepathy, and able to control the minds of others.

His telepathic powers have grow much since after his death it is untold to what level they are. As well as his seeming control over all things technology threw his technopathy skills.

Mighty Magneto has mastered many technological fields, and is an expert on genetic manipulation and engineering, with knowledge far beyond that of contemporary science. He is considered to be a genius in these fields. He can mutate humans in order to give them superhuman powers, or create adult clones of human beings and then manipulate the genetic structures of these clones during their development. He has also learned how to create artificial living beings. Mighty Magneto is also an excellent strategist, both in actual battles and games of chess.

Mighty Magneto's helmet is designed to prevent telepathic intrusion or psionic attacks. Mighty Magneto has designed such creations as magnetically-powered craft, complex robots and computers, and magnetically-powered generators.

His Army of sentinels is know thru out the vine they never surrender and are always loyal.

Sentinels have a wide array of abilities: they can fly, shoot various weapons (primarily energy blasts and restraining devices) from different parts of their bodies, and detect mutants at long range; some of them can even change form and re-assemble after being destroyed. Sentinels' typical attacks involve either direct melee combat or firing concussive energy beams from the palms of their hands. Sentinels also possess vast physical strength and their bodies are highly resistant to damage.

Mighty Magneto has always been evil from the first time he step foot into the Vine. It was not long after that he became part of the Vine Villians at the time the first team ever created on the Vine. Many thought that this would never last but it has grow much since then and now several teams have poped up and have been smashed back down by the Vine Villians.

Magneto Vs Walkingstone

First Battle with Walkingstone the first time Magneto had ever faced death and looked him in the eyes. Also perhaps the start of something new.

http://www.comicvine.com/message/walkingstone-vs-mighty-magneto/50341/&c=18&18

Marching into the arena, Beth eyed Magneto with cold arrogance. She stared at him for a long time before saying calmly, "I'm calling you out, Magneto. It's time for you to be taken down a notch or ten."

Magneto was a bit puzzeled by this they had been friends at one point in time but that was long ago.

"Child you have biten off more then you can chew."

Magneto walked up close coming face to face with walkingstone.

"Are you sure you wish to die this day"

A small twitch of her head was all the acknowledgment she gave that he was superior and she probably wouldn't survive. "Better you than anyone else," she said softly before backing off and offering him a low bow. "You're old, Mags, and out-dated. It's time for new blood to take your place," she called out, louder so everyone could hear.

"Another who thinks i am to old, you do know what happened to the last."

They continued there battle till

Her thoughts were filled with the closing lines of the play, focused totally on the poetry of Prospero's plea for freedom. She pulled Magneto into the play, held him in it, let him see the beauty of the words as she gently pressed the trigger. "As you from crimes would pardon'd be, let your indulgence set me..." Her words stilled as her eyes rolled back and her last breath exhaled. "Free."

Magneto kept his eyes on WS eyes he felt the bullet going thru his neck. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion he had tried to move out of the way but had not time. He watched WS life slip away her last breath her eyes disappeared. Magneto stood holding his neck blood coming out he should have been dead he should have not been able to stand. He looked down upon the body lifeless and dead. Remembering her last words free she was free now free from the human body free from pain. He fall back down to his knees holding his neck it wouldn't be long now perhaps he too could be.

"Free"

Magneto's Death

Mighty Magneto enters the arena the crowd does not say a word everyone is only interested in what is to come.

Magneto brushes off his cape and takes a knee picking up a hand full of earth then letting it slide out of his hand.

Magneto stands back up looking around the arena waiting for Gambler to appear.

Gambler slowly enters thee arena. It was a beautiful Colosseum type structure with velvet covers draped over the walls.

"I've waited a long time for this father. It all ends today one way or thee other."

Gambler rolled his head around cracking his neck, then without warning flicked his wrists and revealed 5 cards in each hand charged and ready.

The crowd broke there silence and roared with anticipation.

Magneto thought for a moment seeing gambler his son and his enemy could he bring himself to kill him. Would gamler leave him any choice. Second thought poped in his head was he just getting to old for this.

"Always rushin into things Son"

Magneto flew high into the air firing large Magnetic blasts down at gambler.

The battle took many turns and would surprise the vine

Magneto could sense something was wrong and after trying to reach his sons mind know he was holding something back.

"My Son"

Magneto walked closer to his son and leaned down then took a knee close enough to whisper in his ear.

"Would you kill us both just to kill me"

Gambler lowered his hand and hung his head.

"Father.........."

He slowly rose his head and looked into the eyes of the man who had taken him under his wing and taught him everything. He again lifted his hand but this time his hand was closed as he opened it to reveal nothing more then a pebble he laughed.

"Of course I would."

The pebble dropped to thee arena floor causing a massive explosion. The sinister Gambler would never know what happened to Magneto as his lifeless body was destroyed in the blast.

Magneto closed his eyes he could feel his skin burning off his body he might have been able to save himself if he had put up his sheild but instead embraced the flames. The fire burned threw his suit his body armor and blasted off his helmet. He was flying threw the air nothing more then a body and badly burned skin falling off as he flew. He landed on the ground and rolled several feet. Laying on the ground with his eyes still shut he felt his life slipping away.

"SO BE IT"

The death of Magneto by his own son Gambler sent things into chaos the VV fall into pieces.

http://www.comicvine.com/message/gambler-vs-mighty-magneto/194531/&c=44&page=1

Rebirth Magneto

His rebirth was foreseen but nothing could stop it. He return and brought death with him at first he just wanted revenge. However realizing the downfall of the VV he quickly began rebuilding. It wasn't long before the VV where a large part of the Vine once again. Magneto gathered together old members and forged new ones. The VV is a power to reckon with once again.

Darchild vs Mighty Magneto

Darkchild walked down the halls of his former home, every nerve ending in him was on fire. The hate coming to the surface he smashes a wall down in anger.

You deserted us you bastard, i will show you no mercy Darkchild says to himself waiting for Magneto to arrive.

The voices within his head scramble for authority and control, finally one surfaces Do not old back you fool, if you do i will need to take control and take care of this myself. "BACK OFF! This is my fight" Darkchild screams to himself. He walks out to the open ceiling and looks up and sees the man coming down. A grin washes over his face, he has been waiting for this for far too long.

Magneto walked thru the destruction that had once been such a powerful place. Skeletons of those who had died layed rotting around him. He had died not far from here killed by his own Son Gambler in an Epic battle of old. Rising up from hell he now stood in a new hell one where he must fight someone who never thought he would have too. Magneto floated about a foot above the ground looking around and the ruins. Thats when he saw him the one he had called ally Darkchild. Magneto began floating towards him stoping several feet from here.

"A fitting place you have chosen to meet me"

Battle was fought by two titans

The blast sent Magneto flying his sword riped from his hand exploding as he flew away. The blast burned his skin badly he could feel his flesh melting away. He landed several feet away from the blast hitting the ground hard and rolling till he was stopped by a large rock. He slowly rose to one knee he could not fell his body he looked like death. He slammed his hands onto the ground.

The earth cracked large holes formed everywhere lava bursting out. The rest of his power and the power channeled threw the earth began to make the earth its self implode on itself.

Soon all that would be left was nothing no more earth no more humans.

"The End justifies the means"

Everything went dark when he awoke it was hot very hot he knew this place well.

"Satan where you at, I'm back"

As the inital blast peeled his skin away he lay motionless watching as the world around him began to darken and fall apart he hears Ends justifies the means and he smiles and begins to chuckle. At least he didnt kill me he thinks to himself as he drifts from this world knowing exactly where he is going. Limbo purgatory, the devil has met him twice in his life time and each time DC gave him hell, so DC knew he wasnt going their the devil didnt want the trouble for a third time. And He has screwed his chance at meeting HIM so he knows he isnt going their.

His spirit leaves his body and awakens in Limbo a dead and empty space devoid of nothingness.

Peace and Quiet finally.

The betrayal of one of his most trusted friends Darkchild came as a huge surprise. However times change and Magneto must change with them and so he has and will continue to do so.

http://www.comicvine.com/message/mighty-magneto-vs-darkchild/430801/&page=1

Gambler Vs Mighty Magneto

http://www.comicvine.com/message/gambler-vs-magneto/478460/&c=4&4

It had happened so quickly, and the Hellfire Club had grown so arrogant that when the VV attacked, they had been caught completely off guard. Those who hadn't been killed, escaped. But one man stayed behind, one man's pride was to great to let go of his precious HFC. Standing in the middle of what used to be the Hellfire Mansion, Gambler waited. He was surronded by debris and fire, but still, he did not flinch.

Nothing but hate was left of the once cocky and proud leader. His legacy destroyed, his grip on power ripped away, vengeance was all he had left. Slowly he tossed away his shield, then his sword, for he knew what, or more precisely , who, was coming. Clutched tightly in his hand was his old wooden staff, and his bow remained slung over his shoulder. Pulling back the hood from his head, Gambler managed to flash his trademark grin as he said,

"This time old friend, you stay dead."

The Blitz had taken a long time to organize getting everyone into place. Buying off the right people on HFC staff to change sides. All this had paid off for now Magneto hovered over a destroy HFC HQ and the few surviving members fled. But not the one he had came for he know he wouldn't run he couldn't run to much pride for this one.

"Gambler my dear boy, You don't look so happy to see me."

Magneto had waited for this day a long time. Gambler had sent him to hell and mags intended to return the favor. Those days in hell had taught him a few things and had made him stronger. But now was the time to see if he was strong enough. He noticed Gambler's sword and shield layed on the ground.

"Glad you got that part out of the way."

Pointing to the sword and shield.

The battle had been a gruesome one

While Gambler had been stalling, he had also been touching the wall if his hand, charging it full of kinetic energy. But Magneto was smart and would not fall for the same trap twice. Instead he chose to use his advantage of flight to its full potential, remaining far away, as opposed to moving in close.

He began to use his power to push the wall down, while it was taking all of Gambler's strength to keep it off from him. But when Magneto had to charge his blast, his control over the wall faltered ever so slightly, but to an escape artist, it was an opening big enough to exploit.

As the blast was hurled down at Gambler, he telekinetically pushed the wall up. Though not fully standing tall, it remained slated as Gambler scurried out from underneath it and the blast imploded on contact. The massive magnetic blast, coupled with the kinetically charged wall irrupted into an earth shaking explosion. Gambler was nowhere near far enough away to avoid it. It sent him flying through the air, landing several yards away, plunging into the ground and sliding another couple yards before finally coming to rest in an open field.

Only a crater size hole remand where the HFC Mansion had been, as a giant cloud mushroomed over head.

With the victory came a sense of wonder what had really happened to Gambler. The Hellfire Club was no more the Vine Villians once again where the Top evil team on the Vine. Not long now the would be the top team on the vine once again.

Vine Villians New Age

The Vine Villians Numbers grow quickly and with that the Inner Circle reborn. The most loyal members of the Vine Villians banded together to run the great Evil Empire. Magneto took his place as Lord Imperial along side his Lady Imperial Walkingstone.

Darkchild, Final_Arrow and Gambler have returned to the Vine Villians this helped trigger a golden age for the Vine villians.

But the heros would come it was only a matter of time.

It begins

Renegade Lantern Vs. Mighty Magneto

http://www.comicvine.com/message/it-begins-renegade-lantern-vs-mighty-magneto/531606/&c=2&2

The leader of the newly formed Zero Squad had arranged a meeting with the leader of the ever powerful Vine Villains. Renegade Lantern believed in the term "know thy enemy" and what better way then a face to face confrontation! In the seclusion of a desert in California, RL waited for the arrival of one of the Vine's greatest villains!

Magneto had been called out by a hero was not the first time and it had been the last time for many others. This one how ever showed great potential he had quickly gathered around him a team to be reckoned with. He was impressed by the mans leadership skills and reminded magneto of himself to long ago. This is why now he flew thru the sky towards the desert in Cali.

Renegade Lantern stood awaiting Magneto's arrival Magneto could see the man from high above. He was a lantern and Magneto had enjoyed fighting lanterns in the past. Perhaps he would add the ring to his collection perhaps.

Magneto landed on the ground in front of RL.

"You think it wise to call me out"

After a hard fought battle

Magneto walked closer the ball of green light came closer. Magneto held his hand out the ball stopped Magneto smiled again he held the ball of green light in his had. Light was part of the electro-magnetic field and something he could control. Stopping several feet from Renegade Lantern he looked down on him.

"If you can still hear me you fought well"

Magneto made a fist bring it to his chest. This caused a large spike to ripe thru the earth under Renegade Lantern.

"The path of darkness shall seal you fate"

Magneto turn around and slowly floated away but the war had just begun.

Doubts

Whatever doubts surround the God of Magnetism, one fact is certain: Mighty Magneto is a survivor. As he lived through the many battles, he will return to prevent the persecution of his people. Mighty Magneto has dedicated his life to the advancement of mutantkind, even if he must bring about humanity's downfall to ensure the ascendance of Homo superior. Arguably the most powerful being on Earth, Mighty Magneto believes mutants represent the next step in human evolution.

ReBirth

Lady Imperial- Walkingstone

http://www.comicvine.com/myvine/Walkingstone/

Son Gambler - Has been Magneto's Greatest Foe but in the end is family.

http://www.comicvine.com/myvine/Gambler/

Daughter Polaris -

possesses the ability to manipulate magnetism. Although she has the potential to exercise all of the powers that Magento has, as yet she has only used powers involving the manipulation of magnetic, electrical, and gravitic fields. Moreover, she cannot summon as great an amount of energy as Magneto can.

Daughter Scarlet Witch -

possesses the mutant power of affecting probability fields. Her powers could be limitless. Among the many phenomena she is able to cause are: the sudden melting of gun barrels, the spontaneous combustion of any flammable object, the rapid rust or decay of various organic and inorganic materials, the poltergeist-like deflection of an object in flight, the sudden evacuation of air from a given volume, the disruption of energy transmissions and fields, and so on.

Son Quicksilver -

is a mutant with super speed. Quicksilver can now vibrate his atoms so quickly that the molecular speed he generates displaces him out of mainstream time and space and a "jump" into the future is possible. Quicksilver has also discovered how to jump only mere seconds ahead in time, and create an indefinite number of "temporal dupes" that can be controlled with a certain amount of coordination
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Mist Realms RPG

Mist Realms

There are 8 kingdoms in the mist realms each of the ruled by one powerful individual. However there is also a curse for at the edge of each kingdom is the mist. The rulers of each kingdom can not pass threw the mist to the other kingdoms.

There fore they gain the support of warriors to fight the other rulers. And threw diplomacy and conquest try and take over the other realms.

The rulers chose for themselves how to rule their kingdoms. Either their kingdoms be tech based or magic is up to them. It is their duty to make the setting of their kingdoms and name their lands.

Rules

  1. once the eight positions are filled everyone else who joins is a warrior wandering the mist un allied to any kingdom. (May ally after joining but only threw the game)

  2. If a warrior kills a ruler he may take his place or give it to the ruler he was serving free to roam the mist still.

  3. Death is not final, only the beginning after death you return to the mist for it shall not let anyone go.

  4. Rulers in there first post will describe there kingdom and themselves foreveryone to know.

  5. Until the ruler of a land has made there first post the mist will not allow you in their lands.

  6. If someone is inactive as a ruler they maybe replaced by someone actvie this will be decided together as a group

Kingdom Rulers

  1. Vlad Tepes Dracula

  2. Celestrion

  3. Octagon Freak

  4. zee crusher

  5. LexiCat

  6. Sha

  7. ChrisAngel

  8. Dormath

Any questions PM Mighty Magneto

RPG thread

http://www.comicvine.com/message/mist-realms-rpg/820683/&c=0&0

OoC Thread

http://www.comicvine.com/message/mist-realms-ooc/819466/&page=1

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TEAM BATTLE DOME

RPG Thread

http://www.comicvine.com/message/team-battle-dome/767753/&c=0&0

OoC Thread

http://www.comicvine.com/message/team-battle-dome-ooc/767715/&c=0&0

Kill or be Killed.

Any teams may enter but only those part of teams may join.

Setting is simple each match takes place inside a Dome there is no escape the dome until your opponent is dead. Enter at your own risk. Inside the doom which is about the size of a football field. The earth is hard the dust and sand coated in blood of the fallin.

Win a Match your team gets a Point

Lose a Match team loses a Point

Each Month points are counted and total team with the most is declared Champions for that Month.

RULES

  1. Standard RPG Rules

  2. Once Match has started no one may interfere and only ends when some one has been defeated.

  3. Matches must be set before the match starts, Can create any type team matches you want. 1v1, 2v1, 1v1v1. As long as atleast 2 different teams are in the match. Any number of teams can be in a match at a given time. Teams however that ally them selves in a match must split the point for victory.

  4. If a match is undecided the team leaders will come to an agreement on who wins.

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Time Off

Hey everyone who cares, gonna have to take some time off I'm currently working 5 to 6 12-hour days a week right now.

So busy lately don't have much time to log in I'll still try check PM when i get a chance and once get things figured out in my department should be back regular schedule.

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