Every morning I wake up and piss excellence then it is sold, bottled and used as a popular body spray. I then eat a bowl of gun powder and wash it down with warm human blood. My gas smells like toasted coconut. When I leave my home I have my own theme song. I always where sunglasses because a ray of light always shines on me. I can support my whole body with a single member. I have done things most comic fans only dream of. That's right I reproduced. I am the paterfamilias. Sometimes I kill the living, sometimes I raise the dead, sometimes I say just screw it all, and crawl back into bed. I control the horizontal and the vertical. Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons. I have a pet bear. I shower in Vodka. My family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong. I framed Roger Rabbit and shaved Lynn LeMay. I resurrected Andy Kaufman so I could punch him in the face. I once scissor kicked Angela Lansberry. I can digest a turtle shell. I can palm a medicine ball. I had sex with a cigarette machine. I drive an ice cream truck covered in sculls. I can grow a mustache by flexing my orbicularis oris. I know what an orbicularis oris is. I don't sleep I just wait. I don't call the wrong number you answer the wrong phone. I don't blink reality pauses. When I do pushups I don't lift my body up. I push the world down. I may do you one time, and I may do you more. I may turn you into something, that you ain't ready for. I might want your body, and I might want your bread. I might want your momma to come visit me instead. My actual name is Liberty. I wear a live rattlesnake as a condom. I'm stuck on the corner of Sanity and Madness. I'm lookin' them over, I can't see a difference. Now make me a sandwich!