Green Lantern Movie Recap for Dummies - All Plot Holes Answered!

For those that haven't seen the film, this shows you why the critics have given this film such NEGATIVE REVIEWS because of all the messy PLOT HOLES and inconsistencies the movie entails. For those that have already seen the movie, simply... enjoy! Btw, here's the Actual Plot / Script of the movie - Link to Green Lantern WIKI - to compare and follow along! Oh did I mention... PLOT HOLES? Enjoy!
 
Credit By "Topless Robot": http://www.toplessrobot.com/2011/06/topless_robot_presents_the_best_scenes_from_the_gr.php 
 

Scene 1 - Ferris Air Base (Control Center)

Blake Lively's Dad: As head of Ferris Air, I want to sell my super-awesome drones to the military. So I'm going have Hal Jordan and my daughter Blake Lively, my own two test pilots, fight them and presumably lose.

Military Guy: Huh? Why would you do that? Why would you think we would be okay with that? You could have just secretly told your pilots to lose on purpose so we buy your drones. If you were even slightly intelligent, you would have definitely done that instead.

Blake Lively's Dad: Don't worry, gentlemen. Hal Jordan is such an a--hole, he will be unable to resist trying to win. I promise.

***********************************

Scene 2 - Ferris Air Base (Blake Lively's Dad's Office); after Hal and Blake return from air drone training

Blake Lively's Dad: Well, Hal, you used my daughter as a decoy and then cheated to defeat the drones.

Blake Lively: Specifically, you used me as a decoy, but didn't actually use that to your benefit, meaning you had me shot down for no reason whatsoever.

Blake Lively's Dad: Now the military is going to refuse the contract, I'm going to have to fire countless employees. Good men will lose their livelihoods because of you.

Blake Lively: And although you're supposedly such an awesome pilot, you had a total freakout for no reason whatsoever and also ended up destroying your incredibly expensive plane too.

Hal Jordan: (shrugs) Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

Blake Lively's Dad: Christ, what an a--hole.

***********************************

Scene 3 - Off the Coast; Abin Sur's spacecraft crashed

Abin Sur: Hal Jordan. The ring has chosen you because you are fearless.

(1 minute earlier - inside an energy ball)
Hal Jordan: I'm afraid of being in this crazy green energy ball!

(10 minutes earlier - during air training)
Hal Jordan: I'm afraid of dying in a test plane like my dad!

(15 minutes after getting the ring - in a bar with Blake)
Hal Jordan: I'm afraid of intimacy!

(25 minutes later - in Oa)
Hal Jordan: I'm afraid of being a Green Lantern!

(30 minutes later - in Hal's apartment)
Hal Jordan: I'm afraid I suck as a Green Lantern!

Blake Lively: You do suck. Hard

***********************************

Scene 4 - Outside the bar

Newly Unemployed Man: Hal Jordan, you needlessly cost us our jobs at Air Ferris, apparently just to be a dick. We are going to beat you up outside this bar.

Hal Jordan: Hyah! (tries to throw punch, ends up throwing giant green fist; men go flying into walls and car windows)

Newly Unemployed Man: Really? The first use of your superpower is going to beat several men who you got fired unconscious?

Hal Jordan: Guess so!

Newly Unemployed Man: Christ, what an a--hole. (falls unconscious)

***********************************

Scene 5 - Government Laboratory

Hector Hammond: I am a quiet if awkward Xenobiology 101 teacher that shows no aggression or ill will toward anybody. I hope I don't get infected with an alien parasite that makes my head grow and makes me evil, because at the moment, I'm significantly more sympathetic than Hal Jordan! Now, to dissect this purple alien!

(sticks hand in Abin Sur's wound, immediately gets infected with Parallax)

Hector Hammond: Well, sh**.

***********************************

Scene 6 - Oa; after Hal Jordan flies to Oa where 3,000 other Green Lanterns are gathered by Sinestro

Sinestrop: Lanterns! There is a new evil loose in the universe. It's killed a few Green Lanterns including Abin Sur and two whole planets. It's coming here to Oa. So prepare yourself for battle. It may take our lives... but it will never take... our freedom!

3,000 Green Lantern Corps: Bravehea-- we mean, Green Lantern Corps! Green Lantern Corps! Hurray for battle cries and making planets glow in the dark with our rings!

(a minute later)

Jeremy Clarke Kilowog: Hal Jordan, now that you've arrived on Oa, let's train for two minutes.

(they train for two minutes; Sinestro arrives)

Sinestro: Hal Jordan, Abin Sur was the greatest Green Lantern ever. You embarrass him by wearing his ring. And even though my name sounds pure evil, and though I also may look like a bad guy with my pencil-thin mustache, the fact is... I've been fighting for good in this whole movie so far.  And since you've just been a huge douchebag throught the film, I am obviously right about my assessment. The audience even says I'm more likeable than you too, even though the Mom's think I look like an intergalactic pedophile.

Hal Jordan: This Green Lantern sh** is hard. I quit.

Sinestro: What?

Hal Jordan: Yeah, I'm going home. See if I can bang Blake Lively or something.

Sinestro: Seriously? You're chosen to guard part of the universe, and not only are you quitting after two minutes, leaving countless lives in jeopardy, you're not even going to try? How the hell are you the hero of this film?

Hal Jordan: Not sure. Sniff you jerks later! (flies off)

Jeremy Clarke Kilowog: Christ, what an a--hole.

***********************************

Scene 7 - Oa; Guardian's Circle

Sinestro: Guardians! There is a new evil loose in the universe. It's killed a few Green Lanterns including Abin Sur and two whole planets. It comes from the planet where Abin Sur imprisoned Parallax. Also, survivors say it's really yellow and evil, just like Parallax. Also, it looks like Parallax.

Guardians: ...

Sinestro: I think it might be Parallax.

Guardians: Okay, we'll get around to that.

Sinestro: Really? You're going to be morally ambiguous here? I know you've been dicks in the comics for years, but this is the very first movie. If you aren't clearly good, it makes the entire Green Lantern concept questionable to people who are learning about Green Lantern for the first time. And frankly, Hal isn't earning us any good will either.

Guardians: Um... we have to go do our hair.

Sinestro: Goddammit.

***********************************

Scene 8 - Huge Party at Blake Lively's Dad's Mansion

Blake Lively's Dad: Well, Hal, despite you being a total prick, we got the military contract anyways. You are invited to this big fancy party that I'm throwing with the money I ended up saving after I fired all those people.

Hal Jordan: Awesome. (steals people's drinks even though there's an open bar)

Hector Hammond's Dad: I am going to think mean things about you, son, and then get on a helicopter.

Hector Hammond: I'm going to hear those mean things, because of my new ill-defined powers, and then I'm going to break your helicopter while it's in flight.

(Hector Hammond's Dad gets in helicopter, it takes off, Hector Hammond breaks it with his mind, it crashes at the edge of the party and slides length-wise through a pool of panicking party goers, potentially killing dozens of people)

Blake Lively: Oh no! The helicopter is getting close to me!

Hal Jordan: I have finally decided to help! (puts helicopter on elaborate, ostentatious giant Hot Wheels track instead of just stopping it)

Every Single Other Person at the Party: Christ, what an a--hole.

***********************************

Scene 9 - Oa; Guardian's Circle; Sinestro and Guardians part 2

Sinestro: Well, guess f**king what? It was Parallax. Killed a bunch more Green Lanterns, too. Mind telling me what you know about Parallax now?

Guardians: (sighs) Okay. At one point we thought about fighting evil with the yellow emotion of fear in addition to the green emotion of willpower.

Sinestro: Willpower is not an emotion.

Guardians: Shut up. Anyways, turns out that the yellow power of fear was too powerful and uncontrollable and totally evil, and it even possessed one of the Guardians, who transformed into Parallax. So really, our messing with the yellow power of fear is what caused this entire problem in the first place.

Sinestro: I have an idea: Let's do that exact same thing. And maybe make a yellow power ring or something.

Guardians: That is the BEST. PLAN. EVER.

***********************************

Scene 10 - Hal's apartment; after attacking Hector Hammond in Laboratory

Hal Jordan: I'm seriously afraid of being a Green Lantern.

Blake Lively: Jesus, really? Still? The movie is two-thirds over at this point. Can't you do something heroic?

Hal Jordan: Well, I just fought Hector Hammond. Although he totally kicked my a** and managed to kill his dad while I was there.

Blake Lively: That's not heroic at all. How did you even get away?

Hal Jordan: I don't really know. I kind of put my ring on him and it pushed him across the room. And then the scene just ended.

Blake Lively: You mean, you didn't follow him or anything?

Hal Jordan:Nope. Actually, the very next scene was Hector waking up in his cozy bed in his own cozy apartment, so it's not like he's even trying to hide or anything. Apparently I just couldn't care less what he does.

Blake Lively: Ugh. Look, Hal. You're clearly afraid of everything, ever. So obviously what the purple alien dude meant is that you aren't fearless, but that you have the power to overcome fear. Even though he specifically called you fearless and you've given zero evidence that you can actually overcome fear to any degree.

Hal Jordan: Huh? I wasn't listening. Anyways, I'm going to go away for a while and let Hector capture you in your sleep. (flies off)

Blake Lively: Christ, what an a--hole.

***********************************

Scene 11 - Hector Hammond's apartment; after getting beat up by Green Lantern

Parallax: HEY, HECTOR.

Hector Hammond: Hey, Parallax.

Parallax: I AM GOING TO THE PLANET OA TO EAT EVERYBODY. WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

Hector Hammond: Well, you made me evil, so I'm going to f**k around with Hal Jordan and Blake Lively because of some tenuous connection in our past that the movie only alluded to like five minutes ago,

Parallax: OKAY, COOL. HEY, HAL JORDAN WEARS THE RING OF THE DUDE WHO IMPRISONED ME, RIGHT? I THINK I'LL COME TO EARTH, EAT HIM AND ALL OF HUMANITY, AND THEN I'LL BE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO GO TO OA AND DEFEAT THE GUARDIANS AND ALL THE GREEN LANTERNS!

Hector Hammond: ...doesn't that mean you aren't powerful enough to defeat the Guardians and Green Lanterns right now?

Parallax: WELL... YES.

Hector Hammond: So... why were you going to Oa?
(pause)

Parallax: OH SH**! I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN! I WAS ABOUT TO GET MY A** KICKED!

Hector Hammond: Yeah, you were!

Parallax: I'M SO GLAD I CALLED!

***********************************

Scene 12 - Oa; Guardian's Circle; Hal flies to Oa to speak with the Guardians

Hal Jordan: Guardians! I'm ready to be a hero now! Parallax is heading to Earth! And we don't have much time, because the movie is like 6/7ths over!

Guardians: Okay... what do you want?

Hal Jordan: I want you to send all the Green Lanterns to Earth to fight Parallax!

Guardians: (pretending to think) ...nah.

Hal Jordan: Really?

Guardians: Really.

Hal Jordan: Well, let me fight on Earth's behalf!

Guardians: Huh?

Hal Jordan: I said, let me fight on Ea--

Guardians: We know what you said. But did we ever tell you, that you couldn't fight for Earth?

Hal Jordan: Well... no...

Guardians: Actually, have we told you anything at all in this movie? Ever?

Hal Jordan: Um... I guess not.
 
Guardians: Have you even been introduced to us in this movie?
 
Hal Jordan: ... Hi! I'm Hal Jordan!

Guardians: Have we ever appeared to have given the tiniest sh** about you? Even when you quit the Green Lantern Corps but still took your Power Ring with you?

Hal Jordan: No, not really.

Guardians: So why would you ask us permission to fight for your own planet?

Hal Jordan: Well... I guess I needed a plot device for a reason to fight the Parallax solo, rather than look like a tool fighting alongside the other 3,000 Green Lantern Corps that came by to hear Sinestro's Braveheart speech about an hour ago.

Guardians: Go ahead. Knock yourself out.

Hal Jordan: Oh. I guess I'll be going then. (flies back to Earth)

Guardians: Christ, what an a--hole.

***********************************

Scene 13 - Ferris Airbase Hanger; Hector captures a sleeping Blake Lively

Hector Hammond: I have captured Blake Lively!

Hal Jordan: You certainly have. Let her go, and you can have my Green Lantern ring.

Hector Hammond: Bullsh**. Only people who are worthy can wear a Power Ring. I've never read a Green Lantern comic and even I know that.

Hal Jordan: No, it's cool. Seriously. (tosses ring to Hector, Hector puts it on)

Hector Hammond: Holy sh**! (uses ring to blast a wall) Uh-oh, the GL fanboys are going to lose their sh** over this.

Hal Jordan: Ha ha! I lied! You have to be chosen to use the ring!

Hector Hammond: Dude. I just used it. You saw me. I clearly don't have to be chosen.

(ring suddenly tases Hector for no discernable reason; Parallax breaks into the building)

Parallax: I SEE THAT GREEN LANTERN! HE'S STILL ALIVE! HECTOR HAMMOND, YOU HAVE FAILED ME! I EAT YOU NOW! OM-NOM-NOM-NOM.

(Parallax eats Hector's soul, drops body to the floor, which is still wearing the Power Ring)

Hal Jordan: Hey.

Parallax: HEY. SO... YOU GOING TO SUMMON YOUR RING TO YOU AND FIGHT ME OR SOMETHING?

Hal Jordan: Apparently I can't do that. I have to walk over there and pick it up.

Parallax: REALLY? THAT'S BULLSH**. OH WELL, YOU GO AHEAD AND TAKE YOUR TIME TO GET YOUR RING AND TALK TO BLAKE LIVELY, AND GO AHEAD AND TAKE SOME MORE TIME TO COLLECT YOURSELF. I'LL JUST GO LEAVE AND EAT SOME PEOPLE IN THE CITY OR SOMETHING.

Hal Jordan: Thanks, dude!

Hector Hammond's Corpse: Christ, what an a--hole.

***********************************

Scene 14 - Outer Space; after Hal uses a propeller to blow past Parallax into space

Hal Jordan: Parallax!

Parallax: VAN WILDER!

Hal Jordan: It is the final battle! I am one lone, incredibly sh*tty Green Lantern!

Parallax: SPEAKING OF SH*T, WHERE ARE YOUR OTHER 3,000 FRIENDS?

Hal Jordan:
Oh, I used a plot device earlier to have them all scrapped. We couldn't afford to go over our $150 million budget. (...oops!)

Parallax:
WELL IN THAT CASE... I AM PARALLAX! THE ULTIMATE EVIL IN THE UNIVERSE WHO CAN DESTROY WHOLE PLANETS AND HORDES OF GREEN LANTERNS WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ABIN SUR!

Hal Jordan: Yes! But when you were chasing me I flew really close to the Sun! And now you're being sucked into its gravitational pull!
(pause)

Parallax: OH, SH**.

Hal Jordan: Yep!
 
Parallax: GOD, THIS IS EMBARRASSING. IT'S THE GALACTIC EQUIVALENT OF NOT LOOKING BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET.
 
Hal Jordan: Seriously. I can't believe all the Green Lanterns had such a tough time with you, because you are one stupid motherf**ker.

Parallax: HOW THE HELL DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN? WEREN'T WE JUST PASSING BY THE ASTEROID BELTS BETWEEN MARS AND JUPITER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM? HOW THE HELL DID WE GET TO THE SUN?
 
Hal Jordan: I dunno. Who pays attention to all these details anyway? Not the audience.
 
Parallax: SERIOUSLY, IT'S LIKE A LOONEY TUNES CARTOON, WHERE WILE E. COYOTE MAKES A PIT AND COVERS IT WITH STICKS OR SOME SH** THEN FALLS OFF A PIT. I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN FELL FOR IT.
 
Hal Jordan: You know what the best part is? Even though you were defeated by your own stupidity, we're all going to pretend that this fulfills my heroic journey and all the Green Lanterns will like me now! Even Sinestro!

Parallax: F**K. REALLY?

Hal Jordan: Yep!

Parallax: CHRIST, WHAAT AN AAAAAASSSSHHHHOOOOOLLLLL-- (gets sucked into the sun and burns up)

***********************************

Scene 15 - Oa; after the credits roll

Sinestro: I have been significantly more heroic than Hal Jordan this entire film. I tried to protect the universe. I actually fought Parallax instead of just tricking him into flying into the sun. I called Hal Jordan a douche, but only while he was totally being a douche. I only wanted the clearly evil Yellow Power Ring to fight the evil of Parallax and save lives. And just a minute ago, I talked about how awesome Hal was in front of the whole Green Lantern Corps for the film's final scene.

Sinestro: (continues) I have been a good guy for the entirety of the movie... while Hal's only been a hero for maybe 10%, 15% tops.

(roll credits)

Sinestro: I'm not putting on the Yellow Power Ring.

Hal Jordan: Oh yes you are.

Sinestro: No I'm not. I have no motivation to do it. Parallax is dead, albeit in a very stupid way. I've been a good guy the entire film. It's totally against my character as established throughout the movie.

Hal Jordan: Sorry, you're the bad guy in the sequel.

Sinestro: There's not going to be a sequel! This movie sucked! It doesn't even look like we're going to break even!

Hal Jordan: Maybe, but you still gotta put it on. Just in case.

Sinestro: Goddammit. (puts on Yellow Power Ring, his outfit transforms into his Sinestro Corps uniform)

Hal Jordan: Thanks, dude! Sniff you later! (flies off)

Sinestro: Christ, what an a--hole. 


 
 Um... I guess the PLOT HOLES were still unanswered... oops!
16 Comments
16 Comments
Posted by greenlight1107

That is just too funny... You need to write for SNL .......

Posted by cattlebattle

This is funny, 
 
Just a thought, does Mark Strong (Sinestro) ever get to be a good guy? he seems like he's the villain in everything

Posted by EdBlank

Hilarious
Posted by Amegashita

  Lmao, hilarious.  When Hal crashed the plane, I turned to my friend next to me who was about to go to sleep and I asked, "Is it okay to just destroy expensive government equipment like that?"

Posted by Osiris1428

Love it.

Posted by BlackArmor

How were you allowed to put the word for word script for green lantern up without a spoiler alert seriously spot on. Good Job
oh well still better than first class
Posted by Kairan1979
@Jordanstine
well, you definitely covered all the plot holes.
Posted by Sky_Jokiel

Probably one of the funniest things I have read in a while.... My response:

Posted by JediXMan
@cattlebattle said:
This is funny,   Just a thought, does Mark Strong (Sinestro) ever get to be a good guy? he seems like he's the villain in everything
He was a hero in this, really.
Moderator Online
Posted by UpUpAndAway

Its a damn shame really. I'm a huge fan of the GL comics and love Hal Jordan and Sinestro. This movie could have been so good. It's really too bad.

Edited by difficlus

Damn this is awesome! 
 
Thing is the script of this film already got leaked like last year. 

Posted by difficlus
@UpUpAndAway said:

Its a damn shame really. I'm a huge fan of the GL comics and love Hal Jordan and Sinestro. This movie could have been so good. It's really too bad.

they should have made it like star trek! this is ridiculous crap. And the worst is they hired the same writers for the sequel. really? Can't they get someone who actually wants to write a masterpiece?
Posted by lostlantern13

Read this earlier, it was awesome....brilliant....and summed up my feelings much better than I ever could.

Posted by turoksonofstone
@greenlight1107 said:

That is just too funny... You need to write for SNL .......

Posted by dorsk188

Looks like Team Green Lantern is blasting off again!....

Posted by Video_Martian

the green lantern movie was terrible.