RATED M

Page 1

1/Outside view of New York City, a LOT of the buildings are under re-construction due to the events of “World War Symbiote”, there are several missing, but none that’d cause too much of a panic (Empire State is fine, ETC) just the smaller ones that aren’t the true attractions. Overall, not as bad as it COULD have been, considering what the city was facing.

CAPTION(Deadpool): I love how these monologues always start. The cliché ones. The classics.
CAPTION(Deadpool): “My city.” That’s how it goes. Now, here’s the great part. The city is either a “dying whore”, OR, “I am her SPIRI--
WEASEL: DEADPOOL!
CAPTION(Deadpool): WHAT are you doing in my internal monologue?
WEASEL: You’re talking to yourself.

2/ Deadpool sitting in his (NEW) empty apartment’s living room, in his boxers (DP logo’d, obviously) and a Spider-man shaped “I <3 NEW YORK” t-shirt, along with one of those beer-sip hats. He’s playing X-Box in this over the top huge comfy chair. Weasel is visibly in the shot, looking at his friend.

DEADPOOL: ….
DEADPOOL: Don’t lie to me, Weas.

3/ Side view of the two. Deadpool is clearly concentrating on the game.

WEASEL: Seriously. You were.
DEADPOOL: …. I don’t recall.
WEASEL: BUT YOU WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW--

4/ Deadpool standing up in his chair, holding his controller over his head victoriously.

DEADPOOL: BOOM! HEADSHOT!
WEASEL: Sigh.

5/ Weasel looking around.

WEASEL: Hey, Wade, listen dude, I know we might have had a falling out recently, or whatever--
DEADPOOL(OP): Ah-cha-cha. Don’t.

6/ Weasel looking perplexed.

WEASEL: What?

Page 2

1/ Deadpool slipping the lower half of his merc suit on. Back view of Weasel looking around.

DEADPOOL: We did NOT have a falling out.
WEASEL: Yes we did. You got me kicked out of my job in Vegas, and--

2/ Side view. Deadpool glaring at Weasel as he tosses his beer-sip hat off.

DEADPOOL: That didn’t happen.
WEASEL: YES IT DID!!!
DEADPOOL: Did not. We never became enemies. After Cable died, we parted ways, and now I’ve called you back to help me out. Like the good ol’ days when Joe was in charge of me. The other Joe. Not the current Joe.
WEASEL: But that’s not true. Also, that’s really--
DEADPOOL: Vague? Yeah. Deal with it.

3/ Deadpool putting on the top of his merc outfit. Weasel walking toward an open door, which leads to his room.

DEADPOOL: Honestly, it’s ME. Can’t you live with a LITTLE bit of vague continuity?
WEASEL: Yeah Wade. Sure.

4/ Weasel in his room, it’s cluttered with all kinds of weapons tech and computer junk. He’s standing over his bed, which has a large rifle on it, and a standard glock pistol next to it.

DEADPOOL(OP): Dude, is Bea ready?

5/ Weasel looking down at the two guns.

CAPTION(under the pistol): BEA.
SUB-CAPTION: DEADPOOL’S LUCKY GUN.
WEASEL: Yup!

Page 3

1/ The United Nations at night.

CAPTION: THE UNITED NATIONS BUILDING
CAPTION(Slaughter): The city burned for a whole day.
CAPTION(Slaughter): The world was going to be at war.

2/ The inside, all the delegates hard at work, discussing, arguing, etc.

CAPTION(Slaughter): Humanity was attacked. Those freakish symbiote androids with weapons for arms. Man, that was fun.

3/ The outside of the UN building. Slaughter is standing there in a black with white pinstripes business suit, he’s all trimmed up and nice, holding a black briefcase.

CAPTION(Slaughter): I only wish that I could have found The Punisher in the wreckage. That would have been a nice climax. Killing him in the midst of a brand new world war.

4/ Profile view of Slaughter.

CAPTION(Slaughter): It would have been perfect.

5/ Front view of Slaughter. Another businessman is standing next to him. He’s pale and just a regular guy.

REGULAR GUY: Whatcha thinkin’ about?
SLAUGHTER: Nothing. Back off.
REGULAR GUY: See, I would. But I know who you are. I know what’s in that briefcase. Good plan. Sneak in, kick the hell out of the guards, and blow up the delegates. Then heal and watch the chaos. That’s brilliant, dude. Seriously.
REGULAR GUY: That also pretty much proves that you didn’t do the whole war thing. Seeing as you wouldn’t bother with this otherwise.
REGULAR GUY: (I knew I was Batman.)
CAPTION(Slaughter): Oh, for the love of…

Page 4

1/ The disguise vanishes in a brilliant red poof, as Deadpool stabs a katana through Slaughter’s shoulder.

SFX: VOOSH
DEADPOOL: BANZAAAAAAIIII!!!
SFX: GSHK
SLAUGHTER: F**K!!!!

2/ Side view of the two. Deadpool has ripped the katana out of Slaughter’s shoulder, and Slaughter is holding a pistol up and facing Deadpool, firing off.

SFX: BLAM BLAM
SLAUGHTER: WHO HIRED YOU!?

3/ Back view of Slaughter. Deadpool is dodging the bullets, rushing to his left to avoid them. Deadpool now has his lucky pistol out, and he’s firing back.

DEADPOOL: CARMEN SANDIEGO!
SFX: BLAM BLAM

4/ Pan out to show the two fighting. Slaughter is also avoiding the gunshots, still holding the briefcase.

SFX: BLAM BLAM
OP: In this time of desperation and fear…

5/ Close up of the top of the UN building. A shadowed figure with a hooded trenchcoat with ragged edges watches through binoculars that glow green. He’s called Scavenger.

SCAVENGER: Out of all the times. With the entire city doubting itself. The heroes cleaning up. The rebuilding.
SCAVENGER: Of ALL the times, Deadpool shows up now.

6/ Close up on Scavenger’s binoculars.

SCAVENGER: Just f**king great.

Page 5

1/ Back view of Slaughter running toward the UN building, still holding the suitcase.

SLAUGHTER: YOU’RE NOT STOPPIN’ ME!!

2/ Profile view of Deadpool holding up “Bea”.

DEADPOOL: Au, contraire.
CAPTION(Deadpool): Crap. I’ve been hanging around Fantomex too much.

3/ The inside of the UN building, a fat man in a suit with thick black hair is walking towards the front doors.

CAPTION(Deadpool): And now, ladies and gents, let me introduce you to our proverbial Franz Ferdinand.

4/ Close up on the man. He’s got a heavy mustache as well. He looks like a total fatcat.

CAPTION: VICTOR VON LOON
SUB-CAPTION: AMBASSADOR OF CADNERIA
CAPTION(Deadpool): Yeah, you WISH I was making that name up. His mom was a Dr. Doom fangirl. Go figure.
CAPTION(Deadpool): This fatcat is from a new lil’ country that just recently formed in South America. Cadneria. Guess what they are? They’re Cads. Proud, righteous CADS. Isn’t that awesome? Think of waking up every day and saying the pledge of CAD-LEGIENCE!

5/ Back view of Slaughter, who is just in front of the front doors. Victor is visible through the glass. Slaughter is moving out of the way of the bullet, throwing himself to the left, seeing it coming by turning his head.

SLAUGHTER: HA!

Page 6

1/ Back view of Victor, looking shocked as the glass partially erupts in front of him in slow motion.

SFX: BSHHKT
VICTOR: WHAT THE--

2/ Side view of the bullet flying through open air.

NO DIALOGUE

3/ Profile view of Victor’s fat face as he looks down, mouth agape, shouting.

NO DIALOGUE

4/ Deadpool’s face, eyes wide.

DEADPOOL: Oh, sh*t.

5/ Overhead view of Victor. He’s fallen on his back, bleeding out of his chest.

CAPTION(Deadpool): Shot through the heart, and I’M to blame!
CAPTION(Deadpool): Yeah I GIVE LOVE A BAD NA- … I’m a terrible person. I love realizing these things.

6/ Slaughter looking at Deadpool. Deadpool’s looking irritated, Slaughter’s amused.

SLAUGHTER: Nice work. Lethal kill and it wasn’t even at the right target.
DEADPOOL: SHUT UP! It’s not MY fault I’m so over-the-top FANTASTIC!

Page 7

1/ Pan out to show a view of the entire entrance area. Scavenger is watching from afar, this is from his perspective but we can see him just a bit. Still shadowed mostly. How he got from the UN roof to here is a mystery.

SCAVENGER: No…Victor…

2/ Side view of Deadpool and Slaughter. Slaughter is tossing the briefcase at Deadpool and running.

SLAUGHTER: Have fun!
DEADPOOL: HEY!

3/ Close up of Slaughter holding up a Mysterio hologram orb while sprinting.

DEADPOOL(OP): GET BACK HERE!

4/ Back view of Deadpool shouting at Slaughter, holding the briefcase in his hand. Except where Slaughter was, there’s a little cloud of smoke.

DEADPOOL: YOU—YOU CAD!!
UNITED NATIONS PEACEKEEPING DEFENSE SQUAD (UNPDS)(OP): WADE WILSON, AKA, DEADPOOL, TURN AROUND.

5/ Deadpool turning his head around.

DEADPOOL: This is SOOO not what it looks like.

Page 8

1/ Back view of Deadpool. There’s an entire UN peacekeeping soldier squad, (from Venom #1) staring at him, standing outside the entrance. As if they just dropped out of the sky with an alarm triggered. The one speaking has a bigger suit than the others, and it’s more decorated.

UNPDS LEADER: You’ve declared war not only on the FREE WORLD but on the newly formed nation of Cadneria. An alarm was triggered when you decided to shoot up the place. You’ll be taken in for crimes against humanity.
DEADPOOL: You want a crime against humanity? Look in a mirror. Jeez. I’ve seen “PIMP MY RIDE” but “PIMP MY IRON MAN”?

2/ Deadpool, pressing his finger to his ear and talking to Weasel over the comm.

DEADPOOL: Hey Weas! Mind saving my ass?
WEASEL: Only if you pay for the pizza tonight.
DEADPOOL: JESUS CHRIST, WEASEL. THIS IS NOT THE TIME.

3/ Weasel in a high tech room with monitors all around glowing, he’s kicking back in a big techy chair in casual pajama wear, talking to DP via comm link.

WEASEL: Wade, you’d do the same thing in my position.
DEADPOOL: ….
DEADPOOL: This is true.
DEADPOOL: I admire your cunning.
WEASEL: Pizza?
DEADPOOL: Pizza.

4/ The UNPDS aiming their arms out at Deadpool, high tech canons forming out of their arms.

UNPDS LEADER: HE’S ATTEMTPING TRANSPORT!

5/ Deadpool doing a “TALK TO THE HAND” pose as he fades away, teleporting.

DEADPOOL: I didn’t kill the Cad dude, just FYI.
DEADPOOL: Toodles!

Page 9

1/ Deadpool appearing in his living room.

DEADPOOL: I got away scott free. I…. I feel fantastic. The THRILL of it all!
DEADPOOL: ….
DEADPOOL: Must. Resist. Charlie Sheen. Reference.

2/ Weasel walking out of his room, tossing DP the cell phone.

WEASEL: Go ahead.
DEADPOOL: But it’s so…. SEVERAL MONTHS AGO!
WEASEL: Do it or order the pizza now.
DEADPOOL: WINNING. EPIC WINNING.

3/ Weasel taking a seat on the couch and grabbing the remote, Deadpool facepalming out of frustration.

DEADPOOL: WINNING!!
WEASEL: It’s a disease.
DEADPOOL: That I got from your mother. When I rode her like the majestic buffalo she is.
WEASEL: Order the damn pizza.

4/ The inside of a UN ambassador’s office. There are several officials surrounding an open laptop.

DEADPOOL(OP): Hello, I’d like two large pepperonis. With extra FORESHADOWING, please?
CAPTION: UNITED NATIONS, TWO HOURS LATER
LAPTOP: You make this vengeance SWIFT and GLORIOUS. UNDERSTOOD?
OFFICIAL 1: We’ve already called the most efficient mercenary. Born and bred Cadnerian, via our genetic engineering program.
LAPTOP: Good. See to it that Deadpool dies.

Page 10

1/ The outside of Deadpool’s apartment, downstairs. A pizza guy is walking down a path and toward the stairs.

SCAVENGER: Hey.

2/ The pizza guy turning around. Average joe, nothing special about him.

PIZZA GUY: Hello?
SCAVENGER: Hey.

3/ Back view of the pizza guy looking toward darkness. Scavenger’s eyes are there, glowing red.

SCAVENGER: I like pizza.

4/ Profile view of the pizza guy. Scavenger is stabbing a large knife through his forehead.

SFX: SHHK

Page 11

1/ Deadpool and Weasel playing X-box. It’s totally friendly and shockingly normal behavior for them.

DEADPOOL: DUDE LOOK AT THAT! LOOK OVER THERE!
WEASEL: SHUT UP!
DEADPOOL: IS MY CLEVER DISTRACTION TECHNIQUE WORKING?! BECAUSE I’M SICK OF YOU RESPAWNING. DIE. DIE RESPAWN. DIE.
WEASEL: You need anger management.
DEADPOOL: SHUT UP AND DIE ALREADY!!!!

2/ Deadpool sitting up in his chair, his eyes wide.

SFX: BING BONG
DEADPOOL: IT BEGINS.
WEASEL(OP): ‘Bout time.

3/ Side view of Deadpool walking toward the door.

DEADPOOL: I lost all my money in Vietnam, by the way. Paying for JUSTICE.
WEASEL(OP): Gonna have to try harder.
DEADPOOL: I store all my cash inside my bowels, and last week I was abducted by aliens, who then anally probed me and stole it.
WEASEL(OP): Bravo. But you’re still paying.

4/ Back view of Deadpool facing the door.

DEADPOOL: Rassumfrassumrespawnwhoremakingmepayforpizza.

5/ Back view of Scavenger standing at the door with a gun pointed at Deadpool’s face.

DEADPOOL: …

6/ Back view of Deadpool, turning his head.

DEADPOOL: Hey Weas, it’s ANOTHER would-be assassin!
WEASEL(OP): Kick his ass and see if he hurt the pizza guy!
DEADPOOL: You think he STOLE our pizza?!
WEASEL(OP): Would you if you were on his job?
DEADPOOL: ….
DEADPOOL: My God.

Page 12

1/ Side view of Deadpool staring the pistol in the face.

DEADPOOL: I REALLY hope you didn’t steal our pizza.
SCAVENGER(OP): Got no use for it. It’s downstairs in the pizza boy’s dead hands.
DEADPOOL: Really? Oh, cool. I was worried that I’d have to be extra brutal. I’m kinda tired.

2/ Pan out to show Scavenger’s wrist getting grabbed by Deadpool’s hand.

DEADPOOL: Ever had one of those days, where you just don’t wanna get outta bed?
SCAVENGER: GHRR!!

3/ Deadpool yanking Scavenger into the apartment and smashing his face into the floor. Scavenger’s fully exposed form is of a man covered by his brown, hooded trenchcoat (with rigged edges), and a mask with just two red, small, circle eyes. Aside from that, he’s just wearing a bulletproof vest and some cheap black pants and boots.

SFX: WHAM
DEADPOOL: YOINK!

Page 13

1/ Deadpool looking up and OP.

DEADPOOL: Weas! Toss me Bea!

2/ Weasel tossing Bea at OP.

WEASEL: Take it outside!

3/ Close up of Deadpool’s hand catching Bea perfectly.

DEADPOOL: Yeah, yeah!

4/ Underfoot view of Deadpool shoving Bea’s barrel into Scavenger’s head.

DEADPOOL: So, who sent you? Those UN goons?
SCAVENGER: No…. that’s….
DEADPOOL: That’s what?
SCAVENGER: That’s the gun that killed Victor.
DEADPOOL: Your point being?

Page 14

1/ Scavenger’s hand grabbing Bea by the barrel.

DEADPOOL: HEY!
SCAVENGER: Yknow, I was originally just gonna swipe Slaughter’s briefcase…

2/ Pan out to show Scavenger disappearing, teleporting like Deadpool was, still holding Bea, which is also disappearing.

DEADPOOL: HEY! HEY!!!!
SCAVENGER: This’ll do.
DEADPOOL: OH GOD, NO! BEA!!!

3/ Same view. Scavenger is gone. Deadpool’s just sitting there awkwardly.

DEADPOOL: …

Page 15

1/ Deadpool sitting there still. Weasel is trying to walk up to him.

WEASEL: Wade?

2/ Deadpool’s still the same. Weasel is sitting next to him.

WEASEL: Wade… listen, man, I can run a trace. We’ll find him.

3/ Same shot.

DEADPOOL: I lost her again.
WEASEL: ….

Page 16

1/ Deadpool looking at Weasel.

DEADPOOL: That’s twice now.

2/ Focus on just Deadpool looking down.

DEADPOOL: My precious Bea Arthur… he stole her.
DEADPOOL: That…. that GUN STEALING WHORE.

3/ Same shot.

WEASEL(OP): Wade…
DEADPOOL: What?

Page 171/Splash page/ Back view of Deadpool and Weasel, looking up. A newcomer stands in the doorway. He’s wearing a green battlesuit, sort of like the armor that Scorpion wears, and he has a tail that’s holding a pistol. The tail is really thin, not at all like Scorpion’s tail. It’s like an arm’s width. He’s also holding two pistols.

DEADPOOL: Look at that, Weas.

WEASEL: Hm?

DEADPOOL: Something for me to stab and make me feel better.

NEWCOMER: The name’s TRIPLE LEAD. You’re about to find out why.

WEASEL: The newbies are always so horrible with names.

Page 18

1/ Side view. Deadpool uppercutting Triple Lead’s jaw. Weasel is running off in the background.

SFX: WHAK

DEADPOOL: You’re telling me!

TRIPLE LEAD: GH!!

2/ Close up of Triple Lead’s tail, the pistol firing off a shot.

SFX: BLAM

TRIPLE LEAD: FOR THE HONOR OF CADNERIA!!

3/ Deadpool stumbling back, shot to the gut.

SFX: GSHK

DEADPOOL: YGH…

4/ Deadpool turning around to face Weasel, who’s tossing him his twin katanas, holstered.

WEASEL: Catch!

DEADPOOL: Wokka wokka.

Page 19 and 20

1/ Double Page Spread/ Deadpool holding his unsheathed twin katanas in hand, facing Triple Lead, who’s holding up his pistols in a similar manner.

TRIPLE LEAD: Today, Deadpool, you DIE!
DEADPOOL: You have fun thinking that. I’m just gonna LOBOTOMIZE ya while you keep talkin.

--

TO BE CONTINUED: Deadpool: Operation "Oh, S#@&!" #2 - (Script)

PREVIOUSLY: The Prelude to "Deadpool: Operation "Oh, S#@%!"" - (Script)

--

I DON'T GET PAID FOR THIS, I INVENTED VICTOR VON LOON, SCAVENGER, TRIPLE LEAD, AND CADNERIA - ALONG WITH WORLD WAR SYMBIOTE.